Letters to the Lost:

Clint,
I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I messed up and went too far with... Well, everything. Jacques fled after attempting to kill you — no clue where he went. I plan on finding him, some day. But that day is not today.

Finding you unconscious in the middle of that dirt ring was terrifying. I didn't know what to do, feeling useless like we've always been for our whole lives. It hit too close to home, so I made the mistake of running away from you and the problem. Don't worry, I made sure you were found by the right hands. You always liked Annie, and she adores you too. I hope my letter can find you alright, probably while you lie in a hospital bed. Makes me think of that time when you broke a rib from our dear ol' dad and got stuck for a night. I seem to recall being asked a ton of questions about foul play being involved, lying about every single one, just like Dad taught us. I'll admit it: he was pretty damn smart.

Remember our conversation about military and education? Yeah, I decided not to take you and Buck's advice. Stupid — I know. But I can't sit in a classroom worrying about graduation while you're still here. I'm going the military route. This is probably the last time you'll hear of me, brother, and I'm still unsure to whether or not that's a good thing yet. On second thoughts, can you even read this? No offense, but you've never really been to school. The only reading you've done is the occasional time when you helped Mom make dinner and had to look at the back of the boxes (once again — no offense, but you're definitely not a cordon bleu).

My first day of military school starts in a few weeks. By then, I'll be the right age for enlistment. You still got a few more years to go, so I hope you use that time to think about being better than me. Don't follow my footsteps, Jacques', Dad's, or anyone's really. Be yourself, Clint. You were always right — education is more important, meaning I don't belong up there with all those scholars. You do, just give yourself the chance.

In fact, your opportunity is included in the envelope. Jacques and I have been stealing money for years off of Carson, I'll admit it. I'm not proud of it, by the way. Clint, you have a better use for it, so wise up and rise up. You're still at the age to go back to a foster home, maybe get lucky, attend a normal public school, eventually manage a high school diploma, and then this money will come in handy. I know I've never given great advice before, but take this final bit — please.
Barney

➳

Buck,
I know what you're thinking. I know that you're skimming down this letter and reading my name, my handwriting, contemplating whether or not it's worth it to read this. I certainly hope you do, although I also can't blame you if you chuck it into the trashcan or the corner of the caravan where I assume you're reading this (that's where I left it) without any second thoughts.

If you've read this far, I'll assume you either didn't do that, or you did have some second thoughts. I wish I had done something similar for everything I've ever done. My life — is a complete and utter mess, one that desperately needs to be controlled. As I told my brother, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have argued with you over a stupid issue that could've possibly never mattered. I should've listened to Clint and stopped hanging out with Jacques, could've left the force of your friendship equally balanced with you having the power to control that. I toppled over the boat and ruined everything, as I've always done.

Military. I want to agree with you — desperately. You shouldn't believe me, but I urge you to do that very thing. I'm starting military school soon, and skipping out on an education. I wouldn't be able to not think about you and Clint and Jacques and the chaos we shared together while receiving a proper education that only you and my brother truly deserve. Besides, I'm seventeen years old and not getting any younger.

Do me a favor: make sure Clint's alright. Don't let him be like me. Don't fail him like I did. It's not too late to repair the cracks in his walls, and I hope that a few close friends — Annie, Eddie, you — can lend a helping hand. Huh, it wasn't that long ago when I heard those words with my brother, walking side by side into the circus. Now, I'm leaving alone without a goodbye to him. He's not alone though.
Barney

➳

Carson,
If this letter finds you, I'd be surprised. Not thrilled, but surprised. That feeling would only increase if you made the choice to not read this, but let's be honest: you're greedy and full of guilt to feed off of. I completely understand that it was my choice to join your twisted circus, so I will you to understand that it's my decision to resign and leave. You've lost two Swordmen today, and I'm sorry things had to come this way. Don't be surprised if you lose a Hawkeye too, referring mostly to the letter I've sent him.
Barney

➳

Jacques,
Let's be honest here: you're never gonna get the chance to read this letter. I don't really know why I'm bothering to write it, but it just felt right, especially if I'm writing to Clint and Buck — hell, even Carson. This is mostly just for me.

I guess my brother was right this whole time. You couldn't be trusted, and neither could I. We're actually pretty similar in many ways. No, I don't just mean being Swordsmen in the carnival, or being drunken idiots who could never see things straight. We both strived for more and ended up even further down from where we started. As the expression goes: you can lead a horse to water, but can't force them to drink. Everything we needed was perfectly in reach, and it was taken for granted.

The cost—? A price that neither of us payed, but instead passed onto Buck and Clint. They balanced us well, but not enough for when you and me took it too far, huh, amigo? Now, my brother is lying in the hospital and Buck is god-knows-where. That I cannot change; it's inevitable in every timeline no matter what we change. But I'm cursed with the knowledge of encouraging this and even being directly involved into this downward spiral of life.

Both of us still haven't learned our lesson. We have too much life running through our veins, pushing us off our asses and into an equally bad place. Running. That's what we do best, speaking from personal experience with it, as well. You better keep that pace, Jacques, for I'll always be on your trail. I'll be one step behind you. Will I kill you—? No, no I don't think I will. Unlike you, Jacques, I can't force myself to commit a murder that's unjust, no matter what you did. Besides, I'm enlisted in the military now.

Can you believe it? Charles Barton, a U.S soldier. That's doing more than you've ever done or will accomplish in your lifetime, hm? I'm still not certain to whether or not I want to cross paths with you again. I could leave things where they're at, having no clue where you are or if you're even alive — or I could actively hunt you like friends to enemies. Although, were we ever truly friends?
Barney