The next morning I waked up with a sharp pain beginning from my lower back. If I had known that sex could hurt like this, I would've never let Justin do it to me. Nowadays I know it got better with each time we did. At least that's one bright spot at this juncture.
"Good morning, princess." I heard a sweet voice from the other side of the room. "I brought some coffee. With a dash of milk, no sugar. Just as you like it."
First moment I was a little out of it. But when I realized that I woke up, because I've moved in my sleep, I began to understand what was happening right now. "Did I missed something?" I asked with a little pain in my voice, while I slowly sat up in the bed, trying to move as less as possible.
"What's wrong with buying coffee?" Justin asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's not the coffee, what made me stumble."
"What was it then?"
"Since when I am a PRINCESS? I think I proofed pretty well that I am male last night."
When I mentioned that Justin just rolled with his eyes. "Seriously, C? That bothers you? Fine. Good morning Prince Charming. Better?"
"I just wonder why you called me a princess in the first place."
"Because you are the girl." he answered like a duck takes to water.
"The girl?" I asked again, not believing what I actually seemed to hear in this moment.
"Yes. You are the girl in our relationship."
I hesitated in all my movements, before I assumed an 'are you freaking kidding me'-expression. "You know that this is not how a same-gender relationship works, right?"
"Don't be absurd. Even though I know that we both have a cock and testicles, you can divide every partnership in the man of the relationship and the woman. You know, the guys who pushes his junk into the other guy's ass is the man and the other guy who gets fucked is the woman."
I stared at him in disbelief. "There were so many things wrong, I don't know where to start..." I shook my head and buried my hand in my hair, when I suddenly regretted my movements. Again a sharp pain dragged from my upper legs up to my back and made me cry out quietly.
"You shouldn't move so fast, Baby. I think we might were all too fast yesterday."
"Oh you think so?" I asked slightly irritated.
"Sarcasm is a cheap way to express your feelings, C."
"Sorry." I mumbled, while Justin gave me my coffee and a painkiller. "Even though what you call man and woman is actually called dominant and submissive."
"Hey, we mean both the same."
"As long as you don't call me any girly names in front of others, I guess I can live with that."
"Don't worry. I love you and I would never hurt you." Haha, tell that future Justin, jerk.
I swallowed the painkiller and drank some of my cooled down coffee, before I slowly stood up with Justin's help. "I never want to have sex again." I complained.
Justin just smirked and let my gripe pass without comment. I should have been lucky that the day after we had our first time was our first free days in weeks. We were supposed to do anything and you can't imagine how glad I was. I only had to manage to go to the lunchroom to get me breakfast and lunch later.
When we stood in front of the room, Justin released me out of his arms and I went on my own. I really tried to move normally with a straight back, but that was unfeasible. We saw the others sit in the near of the door we came in (again I was so glad about that) and I conceived for a second that the others were still mad at me, even though only Chris and Joey were sitting at the table. In the next second I heard how both guys busted out laughing. From my nowadays point of you I guess I deserved it, because I almost ruined a live TV show. But back then I was far from pleased.
"See who had fun tonight." Joey started to tease me.
"Guess someone enjoyed Curly's Willy yesterday." Chris joined in, while I just rolled my eyes. But instead of making both guys stop, Justin grinned like a Cheshire cat and arched his eyebrows. I really couldn't comprehend why guys always had to boast with their sex lives.
"At least Justin gets to use his one." I tried to hit back. Joey and Justin also laughed, but Chris had his answer ready. "Just like you." he chuckled and joined in the other guys' laugh.
"I get me some food. What do you want, C?"
"Don't know. Just get me something healthy. And no cereal, please."
"Why not?" Justin asked almost shocked.
"Because not everybody is addicted to cereal."
"Justin ate so much cereal that actually his hair started to look like yellow fruity loops." Joey added and laughed even more. Justin just grinned and nodded. Then he left the table to grab some food.
He got himself a bowl of mixed cereal. Some frosted flakes with fruity loops and chocolate stuff. Skeptically I looked down at Justin's breakfast.
"Bon appétit." Chris wished him amused and had difficulties not to break out laughing.
"You don't have to eat it!" Justin cheekily responded. Meanwhile he gave me my plate, where different types of fruit, two slices of bread and some cheese were arranged in a pretty nice way, even though he had everything from a buffet.
"Why don't you put JC but only me down?" Chris complained and started pouting a little.
"Because he got punished from me yesterday." Again Justin started to grin, while he filled his spoon with some cereal. I tried to ignore him and grabbed a strawberry from my plate.
