*Nate*

I had forgotten how hard detox really is. Julia never got a chance to fully detox from her Ativan addiction before needing to be back on the med, so tonight she's really feeling it. The way Julia copes with this is by keeping her mind busy. The way she keeps her mind busy is by taking care of others. When she's not in Mike Maloney's room helping him, she's helping James. When she's not helping James, she checks on Cara. Anything to keep Julia's mind off her withdrawals.

On top of it all, the stress from the media attention is unreal. Things have escalated. The patients being the sanest of everyone, and that says a lot.

My fans are just being fans, but other than a few people arrested for trying to get into the facility, they are no longer the ones causing trouble. It's the reporters. Two reporters have been arrested so far for harassing police officers to let them in. They want the inside scoop. Not only that, but other reporters also continue to dig deep into my past for more information on my sister. The crowd of newscasters outside of The Avalon gates is insane. I'm not surprised my life is being displayed, but I always wonder how the hell these people get the information!

It's six thirty in the evening, and things have yet to die down. Julia is helping Mike in his room as they take turns throwing up. Of course, Dickhead Donovan is with the two of them. James is on a facetime call with Trisha thanks to Paul helping him and Jonah is out in the small backyard on the phone with Casey. I just got finished with a virtual meeting with Elliott and Richard. 

I turn on the TV and almost drop the remote at what I'm looking at. It's not Cara this particular reporter is interested in. This East Coast reporter is digging into JULIA's life more!

"Like I said, we've been through our share of struggles. The loss of our son just...it was too much." Luke Moretti responds. There he is, Julia's ex-husband, sitting down with a reporter. The man looks good. Well groomed, well dressed. His face shows no signs of stress or being tired like we all do.

  I can't believe he is sitting down for an interview with reporters right now. How much did they pay him for this? Is he that much of a dick to talk about the woman he once loved on national TV?

I feel sick. Yet I can't seem to look away.

"Oh shit." Paul looks up at the TV.

"This has nothing to do with the loss of her son, though. Does it, Mr. Moretti?" The blonde looks down at the notes in front of her and back up. "Or the fact you had a secret life with another woman while you were still married."

Luke Moretti is as dumb as they come. Did he think by talking about Julia's mental health for a paycheck would be all the reporter would focus on?  Of course she'd dig up his affair. He looks like a fool.

"That's in the past. It has nothing to do with her addiction or the fact that she is bipolar. You don't become bipolar from an affair." Luke retorts and shifts in his seat a little.

"Where's Moretti? She can't deal with this tonight. She's gonna freak." Paul jolts up out of the recliner and leaves the apartment. He's always been protective of Julia. He also knows when she sees her ex on TV it is going to stir up a shitload of past trauma.  Paul has witnessed it with his own eyes the multiple times Julia went into shock after remembering awful incidents she blocked out of her mind for years.

Jonah comes in from outside after his phone call with Casey and his eyes widen at the interview.

"Oh no." He says in shock. "Why? I don't get it." Jonah can't look away from the news now. "I thought this was about you and your sister? Why does it keep going back to Julia's life??"

"Because she's famous."  

I turn around to see Jeremy in the doorway shaking his head at the news. "She's famous and her life is intriguing. How many famous people do you know who are Bipolar? That has been made public?? I can't name one person." He crosses his arms in disgust over the news and continues. "How many people win a contest, fly across the country to be with the most famous person in the world, then begin dating the guy, who then proposes to her, all while mourning the death of her son, a broken marriage, and a shit load of mental illness. Add addiction as the cherry on top and Julia is now an icon. She relates to so many different people because she has so much going on that's wrapped into one person."

He's got a point.  

And now I feel sick to my stomach. It's because of me her life is on display. 

******

*Julia*

"The IV seems to be helping. Bout time someone did their job around here." I say to Mike but know Nurse Brenda is right behind me. My comment is geared to her. To all the nurses here who treat Mike differently from the rest of the patients.

Mike, like me, is at the peak of his detox. Heroin use is the hardest drug to withdraw from, and he is feeling all the symptoms right now.

"Christ, I can't stop shaking! My muscles actually hurt from this." He says. Mike is propped up in bed with some pillows. The weighted blanket Jeremy brought over to him awhile back drapes over his trembling body.

Paul stands in the doorway, looking disheveled and out of breath. "You should probably get back to your room, Moretti."

"I will in a little bit." I hold a bottle of Gatorade up to Mike, who then takes a sip from the straw. His hands are so shaky that I'm afraid he will drop the drink.

"I didn't know your husband had some secret life! That's crazy!" Cara pushes past Paul with a laugh. "No wonder you're such a mess."

