Hello my lovelies! Hope you lovely readers are well. I have been away for really long, thanks to the arrival of my baby. Motherhood is time consuming and difficult!

Anyway, here I am! I am going to try and finish the ones I have already started as I don't like leaving things midway. In case anyone is still interested, please read it. I haven't had the time to sit down and proofread it, so please ignore the mistakes.

S: Hello!

A: Hello. Who is this?

S: Ashwin, naan than Sivaangi.
(Ashwin, it's Sivaangi)

The fact that she was calling him from the girl's hostel coin box phone made him smile. He hated himself for suddenly being interested in this kind of a cringe worthy happiness of making a seventeen year old call him from a telephone booth.

S: Ashwin!!!

A: Sollu ma.
(Tell me dear)

S: Yenga irukeenga?
(Where are you?)

A: Mess la. Lunchtime.

S: Okay listen. Friday naanum unga kuda book readers club varen.
(Okay listen. I will come to the book readers club with you on friday)

A: Appo veetuku pogalayah?
(Aren't you going home?)

S: I have asked driver uncle to pick me up on saturday morning instead.

A: Okay, vaa. Join panniko.
(Okay, you can come and join the club)

S: Super!

A: Ok ma, bye.

S: Athukula bye ah?
(Why are saying bye already?)

A: Seri sollu! Assignment mudichitaya? Illa nalaikum velila thaan ah?
(Alright tell me. Have you finished your assignment? Or will you be sent out tomorrow too?)

S: I haven't finished it. Can you help me with the assignment?

A: I can't skip today's class but I can help you after 5 pm. Can you get permission from your warden to be back to the hostel after 6pm?

S: I can do that.

A: Okay I will see you later.

S: Okay bye!

As Ashwin hung up, Pranav looked at his friend with a death stare.

A: What now?

P: I don't have a good feeling about this. Don't do anything that will get you into trouble. She is really young and I have a feeling that she is very impulsive. I know you are prudent but it is possible that the attraction you have for her can cloud your emotions and judgement.

A: She is just a friend. But yes, I will be heedful of my behaviour around her. Don't worry!

Sivaangi was truly testing Ashwin's patience with her capabilities to finish a simple ED assignment. He was this close to telling her that she needs to stop being playful and start focussing. But he wasn't sure if she was sensitive.

A: What if she starts crying after I tell her off for being playful?

His exasperated sighs were a clear indication that he was annoyed. As he watched her struggle with the drafter, he couldn't help but snatch it from her.

A: Sivaangi. You really need more focus and practice. I will finish your assignment for this week. But if you want to pass your exam, you need to focus.

Sivaangi pouted as Ashwin started doing her work.

S: Ennaku serious ah varala Ashwin.
(I am truly struggling with it)

Ashwin refused to entertain any further conversation in the next half hour while his attention was all on finishing her work. She realised that she had upset him and choose to sit quiet. Once done, he packed everything and stood up. Wringing her hands, she mumbled a quick thanks.

A: You are welcome. Let's go.

They silently walked out of the library and reached his bike. Ashwin handed her stuff to her and let out a deep breath.

A: Dinner mudichitu drop pannaren vaa.
(I will drop you after dinner)

S: It is okay. I will go to the mess.

A: Sivaangi, look! I am really sorry. I did not mean to be rude.

S: I know that.

A: Please come with me for dinner. I don't want to let you think that I am annoyed with you.

Ashwin started his bike and waited for her to get on the bike and that's when he noticed her hesitating.

A: En kuda bike la vara bayam ah?
(Are you worried about riding the bike with me?)

S: Unga kuda vara bayam illa aana bike bayam. Naan ithuku minnadi bike la ponathu illa.
(I am not worried about coming with you but I have never been on a bike before)

He was relieved that its not because she did not trust him but because she has never done it before. He got her things and placed in the front and asked her to hop on the bike holding on to his shoulders with her feet on either side. Once he made sure she was comfortably seated, he pulled her hands around his waist. Sivaangi liked how he made her feel at ease.

Dinner was better than what she had expected. He was chattier than earlier. She wondered if he was making up for showing his irritation earlier.

Dheeraj: Hey dude!

A: Heyyy!

Ashwin stood up to shake hands with a tall, handsome hunk who looked like a ramp walk model from her silly magazines.

A: When did you get back? How did they wedding go? And hey! How is your dad now?

D: I came back this afternoon. Appa is much better, still under the medication but all good. The newly weds left for their honeymoon last evening so all good.

Sivaangi stared at the duo discussing something unrelated to her and Ashwin realised that he failed to make the introductions.

