*Julia*

I toss and turn all night long worried about James. Is he sleeping? Is he alone? Is he ok? All of these things and more keep me awake.  Jeremy had the morning off. His shift didn't start until five since he's on the overnight rotation tonight, but I don't dare go and find him. That's asking for trouble. Instead, I unplug my phone and bring it into bed with me. I really don't use it often and this is the first time it's been fully charged in forever.

I decide to quietly load up Spotify and play one of Nate's slower songs.  Maybe hearing his voice will help me sleep.

Until I listen to the lyrics and begin to cry.

"It's a hard road, as far as I can see. I don't know where I'm going but I'll get back to you and me. Time's never been on our side, so would you wait for me? I lead a selfish life, 'cause that's what I need. What do I have to do, to make you believe? It's all for you and me."

That's so Nate. 100% I wipe a tear and listen to the song again.

"I can hear you cry, but don't you worry, darlin', don't lose sleep tonight. I can promise it, I can guarantee. That at the end of the road, I see you with me."

I listen to the song on repeat over and over again thinking about the lyrics. Nate has always been a romantic and I know this song was written well before we were ever a thing. But does he really see me and him at the end of the road? How if I am living at the Avalon? What kind of life is that for Nate. HE doesn't have a mental illness. Why should I selfishly hold him down because of my shitty problems?

And then... My withdrawals take over and I throw up.

*****

*Nate*

"You are insane, you know that? And the things you make me do!" Trisha had her work cut out for her with my favor. To say the least.

"Do I not pay you well, Miss Banks?" I raise an eyebrow. I can't wait for Julia to wake up this morning. I had to use fucking Donovan's help, but it will be worth it.

"Oh my God!!!" Casey exclaims as she comes out of her bedroom then goes and wakes Jonah up which in return wakes James up, who comes out of his room rubbing his eyes. Trisha slept in his room last night and will do so until we get that seizure monitor thing Jonah was talking about. Paul also now comes out of his room.

"Wow. ok." He grumbles and heads right to the coffee.

"Aww, cmon. Paulie. You love it." Trisha smirks but Paul shows little to no interest.

Right in the dining room next to the sliders is a big fat decorated Christmas tree. A REAL Christmas tree.

"Festive..." Jonah yawns. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Oh Stop, Scrooge." Casey pokes him in his abs. "It's beautiful Nate! I didn't think you were going to decorate. With all that's going on." Mini Julia practically skips around the tree looking at all the ornaments and lights. She's like a little kid. 

"This is important to Julia."

"Julia...as in Julia at the Avalon? The one who doesn't live here?" James is in no mood. I had a feeling he wouldn't be thrilled over a Christmas Tree, with the loss of his son and all. 

"She told me Luke never let her get a real tree. They always had a fake one. She gave me one job. Even though she isn't here to enjoy it she told me I needed to put up a real Christmas tree. So, I ..."

"Who?" Trisha furrows her brows.

"Sorry Trisha hired out and the crew came this morning while you guys were sleeping. P.S. you guys are all very heavy sleepers, you know that?"

James softens his face and his shoulders fall. He nods and looks at the tree. "She's going to love it."

"Paul. Get dressed and take me to the Avalon." I demand and Paul gives me a look like I'm out of my mind.

"It's eight in the morning. They aren't going to let you in this early."

"They will, trust me. I want to be there for when Julia wakes up."

*****

I drag Paul out earlier than usual on this brisk Saturday morning. I'd drive myself but, you know, DUI fucked that one up.

With Trisha....and Jeremy's help, we accomplished what we wanted very early in the morning. Like 6am early. Money talks so the decorator was all for this last-minute job. But I couldn't get the go ahead without Jeremy Donovan. Look at that, the guy actually did me a favor.

On Saturday mornings the Avalon doesn't start their routine until 9am so I knew no one would really be out and about yet. As Paul and I walk into the Avalon lobby, we see the big beautiful and perfectly decorated REAL tree in the middle of the foyer. It's huge and tall like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. The scent of pine fills the air but doesn't overpower the large room.

 There's another equally beautiful tree in the Rec Room. One in the Cafeteria.  One at the end of Cara's hallway and one at the end of Julia's hallway.

It's perfect. All of it.

Jeremy is waiting for me near the intake room shaking his head.

"I can't believe you let me talk you into this." He jokes.

"It's for Julia." I shrug and head to her room. Paul waits outside as I enter the bedroom and notice Julia is still asleep. She looks so peaceful and childlike in her sleep. But she's pale. Very pale. Her withdrawals are doing a number on her and she could probably use all the sleep she can get.

But that doesn't stop me.

 I lean in and kiss her perfect lips. While doing so, I hear muffled music and curiously look around her bed.  That's when I find her phone under her pillow. Playing one of my songs on repeat. Her battery is at 2%. Julia was listening to my voice to help her fall asleep.  My heart fills to the brim just thinking about that.  It also makes me sad. Because soon I'll be leaving her. This was never the way things were supposed to go. Especially these last few weeks.

I tuck her hair behind her ear and whisper. "Hey princess, wake up."

Her eyes slowly open to meet mine and the second she sees me her lips turn up into a slight smile.

"What time is it?" Julia's raspy morning voice is the sexiest sound in the universe.