"What?" I almost drop the Gatorade.

"Cara, go back to your room." The anger in Paul's voice surprises us, and Cara just shrugs. 

"Whatever. But you have good taste. Your husband is hot. For a guy in his forties."

"CARA. Go. To. Your. Room" The vein in Paul's neck pulsates, and nurse Brenda quickly senses the tension and whisks Cara away.

"How would she know your husband is hot? Wait. You have a husband?" Mike asks curiously and sits up a little straighter.

"Ex. What is she talking about, Paul?"

"Why don't we go back to your room to talk." He suggests. I walk up to the massive bodyguard so that I'm just inches away from him and look up.

"Just fucking tell me." I demand, still tilting my head back to keep my eye contact.

 Paul looks down at me and his facial expression softens.

"Luke did an interview today."

I stare at Paul. Did I hear him right?

"What do you mean Luke did an interview today?" My body tenses up.

"They must have paid him to get an interview with him. He went on to talk about your mental health and your past."

My heart is racing hearing this. I don't even know what to say. I'm appalled. Embarrassed. Furious.

Luke blindsided me.

For money.

The man I was married to for 17 years. The man I once lived a life with. The man I had a child with. The man I buried a child with.

I take a step back.

"He talked about m-my..." My question comes out as a mere whisper while I take in what Paul just said. My body shakes as I walk backwards until I hit the wall behind me. "On tv?"

Paul's shoulders drop as he nods. 

"Hey, man. She's really shaking. Like more than detox." I hear Mike say.

Luke went on TV and talked about my life for money.

"Christ. She's in shock. NURSE!" Paul calls out.

For fucking MONEY. He sat down with a reporter and talked about my life.

FOR FUCKING MONEY.

*******

*Nate*

We watch the full interview. Luke talked about how they met in high school. How he loved her. He pinned his affair on Julia checking out after losing their son. He was cheating on Julia BEFORE Danny died. He was with Nicole the DAY Danny died. Does he think I would ever forget the timeline of this shit? Julia wrote about it. Journal entry after journal entry as the memories came back to her. Luke made it out like Julia was mentally gone by the time him and Nicole were ever in a relationship. He spun her whole life around so people would feel sorry for the man who lost his teenage son in a car accident and lost his wife to mental illness.

"And you didn't think something was wrong? You didn't try to get help for your wife?" Was one of the things the reporter asked.

"Of course I did. But Julia's a little, you know. She's a little wild. I mean, look at her. She's beautiful. But she's all over the place. Even now."

When Luke is done spewing out false news, Jonah turns off the tv.

"Most of that was a load of crap." James mutters. "He played the Woe Is Me card big time."

"But some of it was true." Jeremy responds. "And it's the true stuff that's going to hurt Julia. The things that are true are the things that she's going to focus on."

 The doctor's pager goes off and he looks down at the number. "Shit." Jeremy looks up at me and back down. He doesn't need to say anything more. It's Julia. And it is James who is out the door first before we can even process it.

By the time we get the dog inside the house and her harness on to chase after James, James is already walking back into the room. Paul is behind him, carrying Julia. She is clearly in shock. Her skin is pale, her breathing is shallow and her body trembles more than from withdrawals. She's completely disassociated with anything going on around her.

"Find a blood pressure cuff." Jonah snaps at Jeremy who scrambles out the door.

 Paul places Julia on the couch and she just sits there. Staring ahead just like she used to when something big happened. Maggie hops right up on her lap, but Julia doesn't respond to the dog. I sit down next to her and hold her clammy left hand in mine.  I feel responsible for all of this.

"I'm going to fix this, doll." I whisper in her ear and kiss her cheek. "This ends tonight."

*****

"Breaking news right outside The Avalon. We have been notified that pop sensation singer-songwriter and America's Heartthrob Nate Hollan himself will be holding a press conference later this evening at 8pm. Stay tuned for more info."

"This is completely unscripted, Nate. Do you know what you're doing?" Elliot asks on the other line. He says the exact same thing Trisha just got done saying two seconds ago over the phone. She also said this is insane and what is going to happen when some reporter asks a question I can't answer. There's no Elliott to take over.

"I know exactly what to do."

Bodyguards surround one of the conference rooms in the Avalon. All patients are to report directly to their nurses and stay in their rooms during the short session. A total of 25 reporters have been cleared to come through the Avalon doors and 5 cameramen from local news stations. Police have caution taped a section to barricade off so no one gets in my face and there are 7 officers around the room. I feel safe. 

Fortunately, I came in early this morning dressed up in khaki pants, a dress shirt and a tie and that is how the public will see me.