A: Hey Dheeraj, this is Sivaangi. First year CSE. And Sivaangi, this is Dheeraj, your super senior.

Sivaangi said hello to the hot guy in front of her who eyed her from head to toe. Ashwin frowned at Sivaangi as she unknowingly blushed at Dheeraj looking at her leeringly. Dheeraj turned around to pay the waiter who came with his parcel. Sivaangi moved closer to Ashwin and whispered in a voice that was audible only to him.

S: Dheeraj yenga department ah? He looks so hawttt! Ennaku crush at first sight vandhiruchu.
(Dheeraj is in CSE? He looks hot! I have a huge crush on him already just after the first meeting!)

Ashwin balled his fists with his jaws clenching at her calling the bastard hot. The sour expression on his face went amiss as she excused herself to go wash her hands.

D: Machan, ava un girlfriend ah?
(Dude, is she your girlfriend?)

He was angered as he realised what Dheeraj must be formulating inside his perverse mind.

A: No, but she isn't like one of those girls you can take for your promiscuous weekend getaways.

D: Dai! Nee yen da decide panara? Ask her. I think she will say yes. She had the dreamy eyes when she looked at me.

Ashwin was going to punch him in his face when Sivaangi came back to the table. Dheeraj muttered a quick bye to the two and shook Sivaangi's hands with his eyes clearly showing the prurient curiosity in the girl. He winked at a furious Ashwin silently signalling him to set her up with him.

Sivaangi did look totally captivated by Dheeraj's bad boy charms and she was startled at Ashwin raising his voice breaking her gaze that followed Dheeraj's retreating figure.

A: SIVAANGI!

S: What happened?

A: If you done ogling at him, can we leave?

Sivaangi was perturbed that he had called out on her gawking at his friend. She nodded her head meekly and was confused when Ashwin ignored her offer to pay for the dinner. He left the cash on the table and rushed out without another word, making her grab her stuff and follow him outside. She found him standing next to his bike as he lit a cigarette. She hesitated for a moment and took cautious steps to where he was.

S: Ashwin?

Ashwin looked at her and turned away to take another puff.

S: I haven't seen you smoke before.

Ashwin was seething in rage as he blew out the smoke.

A: You have known me for only two days now, so you don't really know me, do you?

S: True but I know that chain smokers need one every couple of hours. I am guessing you are smoking because you are upset with something. But it was so sudden so I don't know if..

A: Honestly, how does it matter to you?

S: You are a friend. And this isn't a healthy habit. So I can..

Ashwin turned towards her and Sivaangi was petrified at the cold, unsympathetic look in his eyes.

A: Why are you even here, Sivaangi? What do you want? How can you be stupid to trust and come out for dinner with a man you have known for just two days? Will you go out with anyone just like that? Don't you have any common sense?

Sivaangi was revolted at the indirect accusation. She pressed her lips together to stop herself from crying. She could feel the rage in her trying to erupt in the form of tears. She looked down, blinking her tears and then looked away before straightening herself, and started to walk towards the auto stand to get a ride to the hostel.

Ashwin threw his cigarette away and dashed towards her.

A: Where are you going?

S: To the girl's hostel, where else will I go at this hour of the day!

Sivaangi snapped at him making him run his hands threw his hair.

A: Listen, I will drop you. Come with me.

S: Do you honestly think I would agree to that?

Ashwin closed his eyes and let out a string of expletives.

S: Stop swearing!

Ashwin leaned back and looked up at the sky. He couldn't believe that she vandalised his otherwise harmonious life with the snap of a finger!

A: Sivaangi, I am truly sorry.

S: For what? For slut shaming me?

A: What? Noo!

S: What was that then?

Ashwin rubbed his face with his palms and spoke in a quiet voice.

A: Sivaangi, Dheeraj wants you.

S: He likes me?

Ashwin was irked by her reaction towards the news.

A: Dheeraj doesn't like anyone. He just needs girls to warm his bed.

The angry silence that followed made it conspicuous that she was ashamed and muddled. She was at a loss of words. Ashwin thought it would be easier to just elucidate the matter in hand and let it sink in. As he breathed out a heavy sigh, he held her hand.

A: I am really sorry for the way I reacted. Just hear me out. Please?

Taking her silence for an yes, he told her about who Dheeraj was and the kind of person he was.

A: Dheeraj is known as the college's playboy. He is from an affluent family who owns tea estates in Ooty. And of course he is blessed with these striking looks so it's easy for girls to fall into his trap. He usually invites some of these girls to accompany him on his weekend getaways. Drinks, drugs and rave parties! That's all he is capable of. In the last 3 years I have known him, he has been nothing close to what you call a gentleman. He just uses girls. And I am sorry to kill your dreams but he isn't really into you.

