Chapter 36
Zari

I look at Gin. I'm crying because he told me about what happened before. He chuckled while cupping my face. Our foreheads and noses touch each other while our tears keep on falling.

He smiled. "Please...wait for a year." he caressed my face. "I'll be in Florida for a year with Syrine for our divorce."

I bit my lips. "Are your parents okay with that?"

"Don't worry about them," he kissed my forehead. "Kami na ni Syrine ang bahala sa lahat."

Natahimik ako sa sinabi nya. It's really happening. Gusto na talaga nila na mag-file ng divorce. It's good since they will be free already and Syrine will be able to be with the man she truly loves.

But...why do I feel so scared?

"Zari,"

Napalingon ako kay Gin nang tawagin nya ako. We were about to part ways so we could go home. I looked at him, hinihintay ang sasabihin nya sa akin.

"Will you..." he looks deeply into my eyes. "...take risks with me again?"

Natahimik ako sa sinabi nya. That was when I realized why was I so scared at the idea of him being free again. Palaging nasa isipan ko iyong araw kung kailan kailangan ko syang palayain.

The pain was still fresh in my mind. The wounds still linger in my heart. It feels like I was haunted by our past. Kaya natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na baka kapag sumugal ako ulit...pareho lang ang kalabasan.

I faked a smile. "Let's just talk about it when you're already divorced. I don't want to rush things."

Dumaan ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata dahil sa sinabi ko pero kaagad din naman itong nawala. He smiled at me softly. "Can I have your number, then?"

Napataas ang kilay ko. "Why?"

Napatikhim sya dahil sa tanong ko. "So, I could text and call you while I'm at Florida."

"No," kaagad na sabi ko kaya natigilan sya.

Napaayos sya sa pag-tayo. "May I know why?"

"Just no," mariing pagkasabi ko.

He looked like he was about to ask me again for the reason but he stops himself. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil doon. I thought he was about to enter his car but suddenly he walks toward me.

Hinawakan nya ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko. He kissed it while looking at me. "After my divorce..." he smiles softly. "...I won't let the stars disappear from my sight again."

Mahina akong natawa dahil sa sinabi nya. I smile at him which made him smile widely. "I hope that when that time comes, the fear is no longer in our hearts."

He reached my cheeks so he could caress them. "You're the only one who's afraid, Zari."

I fisted my knuckles because of what he said. I suddenly hate myself for being who I am before...for being afraid to take risks again. But how can I toughen myself up if I'm already too wounded because of what happened in the past?

Nakakatakot. Natatakot ako na baka kapag kumapit ako sa kanya ulit ay bibigyan ulit ako ng rason para bumitaw. Nakakatakot kapag masyado kang nagmahal kasi masyado ka ring masasaktan sa dulo.

"Hala! Anong nangyari?!"

Nagulat ako nang narinig ko ang boses na iyon. It was Reign's voice. She's with Suji and they're bringing some snacks. Umiiyak ako kanina habang wala sila kaya kaagad kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko nang mapansin sila.

"Anong problema? Bakit ka umiiyak?" kaagad na lumapit sa akin si Suji pagkatapos ilapag ang mga snacks sa lamesa. "May masakit ba sayo? May nanakit ba?"

"Wala naman," sabi ko habang pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi ko.

Hinampas ako ni Reign sa braso. "Sabihin mo nalang kasi."

"Wala nga," sabi ko.

"Sabihin mo na," nag-aalalang sabi ni Suji. "Hindi ako mapakali kasi umiiyak ka."

I don't have any plans to tell them about it but they forced me so I don't have a choice but to do it. Habang nagkukwento ako, palaki nang palaki ang mga mata nila dahil sa mga nalalaman nila.

"Wait! Hindi maproseso kaagad ng utak ko!" napahawak si Suji sa ulo nya. "Mababaliw ata ako ngayon. Teka muna! So, sinaktan ka ni Tita Indy?" she asked to clarify something which I nodded as a response. "Ay naku, sasabihin ko to kila Mama para awayin nila si Tita Indy!"

Tinulak ni Reign si Suji kaya napaupo ito sa sahig. Nilingon nya si Suji. "Huwag ka ngang boba dyan. Ayaw nya nga na palakihin iyong gulo, eh."

