update: i just randomly got the feeling that someone is going to need to hear this tonight or when they wake up or whatever time so here goes.

first, internet friends are completely valid. there's nothing wrong with loving them just as fiercely as irl friends. i don't know the specifics of what's going on but they're important and also yes if you're reading this i consider you a friend

second, ask for help if you need it. ask for a hug if you need it. we would love to have people read our minds but it doesn't work like that. if you feel a disconnect it might be lack of communication on your part.

third, i have multiple friends who are clingy. i also have the type of personality that requires space from people to work through stuff. even though i might need to gently push them away, i am not tired of them and still consider them friends. if you're either like my friends or me then you should talk to other people and let them know! those two traits seem especially hard for people to grasp

and fourth, we love you. you aren't alone. that voice in your head is lying and hey, that sun feels nice and hey, the rain is pretty and hey, there could be a weed there but instead it's a flower and hey, life isn't as bad as it can look through the clouds in your head. random things can boost your mood, they aren't stupid if they make you happy!