Ashwin could have sworn that he saw her wipe a tear.

A: Wtf! Is she upset that the prick doesn't like her? Delusional idiot! Did I just develop feelings for this stupid fool?!

S: I want to go to my room.

Ashwin shook his head and  started the bike as she hopped on behind him. The ride was silent and uncomfortable. They were stopped by the security guard at the security room near the boys' hostel.

Guard: Thambi, ithuku apparam bike poga kudaathu.
(No bikes are allowed after this point)

Before Ashwin could convince and bribe the guard, Sivaangi got off and started walking after murmuring an almost inaudible bye and thanks. Ashwin parked his bike on the side of the road and started walking with her.

As they reached the gates of the girls' hostel, Ashwin decided to speak up.

A: Sivaangi, I don't know what you are thinking right now. But if I have been rude, I am sorry. Try not to think about it. Please call me.. when you are fine, when you feel like. And please don't miss the ED class tomorrow. You need to keep up with the lessons to pass the exam. Take care. Goodnight.

Sivaangi nodded her head and walked away from him, making his heart feel heavy. He wished he could keep her with him to make sure she was alright. He hated that she did not have a phone for him to contact her that night. Importantly, he totally hated this nameless emotion in his heart.

It was midnight when Pranav found him outside on the corridor with a cigarette between his lips.

P: Dai Ashwin! Yenna da aachu ippo? Moonu masam aachu nee smoke panaratha niruthi.
(Dude, what happened now? I thought you quit smoking three months ago?)

Ashwin explained to Pranav about meeting Dheeraj and the conversation with him. And the way he yelled at Sivaangi.

P: Thevai ah da ithellam?
(Do you need to go through this bullshit?)

A: I like her. I feel protective about her. It's indescribable but that's how I feel. And I really want to talk to her now.

Pranav shook his head as he took his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts.

P: Put it off. I will call Sharanya. She can maybe go find Sivaangi and make her talk to you.

Ashwin nodded and took one last puff before putting the cigarette butt out.

P: Hello Sharanya. Can you do me a favour? Ashwin's friend is in the hostel and she doesn't have a mobile. Can you find her room and call me from there?
...
P: Her name is Sivaangi, first year CSE.
...
P: Thank you da.

After fifteen minutes, Sharanya managed to find Sivaangi's room number and knocked at her door. Her roommate opened the door and Sharanya found Sivaangi sleeping on her bed. She walked out after getting her roommate's mobile number. She called Pranav and told her that Sivaangi was sleeping. Ashwin snatched the phone and requested her to check on her the first thing next morning.

Next morning, Sharanya bumped into Sivaangi outside her room.

Sharanya: Hi Sivaangi.

S: Hello! I am sorry, do I know you?

Sharanya loved the warm smile on the pretty girl's face.

Sharanya: I am Sharanya, Ashwin's friend. He asked me to check on you. Are you okay?

S: I am fine, thank you. Tell your friend that I am perfectly fine.

Sharanya notice the kindness and warmth disappear as soon as she took Ashwin's name. She wanted to be friends with her in case she was going to be Ashwin's special someone.

Sharanya: Sivaangi, avan ah vidu. Konjam loosu than avan. Nee..
(Sivaangi, let him be. He is a little stupid but you..)

S: Loosu illa unga friend uh. He is brilliant but he is very arrogant.
(He is definitely not stupid. He is brilliant but he is very arrogant)

Sharanya laughed at how messed up this looked. Ashwin had a lot of work to do to make her fine.

Sharanya: Seri seri vidu. Namma friends ah irukalaame?
(Alright, can we be friends?)

Sivaangi actually liked this girl. She was friendly and looked so confident. She shook hands with her and she went to the hostel mess for breakfast with her and found out some basic details about her family and her interest in ECE. Most importantly she was happy to find out that Sharanya was Pranav's cousin.

Sivaangi mentally thanked Ashwin for finishing her assignment but couldn't make head or tail of the instructions that the lecturer was giving out for the next assignment. She knew she had to take Pranav's help again. The semester exam was just a month away and she was sure to fail at this pace of progress.

Computer science kum Engineering graphics kum yenna connection? Naan yen itha pannanum. Appa mattum enna Chennai ku poga vitruntha, ithellam nadathirukum ah?
(What is the need to work on Engineering graphics to be a software engineer? Why should I do all this? If only, appa had let me pursue my dreams in Chennai, I wouldn't have to do any of this!)

