i would describe today as apprehensive. my blood pressure is high, as it has been for the last couple days. i dont have any idea why, but it just has. im jumpy. fidgety, uneasy and not able to focus.

today ive basked in my own thoughts. reminiscing bits and pieces of my middle school years while first, trying to do origami. i tried making a peace dove, following instructions out of an 'how to origami' book i bought a few years ago and never used. i thought i would try to get my mind off things or maybe even find a new hobby.

it didnt work. what was supposed to be a peace dove came out looking more like a horribly done dragon if im being brutally honest. so i tried something else.

i scrambled to look for something else inside of the old and very messy art closet, full of coloring books and such that i used as a kid. as childish as it sounds, i found some play dough and decided to make something out of it. first, i made a flower which in my opinion was actually quite cute. second, i attempted to make a dog. it actually turned out looking like a cat, but thats okay. and lastly, i tried making a star that was smashed half way through because i couldnt do it.

after that i got bored. but i was still apprehensive and i didnt like that. im not a person to let myself sit there & sulk in despair. i try doing what i can about it. to make me feel better, to make me feel happy. something i do to make myself feel happy is make other people happy. or make them laugh or smile, it doesnt matter.

so i decided to read some jokes. this is actually something i do a lot because i strangely adore jokes and puns ?? the night before i told a random person a joke. maybe they didnt even actually laugh. the joke was stupid. really stupid actually, let me tell you it.

what do you call a tiger with glasses?

a scientist tiger.

yeah, its supposed to be so stupid, its funny. maybe i just think that, i dont know.

i continued reading ridiculous puns and pickup lines that i never remember. after a while that got old & the apprehensive feeling was there again. in my chest, running through my limbs and through the tips of my fingers. i put my ipod on my bose speaker and start playing the canorous sounds of bon iver.

after about an hour of that, i sit up.

a few hours pass & that leads me to here, in bed, writing this. today has been an apprehensive day and that is okay.

:)