The 10 hardest mental illness to live with are-

Borderline personality disorder, severe bipolar disorder, eating disorders, depression, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, paranoia and dissociative disorder.

Julia has six of those in one body. Know what else I've learned? Jeremy has two of his own mental health disorders. Wanna know how I found this out? 

My good friend Jonah.

*****

Three hours earlier-

*Nate*

I spent half the day with Julia until she had to go into a group session of her own. The entire time I was with her I was itching to get home to talk to Jonah. Once home, I told him everything about the Avalon and its history. We spent an hour looking it up online.

"I just don't understand why Jeremy would want to live there though. If he is getting some of the money from the Avalon he should be set for life. Why not rent a nice apartment close by or something? Why live IN the facility?" I ask. We are the only two in my apartment right now. Casey, James and Trisha went out to run some errands and Paul went to the Marriott. Something to do with the fourth floor.

"Yeah, brother. I don't know. Maybe he feels closer to his mom or grandfather by living there?"

"Bullshit. There's gotta be a better reason." I pace around the dining room table while he sits at his laptop. Then an idea comes to mind. "You're a nurse, right?"

"Um....... you know I am...."

"Do you still have access to the hospital portal? What if Jeremy is crazy himself? What if there are medical files or something to show that. Maybe he has his own diagnosis. It would explain so much." I ramble on. "The rape, the sudden mood changes and obsessive behavior."

"You want me to hack into the system to find someone's medical records? I can't do that, Nate."

"Sure you can."

"I only have access to the one hospital I worked at. Didn't he move here from Maine or something? I wouldn't have access to any of the hospitals there." He explains.

"Shit. You're right."

"Not that it matters. Even IF he had some real illness- mental health illnesses aren't really CURABLE. They are maintained. Maintained by the proper medications, therapies, coping tools and life skills to help a person live a productive life. So, if Jeremy is obsessed with Julia and went overboard by raping her because of mental illness it just means there's a name for why he did what he did. It doesn't stop him from doing it. The tools and meds would help him make the right choices in hopes to help him not be impulsive or aggressive but wouldn't guarantee stopping him permanently."

I plop down on the couch in frustration. "I still want to know if there are records on him. It's driving me crazy."

"Why are you so focused on this?" The nurse asks, no longer looking at me, now typing away on his laptop.

"Julia could live a stable life in one of those apartments. It would be perfect for her."

"She really could benefit from it long-term. I agree with you there." Jonah nods.

"But Jeremy lives there too. We can't have a rapist near his obsession." I sigh. 

"Holy shit." Jonah cuts me off. He stares at his laptop in a stunned manner. "Ho-ly... shit."

"What?" I lay my head on the back of the couch and close my eyes from a headache.

"The Avalon is linked to the hospital I worked at. I already knew this. They are in the same network. It's one of the first private facilities we refer patients to...that is, if they can afford it out of pocket." He begins. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"What are we doing now?" I ask with my eyes still closed.

"Jeremy Donovan doesn't just live at the Avalon because of his family. He has medical records there. He receives treatment there from...shit...Doctor Katherine Cohen. He's a patient there."

I bolt up and practically run to the dining room table and look over Jonah's shoulder to see the screen.

"This is so illegal Nate. What I'm doing...."

"I'll bail you out. Promise." I laugh but Jonah isn't laughing. He's nervous. "Relax. I would take the blame. I'd say I was being nosy because Julia's in there and I went on your laptop or something. You're doing this for me anyway."

"Nate. How would you know my access code?"

"I don't know. I found it on a piece of paper or something. Who cares? You're fine Jonah. Click on the file."

"Nate..." Jonah scratches the back of his neck. I lean over and click on it for him. 

"There. I did it. I will pay my way out of prison if that's what it takes."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that...." Jonah says and begins scrolling down. 

We are looking at Jeremy Donovan's Avalon medical files. His life. His personal life. Jonah is right. This is SO illegal. But I need to know what we are dealing with if living there is ever an option for Julia.

I don't understand some of the notes, but we keep reading. Then we see it. Jeremy was diagnosed with one thing at the age of nineteen and the other at twenty-nine.

Antisocial Personality Disorder ( ASPD) and dissociative identity disorder.

"Oh my God." Jonah blurts out and then begins googling the disorders. We read up on both for two hours straight.

Antisocial Personality Disorder ( ASPD) and Dissociative identity disorder.

Both are mental health conditions that may be linked to a history of trauma. Dissociative disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder, symptoms include- having multiple identities, personalities. Antisocial Personality Disorder is a condition that causes harmful behaviors without remorse. The borderline personality disorder severely impacts a person's ability to regulate their emotions or impulsive acts. The disorder is diagnosed if you have three of the following-

Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behavior. Performing acts that are grounds for arrest.

Deceitfulness.

Impulsivity.

Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.

Aggression repeated physical fights or assaults. Sexual or other.

Lack of remorse.

Jeremy Donovan has at least three of those resulting in positive diagnosis for antisocial personality disorder. Imagine having a multiple personality AND a disorder that makes you aggressive, impulsive and reckless? The combination is why Jeremy is who he is and does what he does. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it explains a lot.

"I'm not sure how to process this."  Jonah closes his laptop. Our eyes burn from hours of research online and our stomach growl. Well.. Jonah's stomach is always growling but I realize I really haven't been eating much later. Nor have I had much of an appetite. 

I should be concerned.

But my concern right now is Julia.