"Eight. I wanted to show you a little something though." I give her a moment to stretch her petite body with a drawn-out yawn which makes me laugh. God I'm so obsessed with her.  Even with her wearing light blue Avalon sweatpants and sweatshirt that is the smallest size but clearly too big for her. And white hospital socks with those weird grip things on the bottom.

Like clockwork, the moment Julia is awake, her shaking body trembles more and she hugs herself in hopes to stop it.

"Did you sleep ok?" I sit on her bed and pull her into me. 

"No. I don't think I fell asleep until four. Is James ok? Was he alone? Did you check on him?"

I'm not going to tell Julia Trisha slept in his bed last night. That would kill the mood so I leave out the specifics.

"He's perfectly fine. Hey... look." I pull my phone out of my jeans pocket and unlock it. Then I show Julia the picture of the decorated Christmas tree at my place. She gasps in delight like a child.

"You did it! I JUST told you about this!" Her eyes light up from the photo

"What can I say, doll. I'm an overachiever."

"It's perfect. I can almost smell it." 

I try not to laugh at that as Julia wraps her arms around me. She definitely smells pine. This moment is perfect, but she has no idea about the trees here.

"Thanks, Nate. This means a lot to me. I know I can't be there to physically see it. But still.... Just the fact you did it for me."

"Jules, I'd do anything for you. Absolutely anything. You know that by now." I kiss her lips softly and then pull her out of bed. She holds on to my arm, feeling a little dizzy from detox.

"I have one more thing to show you."

*****

*Julia* 

I can't possibly imagine what else Nate needs to show me. He knows I can't leave the facility. But I follow his lead regardless.

"Go ahead, love." Nate opens my door for me. I cock my head and furrow my brows at him with uncertainty. It's still early for a Saturday morning at The Avalon. Session doesn't even start for another hour. I'm surprised they even let Nate in. I walk out into the empty hallway and look to my right.

At the end of the hall is this big gorgeous fully decorated and lit real Christmas tree. Right here at the Avalon.

I slap my hand to my mouth in surprise and my eyes fill up. I have ALWAYS wanted a real Christmas tree.  I waste no time making my way down the hall to it, tears and all. The distinct woodsy, crisp scent of pine smells...soothing. I don't even know how to describe it. Calm. The red, green, gold and silver bulbs of all different sizes take over the branches and the shiny star on top of the tree sparkles. The white lights fade to turn colorful and then back to white slowly.

"Oh my God." I cry and turn around to see Nate right behind me with a silly proud grin on his face. 

"Nate.... What did you do?" I whisper in a jokingly reprimanding way. He takes both my hands and kisses my cheek, leaving his lips close to my ear.

"Just wanted to spruce the place up a bit, doll." He says and his British accent seems stronger.

"Thank you." I'm literally bawling my eyes out now.

"Do you like it?"

"I LOVE it!" I exclaim. I leap into his arms and hug him as tight as I can. He lifts me up so my feet can't touch the ground and spins me around before putting me down and cupping my face for a kiss.

"Good. C'mon." He takes my hand.

"Wait. I want to look at it longer."

"You will." He drags me down the hall. "I was gonna say. If you didn't like that tree, maybe you'd like this one." 

We pass the rec room and my eyes light up. It's a SECOND tree! Just as beautiful as the first. This one has gold ribbon all around it with dainty red and gold ornaments perfectly placed and white lights.

"Oh!" That's all I currently know how to say while gazing at the huge Christmas tree. Nate THEN brings me to the empty cafeteria where in the back corner is, you guessed it, ANOTHER real tree!

This one is decorated with red and white ornaments, bulbs and candy canes. with striped candy cane ribbons flowing from top to bottom.

"How did you DO this!? When?" I run to the tree but then need to stop and hold on to a table, feeling lightheaded.

"Easy, doll. Here." Nate takes my arm and guides me to see the tree. The ornaments are little presents and bells and snowflakes.

"I can't believe you got someone to bring in three trees overnight. How??"

"I have my ways. And five. There's one down Cara's hall and my favorite is in the foyer." He announces. "That one is my favorite. C'mon."

We walk out towards the foyer and right in the middle of the huge luxurious room is the biggest Christmas tree I have ever seen in my life.  It's stunning. Words to describe it would never do it justice. It's tall and wide with these stunning gold ornaments dripping from each branch. Every ornament is silver or gold and the tree itself literally sparkles. The extravagant tree has double the number of white lights The branches without the ornaments have these breathtaking glass gold bulbs that are decorated with intricate designs on each one. Really really expensive looking bulbs. The finishing touch is the string of golden that drops from one branch to the next making perfect U shapes like someone measured the distance between each and every branch it's hung from. On the top of a tree is a gold star that shimmers just as much as the rest of the decorations.

I begin to cry.

Like REALLY cry.

******

*Nate*

Job well done. Thank you, Trisha and Jeremy. Trisha helped me pick each tree out and arranged the last minute delivery and Jeremy let the men in so they could get to work. We had to make sure the large trucks were unmarked due to the remaining reporters and fans still lingering at the front entrance gate.

But we got it done.  Each tree cost $2,500 decorated except the main foyer tree which price tag was a mere S7,000. It was well worth the $17,000 and I will NEVER forget the look on Julia's face right now.