She was lost in thoughts as she said bye to her friends who had finished their drawings already. She was the last one to walk out after earning a displeased look from her lecturer Mr Ravikumar who walked out with her and locked the door behind him. She found Ashwin standing outside the class and decided to ignore him as he waved at her.

R: Hey Ashwin, inga yenna da panara?
(Hey Ashwin, what are you doing here?)

A: Hello sir!

R: Yenna da sir uh? Naan unnaku super senior thaan ah, ippo ethuku intha scene?
(Why are suddenly calling me 'sir'? I am you super senior right, what has changed now?)

A: Dai Ravi, un student minnadi mariyathai kudukalaamnu nenachen, vendaamnmnah vidu. Naan Sivaangi ah kootipoga than vanthen da.
(Alright! I wanted to be respectful in front of your student but if you don't mind it, then why do I have to bother. I am here to take Sivaangi)

Ravi scowled at Sivaangi.

This girl? She is a pathetic student.  What has Ashwin got to do with this girl!

Ashwin saw his friend's face cloud with uncertainty and so he signalled at Sivaangi to wait for him downstairs. He doubted if she would listen to him as she quietly left the place.

A: How is she doing?

R: Struggling. Next month when Mr Chandran is back, he will take over the CSE class and she isn't going to make it.

A: She is an intelligent girl, I am going to try and help her.

R: Good luck with that. You definitely need a lot of  luck. She might be brilliant otherwise but I think she just doesn't get the concepts of ED. It's definitely not in her interests.

A: Hmm.. Okay I will see what I can do. Bye man, I will see you later.

When he went back downstairs, he was surprised to find her waiting there.

S: Do you have any classes today?

A: Hello to you too! And I am doing great, thanks for asking. How are you?

S: Cut the crap! Just answer my question. Do you have classes?

A: I do but I can take the rest of the day off.

S: Okay, I want to go out. Some place where we could talk.

A: Okay, I need to get my bike from hostel. Will you wait for me here?

S: I will come too. I need to leave my stuff.

A: Okay, come let's go.

They met Sharanya as they walked towards the college gates. She walked up to them and Ashwin moved forward to give her a side hug making Sivaangi frown in displeasure. The ease of conversation between the two made her feel like an outsider. She noticed how Ashwin and Sharanya looked like a perfect couple as they stood close to each other discussing an event at college. She was nearly as tall as him, very beautiful and sounded like a high bred, classy girl who would fit into any guy's dream. Sharanya's grace complemented Ashwin's tremendous charisma and Sivaangi felt left out beside the two of them.

Did I just call him charismatic? Why am I suddenly attracted to him?

Sharanya noticed her confused face and nudged Ashwin to look at her. He smiled at her sulking like a child.

A: Hey! Cute ah iruka. Appadiya sulk pannite iru.
(Hey! You look cute when sulk)

Sharanya laughed as Sivaangi glared at him. After a few minutes of chatting, Sharanya left for her class and the two started to walk towards the hostel.

S: How do you know her?

A: Who? Sharanya? I met her at the NCC camp last year. Found her attractive, so I sort of tried flirting with her and but failed miserably. A few days later, Pranav introduced her as his cousin and we became good friends since then.

The term attractive to describe Sharanya and the word cute to describe her made her feel a tad bit jealous of Sharanya.

A: Where do you want to go?

S: Pasikudhu.
(I'm hungry)

Ashwin shook his head as he bit back a smile.

A: Ippo en mela kovam illaya?
(Aren't you angry with me anymore?)

S: I wasn't actually angry with you yesterday either. I was upset with my own self.

Ashwin waited for her to continue.

S: You should be saying 'no, you are not stupid'.

A: But you are!

Sivaangi hit him with her drafter. And just like that everything was forgotten. It became a routine to meet for lunch and then walk back to hostel together. When both of them had no classes, they went out to restaurants and Ashwin even took her shopping a couple of times. Neither of them disclosed the feelings they were developing for the other person.

Ashwin loved how simple and genuine she was, a rare thing in people. When she came back from home the weekend after they had met, she looked sad about not being able to convince her dad into buying her a mobile phone.

Ashwin couldn't watch her bury herself in sorrow over something silly. Also, he wanted her to have a phone so he could call her whenever he wanted.

A: It's okay, I will buy you one.

Sivaangi looked surprised but she shook her head.

S: Thank you Ashwin. But you are missing the point here. I can get one myself with the pocket money I have saved. But I don't want to hide it from dad. Joking and lying about simple things is different from lying about something like owning a mobile without his knowledge. That would break his trust.

Ashwin loved her sincerity towards the relationships in her life.

