Hello readers, its a short update. I had started writing this chapter 3 days ago but it has sort of become relevant to what is happening right now. Hope you all enjoy reading it! I am up for constructive criticism, so go ahead and state your opinions.

Sivaangi looked outside the window, staring at nothing in particular. She looked happy on the outside during the shoot but only Ashwin knew that she was not her usual self. She has been extremely quiet in the car for the last 30 minutes when she would have normally talked a mile a minute. He parked up on a quiet road and decided to get it sorted before dropping her off at home. Turning to her side, he took her hands in his making her come out of lost thoughts.

A: What now?

S: Can you read my mind?

A: I wish I can read your mind! But I know your moods, right now you are confused and upset.

S: Hmm.

A: Sollu ma. Enna aachu? Naan ethavathu pannunen ah?

(Come on, tell me what happened? Was it something that I did?)

S: I don't know Ashwin. Most people in the CWC set know that we are engaged. I know you told the production team that you don't want it to be scene on TV yet. I understand that we are keeping our personal lives private. But why do you behave differently?

A: What do you mean?

S: Why do you ignore me?

A: What? When did I ignore you?

S: All the time.

A: Sivaangi, do you not know how I feel towards you?

S: I know. But you really do make me feel neglected at times.

A: Ma, enna ippadi solara?

S: Leave it.

A: You started it, let us talk about it. I don't like to pretend that a problem will solve all by itself over time.

S: I did not start anything. It was you.

A: Ok! What did I start?

S: Do you not like to be associated with me?

A: WTF!

S: Anger isn't going to fix this. So don't show your irritation.

A: Sivaangi, I thought we are over this.

S: Today during the pairing when I was joking about going to your table, Pavi akka said eppo paarthalum namma pasanga pinnadi poga kudathu, avunga namma pinnadi vara vaikanumnu.

(Today during the pairing when I was joking about going to your table, Pavi said I should stop chasing you and I should be confident enough to make a man chase me)

A: Athuku?

(What about that?)

S: Did you not understand that she was indirectly saying that I wasn't good enough for you to chase me?!

A: Sivaangi, you are exaggerating it. Who cares what she thinks?

S: Well, it's about me. So I care. I have tried to ignore these comments and talks about me chasing you and that you being the perfect gentleman try to avoid my stupid crush without hurting me, but then, have you ever thought about how all of this could crush my confidence?

A: I am yours. What more..

S: I know that. I don't know how to explain my feelings. You see.. you can't seem to keep your hands off me when we are in our personal space but you move away from me even when I casually touch you during the shoot. So makes me wonder how you can be so careful to not even touch me unintentionally. Look at the comments and edits on twitter and instagram. A lot of people sympathise me. They think I am forcing myself on you and you are so uncomfortable that you instinctively move away from me.

A: I honestly don't care what anyone thinks. You shouldn't let it get to your head either. Why do I have to touch you in front of the world? We are not officially married but you are my wife! Why will I let anyone see how I touch my wife or what I do with her? This is not a tv show or cinema. It's my life, our lives! It's real, no one needs to watch a trailer of what we do inside our home. I value you and our relationship to share our intimacy on a public forum.

Sivaangi was silent. She perfectly understood him. But she hated to be looked at being clingy all the time. It was not exactly a sense of rejection, but something close to that.

A: Kannamma, look at me. Don't you realise that my eyes follow you pretty much the entire day, wherever we are. During the shoots, I get told off by the director and editors for doing it unconsciously. I keep looking at you out of habit. I love watching you for no reason. Watching you brings a certain calmness inside me. And I want to make sure you are okay and to make sure no one hurts you or exploits your kindness. I know you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself but I look out for you because you are my Sivaangi.

PDA on the other hand is a different thing. Call me old fashioned but I am not a hug fan of engaging in PDA. There was just that one time that I hugged you and gave you a small kiss in the shoot because the need of the hour called for it.

S: You think holding hands and hugging in public is not so masculine?

A: Ma, do I look like this stereotypical macho man who is worried about his image? Do you think I am scared that I will look weak in front of the world for showing that I need your love? Please believe that it is not because I am resisting it to have control over it. I crave for you love and kisses. I don't mind a certain level of PDA in front of our close ones but do you want to be seen sucking each other's faces off in front of anyone and everyone? What are we proving with that? My dominance over you? Or is it flaunting each other?

