To say that these letters are part of my core now would be an understatement. I shall continue tradition and write the next letter.

As counterintuitive as it is, I shall respond to the previous of the previous letter even though that person is - virtually - dead dead, and then to the 2023 one, and THEN write a letter for future me.

Now, honestly, I am surprised by how mature my 2023 letter was. I will not be maintaining that lol, neither will I be replicating the cheerful mood.

So, to 2021-end/2022 me:

1. Is it worth it? Yes. Hard yes. It's been hard but not as hard as it used to be. Challenging but at least I have a ground to stand on. And I've been working hard. Me, working hard, yes. So the year was absolutely worth it, never mind the downs.

2. Year was another mix bag, like if I shared the tea with January me, she would lose sanity on spot. I lost more friends than I made, and I lost the friends I thought I would never lose. I made a confession this year by acting on an infatuation because I wanted to "grow up" but imagine I admitted this to anyone...? Anyway. I lost people I spent half the year pleasing and caring of. And I know that the further I progress, the worse of a ditch my people pleaser tendencies are going to get me into, and I am dreading January so bad I have heavy anxiety every now and then. But I found a couple people who would hold me if I cried, and... while I'm trying to make peace with it, all I can think of how hard I lost. How much I lost. How much more I will lose. All because I form bonds easily, and I had to learn the hard way and it doesn't always go both ways.

3. Marks. I'm improving and I'm proud of it. I've worked really hard in college. I got cheated off of. I got frustrated. I cried a lot. But golly, I improved, and even though I am still behind, I improved.

4. I couldn't get my ONC entry past 2k words this year (though I qualified round one) due to boards, but this does actually remind me - February is close. I will do my best to participate the next ONC, but with the gap between me and writing is ever increasing, I can never promise anything a hundred percent.

5. In 2021, I almost deleted my account. In 2023, I couldn't come online and it was the worst feeling ever. This account is home to the person I used to be and I treasure it beyond words, no matter how much I hate who I was before. So, to say that I'm glad I didn't go through with my decision to kill my account would be an understatement.

6. I. OPENED. SO. MANY. ACCOUNTS. Well, social media isn't my pivotal point even now, but I have most of the social media. Also, I saw Twitter become X. Insane.

Trust the timing still holds true, but sometimes you realize that maybe you were late to the party. You did make it, but you made it late, and you perhaps would've been a part of the party and not a bystander had you arrived early. So, I improvise. It's not trust the timing, it's 'You are at the right place in the right time, doing the right thing'.

7. I'm sorry, I plummeted. I have envy beyond words.

8. Realizations, huh. Most of the realizations I had this year were negative. I now see it's a yearly pattern for me. When I try to think of a positive one, my mind draws blank. There used to be times I would feel "Hey, I'm being relied on right now!" and that was a pleasant realization. Until the person left me. And now it is yet another negative that I stuff in one part of my mind and try not to think of it.

9. Self-hate, lots. Self-love still won the year though, towards the end. I am cute, fk you society

10. THIS IS WHERE I INTRODUCE MYSELF! I am in college. I survived a semester. I can see where I'm headed for the next semester. Things are finally looking up in academic perspective. I love myself a lot in this respect. I put work in when there's Computer Science involved. And that's my goddamn degree. I did it, I barely did it, but I did it.

11. Parents, always the sweet sour gummy bears. This year, they've been sweet. I wasn't home to see the sour. Brother is struggling though, so I hope it all is better next year.

12. Marks of entrances are now irrelevant to me.

13. I'm not scared. I'm anxious, I'm unsettled, but not scared. It's just another semester coming up for me, not life-threatening blood-sucking entrance exams.

14. Guess what. You got there. Not IITs, not BITS, not IIITs, but who cares. We never defined a goal for ourselves any way, we just based it all off what our parents wanted. But you know what, I'll say I got where I had to get. No matter how much I swear at my college, this is where my level is and I would've sunken in all those elite colleges. My topper friends aren't toppers there, you imagine me there! Hah, I have no regrets about that, though Papa sometimes does. Mama has regrets I didn't stay home but that is 120% the best decision I've taken this year.
By the way, those overlapping exams sucked. Barely survived. First six months of 2023 tossed me around like I was in a washing machine with a hanger stuck on my neck and I couldn't get it out, while simultaneously being washed and choked and going round and round.

