" Ma!" Sana gasped looking straight at her mother who sat there displaying a nonchalance that utterly disturbed her.

" What Ma!" Her mother shrugged, her entire self was focused towards peeling the peas and collecting all of them on the bowl that was kept on the table. There sat two cups of steaming hot tea that screamed their attention but none of them received.

" Why are you upto this?" Shehnaaz asked, sceptical of this entire procedure. She was done with it all. It heavily disturbed her now a days.

" Why am I upto this? Like really?" Mrs Purohit glared at her daughter like she had grown two horns.

" Haven't you looked at yourself recently? You have started to develop white hair. It won't be long that the little changes you have will diffuse into thin air with all the speculations you have." She rolled her eyes and concentrated back to her bowl of peas and bag of unpealed ones.

" So what? What does it have to do with my greying hair? Waise bhi it's the heredity and nothing to do with my age!" Shehnaaz scoffed and looked away. This was not done. The way her mother was hell be t on going against her ways. Didn't she have enough already!

" It shows that you are aging." Senior Mrs Purohit pointed out holding on to her task to take a sip from her cup of tea. It was more of a loud slurp. Shehnaaz cringed at her mother's outrageous ways.

" No, it doesn't. What has my age got to do with this. And why are you slurping the tea? Can't you have it a little silently?" She retaliated. Her mother was slipping out of control each passing day.

" No I can't. I love to drink tea this way." Mrs Purohit stated. Shehnaaz rolled her eyes again. It was always how she wanted things. Never it was about her! Why! Wasn't it her right to decide for her life!

" And your age is the culprit. You are 30 already Shehnaaz. Just look at you. It is the right time before you lose the charm you see. Not that you have.....

" Ma!" That was enough. Shehnaaz yelled out before her mother crossed the line.

" What ma? Tell me if i am wrong?" Mrs Purohit defended back as if her words didn't slice her own daughter's heart.

Shehnaaz sighed defeated. There was no point in defending her. Her mother was too much to handle at times. It never mattered how her ways affected her own daughter down the line.

" You are not." She whispered, low and hurt as she hurled herself up from the chair and walked to the door. She was done with this discussion. Winning against her mother with an argument was impossible.

" Aaj shaam ko aa rahe hai woh log. Mujhe kuch gadbad nahi chahiye. Tumhare mausa ji k khaas rishteydaar hai. I just don't want you to screw up this time!" Her mother reminded her from behind as she slipped into a simple pair of sandals. Setting the pleats of her saree correctly, she set her bag on her shoulder and walked out. It was pointless to argue with her mother. She had a job to attend. The only place that gave her a little amount of peace. The only place that didn't bother about her....lack of charm!

*

" What's the problem in getting married?" Bashu asked as they say down for lunch.

" I.. I don't know." Shehnaaz shrugged digging into her tiffin. A simple assortment of hand rolled bread and potato curry that she managed to assemble for lunch.

" Dekh Shehnaaz, ek na ek din shadi toh karni hi hai na! Toh teri ma galat kaha hai yaar?" Bashu tried to justify. Marriage was normal. At least from the middle class society they came from, it was the next step in a woman's life after their graduation. Shehnaaz nodded. She was aware of the fact. But she was just not ready. Not yet.

" So what's the harm with this proposal. The guy looks handsome..he is well settled. The family seems to be nice as well. Just a mother. No unmarried sister in law. Why are you so hell bend to just consider this?" Bashu asked. She was being practical but so was Shehnaaz.

" That's the problem no Bashu. This looks too good to be true. I mean such a good proposal. Acha ladka hai. Well settled hai. Handsome hai. Why would they approach for someone like me?" And out she came with her hidden frets. Shehnaaz's apprehension for the proposal her family had been approached with for marriage. Why would such a good proposal come for a mediocre girl like her.

" You are being sceptical for no reason yaar Shehnaaz. It's just a proposal. They might have liked you. As simple as that." Bashu stated. Shehnaaz frowned and glared at her friend. Has she lost her mind!

" What?"

" Have you checked your eyes? They might have liked me? Like really?" Shehnaaz scoffed.

