"I feel like shit." Jimmy groans in a self pitying voice.

No one, not even Luke, disagrees with him.

We've been ordered with the task of shifting sandbags, heavy rain is forecast. As if we'll care about the trench being flooded when we're going over the top tomorrow. Let the next batch of soldiers deal with it.

The shifting of each heavy bag brings a shooting pain across my forehead.

"I'm never drinking again." Jimmy groans loudly. The muscles across his broad back ripple with every bag thrown at him.

"You probably won't get chance to again." Pigeon mutters pessimistically, struggling under the weight of a single sandbag.

"Piss off Pige, we're all gonna survive this and move to Oz, ain't we?" Luke grins at us. "We'll buy a huge piece of land and build houses next to each other. We'll sit on the porch every night and watch our kids run around."

"Yeah." Jimmy grins adoringly at Luke. "That's right, ain't it Harry?"

I nod and shoot him a smile as I throw another sandbag towards him, ignoring the hangover that pains me.

Once the defence is built I wander over to other side if the trench.

Over the top tomorrow. Into battle.

Tonight could be my last night on earth. It could be Jimmy's, or Luke's.

I make my way slowly across the trench. The mood is subdued amongst everyone. We know what's coming tomorrow, the morning will be spent in heavy artillery attack followed by a mad rush over the top. I remember Jimmy asking me innocently how often we'd go over the top. I answered him wryly, but honestly... Many will only do it once.

It's not tactics. There's no regard for life, it's murder plain and and simple.

I can see some of the newer soldiers trying to settle down for the night, wide eyed and fearful but thinking that they need to sleep. It's not important, once you're in battle you can't possibly feel tired. It's impossible to sleep the night before and they'll tire themselves out more by trying.

I find a quiet corner and sit heavily. The bottom of the trench is always wet and my feet ache from it. I vaguely hope I'm not going to suffer with the dreaded trench foot I've tried so hard to avoid.

Life here is brutal. The past two years have passed in a blur of thick, wet mud, scarlet blood and constant fear. I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about the other things though, the memories Jimmy has opened with his probing questions.

2 bloody years I spent, suppressing them. Then this great hulk of an idiot came and opened it all up again.

As if I ever really forgot.

****

1913

"You looked beautiful at that ball last night."

"It was boring until I ran off to meet you Harry."

Evelyn turns towards me, a faint smile on her lips. We're sat near the riverbank fishing. Her hand is gently wrapped in mine and we've been here hours, watching the kingfishers on the sun dappled water. The heat of the day has made us both uncover our feet and dangle them into the cool water beneath us.

"I'm sorry." She sighs eventually.

"What for?" I pretend not to know, not wanting to recognise the humiliation.

"That my father made you wait on us." She closes her eyes, pained at the memory.

I nod slowly, not allowing myself to speak. The pure agony of having to play servitude, serve food to men as gazed on her, watching as she pretended that I was unimportant, invisible.

"Soon." I feel her hands grip tighten on mine. "Just one year then we go to America."

I force a smile to meet her bright one. She can't possibly understand how it feels, to be so far beneath someone, to on moment be their equal, to be loved by them, the next be ordered to serve others who would take your place without even realising they were doing it. To love someone but be considered so lowly that no one could ever suspect they could return it.

I don't say this. Instead I force a smile.

"There's another ball tonight isn't there?" I ask, pushing down a lump of emotion in my throat.

"Yes." She sighs. "Father has invited a new crowd, the sons of such and such... As if I care."

She looks at me perceptively before she speaks again.

"Harry." She forces my eyes to look at her before she speaks again. "I know that I don't understand your position, but you don't understand mine. If I were to marry into one if these families I would be a pathetic woman, just a chattel for breeding sons. No one would care that I love poetry, no one would want to spend hours talking about literature with me, my opinion outside of raising a family would be irrelevant. You don't realise how much freedom you give me."

She gazes across the water and for the first time I have an inkling of her own troubles, her own attraction to me.

"I love you Evie." I say eventually.