15. Hey! I'm still dumb, still stupid, still lazy! Super happy though. Procrastination has lowered, sefishness, um, I think I have to get back to that. That's my 2024 resolution, as it stands right now.

16.Still alive, still kicking.

17. Mou ikkai! Buuuut with the fan-made edit where she doesn't die in the end. :D

Lastly, I can never forget my 2022 letter because of how many daggers it stabs in my heart. That was a low I simply cannot let go of, and so I will hold onto it for how ever long I need to. Hopefully, one day I can move on from these questions.

Now, to 2022-end/2023 me (some questions are repeated so I will bypass them):

1. College, yes. Suffering, also yes but lesser.

2. Crush still talks to us but we moved on, trust me I did a good thing. And sometimes we realize he's a better friend and it's hard to believe but perhapsss we have a huge problem of letting people we care about to walk over us however and how much ever they want.

3. We made more friends, yeah... and lost most of them so... Net, no we didn't make many friends.

4. What the hell is slaying hard- Hell yeah, we're slaying hard.

5. Coding, yes, better than ever. Piano, no, I'm sorry I couldn't keep up. Writing, moderately, I'm trying.

6. ONC, nope.

7. Parents, mostly good.

8. Met Hope IRL, HELL YES WE DID AND WE HAD A BLAST AND IT'S STILL MIND-BENDING AND AMAZING! I MET ONE OF MY BEST ONLINE FRIENDS!!

9. No. I mean I can function like a living member of the society, but I refuse to.

10. Dream list, I'm sorry but no. At one point it became a chore. And when something you enjoy becomes a chore, you let go of it until it's enjoyable again. So I did, because my dream list should be fun. And weird nightmares every now and then, but dreaming itself in hostel is a very rare occasion. Frequent at home though.

11. Daydreaming with songs is out of hand, and I will NOT sleep until I've daydreamed that day.

12. Colonizing the internet, I'm afraid not. The internet colonizes me (lol).

13. MILGRAM is going great, coming to the end of Trial 2 though. :( And INMF was amazing, first song to reach 1mil if I'm right, but guess who broke the record? AMANE! I KNOW RIGHT??? GIRL, AMANE'S SONG WAS SO INSANE. LIKE THE WHOLE TRIAL WAS INSANE BUT *AMANE*!!!!!

14. Pokemon really ended. Sometimes I watch XYZ episodes and feel the warmth of nostalgia. I grew up with that and have many good memories of it. Once more of Pokemon Horizons is English dubbed, I am down to give it a try.

15. 2023 isn't, unfortunately, the end of the world. 2024 might be though. I'm growing old lol.

16. Whether I'm happy or not is hard to tell currently. I'm unhappy with my social life but happy with myself. And when you think of it, ultimately, that's what matters. However, since happiness for me is an all-round thing, I'll just say I'm satisfied.

2023 recap. Filler year. I didn't retain most friends from school. Suddenly in college, haven't processed yet. Cup noodles are my staple food. I made a lot of friends when I chose to be outgoing, social, and sweet. Some became toxic, some forgot me, some moved away, and some I had to leave myself. I had a lot of arguments, in fact, I'm in middle of one right now. Insane how I am taken for granted and I can't digest it, given I let them walk over me. But it's okay, I'll heal, I'll move forward. BUT SOME OF THEM ARE IN MY CLASS NEXT SEM!!!! *panik* Anyway, I just wanna say, the number of friends that I can rely on is so small I can count them on my fingers, but they're there. I always loose sight of how much I have because of how much I lost. And I'm gonna have to work on that. But because of them, it was a damn good year. To Anga, Hopey, Chrissy, Thalia, Lazuki, Aime, Ray and Udhaya, you guys were my rock this year. I love you all!

Finally, to 2024-end me/2025 me:

So many goals, are we close to them yet? Did that project end up being anything? And did you... figure out what to do with all of these feelings?

Btw, you're too old. Get a walking stick.

May 2024 be a good year. But it's a leap year like 2020, so... ahem. I feel threatened.

For this year's video, my theme is gonna be nostalgia. Too much changed in too little of time. Let's go back in time, when life was still lifing.

https://youtu.be/ZuT3xYLW7vA

Lots of loves and hopes,

Me