A/N: I guess none of my silent voters want any dedications because I don't see any new comments from people who haven't recieved a dedication yet...

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             Thirteen

          I refuse to talk to my parents. Even as my dad tries to figure out whether we’re picking up Hadley at her house or here, I still do not give him one single word. If it weren’t for Hadley, I wouldn’t be going at all, still sleeping with my covers pulled up over my head. But she seemed so excited and since my blowout last night, avoiding her isn’t much of an option unless I want to completely forsaken our friendship.

            Somehow we manage to go to Hadley’s house to pick her up. I think my father picks this fact up when I stroll outside, not saying a word, and get into the passenger seat of the car.

            “Hi Hadley,” I say exaggeratedly as she climbs into the back seat.

            Despite the look and frown my father gives me, he greets her as well. Hadley instantly knows something is up but nobody discusses it. Instead Dad drones on about what’s going on today and his job to Hadley. Somehow, she manages to listen and respond. I rest my elbow on the arm rest and lean my cheek in my palm, staring out the window. This day just started and I already want it to end.

            Things continue on just as such, even when we get on the boat. For a while Hadley and I just talk about random things, staring out at the water. When she mentions the get-together again, this time I’m excited. I still haven’t talked to Evan about it yet and haven’t seen him since we went into town. Though he has my phone number, I don’t have his. Hanging out has to be up to him for now.

            “I’m going to go find the bathroom,” Hadley says, tearing away from the railing. Water splashes against the boat as she leaves. A few moments go by and then I think she comes back, but the person standing to my right is much, much taller.

            “I’m sorry about what I said,” Max says.

            I turn my face away from him, showing that I don’t want to discuss last night – or anything, for that matter – with him right now. Or maybe ever.

            “It was out of line for me to say anything when it must still upset set. I just saw the photo and asked your dad-“

            “Stop.”

            Max quiets and closes his open mouth.

            “Please,” I say as I turn around, “just leave me alone.”

            After I find Hadley, Emile spots the whales and everyone gets excited. As Hadley and I watch from the side of the boat, Dad and Max run around like it’s some kind of live or die mission. There’s a small wet spot from the water down the right side of the boat and even though they know it’s there, they keep running down it, slipping each time. Max almost falls but catches himself by holding the railing. I laugh and I know he can hear me.

            The whole process of catching one of the whales is extensive. My father and Max have to go on a private, small boat with a pole with the suction cup tag on the end of it. Since most of the whales are sleeping during the day, they sleep on the surface, making it easier for people like my dad to tag them. Hadley and I watch from the distance as they tag a few whales, having more luck than they bargained for. When they return and I’ve taken some pictures, Hadley and I pet the whales on the edge of the boat like I had before. This time it’s different though, because even though Dad is smiling down at me, I’m still really upset with him.

            The sun is high in the sky when Hadley and I get to go swimming. Emile drives the boat to a clearer part of the water, closer to the bottom and land than we were before. Hadley changes into her bathing suit first. While she’s gone, even though I’m still angry, I go to find my dad. When I see that he’s alone inside, looking over some papers, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

            “I can’t go swimming.”

            “What?” He looks up from his papers. “Why not, Bama?”

            “I mean I don’t want to.”

            “Why?”

            I give him a look. I pull my sweater sleeves down to my fingertips and frown. Is he really this oblivious?

            “I’m not comfortable in a bathing suit,” I state.

            Dad’s eyes grow wide in an epiphany kind of way. “Oh.”

            “What do I tell Hadley?” I ask. I think he’s happy that I’m talking to him, but he still knows that I’m going to address what happened last night, probably when we get another chance alone.

            “You don’t tell her anything. Just wear your sweater over your bathing suit.”

            My frown deepens. “And what if she asks why?”

            “Say your bathing suit is too small.”

            “Dad!”

            He laughs and turns away. “Go change and I’ll meet you out there in a few.”

            Hadley is waiting for me when I arrive in the wooden hallway. She’s leaning against the wall, clutching her clothes to her chest for warmth in the cool basement of the boat.

            “I was wondering where you went,” she says.

            I tell her I needed to ask my dad something and then tell her I’ll only be a minute. After I undress I pull on my bright blue bathing suit, brand new, thanks to Mom. I look in the mirror and brush my brown waves over my shoulders. I look like a regular girl.

            I turn away from the mirror and pull my sweater on. I feel warmer, but it doesn’t really count as a sweater. It’s more of a long-sleeved shirt that barely reaches my waist. Mom had once called it a beach sweater, used just to wear over my bathing suit like right now, but I don’t think she ever expected me to be swimming in it.

            Spinning around, I face the mirror once more. I look ridiculous. Who swims with sweaters on? Some people wear t-shirts, which is normal. But I just look like a freak. The normal girl I was staring at only moments ago is nowhere to be seen. Hadley is going to think I’m crazy.

            As soon as I exit the bathroom I brush past Hadley.

            “My bathing suit is too small,” I say.

            Hadley doesn’t say anything as she follows me upstairs and onto the deck. My bare feet bask in the warmth of the wooden floor and I tilt my head up towards the sun, letting it heat me after the cold downstairs.