S: But I am not going to give up that easily though. I have given myself a month to torture him to buy me a phone!

She looked adorable in his eyes when she challenged herself with something that look so significant in her point of view. But she sure did win the challenge. Three weeks later, she had a brand new phone. And it sure did bring them closer. She called him every night after dinner. They talked until midnight about everything and nothing. A lot of people in college and hostel looked at them like they were in love and neither of them bothered to clear the air.

A month later, Ashwin was at a restaurant lunching with friends when he got a call from her.

A: Hello? Sivaangi! How was your exam?

All he heard was a sob. He got up and went to wash his hands.

A: Sivaangi? Azhadha. Naan varen iru.
(Sivaangi, don't cry. Wait, I will come get you)

S: Nee enga iruka?
(Where are you?)

She questioned him in between her hiccups as she tried to stop crying.

A: Naan Chandini la friends oda sapitu irunthen. Nee yenga iruka ma? Naan vanthu pick up pannikaren.
(I am lunching with friends at Chandini. Where are you? I will come and pick you)

S: I am walking aimlessly towards the opposite direction. I will walk to Barista, can you pick me from there?

A: Okay, see you in a few minutes. And, will you please stop crying?

Sivaangi nodded her head not realising that he can't see her.

A: Phone la thala aatuna theriyathu ma. Wipe your tears and say okay.
(I wouldn't know if you nod your head on the call. Wipe your tears and say okay)

That made her smile through her tears. She wiped her tears and said okay.

Ashwin was at the Barista in record time and he found her seated at one of the empty tables in the smoking area. She looked up from her phone when she saw his shoes in front of her chair. She immediately stood up and held his large hand in her small palms and laid her forehead on his chest. He put his helmet on the table and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, trying not to get too touchy and still not pushing her away.

A: Vidu. Next semester la clear pannikalaam.
(It's okay. We will clear the paper next time)

S: I have never failed an exam! What do I tell my parents?

A: This isn't school. You don't need to get a report card signed by parents. Just let it be. What did Chandran say?

S: Twenty out of forty two failed so he said he will give us a re exam in two weeks.

A: That's great. Don't go home this weekend, I will help you practice and I am sure you can crack it. Okay?

S: Okay.

A: Seri, sapitaya?
(Have you had your lunch?)

She shook her head. He looked at his watch.

S: Do you have to leave?

A: No, I am meant to be working on my dissertation which I can do later today. But you have classes, don't you? A quick sandwich here will do?

S: I don't want to go back to the class. Take me somewhere.

A: Restaurant?

S: No, I am not hungry.

A: Movie?

Sivaangi hesitated for a moment before nodding her head. She has been to cinema with boys, but it was more like boys in the class when they go out as a group with the other girls. This was her first time to a movie with a man, who also happened to be someone she has developed an immense attraction towards.

A: What about lunch?

S: Illa, you already had lunch. I will get a quick bite here and then we go to watch a movie or something.

Ashwin made her eat a sandwich while he had a coffee.  Then he took her to a matinee show. The two of them were at a loss of words throughout the ride to the cinema. Ashwin's mind was warning him against the idea of a movie. He thought that he might do something that might offend her or upset her. Sivaangi on the other hand was a little scared about it.

It was a random Tamil movie. The boring movie on screen was of no interest to either of them while the sexual tension between them was obvious, especially with all the teasing each other over the phone in the last few weeks.

Ashwin had his arm on the armrest and he turned to her side and whispered into her ears.

A: You look uncomfortable. Should we leave?

Sivaangi shook her head unable to be verbal in his close proximity. The darkness and the cool air made her grab his arm, wrapping her fingers around his upper arm, and she laid her head on his shoulder making his heart stop for a few seconds.

Nobody started it but it all happened naturally. She rubbed her cheeks on the sleeve of his tshirt and he moved closer and turned his face down towards her. He nuzzled his nose in her hair making her lift her face into his neck. She felt intoxicated as she inhaled his cologne and let her lips touch his neck ever so lightly. It wasn't exactly a kiss but she noticed his Adam's apple move as he gulped.

A few minutes later, as she moved one hand down to his palm, they entwined their fingers lightly, and Ashwin felt her leaning into his body with her other arm rubbing his biceps. He couldn't resist but press his sweaty palm into her soft ones making her gasp softly. A few minutes late, he lifted their linked hands and kissed the back of her hand.

Sivaangi closed her eyes and enjoyed every bit of how she felt that moment. Instead of letting go off her hand, he held it close to his heart making her heart beat faster. She could swear that the entire cinema could hear her loud thoughts. And then, suddenly she pictured her parents' faces and started panicking, she did not trust herself or him any longer than that and asked him to drop her back in the hostel during the intermission. Ashwin knew better than argue with her and decided to do that to save themselves from any inconvenience.