"And that's all I need." She whispers softly. Her eyes meet mine and we gaze at the other. Rich and poor, Cleopatra and a slave.

Suddenly the fishing line between us begins to strain and Evie leaps to her feet in childlike excitement.

"Harry! We've caught something!" I laugh along with her, it's rare for our fishing trips to end up with an actual catch. I battle for a moment but the line has caught so I jump down into the shallow water, pulling at the line. Evelyn follows grappling with it. I plunge my hand into the water and grasp at the slippery skin before hoisting it out of the water and holding the trout towards her.

"We actually caught something!" She laughs as I gently unhook it's mouth. It's huge and I admire the rainbow pattern on it's scales before lowering it into the water where it frantically breaks free from my grip and swims away.

"So we're not going to catch it?" Evie asks confused.

"There's no need." I smile up at her. "We have plenty of food, let the poor thing live to see another day."

Evie smiles widely at my response before we're suddenly disturbed by the appearance of a fox. It sniffs frantically and lifts it's head towards us, terror evident in it's posture before it dashes away.

Within seconds 3 men on horseback follow, disrupting the peaceful sanctuary of the riverbed, several dogs run around them, yapping loudly.

One of the men is obviously the leader and he trots forward slightly, his gaze falling on me. He sits atop a huge black horse, but the most commanding thing about him is his classical good looks. Thick black curls gather around a strong face and his piercing blue eyes are evident, even from this distance.

"You there! Boy!" He shouts towards me. His eyes wander across to Evie and widen as he takes in her state of undress.

"Evelyn Ashbury?" He half whispers, astonished.

"Yes?" She stands upright, defiant.

"Madam... What are you doing?" His eyes roam her half clothed body in the water then travel back to me. "Are you safe?"

He views me suspiciously and I can tell what he is thinking. No lady would be allowed to be in such a state around a servant if he could help it.

"I'm quite safe." Evie answers coolly.

He nods slowly.

"Why are you here Lord Darlington?" Evie asks eventually. "I'm certain that my fathers invitation for you to visit us did not include you following me around my grounds and questioning my activities."

"Of course not." A flush steals up his cheeks and his eyes alight on me with a look of pure contempt.

"Well then." Evie speaks levelly. "Perhaps you should continue on your way and I on mine."

"I'm sorry for any offence. I look forward to seeing you at the ball tonight, my sincerest apologies if we got off on the wrong foot." He nods. "We were merely out for a ride across the grounds and spotted a fox... Perhaps you saw it?"

Evie points them in the opposite direction to the way the fox went and with a final nod to her and filthy look at me, he rides away.

"What an arse." Evie mutters. She waits until they are out of sight before throwing her arms around my neck. "I pity her."

"Who?" I laugh, free to be myself now that they have left.

"The poor girl that ends up married to him of course." She grins mischievously and presses a kiss to my constantly waiting lips.

***

The sound of gunfire shocks me from my thoughts. A young soldier nearby stares up at me in complete terror and I give him a smile, trying to calm him.

But my mind is still there. Still holding on to her words.

Still trying to fool myself that he wasn't a threat to our love after all.

***

AN- Sorry for the slow updates, I'm actually in Morocco on the edge of the Sahara and the wifi is crap, not that I'm bothered about using it right now! It's amazing here, there is a lot of poverty and it's been a huge culture shock, but the people are so warm and welcoming. A couple of days ago a women insisted I ate at her home although they barely had enough for themselves, I love it here❤️

I wanted to update today as it's 11/11, or Remembrance Day, the anniversary of the end of the First World War when we all take time out of our day to reflect on the bravery, sacrifices and terrible losses suffered by our forefathers. War is horrific and it's heartbreaking that more than a century later the world is still in such turmoil. Lest we forget.

Also, I want to dedicate this to one of the most supportive and lovely people on Wattpad, minniemair who is just fabulous with her constant support and encouragement

Finally, today my favourite singer died. Rest in Peace Leonard Cohen.

Ok sorry for the length of this authors note!  Xx