I know it's been more than 25 days but I count by the parts of this book.

Okay so~

I'm supposed to be writing this out of spite of the past letter I wrote to myself, pretty positive for a person who seriously messed up and was the scummiest version of me so far (or so I'd like to think), so this time, I'm gonna stand neutral.

First off, like I always ask, Is it worth it?
You decide the 'it' in question.

This year was a mix bag. Made friends, lost friends. Wrote some stories but more-or-less ran out of time. Marks, you know. The validation seeking from the internet. Losing ONC. Almost deleting my account. The sheer willpower of not opening social media accounts like people my age do. Envy being a huge highlight.
Of course, the number of realizations this year got me to were all terrible. Slight self-hating attitude, but I'm in a great mood today so it's not showing. And well, parents are a different topic altogether.

It's been hell. And I'm sick of it.

I'm a liar, I fake it but I don't make it. I don't even know where I'm headed.

College? Like hell I'll get anywhere. I score like 135 in tests, rank 20+ out of just 25 to 26 people. If so many people are ahead of you here, then imagine how many lakhs will be ahead of you in the real exam?

I'm scared.

I'm a nobody standing nowhere. Everyone I know, everyone, are so ahead already. I barely pass these days. And there's one more year to this. How am I gonna get there?

I don't know, but you probably do.

I know... I'm bad at studies and stuff. Can't do anything right. I sleep all day. I'm lazy. Stupid. Dumb. Selfish. And it's probably gonna make it bad for you.

But I don't know how to stop or how to get better.

Anyway- it's getting kinda depressing, huh? Thanks though, for living that long. Lot of things must have changed, or perhaps not, but I wish you the best of luck.

Mou ikkai? :)

(I didn't just make a dark joke, now, did I-)

https://youtu.be/NIqm73xsias

From,
Me