All in all I can say we never imagined to become so successful in such a short time. First in Germany and then in America and then it felt like we would be world stars. Suddenly we couldn't go out on the streets without someone recognizing you. It went everything so fast that I missed two important things. The first was to keep a closer eye on Justin. Surely I didn't ignore him or something. But I was amazed by myself how our career grew so fast that I noticed too late that Justin slowly loss the sense of reality.

The other thing I missed was that Justin grew up very fast. To me he was always a little brother, but before I realized what was going on, Justin reached an age, where you are almost adult. To be concrete: He was faster 18 than I perceived.

But before I attend to the second part I try to describe my problem with the first one. First he was a real sweet guy. He joked around with the others or at least with Joey and Chris. And yes, he mostly made his jokes at my expense, but it was fine with me. I knew he didn't mean them. At first. Later on I wasn't sure anymore. It turned from those harmless jokes like "JC is ruining every joke." to "JC you looked so gay." or "JC, only faggots wear these kind of outfits." I tried to hide it, but it heart me. Especially when he used the word 'faggot'. I did not tell him, but I was into men. Since I was 14 I knew it. I didn't tell him so far, because my sexuality didn't seem to be important. Actually Lance was the only one, who understood my feelings. As I got to know later on, he is also into men, so he does understand me even better than I thought back then.

As I mentioned Justin didn't like Lance at all and the more I spend time with Lance the more Justin began to dissociate from me. Maybe that's also the reason, why I missed he grew up.

Often I saw him watching me and JC. I couldn't interpret his expression or I didn't want to, because I was afraid that he started hating me.

At the same time he began telling us how awesome he actually was. He even started to believe that *NSYNC would be nothing without him. Chris was the only one who talked normal to. All that happened in the backstage area, if I can say it like that. In public he kept acting as humble as always and I tried to persuade myself of him being still my little Justin. When I look back at the time this is the first time Justin broke my heart.

But then suddenly we had this fight with Lou. I don't remember how it actually started, but we wanted a new manager, but Lou didn't want us to leave. Or at least he wanted to keep the band name *NSYNC for himself. And we actually didn't want to rename ourselves. Also he sued us and wanted us to pay more than a million dollars, each of us, for not performing our contract. That would've ruined us.

Sorry, I know I skipped that part from before more or less, but it hurts too much as I could tell it in detail. When Lou told us, he was going to sue us and would hire the best layers he could find, we were shocked. Our world shattered in just one minute. Suddenly all of us came back to reality. Especially Justin. I remember this night as it was yesterday. I was in my room of our mansion and tried to think about a solution desperately, when I heard someone knocking on my door. A devastated Justin entered my room and asked subdued: "Can I come in?"

I stroke my hair back und nodded meanwhile.

Justin closed the door behind himself and went straight towards me. Ruefully he whispered: "I'm sorry." and wrapped his arms around me. Just like back then when he heard that the MMC was cancelled. I couldn't be mad at him. I never could. I laid my arms around his shoulders and pulled him towards me. "Since when are you taller than me?" I asked confused, while tears ran to my eyes.

"Please don't cry." Justin whispered and kissed my forehead. "I was an idiot. You were always there for me and only because you spend so much time with Lance I got jealous and started to ignore you."

"Wait... You were jealous?"

He just nodded and buried his face in my neck.

"I thought you started hating me..."

"How could I?!" Justin immediately answered shocked and stroke my cheek softly. "You are the most important person in my life. And I don't want to lose you."

I started smiling. His words were balm for my soul. I forgave him directly, even though I never forgot how much he hurt me.

"I don't want to lose you either, J." I also whispered. We sat down on my couch and cuddled for the rest of the night.

During the whole lawsuit Justin and I approached more and more until we couldn't be separated anymore. We gave each other comfort and empowered each other. You can't imagine how grateful and relieved we all felt, when the judge passed a sentence for our benefit. Justin and I immediately hugged each other and started celebrating for us by starting a little dance while we still were sitting.

And even later on we celebrated together by having a party with our family and closest friends at our mansion. It was so much fun. And I have to admit, I might drunk a bit too much alcohol. Justin and I went to my room to talk calmly with each other. I don't remember, what we all talked about, but we were sitting for hours on my bed and talked and yes, we also laid down and kept talking. Until Justin started to change everything.

"You know JC, when we were kind of separated, one thing became clear to me."

"And what is that?" I giggled and looked over to Justin. Our faces were only about two or three inches away from each other. And yes, as I mentioned before: Too much alcohol. I wonder that Justin's mom actually allowed us to drink something. Maybe she was in celebrating mood, too.

"I love you, JC."

I stopped giggling and looked gently at my counterpart. "I love you, too." I answered. I didn't construe too much in those words. We already said them many times.

"No, I mean: I love you, JC."

"Justin, are you drunk? You recap yourself."

"You are drunk, too. Anyways. This is what I mean." And with those words he closed the gap between our faces. His soft lips hit mine and started directly to move on them. First I didn't realize what was going on. I even responded to the kiss by moving my lips either, when I suddenly had a sober moment, wherever that came from, hit me. I interrupted the kiss by pushing Justin gently away and whispered: "We should talk tomorrow about it, when we both degraded the alcohol."

Justin laughed quietly and nodded. "Good idea." he said with his lovely voice and stretched the last vocals so long I was convinced he definitely had too much of whatever Chris gave him at the party. I laid down my head on his warm chest and sighed contentedly, not imagining that tomorrow my world would shatter again.