            Dad leads us towards the spot where we touched the whales and helps us climb down. Once we’re safely on the bottom he hands us something.

            “Masks and snorkels,” he says as Hadley and I each take one of the items. “I thought you might enjoy looking for fish and shells.”

            “Thanks,” I say, giving him a small smile.

            Dad swings his legs over the ladder and sits there, watching us. My camera hangs around his neck because he insisted on taking pictures. I replaced the film with colour just for him, because the pictures will probably be of no use for me.

            Hadley squeals as she sits on the edge of the deck and lets her legs hang into the water.

            “Cold?” I ask.

            She shakes her head. “No, the decks wet. I just got my ass wet.”

            When she realizes she just swore in front of my dad she covers her mouth with her hand and looks at him with wide eyes. My dad just laughs, not caring in the least.

            I sit down beside her and cringe at the same feeling. Max eventually comes and then Emile once he has us anchored. They don’t really watch as we attempt to get into the water without screaming. Instead they talk, Dad only occasionally glancing at us.

            “Maybe we should just jump in,” Hadley suggests after failed attempts of getting into the water. It’s not that it’s cold, I’ve just never been one to get right in. I’ve always waded out from the beach, only getting to my neck by the time it’s time to go home.

            “I don’t know…” I look down at the water and cringe. I’ve never just jumped in a pool before, so a boat seems kind of like a bigger deal than that.

            “We’ll hold hands,” Hadley says, “so then if one of us chickens out the other pulls us in.”

            Sighing, I rise to my feet and she grins. “Fine,” I mutter.

            With our hands clasping the other’s, we stare out at the water. “Do we count down?” she asks.

            “Three,” I start, just wanting to get this over with.

            “Two,” she says. I open my mouth to say one but Hadley stops suddenly. “We forgot the masks and stuff!”

            She breaks away from my grip and retrieves them.

            “They’re floatable,” Dad says as Emile and Max continue talking.

            Hadley throws them into the water and grabs my hand again. “One!”

            I take a gulp of breath before it’s too late as water completely surrounds me. The smacking of my skin on the water isn’t as bad as I thought it would be but not being able to see up or down freaks me out.  My feet break the water first and the rest of me dives in. Hadley lets go of my hand and I continue to reach for her, but I don’t feel her anywhere. Without thinking, I open my lashes. The water stings my eyes.

            All I can see are blurred colours and rays of light breaking through, but everything is still completely unclear. I tread water for a moment before deciding I need air and rocking towards the surface. I’ve always loved swimming, once I actually got in, however I haven’t been in what feels like forever. Touching the water right now feels like I’m going back to a place I haven’t been in a while.

            “There you are,” Hadley says when I break the surface.

            I flick my hair up and over my head so it’s out of my eyes and hanging down my back in slick strands. While I tread I wipe the remaining water from my eyes and try to blink away the slightly burning feeling.

            Hadley floats my snorkel and mask towards me and I put them both on while she does the same.

            “This is Hadley reporting for Sea Monster expedition number one,” she says. She makes a scratchy sound like she’s clicking off a walkie talkie.

            “What, are we five?” I laugh.

            Hadley grins. “Just go with it!”

            “We have information that points to the sea monster being in this location,” I say in my best reporter voice. “So diver Hadley and I, Bam, are going to search for it.”

             As soon as I pull the mask over my face my voice sounds nasally and Hadley laughs. She does the same and soon we both sound like we have colds.

            “If there are no reports after this one it means the sea monster has got us!”

            I laugh and put the snorkel into my mouth. It smells like plastic but it’s my source of breathing so I do my best to ignore it. Hadley and I both dive underneath at the same time, sticking our feet in the air as we go under. I push my way through the water with my hands, looking at the sandy bottom. Seaweed, broken shells and other tiny things like coral make up the bottom. I kick towards it and swim along it, letting my fingers trail the sand.

            When I surface I take in more air before going under again. Time seems to stand still the whole time Hadley and I explore the ocean. We each find a small shell, the ones you’re supposed to hear the ocean in. My sweater sticks to my when I go up for air but underwater it almost feels like a cape, only touching me when I move sharply. For the most part it just floats around me, staying on by the tightness in my sleeves.

            Dad calls for us eventually and at first I have no idea. When Hadley goes up for air she comes back under to gesture for me to come up. When I meet her, Dad gestures towards us and I realize we’re further away from the boat than I originally thought.

            Dad, Max and Emile go prepare things to go back to shore as Hadley and I dry off on the edge of the boat. Our feet still hang in the water as we hug our towels around us. Drops of water litter the deck as the sun starts to slowly sink in the sky, telling us that it’s past dinnertime.

            “I guess we didn’t find the sea monster,” Hadley says.

            She kicks her legs in the water and I watch the ripples and mini waves float across the top of the water.

            “I guess not. We’ll have to try again.”

            “We can always try in Mermaid. I heard that there are some reports of strange activity in the water.” She smiles at me but I stare at the water.