As Ashwin parked his bike outside the boys hostel and walked her to the hostel, they heard the catcalling from the boys hostel. Some of the voices teased them about their relationship, and some crude comments about her skin tight clothes made her pull her dupatta to cover herself. Sivaangi felt ashamed and embarrassed while Ashwin sure was furious.

A: Don't take it seriously. That's what stupid boys do. I am sure they don't mean it.

S: Daily cross panarapo yethavathu comment varum. Aana intha maathri ketathu illa. Konjam kashtama iruku.
(I am used to listening to some of these boos and whistling but this is different. It is a little upsetting)

A: Ignore them. I can't say it's entirely harmless but there are some immature, inconsiderate men. Don't pay attention to this lunacy. Chin up and walk tall, never let them frighten you.

Sivaangi felt love for this man and wondered how she was supposed to forget this man after six months. He was going to get busy with work and then his MBA abroad. A long term relationship with him did not sound feasible.

First of all, it is not like he loves me right now! It is just a mere attraction.

She gave him a sad smile and said bye. The sudden withdrawal did not go amiss and as Ashwin held her by her elbow which only earned a few more hoots. He let go off her arm, feeling exasperated.

A: Room ku poitu call pannu ma.
(Call me once you have refreshed)

His pleading tone made her nod her head immediately.

The next couple of months passed with them becoming inseparable despite all the contradicting thoughts in their minds. Sivaangi became really close to Ashwin who even helped her work on passing her ED exams. Despite the obvious attraction, neither of them spoke of it.

It was her 18th birthday and Ashwin had planned to spend the entire day with her as her dad was taking her out for dinner with some of her friends. He had borrowed his cousin's car to take her out. He picked her from the PSG hospital building which was close to the girls' hostel gate. As she climbed in, she was greeted with a perfectly wrapped package and a red rose.

A: Happy 18th birthday Princess!

Sivaangi blushed hearing him call her princess. She mumbled a thanks and took the present from him. He urged her to open it and when she unwrapped it, she found a beautiful Tissot watch that she was interested in the last time they had gone shopping. She was speechless as he put it around her wrist.

S: Thank you so much but you shouldn't have bought this. It is very expensive for a birthday gift.

A: I wanted to and don't feel guilty about the money. It's my hard earned money from my summer internship.

Sivaangi turned to her right and wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tight while his arms automatically moved around her waist to hold her tight. This was the first time they have shared an intimate hug in the five months they have known each other for.

There was an awkward silence as they pulled apart. Ashwin pretended to be late and started driving.

S: Yenga porom Ashwin?
(Where are we going?)

A: I have a surprise. Trust me?

S: With my life!

Why did I say that?

Ashwin was equally surprised with her reply.

A: I am taking you to Ooty.

The trust she promised to have on him was shaken by that statement. She wondered how she could go to Ooty all alone with a man. She did a good job masking her worries and beamed at him.

S: Wow! Really?

A: Are you scared?

S: A little bit worried, yes. Appa said he will pick me at 7 pm. We will be back right?

A: I promise to drop you off before 6 pm. We have a good ten hours before your dad picks you. So don't worry! Trust me, okay?

As Sivaangi smiled and nodded, Ashwin took her hand and put it on his thigh holding it there. The melodious ARRahman music filled in for the silence in the car. The two of them had a million thoughts and emotions in their minds as they paid attention to a lot of the lyrics.

Three hours later, Ashwin stopped at a scenic spot and got out of the car with her following him.

A: It looks beautiful, doesn't it?

S: Yes! And secluded!

She whispered sounding totally unsure but he failed to notice the uncertainty in her voice. He excitedly walked back to the car to get something from the boot while she stood there engrossed in deep thoughts, trying to appreciate the beauty of nature in front of her. When she finally turned around, she found a blanket spread on the grass with  a nice little picnic set up.

Ashwin was happy to see the approving look on her face.

A: I hope you like it. I wanted to take a detour from our usual hangouts and do something special and private.

Sivaangi held his hand and spoke with her eyes locked with his.

S: Ashwin, this means a lot to me. I really love this gesture and I appreciate the privacy we have here. Just the two of us. And the food and most importantly, this amazing views! Thank you so much.

He pulled her into his arms for a hug and whispered into her ears.

A: Happy birthday baby.

She felt his hot breath against her ear, and the husky whisper made her clutch the material of his shirt on his back. She gulped at how his closeness invoked weird feelings in her body. She reluctantly pulled out of the hug but he held her palm in his and walked her to the picnic spread. They sat down to relish a simple birthday brunch while the two souls struggled to ignore the urst between them.