"I'm gonna order a few pizzas to calm that tapeworm you've got growling in there."  I pull out my phone. While ordering food I begin talking. "I also don't know what to do with this info. I'm not sure if knowing this is a good or bad thing, to be honest."

"We COULD use it as a good thing. We need to make sure Jeremy is getting the help he needs to control his illnesses just like Julia. Taking his meds, therapy, all that.  If we can make sure he stays mentally healthy maybe he can control his urges around Julia." Jonah gets up to grab a drink from the fridge. He hands me a can of ginger ale, one of my go-to drinks without caffeine and grabs a Pepsi for himself.

"And how would we do that?"

"Maybe talk to him about it? Pry it out of him somehow?" Jonah sits back down, and pops open his soda. "But he can't know we hacked into the system and saw his records."

I nod but flinch, feeling a short stabbing pain in my chest.

"You good, friend?" Jonah notices. No matter how hard I try to hide things about my health, Jonah always notices. He doesn't want for my answer. "You know, Nate. These three weeks you have off are meant for you to relax, recuperate and recharge before another six weeks on the road. You have done anything BUT take it easy. The stress WILL kill you if you don't find ways to relax.  Decompress."

"Yeah, well I decompress in between the legs of a mental health patient so that's not happening." I snicker a little. I mean, shower sex is a lot of work. It isn't all it's cracked up to be, I can tell you that much. Fucking in Julia's room won't be happening either.

"I'm a faithful man, but you are not. That much we know-"

"Hey!" I pretend to take offense but laugh.

"Oh please, anyways. So, use Trisha. Sounds Julia is doing just fine getting her fix right now. You and Trisha use each other all the time. She never seems to mind."

"Jonah Marshall, I'm starting to think you are a bad influence."

*****

*Julia*

"Hey. Sorry I haven't come to see you for a few days. This place isn't my favorite place in the world. I've been avoiding it." James sheepishly admits. Maggie jumps right up on to my bed and snuggles with me. "Casey and Trisha are in the car. We were out running errands."

He hands me the bag and I smile up at my best friend.

"Mcdonalds. You're favorite heart healthy food. If you're not hungry I get it."

"Aww. James. Thank you!" I take the bag but put it on the end table and practically jump out of bed and into his arms for a hug. 

James looks good. Looks like he just went to the barber for a haircut, and he is wearing his intoxicating cologne. Still in running pants which means he still can't button and unbutton a pair of jeans, but the light blue t-shirt brings out his eyes.

"I've missed you so much." I bury my face in his chest and take in the scent of him. I should be the one taking him to run errands. I should be the one taking care of him. Not Casey and Trisha.

James sits down on my bed with me, and I can't stop looking at him. It's been less than a week but feels like forever. Which only reminds me of the documents I signed. My forever is at the Avalon. I wonder if Nate told James this info.

"I've missed you too." James leans his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. He wants to kiss me but instead buries his face in the crook of my neck and hugs me again. Like he's hesitant to kiss me. James is NEVER hesitant to kiss me.

Which only means one thing.

My stomach ties in a tight knot just thinking about it and tears sting my eyes.

James is moving on.

Like always, my tears build up fast and when I blink, they escape. Why the hell am I crying? I should be happy for James. He's not mine to cry over. Yet, here I am, hugging my best friend, trying to hold back my emotions.

Of course, James notices right way and pulls back a little. "Aww, sweetie. You ok?"

I nod but then shake my head, burying my face in his chest.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm being stupid, sorry." I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt and force a crooked smile.

"We tell each other everything Julia. That's what best friend's do." 

I look up into those blue ocean eyes while my own fill up again.

"You've met someone, huh?" I look down and wring my hands in a nervous manner.

"Met someone?"

"You're moving on. Any other time you would see me you wouldn't hesitate to kiss me.  That's ok. You're not mine to keep. I'm happy for you. Just....sad." I talk to James in Best Friend Mode, and he takes a moment to respond. His response isn't words though. He puts his hands on top of my shaky hands and lets out a slight sigh.

"I'm happy for you." I say again like I'm trying to convince myself. How selfish AM I?!

"I'll always love you, Julia. You know that." Yet he doesn't lean in to kiss me. I nod and swallow hard.

"What's her name? Where did you guys meet?" I try to stay in Best Friend Mode and not Jealous crazy-lady mode. But this is James we're talking about. I love James.  I love him just as much as I love Nate. Everyone knows this already. I once saw my forever with James...way before I did with Nate. I never saw my forever with Nate. To be honest- I still don't know what that would look like. But with James, I had a vision of exactly what it would look like. Both of us together, living in that cute little bungalow, settling down, growing old together. It's just not something you picture with a multimillion-dollar celebrity.

"Babe..."

"What? You're obviously seeing someone. Did you get back with Lindsay? Or meet someone new??"

Why is James being so shady with this Why is he not answering silly little questions like this? We talk about everything together! Nothing has ever been off limits. Why is he acting so strange right now?

"I didn't get back with Lindsay. I mean, yes. I've slept with her a few times here and there... but I didn't meet someone knew. I-I mean... Yes- I'm se-seeing someone..but.." James stutters and stammers and stalls, having a hard time spitting it out. I wait patiently but he drops his shoulders and...is he looking at me with sympathy??

"So... her name is...?" I drag my words trying to get James to spill it.

 "Julia......"

"James." I laugh a little while he continues to stall.

"Trisha. It's Trisha."

******