*Julia*

"Ok, since talking is not an option right now, I printed this out. Let's go over the itinerary." Trish hands us all a printed paper as we sit in the living room together.

"Now we had planned on going a week early to sight-see, but that all depends on a clean bill of health for Nate. So I'm not going to go over that part yet. Not until we know for sure we can go early. Let's flip to page three, 'Day 1  Night 1 London'. The flight is  roughly ten hours and thirty minutes. But we will be taking Nate's private jet."

I look over at Nate on one side of me and James on the other with a huge smile on my face. Casey sports the same smile looking at Jonah and Nate.

"Wow. A private jet?!" Casey's can barely contain her excitement, making Nate laugh a little and nod. He knows he needs to refrain from using his vocal chords until his throat heals. Nate grabs his phone and types away and then hands it to Trisha.

"He said we can all go see it tomorrow after their Avalon session if you guys like."

Everyone says yes, including James. I wasn't sure how he would feel about all of this. I know he wants to see the world and experience things with me. But money and materialistic things don't wow James. Not in the least. But he pats me knee under the table and smiles.

"So here's what to expect on the first day of the tour." Trisha looks down down at the printed agenda, and we all read along. 

"Arrival at the tour stop. We will be flying out the night before, so we should land around ten in the morning. The first thing we do is check into our hotel. We will all stay at the same hotel, on the same floor. We all have our own hotel rooms. The rest of the band, crew, tech, team, managers, everyone else- will stay at another local hotel a notch down from us. That's always how it goes. Once we check in, breakfast will be served, and then we rest for the morning, shower, and all that. At noon, we will need to move around a little. Go to the gym, walk the dog for awhile, do our PT," Trisha looks at James, who nods. 

"We can walk around town for a bit. But we have to be back at the hotel by 3 pm. I wouldn't bother unpacking. It's not worth it because we're not sleeping there. We are only using the hotel from check-in until 4 pm. At 4 p.m., we all head over to the venue. Our tour bus that will get us through the first leg of the tour will be parked and waiting for us. Catering will be set up at the venue where the tour busses park. They will show us to the back entrance. A cafeteria will be set up  three meals a day as well as a pre - and post concert before packing up and heading to the next venue. There will be plenty of food and drinks for everyone." 

"The game room will be set up in the empty garage in the venue building where the dressing room is also located behind the stage. There will be gym equipment and showers available there, and for the most part, that is where everyone will stay and hang out until it's show time.  Like always, ping pong tables, video game consoles, movies, basketball hoops.." Trisha says while Nate texts her. She looks down and rolls her eyes.

 "Yes, soccer... football nets out in the back. Every tour has things like this set up for everyone. There's a whole team of people that Nate hires to do this. Most celebrities have similar setups to help pass the time."

"Nate, after you eat something, you go right to the stage for your soundcheck. Anyone can stay and watch. They will give us Tour Passes that we will have to wear around our necks the entire time so security will let you through. Paul, you know the drill. Bring James with you for the bodyguard meetings beforehand, and get him an earpiece. Ok, moving on-Soundcheck at the venue. Meet the local crew, go over the show details and setlist, and then two pre show interviews, one press conference, and one meet- and - greet with promoters and fans. You'll check in with Leslie and the Tour Managers for any last-minute  concerns, then go straight to wardrobe, hair and make-up, one more short sound check." Trisha pauses. "Then night one of the "Around The World" Nate Hollan Concert!" She takes a breath before reading through the rest of the outline.

"Once the concert is over, we eat and stay for a little afterparty - Nate, no alcohol  will be near you. I'll make sure of that. But people will be celebrating so also be aware of drugs. You are all grown adults, but we have two recovering addicts. It's just not worth it." She looks up at me and then to Nate as we both nod. "Then we head right to the tour bus to sleep through the night while the driver drives us to the next destination. We don't have another flight for three more days. Nate and Julia, before we leave, we will pick out all the clothes you will need the first week, so everything is on the tour bus. Everyone else, I can help you on how to pack in increments so that some luggage can be left on the plane for later dates."

