*Julia*

"You know I'm in completely control here, right?" Jeremy narrows his eyes at me, and I look away while fidgeting with my hands.

"But I'm not as sick as everyone else here. I don't want to live here full time!" I plead my case, but the doctor lets out a little laugh.

"Doesn't matter. Julia, don't you get it? You belong here. You belong with me. I don't know why you are being so stubborn."

No matter how hard I fight, Jeremy manages to get me back into the restraints. "You need to just accept this."

He walks out of the room and slams the door behind him, locking it.

I can't move. I can't breathe. This is really happening.

I gasp loudly and sit up, hyperventilating. My eyes dart around the room wildly and I exhale.

"Hey." Paul is sitting on my bed, holding me. I'm sweating yet cold and shaking and.... confused.

It was just a dream.

I'm not in restraints. Jeremy isn't in here. It was all in my head. I let out a sigh of relief but then cover my face and cry.

"That was a bad one, Moretti. I couldn't wake you up." Paul looks a little traumatized. I lean back on him while his arms are still wrapped around me and continue to cry.

"It felt so real. The nightmare."

The door opens and the floor nurse turns on the light. Dana, a middle-aged woman sees me hyperventilating and comes right in.

"I thought I heard something going in here. Did you have a PTSD Night Terror, sweetheart?" She asks but I shake my head.

"No. Just...... just a nightmare." I can't really be honest and tell her it was a nightmare of Jeremy holding me hostage here, now can I? "Just an awful nightmare." I say while trying to control my breathing.

"Well, you are starting your detox, so it is very common. Nightmares, hallucinations, all of it. Just remember it's all in your head and not real. Do you need anything?"

I shake my head, and the nurse leaves the room and closes the door. She doesn't question my bodyguard being in here or demand he gets out of my room at night like Jeremy does. She leaves well enough alone seeing Paul taking care of me and is satisfied with that.

Once Paul sees me starting to calm down, he begins to get up, but I hold on to his arms around me.

"Can you sleep here with me tonight? Just tonight?"

"You say that every night... fine. But you know the rules. No funny business..." Paul grumbles but I know he is happy to sleep in a real bed and I'm relieved to have someone protecting me. I don't think of Paul in a sexual way, and he doesn't think of me in that way either. I don't think. Don't get me wrong, he is a very attractive man, but he has always just been Paul my bodyguard. In the beginning he was Paul my creepy bodyguard. But now I trust him. I trust him with my life. So, I lay down and grab his arm like I do every other time, pulling it over me and holding on to it. It makes me feel safe and Paul can get sleep. He spoons me but it never turns into anything intimate. We just sleep.

"Thanks, Paul." I say softly as I drift off.

"Um-hmmm." He huffs like I'm irritating him, but he doesn't mind this. He wouldn't do it if he did. I smirk a little right before I fall asleep, reminding myself my nightmare was all in my head.

******

*Nate*

Casey decides to sleep on the couch in James's room just because it's his first night back and she wants to keep an eye on him. He has been very stressed out over this whole Julia thing, and we are afraid the stress will trigger a seizure.

Trisha ended up falling asleep watching TV on the couch, so I put a blanket over her, and didn't wake her, relieved she didn't ask to sleep in my bed. Because my plan is to get Julia out of the Avalon and home. And if I can get her home, she is sleeping with me. That's my plan.

The light from the laptop illuminates Jonah's face as he continues to do his research. He's on a mission and I can tell he won't go to bed until he is satisfied with the research. It's late. Almost midnight. I pull out the dining room chair next to him and plop down tiredly.

"Anything?" I ask.

"This is a tough one, Nate. Doctor verses psychiatric patient. Unfortunately, the doctor usually gets the last word in whether the patient is stable enough to get discharged." He says while still scrolling through the internet. "But...... The Avalon is a private facility, right? You pay out of pocket for it. It says here if you stop paying the tuition, the patient will get transferred to a state mandated facility."

"What? We don't want that, do we??"

"Well... they aren't pretty. That's for sure. But Donovan would no longer be her doctor. These places aren't the Avalon though. The atmosphere will be very different. It could be a shock to her system. Some of the people we would have to send to these places from the ER...... well...." Jonah stops and shakes his head and pauses, trying to come up with the appropriate word. "They are psychos. Like... for real, Nate."