An hour later, they decided to take a small hike to lighten the situation but destiny had other plans. Half way through the hike, it started raining and they were forced to take shelter under a tree in the woods. Sivaangi started panicking at the sight of the wild insects and reptiles, she felt uneasy being in the wilderness and wanted to get back to the car. Ashwin calmed her by pulling her back against the front of his body and rubbed her arms.

A: Ssshh! I am right here! Try not to think of it.

She shut her eyes and pushed herself into his body to feel safe.

S: Can we please go back? I don't like it here.

A: Romba mazha peyuthu ma, konja neram thaan.
(Its pouring. Let's wait for a little bit)

S: Noo Ashwin, I can't do this. I don't feel comfortable standing here knowing that there is something lurking here.

A: Sivaangi, it's just an irrational fear. Close your eyes and trust me.

S: That's just rude, you don't understand. It could be a phobia and not just a fear. I really can't stand here anymore..

Ashwin turned her around and pulled her close with an arm around her waist. He held her face in his other palm and tilted her face upwards.

A: I am sorry. I really do understand but we can't go yet. It is quiet a distance and I think it is safer here right now. Let me hold you and please trust me to keep you safe. Just try! Please?

Sivaangi shut her eyes, pushing her face into the front of his shirt, hiding herself so she could ignore the surroundings. Her gentle shivering and the inability to help her out of the situation frustrated him. He lifted her from the ground, embracing her in his arms making her relax a tiny bit.

Watching her feeling anxious made him restless. He cursed himself for bringing up the idea of taking a stroll in the woods. Twenty minutes later, the rained stopped momentarily and they rushed back to the car only for the skies to start pouring a couple of minutes  before they reached. They were wet by the time they shut the car doors behind them. Sivaangi glared at Ashwin while he merely grinned at her annoyance.

S: Your idea of a romantic birthday plan?

A: Whoever mentioned anything about a romantic plan?

Sivaangi feigned a heartbreak as she held her chest and shook her head making him laugh. He took a neatly wrapped chocolate slab from a brown paper bag on the back seat and gave it to her.

S: I will forgive you for the chocolate.

She took a bite and closed her eyes as she savoured it.

S: Mmm. This is delicious! Where did you get it from?

A: A cousin sells homemade chocolates. So I got these hazelnut slabs for you.

Being busy moaning as she enjoyed another bite, she was hardly listening to him. She noticed the intense gaze from Ashwin when she opened her eyes making her swallow her fear. She tried to ignore the pull she felt towards him at the moment and took another big bite to distract herself. His eyes narrowed on her mouth as she held out the chocolate bar. He shook his head and pushed her hand down to her lap making the chocolate fall off her hand.

A: You have a big piece in your mouth which you are likely to choke on. Come here, I will help you.

S: Wha..

His hand moved to hold her by her nape and he moved his body forward to bite the chocolate piece from her mouth, letting his lips lightly touch hers lightly, thus silencing his question. She was too shocked to react and she could have sworn that her heart beat was audible outside of the car. His face was only inches away from hers as he chewed on his chocolate and he urged her to do the same, his eyes not leaving her face the whole time. As she swallowed it, he moved closer to her face and whispered softly.

A: I have been dreaming for days about this. I want to kiss you.

S: Well, what were you waiting for then?

A: For you to turn eighteen so that I don't feel like I am exploiting you and your innocence.

Sivaangi frowned at his statement but was easily distracted as he moved closer until she felt his hot breath on her mouth.

A: Can I?

Sivaangi closed her eyes and jutted her chin forward in response. Ashwin started at her heaving chest and then at her soft lips which were parted the tiniest bit. A small smile appeared on his lips as he watched her awkwardly fumble with her dress. He took her hands from her lap to place it on his shoulder and then his lips finally covered hers in a gentle kiss. He held her face in place while she moved one of her hands to hold him by the back of his head and pulled him closer. Seconds later, what started off as a gentle kiss became urgent and needy. When they broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against his. The silence was really sweet but when she spoke minutes later, he sensed fear and uncertainty in her voice.

S: Ashwin, yemmathida maate illa?
(Ashwin, you wouldn't betray my feelings right?)

A: What does she mean by that?

He managed to find his voice despite feeling astounded by the directness of her shocking question.

A: Of course not! You know me, don't you? And I really do like you.

Something about the question bothered him and he immediately distanced himself from her while she was still lost in the after effects of the kiss. He took a deep breath and looked out of the window while turning the heater on to help dry their clothes.