S: You are talking about two extremes. Is it either disregarding me or making out? Don't you want a balance between these two extremities?

A: We do have a balance already. Only people who are jealous of our beautiful relationship try to ruin it by messing with your head commenting on us, knowing that it will affect you. I thought we are past that phase of insecurity in our relationship but clearly not!

S: Appadi illa Ashwin. Put yourself in my shoes. I don't expect you to do anything to prove your love. All I am saying is I feel a sense emotional neglect which is probably because of my outspoken nature and your quiet nature. Do you get it? I am making myself look like a needy person and your reactions are so unreadable that it confuses me.

Also, I would ideally like to make some sort of open statements about our relationship on social media. I am fed up hiding it and the fans decoding it.

Ashwin held her face in her palms and noticed that she was genuinely confused and it wasn't one of those baseless insecurities.

A: Sivaangi ma, we share a lot physical and emotional connect. You know that and we enjoy every bit of what we have. The very thought of you, your name, your presence, everything about you stimulates a desire in me. I want you to remember my love for you every time you feel down or confused. We need to communicate our thoughts between us with a lot of transparency to make us feel confident in our relationship. But do we have to do it in front of people or on social media? In my opinion, lovey dovey stuff on social media is for insecure relationships. Do you think everyone boasting their romance on the public platform are happy and the couples who don't do it have a pathetic life?

S: You think all of social media is cringeworthy and inappropriate right?

A: I don't mean that. Use it appropriately.

Okay, let us take our fans. They love you, they love me but they love us together more than loving us individually. So they follow us closely and scrutinise every breath we take. They think they are looking out for us but they are intruding our personal space. There are people out there judging every move and every word. It can be really suffocating. If we are to do and say things to get their approval, whose life are we living? I am forever grateful to my fans but that doesn't mean I sacrifice you and our lives to show my gratitude. We need to draw a line and show our fans, followers, haters and everyone where to stop. There is nothing wrong in that.

S: Won't we hurt them? That would be rude.

A: Maybe yes. But fans who are meant to stay will understand. We can give our fans unconditional, selfless love with our profession but no one is getting a sneak peak into our personal life. That is out of bounds.

S: Okay I get it..

A:You are not convinced, are you?

S: I get your point. But I have been an open book so far. Won't it look like you are forcing your decisions on me if I stay quiet? You will lose fans, you will be abused, your character will be assassinated, mine too. All of this over mere assumptions.

A: I know but don't you think being true to yourself will make you happier? I will definitely have a fan following who will understand my point of view. And most importantly I have you.

S: When I see people abusing you on social media, it makes me really  upset.

A: Inga paaru da. I love you and I will show you how much I love you through my actions but this act of gathering attention on us means nothing. I fell safe and loved when I am with you. That is all I need, even if the entire world turns against me, you will stand by my side. That gives me the confidence to face any dire situation. Don't you feel the same way about me?

S: I do.

A: I think its important for us feel invested in our future instead of worrying about what people around us and what everyone on social media assumes about us.

S: Ashwin, do you find me immature and childish? Everything looks peachy now but will we be the same in the future?

A: Ma, we will definitely have our share of arguments and fights but from my side I can give you in writing that I will never be bored of you. I have seen some friends complain about how they run out of topics to discuss with their partners after the initial honeymoon phase. But I have noticed that apart from the common topics to share, we have the ability to cultivate shared interests and do fun things together, we complement each other with our opinions on our important career decisions. We are perfect for each other. Stop worrying!

Sivaangi was feeling very emotional for a lot of reasons and wanted to be in his arms. She unbuckled her seat belt and moved on to his lap and laid her head on his chest.

S: Sorry Ashwin, I come up with a new issue everyday right? I am working on my insecurities, I tend to get sceptical quiet a lot. I am still getting used to the idea of being this handsome hunk's fiancée.

A: I am no hunk.

S: You are. Don't argue.

A: Okay princess!

Ashwin tut tutted when he saw her open her mouth to argue.

A: You are a princess. Mine. Don't argue.

Sivaangi smiled. He has never allowed her to feel sad or confused for too long. He makes it a point to resolve any misunderstanding or conflicts. Made her realise what he meant by investing in their future rather than worry about these insignificant problems.

A: Sivaangi ma, I don't want you to feel sad, I am not an exhibitionist like you. But I will do whatever you want if that will make you feel better. But let me warn you, this superficial digital intimacy can make a person delusional.