But this isn't about me. It's no longer about Cara. The public's interest has been turned back to Julia and I'm going to wipe the slate clean for her.

"Are you ready?" I ask Jonah. Jonah is now dressed in blue scrubs to look more like what the people want to see in a nurse. Not a Nike T-shirt and running pants. Jonah is going to be right next to me to answer any medical questions as well as keep everyone on the straight and narrow. If anyone can steer the questioning back to where the focus needs to be its Jonah. The most levelheaded man I know.

I take a deep inhale, and Paul opens the conference door for me. I walk in and the door closes automatically. I'm to stand right by the door the whole time for a smooth exit after the press conference.

All eyes are on me.

"Thank you all for taking the time to come to this last-minute press conference." I bullshit and flash a smile. These people have been outside the Avalon all day just waiting for a moment like this.

"I'd like to use this platform to address some facts, flaws and put some rumors to rest that have developed throughout the day. Rumors about not only my personal life, but the personal lives of people I love." I begin. "Yes, my 18-year-old sister is a resident here at The Avalon. When you have a loved one diagnosed with a medical condition you want only the best care for them. After much research, The Avalon is by far the best mental health care facility in the country. Not only does it cater to multiple medical conditions, but it has been a blessing for many who suffer from addiction. As you all know, I am a recovering alcoholic. I will always be a recovering alcoholic. 

I myself come to the Avalon for my AA meetings. My fiancé, Julia Moretti, also comes here for her substance abuse. But more than that, this place offers numerous talk therapy and grief therapy sessions. If anyone has ever lost a parent or a child of their own, they know grief can take over your entire existence. 

The Avalon has helped both my sister and I navigate life after my father died of a heart attack at age 42. And the Avalon is helping Julia navigate life after the loss of her son.

"Mr. Hollan, is it true Julia Moretti's failed marriage was from her mental instabilities?" A reporter cuts in. I expected for this to happen. I smile brightly at the man and don't miss a beat.

"Many will speculate on this failed marriage but let me set the record straight. Let it be known- Luke Moretti cheated on his wife well before her son passed away. This affair was going on well before Danny Moretti's tragic accident. In fact, Julia was alone with her son right to his last breath while Luke Moretti was at a hotel with his mistress. This affair carried on throughout the rest of their marriage."

A loud number of gasps echo throughout the room. Bet they didn't think I'd even go there, did they? Like I said. The rumors end tonight.

"So you are saying Mr. Moretti provided false information during this afternoon's interview?" Another reporter asks.

"That is exactly what I'm saying." I bluntly respond.

"And is it true both your sister and Julia Moretti suffer from the same mental illness? They both suffer from bipolar disorder?"

"Yes, here to help you all understand what Bipolar is and to answer any medical questions is my own personal nurse, Jonah Marshall. Jonah Marshall was the very first medical professional I admitted my alcohol problem to and is now not only my sponsor but a dear friend. Jonah is an outstanding and extremely knowledgeable and dedicated nurse who has been caring for both myself and Julia from day one." I nod to Jonah and take a step back to let him answer medical questions.

Jonah does what he does best. He is a very smart man, perfect speaker and easy on the eyes. The reporters ate it up.

He talked about the disorder as well as misconceptions people have had in the past. He says the truth but doesn't dwell on the negatives. In fact, he praises both Julia and Cara for the strength they have to live with this condition.

He talks about how this has made Julia a phenomenal caretaker, not only for the people she loves but for the patients here at the Avalon. How she goes above and beyond for them and how others can relate to her easily.

He closes with how grateful he is to be our nurse and how proud he is of Julia, now a public figure, who battles Bipolar. How it's ok to talk about mental illness.

It was perfect.

We ended on a high note talking about my second leg of tour approaching. The minute I am escorted out I exhale, not realizing I had been holding my breath for most of the conference. 

So there it is. Word is out. Everyone knows where my sister lives and why as well as all rumors about Julia thanks to her ex douch bag husband put to rest.

Time to move on.

*****

"So now what?" I ask Trisha over the phone after I got the "job well done' from Elliott.

"Now you sit and wait for the lockdown to be lifted. Hopefully your press conference did the trick so fans and reporters will leave the premises. Until then, looks like you're spending the night at The Avalon, playboy."

Lovely.

I hang up before Jonah and I walk into Julia's apartment. Jeremy is here and he looks up at me from the couch, looking pretty exhausted.  I notice the back light is on and see Julia and James sitting outside with the dog.

"She's no longer in shock and has cried all her tears but she is clearly pissed at her ex." Jeremy informs me. "As she should be. The asshole tried to expose her and make her this awful wife when we all know she wasn't, for money." The doctor pauses. "On top of that, her detox is fully under way. She's at the peak, feeling all the withdrawal symptoms hard now."