"She wouldn't do well in a state facility. There are no other options?"

"The only other option would be for her to request a capacity hearing to determine if she can refuse the mental health care and medications she is getting. A hearing officer or judge would conduct the hearing and determine if she has the capacity to consent to or refuse treatment. They are going to look at her files and say 'hell no." And Jeremy has all her files. He can do whatever he wants with them."

"So that's it? He wins?"

"Not necessarily. We can research the facilities around here and see if maybe one of them would suit Julia. This one here got good reviews. Rockland Behavioral Health and Crisis Center." He clicks on the link, and I suddenly want to throw up.

"THIS place got good reviews. Look at it. It's a dump! I'm not sending her there." I scan the pictures of the dark and dingy hospital where patients have to share four to a room. No fucking way.

"It's one of the only ones that offer Severe Mental Health Treatment. That's the category Julia falls into, unfortunately, due to her suicidal tendencies, bipolar, depression, PTSD Night Terrors, eating disorder. She has a long rap sheet Nate.

"I am NOT her there!" I continue to look at the pictures. "Can you see Julia sharing a room with three other women?"

Jonah's shoulders drop as he sighs and shakes his head. Because he knows. Julia would not do well with three other mental patients in her room.

"Ok, how about this one? Breakwater Psychiatric In- Patient Facility?" He clicks on the picture and we both gasp at the same time.

"No." We both say.

"Why are all these places so scary looking!!" I blurt out and lower my voice when Trisha moves around a little on the couch.

"I'm not sure. You get what you pay for. These are all state facilities. You pay some serious cash for the Avalon. There's a reason it looks as nice as it looks, and Julia gets her own room." We scroll through a series of terrible places.

"California sucks." I huff. "Google what state has the best mental hospital, cuz it sure as hell isn't here."

Jonah does just for shits and giggles. The top hospital for psychiatric care is McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts. Ok. Scratch that.

"Why are all the good places on the east coast? Vermont. Maine, Massachusetts, Rhode Island." I read down the list.

"The East Coast IS known to have the best medical all around. You've got Boston. Best of the best." Jonah explains.

Wasn't Jeremy from Maine or something? He went to Harvard. Why the hell is he a doctor on the West Coast when he has all these amazing options on the East Coast?

Why the Avalon?

As much as I would like to dwell on that I am too tired and don't care why Jeremy chose the Avalon I just need Julia away from him. If there is no other way, then if she is willing, we could admit her into a state facility just so she can get her medication and then once they see she is not as crazy as everyone else they can discharge her as an outpatient.

But what if they don't? What if they see Julia in the middle of one of her bipolar episodes? What if they decide to keep her there permanently? She legally has nobody to fight for her. She's not married, has no next of kin, she'd have to go through the court system. She could be deemed unstable and locked away forever.

I can't do that to her! That would be devastating. But she needs her medications. Right now, Jeremy is the one giving it to her while she's admitted. Soon we will run out and will need more refills. Everything is through the Avalon. Her life is in his hands.

"What are you thinking, Nate? Your mind is going a mile a minute, I can tell."

I run my fingers through my hair and then drag my hands down my face. "If Julia leaves the Avalon and goes to one of these state facilities, we have no control over the outcome, do we?? Because we're not paying a penny... it's not a private facility. Jonah, what if they look at her and say that she needs to be there? What if she can't get out? What if they don't discharge her... then what?" I ramble.

Jonah looks at me with the same amount of frustration that must mirror my own face. He thinks about that for a minute and then shakes his head. Because he knows right now Julia is not stable. Right now, if she were to go into a state facility, she would not get discharged any time soon. She hasn't even gone through her detox and withdrawals, and we all know how Julia gets. She's been trying to go through detox forever now. There's no way she can get out of the Avalon until after she has detoxed. There's no way she can go into a state facility until we know she is mentally calm enough to be discharged.

Jonah knows all this. He sees it. He's been in the hospital setting. He's been in the medical field for a while. He sent people to places like that from the ER. Both Jeremy and Casey are experienced in these situations. They both know what those facilities are like. They both know how hard it is to get out of facilities like that. At least with the Avalon, I'm paying. I am somewhat in control. They want my money.

But the reality is... Jeremy could give two shits about my money. All he wants is Julia.