All in all it was a real lazy day. Especially for me. The others kept teasing me a little, when they saw me, but apart from that I had my peace. I used the time to write a song and to listen to some music.
In the evening Justin came back into our hotel room. He went out with Chris for shopping and watched a football match in a bar as far as I knew. "Hey J, how was your day?" I asked without looking at him. Instead of that I stroke through some lines and wrote the better fitting words on top of them.
"Pretty cool. We went through the city and saw pretty cool stuff there."
I sighed quietly. Actually I wanted to use the day to spend time for some cultural tourism. Even though I was really often in New York now, you could always find something new.
Justin kept talking meanwhile and I just noticed less than the half. "... The parkers won. It was amazing! You should've seen it!"
I nodded and hoped he wouldn't realize that I wasn't really listening. "Oh and I got you something."
Surprised I looked up to him. "Oh no he is paying attention."
I blushed a little. "Sorry, I was deep in thought." I excused myself.
"It's fine Baby." When he called me that I even blushed more. Even though we were more than half a year a couple, I wasn't used to be called cute nicknames instead of "C, Sleepy and Chazam". Last one only Lance used to sound kind of cool I guess. I never restrained him from doing so anyways.
"Here is a little gift for my little angel." He hold a plastic back out to me. Still surprised I took it and glanced at the content. Slowly I took out the city map of New York Justin bought me and hold my free hand in front of my mouth. Quietly some tears ran over my face.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I... I mean... Next time we can go watch all those stuff. I promise we won't have sex, if we get the opportunity... Please don't cry." I heard Justin stammer in despair.
I shook my head. "It's fine Justin. I'm not sad at all. I'm touched how you gave a thought about a present for me."
Immediately Justin calmed a little and began to smile. "Silly. That's not a reason to cry at all." He sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I love you and I promise the next time we come to New York we will watch everything you'd like to see."
I laid down my head on his strong shoulders and nodded. "I love you, too."
At this point in time Justin was a little cocky, but he cared for those he loved. I am sorry to spoiler you, but it will change. Unfortunately.
But at least I was happy for a little time. It's better than nothing I guess. Our problem was that rumors went around. Rumors about Justin and me dating. So actually everyone thought they were rumors. I mean it was actually true though. Our manager and the other boys from *NSYNC looked more than far from happy. So the hiding game came to a new level. Either Justin or I needed a "girlfriend". So the rumors would be forgotten rather fast. I knew it might have created a scandal, if anyone found out we were a couple. So I agreed with this idea. As you might have read between the lines I wasn't happy about it. But I didn't want to ruin our career. For some reason it was important to the public, which freaking sexuality you have. Ok, we were a boygroup and I'm pretty sure, if number one girls' heartbreaker Justin would date a man, we might have lose many fans. But I couldn't imagine that everyone just bought our stuff and listened to our music, because we were so hot.
So we were searching for a fake girlfriend for Justin and me. Because we both needed one. Whatever, I didn't asked about it. I didn't want my bandmates to think I want to ruin all their careers and sometimes you have to stand back for the good of your family.
So Johnny made some calls and after a little time, maybe two weeks, he came up with Britney. She was a friend of ours anyway. And actually I felt relieved, because I knew we could trust her. So Justin and I explained everything to her on a calm Saturday evening and she agreed instantly and congratulated us on our relationship.
I didn't have so much luck with my new "girl". I don't know where Johnny found her, but from the first beginning "Bobby" seemed to be unlikeable to me. You could read in her eyes that she just liked money and herself. So actually she was perfect, because except for kissing each other sometimes in public, we didn't have any bodily contact in a sexual way. Seriously I just want to skip this. Not because it hurt me that much, I just don't like to think about this money-grubbing douchebag.
I was just happy, when Johnny gave me the ok to break up with her officially. In short: She never knew about Justin and me. Johnny instructed me to tell her, but I knew I couldn't trust her. And I am sure she would have told anyone after our breakup. So it was a good decision. Even a JC Chasez can make a good choice for once.
So instead of talking about this girl, I should try to talk about my feelings I guessed. I really liked Britney. I still do. Bit it hurt me every time she kissed Justin in public. I knew it needed to be. I mean otherwise no one had buy they were a happy couple and so on. But I wished so hard that Justin would kiss me in front of the camera instead of her. But life is not a picnic. And so I was always the supportive friend, who had to tell what nice and fitting couple both of them were.
But what hurt me the most was that Justin slept with her in a room instead of spending his time with me. I knew they wouldn't do anything sexual. I could trust both of them. But the actual time I could spend with my boyfriend shrunk the more famous we were. There were months, where I saw him only, when we had to give interviews. In this moments I was happy to see him again, but it crushed me inside, when he left me again without exchanging intimacies.
