Time has proven that fooling yourself into believing a lie is the most effective way to deal with things you have no control over. I'll keep listening to the messages they made me and over analyze every single word I hear.

Was this a sign that things were going wrong? No, I was the one that cared too hard, not them.

I'll stay up every single night staring at my phone. Either attempting to gather up the courage to turn these demons, these constant reminders of my loneliness, into nothing more than a bad dream.

Or praying just for one second... I could feel the warmth of equally returned love.

I'll go out for coffee four times a week by myself. Always bring my notebook, never stop writing. Leave little comics and thank you notes with my tip. Watch them smile as I'd get in my car.

Talk down on myself whenever possible. My life is shit because I deserve it, right? I must have done something really bad... It's nearly impossible for me to cry now.

Avoid my friends for weeks, even though they're the only sense of consistency I have left in my life. If they really wanted to see me they'd come, but they won't...

Who cares?

I allowed myself to lose interest in the things I love. I watched as I began to take a backseat to the world around me, I didn't fight it. I became a secondary character in my own motion picture.

But most importantly, I drown every single one of my feelings. I think I don't need other people to drive away my loneliness and that I just needed to find a way to talk to it...

But how..?

I'm sorry...