A hard lump form so my throat just thinking about that. Money's not going to get me out of this one. Money has always gotten me out of shit but not tonight. We need to come up with another way. Anxiety sets in because I know Julia is stuck there... at least for now. She has to go through her detox and Jeremy's making it known she's not gonna be discharged if she's not well enough. But if he keeps injecting her with that stuff, she's never going to go through detox.

He's playing games. Playing games with Julia's mind. With her body. He's in her head.

Jonah looks at me and then lets out a sigh. He can obviously tell I feel pretty defeated right now.

"You know what, Nate?" He closes his laptop. "How about we just get some rest tonight. Nothing's going to happen overnight that much we know. The stress is getting to you, I can tell. And the last thing we need is Julia in one hospital and you in another, right?"

I look at the nurse and nod. Jonah has always been able to read me like a book. He can tell I am overthinking everything and he is right. Nothing is going to happen tonight. For now, we know Julia is safe with Paul there. I don't even care if he's fucking sleeping in the same bed with her... so long as she feels safe, and Jeremy doesn't go near her. In Jeremy won't go near her if Paul is around that much I do know.

"Yeah, okay you're right. But I'm going there first thing tomorrow morning regardless of if Trisha canceled my meeting with Richard or not. I'm waking up and going straight to the Avalon."

"I figured as much but just remember the money that pays for Avalon and your sister to be there is the money you get from work. Try not to mess things up with your producer too much."

God, I hate it when Jonah thinks of everything and is always right. Because he is right. My job pays for all of this... for all of us. I'm not lacking money now but eventually there's gonna come a day when that well runs dry if I keep doing shit like this. I make money every time somebody streams my music, and I make money regardless of if I go on tour or not, but when it comes down to it - tour, making music, writing songs, releasing albums ... that's what's going to pay for all of this to work. I have to continue to be on everybody's good side.

"Fine." I give in. "I'll go to the damn meeting first."

*****

*Julia*

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I don't know how to make this stop!" I whisper loudly as I wake Paul up with another awful nightmare. He's still laying right behind me with his arm wrapped around me, holding me tight.

"You're fine, Moretti." Paul grumbles tiredly. "God, your heart is pounding hard. Does this really happen often like this?"

"Not like this. Not multiple times a night. I don't know what's going on. He's gotten into my head." I hold on to Paul's arm around me so tight like I may just fall if I don't have him holding me. My chest is heaving so hard it almost hurts.

"What the hell are you even dreaming about? Are these that ptsd shit type dreams that Nate talks about?" He asks, still very much half asleep.

"Wow Paulie, are you actually concerned and want to know about my nightmares?? Who the hell are you now?" I tease, trying to lighten things up.

"Listen you wake me up crying and saying Donovan's name I'm going to want to know." He grumbles.

My heart sinks. I hate that Jeremy is in my head like this. I hate that I am so afraid of him. I hate that he's consuming me in this way. I hate him.

Paul waits for me to answer but while he does, he pulls my ponytail up out of the way because my long hair is aggravating him, and I laugh a little.

"Sorry." I twist my hair up like Nate always does, so it's out of Paul's face.

"Jesus, Moretti. It's like a fricking horse's tail in my face all the time." He shakes his head like my hair is still in his face.

I laugh at that. Paul can be funny when he drops the whole bodyguard crap. Paul can be funny when he is barely awake.

"Glad you find this comical. I could be home in my own bed right now." He snorts.

"Ohh please... you love being here in the Avalon... next to a crazy lady who wakes you up in the middle of the night saying another man's name."

"So long as you're not saying my name, we're good." He says as he drifts back off to sleep.

I chuckle a little but that one actually caught me off guard. I know Paul is barely awake, but he doesn't usually joke this much, and he can be a funny man.... but I can only imagine how this must be for him. How awkward this must be. He's literally lying in bed with me with his arm wrapped around my waist holding me and I'm up against his body. And even though we are both fully clothed, both wearing sweatpants and I am wearing a sweatshirt I can still feel him. He is still a man up against a woman's body. And like every normal human being, every normal man, when you wake up against a woman, your body is going to react. And whether Paul is awake enough to notice it...His body is definitely reacting. Paul ticks his hips into me a little and now I KNOW he is certainly not awake enough. Because awake Paul would never do that. Not Paul. He has way too much self-control when he is fully awake and alert.