But when it came to our No Strings Attached tour, everything changed. We spend most of the days in our tour busses driving through the whole country and surely Britney wasn't there with us. Suddenly I felt being loved again. Justin spent so much time with me. We cuddled, ate together, made our jokes, kissed and sometimes teased the other guys by making out even more than we actually were going to, when they talked big we should rent a room or anything else.
For example there was this one day we spend completely in the bus, because we had to drive from San Francisco to Houston. Even when you don't have any congestions or anything else you need more than 24 hours to get there by bus. But I should start with the night before.
It was the end of the concert. Sweaty and out of breath we all came backstage from the stage and each of us grabbed his bottle of water to drink. Giving concerts is fun, but also exhausting. When I went to our wardrobe to change my sweaty clothes for now, I felt strong arms around my hips, preventing me from entering the room. We actually stood right in front of it. I felt a smooth kiss on my cheek. "You did so well tonight." a sweet voice whispered to my ear, before his arms released me out of this hug. I turned around and smiled at the beautiful face of my boyfriend. "So did you." I answered.
"You look gorgeous tonight."
I had to laugh. "And let me guess. I smell like a flower field." I teased him, before I turned around to enter the wardrobe finally.
"I mean it." The other guy said, as he followed me in. "You always look beautiful. You did before the concert and so do you now."
"That's sweet." I saw into his eyes and could feel the love he felt for me. In this point of time I almost forgot that this Britney-thing even existed.
"I am sweet. I mean look at my curls." he grinned, before he closed the gap between our bodies and wrapped his arms around my hips again. Only this time I could face the beautiful man in front of me.
"Your bandana hides your lovely curls." I whispered.
"You said you like it. That's the only reason I wear them most of the time." he breathed before our lips started to touch. It was a long, sensitive kiss. I didn't want this to stop. I could've kissed him the whole night until break of dawn, but unfortunately that was impossible. All the more we had some bandmates that loved to ruin romantic moments.
"Go fuck already." we heard suddenly and separated from each other. For a few seconds we exchanged glances. I could see how much he had liked to kiss me again and so did I. His beautiful blue eyes were filled with so much passion that I hold my breath for a second.
"Guess who is going to be banged tonight." the second voice went through the room.
Justin closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself, before he responded slightly edgy: "How about screaming it even louder so the whole hall can hear it?!"
I laid my head against Justin's chest and mumbled: "Calm down, Baby."
"You are right, C." he responded and stroke through my hair. "Someone's just jealous that we actually have an active sex life." He stuck out his tongue, while I giggled into his chest. Finally I broke the hug to doff my shirt.
"Can't you even wait, until we've left the room?"
"You interrupted us!" Justin pointed out and smacked my bottom playfully. Right in this moment Lance entered the room. You could see the annoyance in his expression. He rolled his eyes, caught a clean shirt and left the room as fast as he entered it.
"Wow, look who's pissed." Justin mumbled shaking his head.
"Don't be angry. It's a hard time for him though." I tried to cheer Justin a little up.
"Yeah, because Mr. Gay can't tell anyone and it's so hard to be gay. Cry me a river."
"Justin..."
"No, seriously. Does he think he is the only one, who has a life of hard-ship? It's not easy for us either. Especially because we are into each other. He doesn't even have a boyfriend."
"How should he find? It's hard when the world thinks you are straight."
"It's not impossible. Look at us."
Silence. I didn't know what to answer. Justin pointed out essentials. And it got tougher to defend Lance in front of Justin. So instead of fudge any more excuses, I just started to sing. "I don't care, who you are, where you're from..."
"Don't care what you did as long as you love me." The curly man finished the refrain and started to smile amorously.
I kissed him on the cheek, before I changed clothes and made my way to our tour bus. At our desire the Meet and Greats with our fans were before the concert started, so we could directly rest after the concert. I went to the bathroom in the backstage area to take a shower. You might wonder, why I changed my clothes before then. Actually you are just happy, when the clothes don't stick to your body.
Unfortunately Lance already hog the small bathroom and I had to go into the communal shower. Normally it wouldn't mind me seeing the others nude, but it since a while Justin and I didn't had the chance to get intimate. I didn't know how intensively my body would react to his naked body. Ok, to tell the truth I knew it and I just didn't want Joey and Chris to see it. Because even when I just thought about Justin's athletically trained body, my blood flew in the lower area.
I turned on the water and tried to cool me down with cold water. Kind of obvious I guess. When I suddenly heard a voice behind me complaining loudly: "Geez, JC! Are you Mr. Freeze or why do almost ice cubes run out of the shower?"