A: Shall we leave?

S: Yeah sure. Are we going somewhere else?

A: I was thinking of a visit to one of my favourite cafes which I am sure you will enjoy. What do you think?

S: Surprise me then! Let's go.

The rest of the drive was all about ignoring a strange sensation in their hearts. When they reached the place, Sivaangi loved the café and the location. They had a lighter conversation forgetting the kiss from earlier. On the way back to the hostel, Sivaangi laid her head on Ashwin's shoulder and thanked him for a memorable birthday.

S: I am so happy. Words can't express the feelings in my heart. Thank you so much.

A: I am glad I did not disappoint you.

As he parked outside the hostel, Sivaangi looked around to make sure no one was looking and pecked his lips before getting off the car. Ashwin watched her skip towards the hostel gate. He felt on edge for some strange reason. He wondered if he had done the wrong thing by kissing her and making her aware of his emotions. But there was no going back now!

The next couple of months was like a war for the couple. Apart from a few sneaky kisses and the rarely civil conversations, their lunches and time spent together were rather unpleasant. Atleast for Ashwin! Sivaangi called it all a simple lover's quarrel every single time but he was left close to losing his temper. He couldn't deal with her childishness once she became his girlfriend. All the things that he enjoyed earlier were annoying after a point. Her insecurities about their relationship was simply putting him off.

P: Dai, romba frequent ah smoke panara da ippo ellam. Sivaangi kuda thirumbavum sandai ah?
(Hey, you smoke way too much these days. Another of your petty tiff's with Sivaangi?)

Ashwin turned to look at his best friend Pranav walk into the football pitch. He threw his cigarette and kicked the ball that came flying close to him.

A: I want to get out of this. I am done!

He walked towards the bench followed by Pranav.

P: What? You can't possibly mean a breakup! Don't you love her anymore?

A: I have never loved her. Never actually uttered those three words. I kissed her and she assumed that I was in love with her. And the idiot that I am never bothered to correct her.

Pranav stood too astonished to react. Ashwin had an exasperated expression when he explained his mind.

A: I liked her. I still do. But the one mistake I have done is not making her aware of the fact I haven't got any idea of continuing this relationship. I am not serious about this relationship, for any commitment. I just enjoyed her antics and I wanted to be the one in her college life.

P: What the fuck does it even mean?

A: It is practically not possible to continue this. I am leaving in two weeks and I don't think I will ever come back to Coimbatore anytime soon.

P: Wha.. Why not? Do people not survive long distance relationships?

A: True that. But I don't want this. I don't want to feel strangled by this feeling. I want a break.

P: WTF!! You simply used her! What's the difference between you and Dheeraj?

Ashwin looked dismayed by the fact that his best friend looked at him like he was dissolute and reckless.

P: You are my best friend but that will not make me support your savage behaviour towards an innocent girl.

A: What do you want me to do? Force myself to pretend that I love her? Is she going to be happy?

Pranav knew that Ashwin had a point but he was disgusted by his attitude and behaviour.

P: Paavam da ava. She is going to be heartbroken.

A: I know! And I hate myself for doing this to her. But I don't want to hate her by staying with her any longer than this. But how do I do this? Do I tell her that we should stay as friends?

Pranav was silent. He did not know what to do and he was angry that he did not want to come up with a solution to help him out.

S: Ashwin?

Pranav and Ashwin was shocked to see a broken Sivaangi behind them. Ashwin moved forward to hold her when he noticed her crying. But she held out her palm to stop him and Pranav moved closer wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She sobbed uncontrolably and for the first time, Ashwin felt like he had taken advantage of this vulnerable, young girl.

A: Sivaangi ma, I am sorry.

She spoke in between her sobs.

S: Don't apologise. I don't hate you but I don't want to see you ever again.

A: Sivaangi, can we talk about this? This isn't the way to react. Shout at me, hit me, do whatever you feel like.. Let it out. And then maybe..

S: NO! It's over. I don't want to do any of that. What's the point of being friends? To watch you get married to another girl later in life?

A: I have no intention of falling for any other girl, ever again.

S: That's what you said the first time we met.

Ashwin was speechless. She was right. And Pranav was right too. He had messed it up! Totally!

S: Ashwin, I really don't hate you. In fact I still love you. So.. This is it. Good luck with everything in your life. Goodbye.

Ashwin was too shocked to even move. Sivaangi hugged Pranav and left the place. Ashwin felt hurt and a new emotion that she did not bother to turn around even once. He wondered if that was love!

This story has another part which I will post soon.

Also, check you the next part of Your dark shadows xx