Small vent thingy, as the title says, it's not going to be anything like "I wanna die" or something, but I'm still gonna put a little warning.

Why am I so afraid of disappointing authority figures, especially my parents? Why am I so anxious about bothering them, they're there to help me, so why do I feel the need to not get help?

For example, remember that one time I accidentally got a virus on my new computer? I was terrified, I didn't know the nature of the virus, and I didn't know if it was spyware or malware, every time I looked at it I went straight into an anxiety attack. I was afraid of it stealing information, money, stuff like that.

But most importantly, I was afraid of what my dad was going to say because I had to tell him. I got mostly stressed over that. I could barely sleep that night, I tried to distract myself, but every time I thought of it I began to become more and more afraid. The next morning, I was extremely out of it, my dad was working from home and was talking to me, I was unresponsive and scared shitless. He asked me what was wrong and I told him what happened, and I cried, really hard. I was afraid of what he was going to say, especially because I had the laptop a little over a month. And yet, he was very calm about it, he reassured me that it was okay, and he hugged me.

I don't know why I overthink things so much.

I don't like bothering authorities either, one time in math class we were learning this thing, I didn't understand any of it, I was extremely bored so I drew for the most part, but whenever I had to do one of the equations, I teared up, having a mental break down of sorts.

My teacher offered help, but I shook it off. It was really bad one day, and she offered to come to sit me down and help me, and I just burst into tears, I hate bothering people, especially if it was my fault.

I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why it's this extreme.

It's torture sometimes.

Like, I want to ask my mom if she can preorder one of the new Flamingo plushies, but I don't like asking for stuff.

I'm afraid of being a failure, of being a disappointment, and it's to the point that I keep things to myself all the time.

Sorry for the little vent, because this is an art book, here's a small drawing, expressing how I feel.

So uh

Yea