I haven't been doodling much this year so far, which is actually kinda sad because I love doodling and I don't do as much traditional art lately :/

I also learned a lot today about existential stuff in my enrichment class so I'm gonna do a mini spew of that at the end of this because I felt like it was really meaningful, and hopefully I can do it justice 💙

For now, my two doodles from last night and today!

Looks like a vent but isn't, I just wanted to draw edgier actually ^^

This one I'm really proud of!!! And there's a mini story behind it because I almost didn't get to keep it

So today I had this MAP testing in math, which is just like a test to see where you're at in knowing the content and is taken two more times in the year to look for student growth and we get scratch paper and a pencil to work out any problems by hand. I barely used mine and finished early, and decided to start drawing because drawing's fun and something I can do quietly. I started with the flower crown with the idea in my head, and actually I've forgotten how good it feels to draw with a sharp pointed pencil!! All of mine are dull by now ^^;

After I finished drawing I was REALLY proud of it!! But then I realized that it was on my scratch paper, which has to get turned into the teacher so our work doesn't get out to be shown to other people or something like that, and because of the Yondr pouches my phone wasn't accessible for me to take a picture of it. So when the teacher came to collect it, he was distracted while I was trying to talk to him and initially grabbed the paper before noticing I was looking distressed about it and trying to talk to him and leaving it on my desk before talking with someone else. When he came back I got to explain to him my dilemma, and he was kind enough to allow me to cut off the bottom part of the paper with the drawing so I could keep it since there wasn't any math on it ;w;

In conclusion, thank you to my math teacher because it's really important to me and I otherwise couldn't show or have it here <3

Onto existential stuff!
This class is actually hosted by none other than my kind math teacher! I signed up because I didn't have many options for classes left and saw two of my friends in there, and the purpose of the course is for mindfulness in math and in life. Today we talked about our purpose/goals and living and acting in the moment, as well as finding something that makes us happy to help us handle negative energy from those around us or even ourselves.

For the latter mentioned, he had us think about something that makes us happy, food, a person, a drink, anything! For me the first thing I thought of was animation, specifically animation memes, but it can be anything! He then had us focus on the positive feeling of happiness that came with it (and feel free to try this as I explain it!), and told us to think of it when we're having trouble dealing with anything negative, from a math test to someone being rude or stubborn and "messing with your peace". When you're struggling, step back and take a break if you can to focus on what makes you happy, even take a nap! Get into a happier mind set; if it's dealing with people, remember that they're allowed to feel and express negative thoughts and opinions, as it's their right, but it's your right to not have to deal with that if it's messing with your peace. You don't have to accept their negativity into you, and can let them do their thing while you do yours.

I think this meant a lot to me because I've been exploring spirituality and as someone who's very sensitive to different energies I can get overwhelmed as I don't have many strategies to deal with that aside from avoidance, which isn't always an option. It's almost like a form of self care to be able to let other people's problems go sometimes, because if they're being negative then that's their issue to deal with. Obviously if it's a friend and you want to listen and try to help that's a different story, but just because someone else has a bad day doesn't mean yours has to be bad after hearing about it. You have the right to let their feelings go just as much as they do to have them.

Self care is becoming a big focus for me lately, because I know it's something I need to improve in. So hopefully as I can get better with it I can help others similarly, or at least be able to help without spreading myself too thin and accidentally do more harm to myself emotionally and mentally than helping the other person.

As for the purpose discussion, it came down to this: it's okay to have goals for if you want a job or a certain college degree, but if you have things you wanna do NOW then that's what you should focus on, because you CAN do something about it. For me, this means animation memes and PMVs and MAP parts, because I love being to express my art and myself like that! Eventually sure, I wanna make sure I get to college and study for certain courses, but for now I have my high school classes and art to focus on! And yes, it means living in the moment even in classes where I'd rather not be, but when it comes down to it we don't REALLY know what the future will hold. We can make plans and have ideas for what's going to happen, but when it comes down to it the future is a foggy unknown while the past has already happened. Maybe that art class I enjoyed so much was really amazing, and maybe I love dance, but I don't have those currently and they're experiences I can remember positively instead of wishing for them again in the future. It's sort of like finding the positive in the work you're doing now, and even in math or English focusing on the present moment and doing the best you can each time instead of worrying about how to do better in the future or worrying about how you did better in the past.

That got lengthy, but I hope maybe even one person could get some positive takeaway!! I'm sorry I can't explain it as personally and well as my teacher did, but it's hard to do online and when I don't know individual situations... I wish I could, but for now this is the best I can do, so I'll be happy with it ^^

The second drawing was inspired by this video which I'll be trying to learn the dance to with a friend-

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

And the rest of this chapter was inspired by this song!

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Both beautiful songs and videos, I stan NCT and haven't watched 13 Reasons Why yet for those curious

One week left for my event, so get those entries in if you'd like to join still! They're looking REALLY amazing, and I can't wait to show them all at the end of this!!
-Cavy
(8/22/19