"This all seems surreal." Jonah shakes his head while reading the itinerary.

"Oh, it's real! So you guys keep this copy for day one. This is just an outline of what to expect, but things do change. We will all be together, and being Nate's Personal Assistant, I will have the daily itinerary on hand at all times. I will tell you where to go, what time to be back, all of that. I work closely with Leslie, and she's like me, OCD when it comes to this stuff."

"Thanks for doing all this for us, Trisha. I know it's a lot of work and a lot of extra people you're not used to keeping track of." I catch Trisha off guard with my gratitude, and for a moment, she doesn't know how to react. This IS a lot of work for her. She's used to just having Nate and Paul. Not Nate, Paul, two nurses, girlfriend, girlfriend's best friend and dog.

"You're welcome." She says happily. Trisha is excited about the tour. This is right up her alley.

But for the rest of us, it's a bit overwhelming.

******

*Nate*

"We're going on tour." 

I can hear Julia chatting away with James out on the balcony. She seems excited, but James seems a little apprehensive.

"Are you excited?" She asks.

"I am. I'm just a little nervous, too. I don't travel much." James admits. He's spent most of his life working to provide for his family. "And..." He begins to say something but stops.

"What?" I hear Julia say. 

"I ju- just.." He stops again and drops his head. "I'm not used to being alone anymore."

I think about what James said. He's right. This has to be a lot for him to take in. Neither knew I could hear them, so I casually walked out onto the balcony and gave them a nod before handing Julia my phone.

"Seriously?" Julia looks up at me with a bit of shock when I nod. She reads the text  again and smiles, looks up at me, and back down one more time.

"You won't be alone, James." Julia sits down and tucks his hair away from his forehead like a mother would do. One thing with James- his brain is not fully back to itself. It's not fully healed. Sometimes, he is that of a child. This is one of those times. 

Julia puts the phone in James's hand and holds it with him so he can read it. His glossy eyes look up at me and back down.

[James, you will never be alone. When we are in hotel rooms, you and Maggie will be with me and Jules so she can take care of you. Aside from that, we are all together in one unit, whether that be the plane or tour bus. You will never be alone.]

I had a feeling that James would be too nervous to stay somewhere alone, and my gut feeling was right hearing him talk to Julia just now. I will go ahead and have Trisha cancel his room. He can stay with us. Wherever we go, Trisha knows to book me a suite. So there will be a separate bedroom. We will still have our much needed privacy. This will be good for James. And Julia since she is the one who takes care of him the most. So long as they keep their hands off each other, I'm good.

What I wasn't expecting was for James to stand up and hug me. When the guy isn't sleeping with my girlfriend or punching me in the face, he's hugging me.

"Thank you." James sniffs and backs away. I nod a 'you're welcome' knowing I can't use my voice.

"C'mon, James. I'll help you get ready for bed." Julia watches James walk back into the apartment and then leans up on her toes and kisses me. It was the sweetest, most heartfelt kiss I've ever experienced.

"Thank you." She whispers against my ear. I know this means a lot to her. It's a small sacrifice, really.

[I want him to have fun and be comfortable too. He deserves it after all he's been through. I never want him to feel nervous] I type for her to read.

Julia looks at the message and back up to me with tear filled eyes and a smile.

My agenda is no longer fighting for Julia. I have her already. My agenda now is to make sure she is happy in every way possible every single day I'm breathing.  She loves James, and I want him to be happy as well. I will always take care of him, regardless. But knowing by doing these simple acts of kindness puts a smile on Julia's face, I know I'm making her happy. It's all I want for her. For us. And yes. For James. To be happy.

Because my heartbeats are limited.

******

"Hey. Do you have a minute?" Paul asks. It's late. Everyone's asleep. Everyone but Paul, Jonah, and I. One of the new medications I am on is  making it hard for me to get a good night's sleep so Jonah is doing some research. He's on his laptop  at the dining room table, and I'm sitting next to him....being mute.

I unlock my phone and begin texting my bodyguard, who sits right across from me.

