Tara Patel

The wrinkles of my saree were neatened as much as possible,  and my eyes were lined with kohl. I straightened my head, and my friends gushed at how I looked. I felt numb, and terrified.

Was I really going to do this?

I'd never been the type to hesitate over anything yet here I was regretting my brash decision. In my mind, I was walking down the aisle to Jay. Yet there was Shreyas Iyer sitting on the mandap with the fakest smile I've ever seen.  Jay sat off at the fifth row corner, a place where I thought Shreyas would be. The roles had been swapped.

Jay's eyes locked with mine, he took a good long look at me. Suddenly my mind echoed something he'd said, "When we're getting married, I want you to wear that ring I bought for you for our very first anniversary."

My gaze flicked to my hand, which was tucked away under a shawl. A golden band hidden from prying eyes, I knew I should not be wearing a promise ring that promised me to someone who wasn't my soon-to-be life partner yet that little accessory was the only thing keeping me sane.

Ajay had a small smile on his face when he mouthed, 'You look beautiful.', I wrenched my gaze away with a heavy ache in my heart I began striding slightly faster. It could have been us though, Jay.

"We're sort of a sealed deal," Memories flashed by, as I settled on the mandap. It hurt so bad, and I was barely able to contain my tears.

The traditions were over quicker than anticipated, the priest nudged the mangalsutra towards Shreyas, who eyed it wearily. With trembling hands, he picked it up and draped it over my neck and the music climaxed.

The necklace that bound me to him felt like a chain, except I willed it to be a chain to control the rest of world. Not a chain bounding me, nor my dreams or talent.

I can do this, right?

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