Frightened I turned around and held my hand on my chest. "My heart. Why did you scar me?" I asked Justin still shocked and turned off the cold water.
"Sorry that I wanted body contact with my boyfriend. Next time I ask Johnny, if he gets me an appointment." He sarcastically answered and rubbed his arms.
I tried to calm myself down from that shock. "Sorry J, I just didn't expected you right behind me."
"That should actually be the place, where you expect me the most." He grinned ambiguously at me. I shook my head in laughter and turned on the shower again.
"Why do you turn the water cold in the first place?"
I blushed a little and turned my head away in my naïve hope Justin wouldn't notice. Surely he did.
"Does someone needs a little fuck?" he asked with a filthy grin on his face.
"Justin!"
"What?" He joined me under the shower even though the water was as cold as before. He pressed me against the wall and grabbed my manhood to pump it roughly. Directly I started to moan loudly and wrapped my arm around Justin's neck to avoid slumping down on my knees. "I know you like it, when I say dirty things."
"Justin... The other guys could enter the room any moment..." I tried to stop him from seducing me, but instead he started to bite my neck gently and left little love bruises on places that weren't too obvious.
"So what? They would just see, what they see in the mirror. Except for Joey. I'm pretty sure it's a long time ago he saw his wiener lastly."
It ended up that Justin turned me around and we had sex under cold water, while he pumped my manhood at the same time. Sex with Justin was always amazing, but I have to admit it feels best, when we had a break between our sessions. Because he was always better than I had it in mind.
I don't know, if any of the guys saw us or if they noticed our love sounds before entering the shower. All I know is that they complained afterwards that they had to stay in line to take a shower, because we reserved the communal shower. Justin had an after sex grin on his face just as always, while I blushed and tried to walk normally. The pain after sex got a lot better, but still it was a challenge to walk as if nothing had happen.
Then Justin told Chris about this "chick" he nailed in the shower and boasted with his newest sex story in front of him, while I looked out for Lance. He didn't seem to be in a good mood and I wanted to cheer him up a little. Unlike the others who sat in the front of the bus, Lance was in the lounge behind our beds, which you could close and watched TV there.
"Hi." I greeted him as I entered the little room. He just nodded and paid no more attention to me. Or at least he tried to ignore me. "Is something wrong?" I asked carefully sitting down next to him.
"Actually many things go wrong, but you don't seem to care."
"Why do you say that? If I didn't care, I wouldn't ask you." I tried to remedy the situation.
"Oh really? Because I am not mad because I am solo or because I can't tell anyone about my Sexuality. I am mad because you deserve something better, Josh."
I raised my eyebrow confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that actually everybody could treat you better than Justin does. I mean he even denies that he is into men. No matter if he is gay or bisexual. You can't tell me that it doesn't hurt you, when he has his 'I am so straight'-speeches. Or when he tells Chris, which chick he nailed."
"He doesn't mean it like that." I tried to defend Justin's behavior.
"Oh really? Then why do you keep it a secret that those sayings hurt you?" Lance accused me, before he called his attention back to the TV show.
"It would just bother Justin." I whispered with a painful voice.
"It's all about Justin, isn't it? When do you start to think of yourself instead of trying to please only Justin?"
In this moment Justin had entered the room and starred nearly speechless at both of us.
"Oh there is Prince Charming or should I call him Prince 'I don't give a fuck about JC'?"
"What's your fucking problem?" Justin growled aggressively.
I stood up and held my hands high as I wanted both to calm down, before everything ended up in a fight. "We should all catch a breath, before this is going to escalate."
"So you agree with him?" Justin almost shouted at me.
"No, unfortunately he doesn't. But if you want to hear my opinion, he should." Lance intervened.
"No one ever wants to hear your opinion. You are just a background singer and an even worse dancer."
"Oh and Mickey Mouse called to get his voice back."
"SHUT UP!" I suddenly screamed. I wanted both to stop their fight about me. I never liked to be in the center of something and above all of a fight. "You both just stop fighting, because this is ridiculous. We should all calm down and speak in a normal way with each other."
"But hamster face started." Justin wanted to excuse his childish behavior. Instead he earned an angry sight by me. "Sorry." he sarcastically sighed.
"I won't apologize, because I don't feel sorry. And as against Justin I'm not lying 24/7." Lance spitted. He had nothing but despite in his pronunciation. I've never experienced Lance like this so far.
"That's it!" Justin almost hissed, before he walked out of the room.
"Yeah run away from your problems. Just as you always do!" Lance shouted after him.