[What's up]

"Listen," Paul says in a low voice, leaning in a little while sitting at the dining room table. "The other day. The day I brought James to see his sisters. We went to Sully's."

I shake my head. Big deal. Neither of them are addicts. They can drink as much as they want for all  I care.

"Jeremy was there. At a back table.."

"Ok.." I slip up and speak. 

"NATE!" Jonah reprimands, and I sigh. I pick up my phone and type OK while raising an eyebrow at my nurse.

"He was with Dave Brennan."

"What?!" My eyes practically bulge out of my head.

"NATE!" Jonah furrows his  brows at me. I cough a little and shake my head when I taste the metallic in my mouth. Blood. Jonah must have caught on before I even did when he quickly bolts up and grabs me a napkin. I wipe my mouth, and just like I thought. One outburst, one word, had me irritate my throat and cough up blood.

"Take this seriously. I know it's hard." Jonah takes the napkin from me to see the blood, which has Paul look away. "Take it as serious as your heart attack. Please, brother."

I nod and take a sip of my water, feeling it burn the whole way down. It's gonna take a little while longer for this to heal, isn't it? 

[ Paul. Talk]

"I don't know how they know each other. Natalie filled me in a little. They didn't go into the bar together. Donovan had some words for Brennan, though, and was about to leave, but I guess Dave has something on Jeremy. I'm not sure what, and Nat couldn't hear what was said. But whatever Dave said got Donovan's attention. He turned around and sat back down at the table. Neither of them saw me or James."

 "I don't get how they would even know each other." Jonah says for me, closing his laptop to join the conversation.

[ So you didn't go over to them? nothing was done?] I ask. I have a feeling that if I know Paul the way I know Paul, something was done. Maybe not directly. Maybe indirectly, but I can just see it in the bodyguard's eyes.

"Dave may or may not have come back out to a few flat tires." Paul admits.

"You slashed the guy's tires??" Jonah really doesn't know who he is living with, does he?? Paul is a well-known bodyguard here in L.A. but back in New York, the lad had quite a past. It's not a great one at that. I knew all of this before he was hired. I didn't care. That shit doesn't phase me. We all have a past.

[I don't feel good about the two of them chatting it up over beers] I text  and leave my phone flat on the table so Jonah can read my responses as well since he is now part of the conversation.

"Tomorrow, I want to be the one to bring Julia to the Avalon. If that's fine."

Why so you can slash Jeremy's tires, too? Find out what he's driving? what are you thinking Paulie?!?]

"Nah. I think he drives a fucking Prius. Not worth the effort. I don't know.  I just want to put the guy on edge a little. Not say anything, but just be present. Maybe something will slip up on it's own."

"Julia is gonna wonder why the sudden change. She doesn't do well with change." Jonah reminds us both and we sit in silence for a moment before I text.

[Can't you say  James has a doctor appointment? And you want to go with him to get all information before we start traveling? Casey is great, don't get me wrong. But Jonah, she's young and to be honest, I really consider you the 'doctor ' in the house and her more the nurse. I don't mean that in a bad way at all so please don't take it that way. You just have more experience than Casey has.]

The truth is out. And I don't want Jonah OR Casey to think anything negative about that. I've known Jonah since the very beginning . He knows my whole history now. I feel like Casey is still learning.

*****

*Julia*

I'm on edge and Paul isn't telling me shit. It has been Jonah as my nurse at The Avalon for awhile and now suddenly it's Paul again?

"Can you please tell me what's going on?" I look at both Paul and Nate but no one gives me an answer, hell not even Ren, the driver, glances my way. "Doesn't Trisha need her bodyguard?"

[She's with James, she'll be fine.] Nate keeps his phone on his lap so I can read what he wants to say.

"So... James needs Jonah AND Trisha to bring him to his doctor appointment? C'mon Nate..."

Nate glances over at Paul who says  nothing. Apparently whatever scheme they were plotting fell through when I mentioned multiple people having to go with James. I squint my eyes at the bodyguard who tries to shrug me off. Not that easy, pal.

