Ok.. so hmm this is very hard to explain but everyone has asked ' Omg why are you so sweet?! Or why you so nice ' well one, it's just how I am..

And the reason to why I help so many confuses me too actually. One day i just clicked and wanted to start helping everyone. Now I'm not joking when saying this but sometimes I feel a ton of pain. Not physically, but mentally and i don't know why but it hurts me a ton. It keeps me up at night looking for someone on watty who is depressed I like helping people in general but this urge drives me in more negatives ways than you would think.

But it bothers me even more when I know someone is hurt and sometimes don't want any help. Personally this drives me insane, yet I still urge my way to help and ask. Then continue to ask

I don't understand why I'm like this but I am..so I wanna say this to someone in particular even when he is barely on. Coyotesli.

I still remember when I almost left watty and you said sometimes you wish you could be like me or ask what would I do in a situation..i wanna let you know, you don't wanna be me..it's stressful, my mood drops alot daily and leads me to not wanting to talk. Even dreams that make me wonder why im hear or why I even try...

This dream is personal to me but. I had a dream that a very close friend I know said I didn't try hard enough that i failed her..she started to ignore me and when I tried saying anything back she said that I'll never be the angel people want me to be. my trying will get me nowhere..and that dream has made me have alot of anxiety to thinking not many trust me to do anything for them that's why I cry and scream to myself ' why can't I help them, why am I too weak to do that ' and sometimes I think those people that say ' you can't save everyone' is right.. maybe I can't..i try but maybe I'm just not meant to.

Well umm..that's it i guess ^^;