            I want to say that today was amazing and I had a lot of fun, but the words are stuck thickly in my throat, as if I’ve swallowed a sock. What happened last night with my father and Max is still upsetting me and I feel like if I decide I had fun, that I’m letting what happened about Cade go, and that feels wrong.

            “I’m sorry about last night,” I blurt out.

            Hadley looks up at me, surprised, but she doesn’t say anything. Her expression is blank but something about it is calming, as if she isn’t judging me. I don’t know where the words come from, or why I say them, but something about the fact that I’m telling Hadley feels like I’m lifting a weight off of my shoulders. Something about it feels good.

            “The reason I came to Mermaid is because my boyfriend died,” I say. I stare down at the water, watching my legs move slowly back and forth throughout it. “He had a brain tumor. We didn’t find out until it was too late.”

            “Bam,” Hadley whispers. It doesn’t sound disappointed or sad like everyone else had said. Instead, it sounds like she’s compassionate, somehow like she understands. Then, unexpectedly, “Are you okay?”

            I don’t answer her. “He passed when I was with him. His parents weren’t home and he was blind by that time. He wouldn’t let me leave to call an ambulance, he wouldn’t let me try and save him. He just held my hand and eventually it went limp.”

            “That’s horrible,” Hadley murmurs. I expect her to be like Max; like everyone else and say they’re sorry, as if they understand what it feels like. Instead, she gets up and sits behind me. Without explaining she grabs my hair and starts braiding it. I don’t object, because somehow, the way she’s not being completely present as I explain what happened makes it easier. I think she knows that.

            “That’s why I was upset last night. Max saw a picture of Cade, my boyfriend and I, and my dad explained what happened. He just did that without asking me if it was okay and I was upset.”

            There’s a noise from behind me and Hadley’s hands pause on my hair. Slowly, I turn around and see that Dad is standing on the deck. His face his hard, but not angry. He looks how I feel – sad.

            “We’re ready to leave. Come up shortly,” he says. Quickly, he turns away and leaves.

            When I’m facing the water again, I play with a frayed end of my sweater sleeve.

            “At least you were there when he left, you know? I think that’s better than not being there. I don’t know Cade, but I think it probably meant a lot to him. I’m sure you did.”

            I smile as Hadley ties off my braid. “Thanks.”

            The car ride is pretty quiet on the way home. Damp bathing suits in plastic bags make the whole car smell like saltwater, but somehow it makes it smell better than just plain car. I think nobody talks because we’re all tired, Hadley and I from swimming and Dad from a busy day at work. I sat in the backseat on the way home beside Hadley so we could look at each other’s shells, so when we stop in her driveway, I get out with her.

            “Thanks for taking me today,” she says, holding her bag of wet clothes. “It was amazing.”

            I smile. “No problem.”

            We’re silent for a moment. I turn to look away, but Hadley meets my gaze.

            “Just so you know, I won’t tell anyone.” She gives me a small smile. “It’s your stuff, not mine.”

            “Thanks.”

            “Also,” she says. She pauses for a moment, thinking of the right words. “I want you to know that you’re really strong. I don’t know if you know it yet, but you are.”

            Without another word Hadley gives me a big smile and retreats into her house. When I climb into the passenger seat of the car, my head is reeling.

            “I think you two had a great time,” Dad says as we pull onto the road. I don’t say anything as we pass the rows of shops and late evening walkers basking in the remaining daylight. “Bam, I’m sorry.”

            “Okay,” I mumble. It isn’t okay.

            “I didn’t know it would upset you,” he continues. He’s glancing from the road to me, trying to assess how I’m feeling. Dad seems upset, like he genuinely feels bad. “I should have told Max it was somebody from back home, or said that it’s not my story to tell. I’m so sorry, Bam. I didn’t intend to hurt you.”

            I tell him I forgive him even though I’m still upset. When we arrive back at the cottage, Mom is sitting on the back deck beside the outdoor table. As Dad puts my wet clothes away and looks over his papers, I sink into a chair beside her, staring out over the grass at water.

            “Did you have fun?”

            I nod. “Yeah.”

            “I’m glad. Hadley seems like a great friend.”

            “She is,” I respond.

            “Evan called for you,” she says.

            I tilt my tired head up and meet her eyes. “He did?”

            This time she nods. “He wants to go on some adventure tomorrow. He said you would know what that means.”

            I smirk and let my eyes close. “Yeah, I do know.”

            “What does it mean?” Mom sounds too curious for her own good.

            “It means we’re going on an adventure.”

            “Are you two having sex?”

            My eyes fly open. “Oh my God, Mom!”

            I’m shrieking so loudly that Dad runs out onto the back deck, looking shocked. I think he feared that I broke and arm or something happened to Mom.

            “What’s going on?” he asks. He sounds breathless.

            “Mom’s being a freak,” I respond.

            Mom rolls her eyes. “I’m being motherly,” she says.

            “Uh oh.” Dad smiles and leans against the doorframe. “You know,” he says after a few moments. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his beige shorts and looks at my mother and I. “Something about this just feels normal.”

            I think about it for a moment and lift my knees up onto the chair. I hug them to my chest and rest my chin on the tops of them.

            Dad feels like this is normal, and the scary thing is that it does for me too.