"Paul. Spit it out." I demand and Nate lets out a sigh with a nod.

"Fine. I want to see if Jeremy is up to no good, that's all. I saw him at Sully's the other day... sitting with Trisha's ex, Dave." Paul grumbles and I shake my head.

"Why the hell would..." I stop short.. "So I'll just ask him then! That's easy."

"No. You can't" Paul says sternly.

"And why can't I? I don't get the big deal, guys. I can say I saw them together or something stupid."

"Because I may or may not have slashed a few tires to send a message."

The car goes silent. Ren keeps his eyes on the road. He knows he only gets paid to drive. Anything said within this SUV is confidential but I  can only imagine what he is thinking.

I close my eyes and rub my forehead before responding.

"You're a gigantic goon." It's all I could think of. Paul.. he really is a big goon. I huff and cross my arms over my chest as we pull in to The Avalon.

"Say nothing. And you too.." Paul rolls his eyes at Nate as we all get out of the car. 

"Mr. Hollan... Mr..Rossi is it?"

"Yes ma'am." Paul eyes the front desk woman. "Miss Moretti's nurse had a prior engagement. I will be with her. Whatever nurse you have scheduled for Nate can be hers too so you're not short staffed." Paul explains and then I chime in.

"Plus, Nate injured his throat and has been coughing up blood.  He's been medically advised , no speaking. At all. He was at the ER the same night his sister was taken in with Dr. Donovan. Nate isn't allowed to talk until everything heals."

"I'm sorry to hear this." The woman escorts us to the check in room. Not much is ever done for Nate except his alcohol screening, which Jonah has to do the breathalyzer every morning regardless, but The Avalon has certain protocols and this is one of them. She administers the alcohol screening and gives him a thumbs up.

As for me. I take a little bit more of their time. I have to be weighed. Go over my meals, my moods from the night before, my meds, any side effects. I have to be honest or I'm never gonna be able to travel with Nate.

"I forgot my papers at home." I honestly admit to the nurse.  I really did forget them on the table.

"Ok, not a problem. Tell me how your night was."  Nurse Kelly asks right as Jeremy walks by the room. I freeze when I see him turn around and come back. He always does this. He can't just keep walking. I always get nervous being around him. My hands begin to shake and I take a step back, further into the room. I don't know why I do this. Jeremy isn't going to do anything to me in front of people.

"It was fine." I look down and try to not make eye contact when Donovan walks towards the room.

"Nate. How are you feeling??" Jeremy leans against the door as Nate pulls out his phone.

"He can't talk. Something with his vocal chords." I relay the message like I did to the nurse.

[what the hell happened with cara?] 

Nate nudges me to hand his phone to Jeremy. I extend my arm to hand Dr. Donovan the cell phone and everyone notices my tremoring. Jeremy frowns when he sees it, knowing he is the one making me nervous. He takes the phone and reads it and then goes to hand it back to me. Paul takes it instead seeing how on edge that simple thing made me. He passes the phone back to Nate right as Nurse Kelly's beeper goes off. She looks down and then back up at Jeremy.

"Hold tight, folks." She quickly exits the intake room leaving us with Jeremy.

"She's fine. To answer your question. Needed a few stitches but it should heal without any scar."

"Did something provoke her??" I ask for Nate. I know Cara is different than I am. She's really young and sometimes nothing needs to provoke her for her to have a major episode. But I need to know.

"Julia, are you ok? Your hands are really shaking." Jeremy says softly and takes a step into the room.

"I wonder why." I comment sarcastically under my breath as the doctor drops his shoulders.

"Can we talk privately for a minute?"

"NO." Both Paul and Nate answer and I glare at Nate who begins to cough. Every time he talks he opens up whatever cut he has in there. I watch him look around the room frantically before finding a box of tissues. He grabs a tissue and turns away from us to get rid of the blood in his mouth.

"Jesus." Jeremy looks down at the tissue in the wastebasket. "Nate, why don't you go home and rest?"