Napailing na lamang ako sa kanila. "I understand her for doing it."

"Mali pa rin iyong ginawa nya!" sabay nilang sabi.

Napabuntong hininga ako sa sinagot nila. I just leaned on my seat to relax my mind. Napansin nila na ayaw ko ng pag-usapan pa si Tita Indy kaya tinigilan na nila. I just don't like to hate my cousin's mother.

She has her own reasons. She hurt me...but it doesn't matter to me. I just feel like I will also do that if someone tries to destroy my daughter or son's marriage. She just did what a mother would do for her own child.

"So...what would you do?" biglaang pagtanong ni Reign kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. "You can't be stuck in the past forever. We both know that one, right? You can't change the past because that's what happened. It already happened."

Wala akong maisagot at tahimik din si Suji kaya napairap sya bago nagsalita ulit. "Nasaktan ka noon. Nagpalaya ka. It's painful, I know. But will you always be thinking about what happened and not on what will happen?"

Natahimik ako sa sinabi ni Reign. They spent the night here at my condo so I won't feel that I am alone. Nang ako nalang mag-isa sa kuwarto para matulog, hindi ko maiwasang maiyak para sa sarili ko.

I feel pity for myself...for going through all that pain. Naaawa at naiinis ako sa sarili ko. I don't want to be stuck in the past anymore, so I won't be afraid to take risks...but it's not easy to move on and forget the past.

"I heard from Reign that Syrine told her that they will be going to the Florida tomorrow already. Sila ni Gin. Nasabi nya na rin ang totoo kila Tita Indy kung sino ang totoong tatay ni Rean."

Napalingon ako sa sinabi ni Suji. I sighed because of what she said. It's already weeks since Gin and I last talked. We didn't have any contacts since I don't want to. I just keep on praying every night that everything will be alright and knowing that they'll be getting a divorce...I can't help but be happy for them.

"May bisita ka," sabi ni Suji nang nakarinig kami ng doorbell. "Ako na ba ang bubukas?" tanong nya nang mapansin na hindi ako tumayo para tumungo sa pinto.

I just nodded. Kaagad syang tumayo para tumungo sa pintuan. Kumabog nang malakas ang dibdib ko nang marinig ang tili ni Reign. Tumayo kaagad ako para tumungo kung nasaan sya para malaman kung bakit sya tumili.

"Anong nangyar-"

Natigilan ako nang makita kung sino ito. Reign immediately grinned before leaving me with the guest. Tumungo sya sa kuwarto ko at nagkulong doon. Napabuntong hininga ako bago nilingon ang dahilan kung bakit napatili si Suji.

"What are you doing here..." I look into his eyes. "...Gin?

Napakagat sya sa labi nya dahil sa tanong ko. He's wearing a plain t-shirt and pants. Just a casual outfit. Nakasuot din sya ng cap na tinanggal nya naman kaagad nang mapansin nya na nakatitig ako rito.

"I just wanted to see you before I leave tomorrow," nahihiyang sabi nya.

I was taken aback because of what he said. Napakagat ako sa labi ko para pigilan ang sarili na matawa pero hindi ko mapigilan ito kaya tumatawa ako ngayon sa harapan nya.

I thought he would be offended but he just stared at me. Napansin ko ang mga titig nya kaya tumigil ako sa pagtawa kaagad. "I'm sorry. You're just so cute."

He smiled because of what I said. Napailing sya sa akin. "You should laugh and smile often."

"Why would I?"

He reached my cheeks to caress it. "Mas lalo kang gumaganda."

Namula ang pisngi ko dahil sa sinabi nya. Mahina syang natawa bago sinuot na ang cap. Tumalikod kaagad sya kaya natigilan ako. "Where are you going? Aalis ka na?" kaagad na tanong ko.

Napaharap sya sa akin dahil sa tanong ko. He smiled before nodding. "Yes, I just really wanted to see you before I leave tomorrow."

"Oh," was the only thing I said.

I thought he would stay longer so we could spend our night talking with each other because we'll be seeing each other only after a year. He smirked before reaching my face to caress it again.

"Just one year," he said before caressing my cheeks. He looks at me with a gaze full of love and adoration. "Just wait for one year and I'll spend my entire life with you."