" Shehnaaz yaar, you underestimate yourself a little too much. Look what a fine cook you are. Umm amazing yaar. Even simple alu curry tastes heavenly when you cook it. How come people will not like you." Bashu tore a piece of her chapati and dipped it into the scrumptious gravy from her friend's tiffin and gushed in praised.

" Shut up!" Shehnaaz smacked her palm. Bashu grinned at her, annoying her all the more. Shehnaaz sighed and looked away. The heaviness just won't fleet away. And it was disturbing her to no end.

" Sana.."

" Bashu.." Shehnaaz let a heavy breath out.

" Just look at me Bashu. I'm not charming unlike what you have to say about me. I know that pretty well. And I am scared. I'm tired of rejections. " She husked, voice dripping with hurt that was engraved within her very existence. Living with rejections was not easy. A single rejection rips one apart and Shehnaaz had lived with countless of them.

Bashu blinked, feeling the hurt her friend was talking about. She was the one who lived every rejection with her friend. Bashu was the only was Shehnaaz confided her feelings with. She had been the only friend in her life since they were little kids. Living in the same locality and going to the same school and college gave them the privilege to stick around each other till date. They went beyond their parameters to look for a same place to land with a job until they got one together. That was sheer luck, Shehnaaz had thought till now.

" Baby.. please don't say like that. You know na that I love you?" The protective friend within her spilt out.

" I know. I love you too. I love you. You are all that I have." Shehnaaz rolled her lips in and bit on the lower one to get a hold of her apprehensions. Her eyes brimmed up with unnamed emotions. The emotions that bound a friend with the soul. Soul friend. Bashu was her soul friend and vice versa she was to Bashu as she pulled her chair beside her to wrap her in a warm hug. Shehnaaz lifted her arm and hugged her back.

" Shhh. I'm always there yaar.. Stop crying." She gulped holding her friend tight. Shehnaaz needed that at that moment. An embrace of solace. She took a long breath in and gathered herself back. She always gathered herself back. She had to. Her emotions held no value to anyone other than Bashu apparently.

" I just don't want to get married. I'm tired of this mockery. Har baar sajh dhaj k baitho. Unlogo ko entertain karo. Unki lakho sawalo ka jawab do. Only to end up hearing that i was not enough for their son. Main thak chuki hu Bashu. Is khel se thak chuki hu. Nahi karni hai mujhe shadi. Nahi sakane apne sapne. Jab ki i know aakhir mei tut hi jaana hai. Sapne toh aakhir sapne hi hote hai na. Samajh aa gaya hai mujhe yaar. Aur himmat nahi hai ek bhi rejection sunne ki. I just can't bear to let my expectations soar high and get crushed everytime. I am afraid I will lose myself this time." Shehnaaz pushed her tiffin towards her friend.  She just lost all her appetite to eat anymore. Not an ounce of strength was left in her, she felt. Not even to get herself to the washroom and wash her hands. She took her bottle out of her tote bag and sprinkled a little water on her palms and and wiped them clean.

" Why don't you confront your mother then?" Bashu closed the lid to their tiffins. The food started to look bland to her too.

" I did. She is just not ready to listen" Shehnaaz stated, recalling their conversation from the morning and relaying the same to her friend. Bashu gasped to hear it all. How could mothers be so heartless and cold! She wondered.

" Teri khud ki ma hai BC ya kahi khubh k mele mei adla badli ho gayi thi be!" There was a pin drop silence on their table as Shehnaaz gasped to hear her outrageous friend before she threw her head back and laughed her heart out. That was Bashu to her. The amazing friend who had managed to keep her sane amidst all the insanity her life tricked her with. Bashu was the only burst of light in the otherwise darkness her life presented her with. Bashu grinned and joined her too in a hearty laughter that dralled for a while.

" You know you always have the last call. No one and absolutely no one can force you for a marriage until and unless you are ready for it yourself. Just give it a try. A last try. And tell your mother in clear words that it's the last time you are agreeing for anything like this. If this one doesn't work out, we will plan our lives in a different way. You are independent. We can think of an alternative life behind this right. So just a last one. Ok" Shehnaaz nodded as Bashu pressed on her wrist in assurance. They were inside an auto that parked right outside their locality.

" Yes , the last time." Shehnaaz agreed as they parted. She had decided to take a rigid stand for herself if this one didn't work out. Only she was unaware how her destiny had already been planned beforehand.

***