"He can't skip any days. Remember?" I glare at the doctor. How quickly Jeremy forgets Nate's DUI charge.

"Right. Well this is ridiculous. He's not well. If he wants to recover to go on tour he needs to rest." We all watch Jeremy take Nate's chart from the table. He quickly initials  all the boxes down the row and signs the bottom.  He has that kind of control to do these things. Which is scary to think about.

"There. You went to all your sessions, why don't you go to Julia's room and rest for the morning. We can bring breakfast to you. I'm sure Julia knows what you like."

Nate's eyes go wide. As do mine and Paul's. Jeremy just made it so Nate could rest his entire time here at The Avalon without getting in trouble. By law he needs to do certain things every day and Jeremy just said he completed everything.

[really??] 

Nate holds his phone up and Jeremy gives him a sympathetic nod.

"Really. You aren't supposed to talk. Going to AA meetings and not participating is useless. C'mon, I'll walk you down. Unfortunately, you are stuck with me, Julia. You have to have a nurse with you at all times." 

Of course I do.

I hate that Jeremy did something nice for Nate. It makes hating him hard. But I will never forget what he did to me. That being said, I'm grateful Nate gets to rest. He kicks off his shoes and lays on my bed with his phone by his side.

"Alright. I will be back with your breakfast after my session then." I start but Jeremy shakes his head.

"Let's just go get his breakfast now. You can eat yours in here with him. It doesn't look like you are 'making any friends' sitting out there  anyways." Jeremy brings up how all of his patients are psychos out to murder me for the 'false' rape claim that was very much real. Not one person gives me the time of day. I am like the nerdy kid in middle school.  At least they don't do anything physical to me like when the news first came out.

"You'll let me eat in here?" I ask. I hate that he is nice to me!

"Yeah. I will just have to stay until your nurse comes back. To document your food and stuff. You won't miss much. Dr. Pelletier is running the morning session.

"Oh God..." I shake my head and look at Nate. "She is so boring. She talks in this monotone voice and half the time no one even knows what the topic is. She's all over the place."

Jeremy sighs at that. "She really is. Ok, lets go."

*******

*Nate*

I hate that Jeremy can be nice. Why can't he be mean and rude and obnoxious and downright awful. Isn't that how rapists should act? Why does he have to act like a decent human being? What's his hidden agenda behind all this? He can't be a good guy AND a rapist. It just doesn't work like that.  If he is trying to calm Julia's nerves or win her back so she will trust him, he's got another thing coming. She's petrified of him. Absolutely petrified. Nobody should ever have to be put in a situation she is in, yet here we are, and  Julia is doing an outstanding job trying to stay calm while being  in the same room as Jeremy. That takes a lot of effort to do.

What I really want to know is what connection Jeremy has with Dave Brennan. The only thing I can think of is the short time Trisha used Jeremy as her 'fake' therapist. But that still doesn't explain how the hell they know each other.

A few minutes go by where I'm just laying down wasting time, checking my emails when  I feel the sharp pain. I sit up in Julia's bed now knowing that pain isn't panic attack related. Now I know it's part of my heart disease. The Arrhythmia. Right as I sit up the crew comes back. Paul holding a tray of food for me, Jeremy holding Julia's tray for her.

"Nate?" Jeremy gives me a confused look as he enters the room. I didn't realize my hand was on my chest from the pain. I fumble to grab my phone.

[they diagnosed with me a hear arrhythmia.]

" Oh wow. I'm sorry." The doctor can't hide the shock in his eyes. He obviously knows what an arrhythmia is. "Were you laying down when you felt the pain?" 

I nod.  I sure was. Fucking Donovan props up the pillows behind me and inhales sharply. How thoughtful..... ... ... 

"Sometimes it feels worse when you are laying down. That sharp pain. Laying down...coughing...taking a deep breath.."

[ all of those]

 I nod and furrow my eyebrows. Jeremy practically read me like a book. I get the sharp pain with all of those things.

 Tell me how this kid  can be so fucking smart again yet hurt Julia the way I physically witnessed him hurt her. It's like two different people in one body.