Shortly after Justin came back and before I knew what he was up to, he punched Lance in the face. He pulled him up at his collar and snarled. "You can be glad that JC is here to protect you little faggot. Otherwise I would beat the crap out of you!" Then he jogged Lance back into the seat and finally left the room.
Directly I almost jumped to Lance and asked him, if he was alright. He held his cheek, which slowly turned red and mumbled: "Watch out, maybe next time it's you he is hitting."
"I would never hurt JC, you back-stabber!" Justin screamed from the other side of the bus. I wondered how he could actually hear Lance.
"You are a disrespectful idiot! Without your Mommy you wouldn't even know what sex is, Motherfucker!"
It needed Joey, Chris and Johnny, who actually just joined us and didn't know what was going on, to hold Justin back. He was screaming and yelling and I didn't know what would've happened, if he'd reached Lance. Despite all that I was disappointed and angry at Lance. That was one step too far.
Johnny decided to put Lance in the second tour bus, where the background dancer slept and Joey went with him as emotional support. We decided that none of the others comes over to our bus for the next 24 hours to keep their noses out of the situation. And with Justin's emotional outbursts they might had caught too much of the fight we had.
I sat in the back with him and stroked his back, while Chris and Johnny sat in the front of the bus and discussed with Joey by phone, how they would go on after that escalation. Justin was silent since Lance had left and just starred in front of him. I was caught in my thoughts, when Justin broke the silence. "What did he mean?"
I looked surprised up. "Mhmm?" I hummed even though I actually got what Justin was asking me.
"What did Lance mean, when he said you would only please me? You are honest with me, aren't you?"
"I... Justin, Lance interpreted too much in our situation..."
"I don't believe you. Why are you lying, C?" I expected him to be mad at me. Instead he had a sad glance that almost broke my heart.
"I just didn't want it to bother you, J." I admitted and laid my head down at his shoulders.
"Are you going to tell me?" he asked and gave me a short kiss on my hair.
I sighed and closed my eyes to take stock of myself, before I began to tell him. "It's nothing you could change so I kept it a secret. You know J, I love you. With all of my heart. And you know, I like Britney a lot. But seeing you kissing and cuddling in public... It hurts you know. It should be me next to you. At least my heart tells me that before it burst into thousands of pieces. And I know we have to do this for the band, but..."
Justin wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. I buried my head in Justin's neck and couldn't hold my tears back any longer. Justin's embrace got stronger, when he heard me sobbing. Gently he whispered in my ear: "Fuck of the band. Let's quit this project and be together. I mean, if the others don't agree with our decision. We could make music together. I mean we earned enough money for the financial problem. What do you say, C?"
I raised my head to look at Justin with a tear-stained face. "You would do that for me?" I sobbed.
"No, I would do that for us." He pulled me back to his chest and sang quietly into my ear the chorus of 'As Long As You Love Me'.
And now Ladies and Gentleman comes the biggest mistake in my life. You say one decision couldn't ruin your life? Well, then you are obviously wrong!
"We shouldn't be so selfish, J. Even though I would love to do so, we should think about the others and of our fans. At least we should finish the tour." JC, sorry but back then you were a dumbass. I actually wished I could go back in time and tell young JC to say yes. That he once would think about himself and not of the others. Goddammit!
Justin sighed slightly. "And you are ok with it?"
"I'll be fine. At least I know that you are mine." I smiled and cuddled up to Justin's chest.
"When you two Lovebirds clarified your problems, then you could help us clearing the mess Justin..."
"That wasn't only me!" Justin interrupted angrily.
"AND Lance..." Chris kept speaking and stressed the 'and' extra-long. "...made up."
I nodded and removed myself from Justin's warm body. We went to the front of the bus, where Johnny was still arguing with Joey on the phone.
"Lance is totally pissed. I'm not sure, if we can clarify everything before the next show."
"Then let him be pissed. I don't care at all." Justin growled angrily.
"That doesn't help, Curly." Joey answered slightly annoyed.
We talked about an hour and Lance joined the call after a few minutes. Justin and he couldn't smooth down differences, but at least we could arrange that they would check themselves on the show and go out of each-others way before and after the performance. Not an ideal solution, but better than cancel the concert.
We went to the back again and cuddled, while the TV was switched on. We didn't talk much for the rest of the day and we didn't have to. Justin calmed a little and we ended up cuddling and kissing each other, whispering tender words at each other and just enjoying the moment we had for us alone. I don't know what Chris has done the whole time and to be honest I didn't care, because this afternoon was what Justin and I needed.

uMD)M1'8