I hear both Paul and Jonah sigh behind me.

"There's nothing you can give her to help her with her symptoms? Nothing at all?" I ask, already knowing the answer to this.

"Not really. I mean, Benadryl before bed maybe to help her sleep a little but tonight is going to be rough."

"During a lockdown to boot. This should be fun." Jonah sighs and begins to raid the fridge.

I sit down on the recliner, loosen my tie and close my eyes. This entire day has been exhausting from the moment I woke up.

"Do you guys want me to find you some food in the kitchen?" Jeremy stands and Jonah nods. Julia is sitting outside talking to James so I'm not needed by her right now. I volunteer to go with Dickhead Donovan.

He leads me down this back hallway behind the cafeteria and I have to ask the question that's been running through my mind lately.

"Why are you being so nice to everyone?"

Jeremy stops in his tracks and looks at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.... you could have not cared and had us sleeping on the floor in Julia's room during this lockdown. You could have said 'you're on your own' for food this late at night. You could be in your own apartment not caring about shit right now." I start. "Or fucking with another patient." I end which leads Jeremy to huff.

"I'm not a bad person. I've done some shitty things in my life but-"

"Some REALLY shitty things." I interrupt.

"Yes, some REALLY shitty things. Things I would never normally do. Things I will regret every single day for the rest of my life. Listen, I can't explain this crap to you right now, ok? But please know I'm not some monster you all make me out to be."

"I WAS THERE JEREMY! I saw what you were doing to her. It's something neither myself or Paul will ever forget." I lash out, being done with the day. "Just fucking be honest with me. I need to know you will never...EVER lay a finger on Julia again or I swear to god I will bury you myself."

Jeremy swallows hard with a nod and I actually, dare I say, see his eyes become glossy. He nods and looks down with his hands in his pocket.

"That WAS a monster. I'm not gonna lie or sugar coat it. I don't even remember all of it. Just bits and pieces of me losing control. The same way Julia loses control during her manic episodes. How she only remembers bits and pieces and never in the right order. It's not an excuse for me but it's my reality. I wasn't taking my medications. I thought I was fine, ok? I thought I had my shit under control." He sniffs and raises his eyes to meet mine before he continues. "I'm not a bad person. And I'm on the right medications and taking care of myself in all the ways I need to. I wasn't back then. I was in a failed marriage to an awful woman who used me and... again... no excuses. But I stopped caring. I stopped taking care of myself and fell into this dark place. I'm getting the help I need now."

Jeremy Donovan is telling me the truth. That much I can see. But he's right. It doesn't make what he did go away. It doesn't erase the memories or the trauma he induced on Julia. I don't know when Julia will be able to forgive him, if ever. That's not up to me. I also don't know when I will be able to forgive him.

That being said, and secretly knowing about his mental disorders, I do believe he is getting the help he needs. 

I give him the slightest nod and end the conversation for tonight.

******

*Julia*

"Christmas is coming up.  I think that's why James's emotions are all over the place lately. His son died on Christmas eve." I lay in bed and Nate wraps his arms around me. Everyone is asleep now. Jonah on the pull-out couch, Paul in one of the recliners and James on a cot Jeremy wheeled in before he went "home."

I shiver and shake and just got done throwing up. Tonight has been the worst for my detox. The absolute worst. Nate uses his body heat to try to sooth me but nothing is working. On top of it, all this stress from the day has caught up to everyone.

"We were talking about it out back while you had the press conference. This time of year is hard for anyone who lost a child."

"I can't even imagine. I'm sorry, love. For everything. For your whole life being on display because of me. Your past being dug up for the world to see. It's all because of me." Nate buries his face in my hair while spooning me. "And now your here. For Christmas."

"It's not your fault. Just don't expect any gifts unless you want em from the hospital gift shop." I make Nate laugh and I smile."Can you do me one favor?"

"Anything, doll."

"Buy a real Christmas tree to put in your apartment. I know I won't get to see it but buy one anyways. Buy one and decorate it." I can tell Nate has probably never purchased a Christmas tree in his life.

"Oh?"

"A real one. Not a fake one. It's important to me." I continue.

"Ok. But why a real one?"

"I've always wanted a real tree. Danny too. But Luke said it was too much work and bad for the environment. Blah blah blah. We'd put up a cruddy fake one every  year.  This year.... this year I want a real tree. A tree that Danny and I would have loved to have." I sniff and become emotional just thinking about it.

Nate turns me around to see my tears. Hecups my face and leans his forehead on mine before kissing me.

"Real tree it is, doll."

******