And because I'm me and have NO self-control with a hot man leaning against me, feeling him against my body, a frustrated knot forms in my stomach. I know it's part of my diagnosis and part of my bipolar- these hypersexual tendencies, but for once I would love to be able to control them.

My mind starts to play tricks on me while his breathing slows down making it known he is deeper in his slumber now. I wonder how long it's been for Paul. I wonder when he even has time for relationships or sex, no wonder his body reacted. That must be so frustrating. As I think that I literally have to squeeze my thighs together because now I feel bad for him. He is asleep with a massive hard on and no relief. And weirdly enough, I'm starting to feel some very strange things that I have never felt before... not for my bodyguard.

Who am I kidding? I'm always feeling this stuff for the wrong people.

I can feel Paul's breath up against the back of my neck as he falls deeper and deeper into a sound sleep, Yet his hips tick against me one more time. If I were sleeping, I probably wouldn't even notice this detail and I know he doesn't notice it because he would stop it right away. He knows I'm off limits to him and he's off limits to me. That was known right from the very start. But God you can't make somebody off limits to me because that just makes me want them more.

His lips are almost touching the back of my neck and unfortunately for me... that is where my sweet spot is. Only Nate and James know this. I didn't even know this before Nate. James caught on quick, but Luke never really did. Jeremy- no. The one time we had consensual sex, there wasn't really time to go exploring. We were in a friggen hospital. And the two time I had sex with Mike Maloney it was just to use each other. To get through the nights. To escape reality without getting high on drugs.

Maybe that's how I use sex. To feel the euphoric high without a chemical substance.

I need to just go back to sleep. And I would if I wasn't petrified of the things I see when I do doze off. I could go to see Mike again. I'm sure he's awake. But Paul is a good bodyguard, and I know the second I move out of his arms he's going to wake up.

God, I really need to "feel" right now. I really need to escape life for a few minutes. Where the hell is James when I need him? The king of "escaping reality/ if it feels good go for it."

I back up against Paul to feel a little more and his parted lips graze the back of my neck.

Christ.

That one small, barely-there graze of his soft lips sent pins and needles rushing through my entire body and made me clench my muscles. I bite my bottom lip as my pulse speeds up a notch. No Julia, knock it off. This is your bodyguard who is here to protect you. And he is SLEEPING for God sakes. He's not even alert. And he's so tired. Exhausted. I've been putting him through so much being my bodyguard here, he barely gets any sleep.

But what if he wants the release? What if he needs it? It would relax him more. He'd certainly sleep better, I always do. What if he gives in? No. He won't.

I don't even realize it when I find myself rolling my hips into him a little in a slow rhythm needing to feel more. Why am I doing this? Now I'm starting to feel the buildup of my own and only torturing myself knowing what I can't have.

But I don't stop. Paul is now hard as a rock. I'm playing with fire now...and unsure I can handle it.

His parted lips are literally against the spot on the back of my neck that drives me insane and for the first time ever, I desperately want to feel his mouth come alive.

I do something stupid. Something bold. Something only I would do.

I slowly take Paul's hand of the arm draped over me and rest it on my breast under my sweatshirt. This is so wrong! Pull yourself together Moretti. I can almost hear his voice in my head saying that, too.

Instead, I let out a breath when his hand slowly begins to knead my breast before moving to the other one. He begins rocking his hips into me and his mouth comes alive against the back of my neck.

Paul is responding.

Whether he is fully awake or not, he is responding. His large hand is covering my entire breast before moving back to the other one. He kisses the back of my neck and my breath hitches. I say nothing. I tilt my head forward giving him more access and that's when everything moves fast.

Paul devours my neck, squeezes my breasts, ticks his hips into me harder and faster. I arch my back and throw my hand back so my fingers can thread into his hair. His hand drops to my hipbone, and he squeezes my hip, pulling me in more.

Then Paul stops. He wakes up. He realizes what is happening.

"Julia." He says against my neck and let's go of my hip. "Wait. No."

I breathe out, feeling him twitching against me, hard and frustrated.

"Please. I need to feel this." I whisper my infamous sentence I say all the time. The same sentence that gets me into trouble almost every single time. "Paul..."

"Not happening, Moretti."

 Paul thinks he has all the control in the world yet is still ticking his hips into me needing to feel what I need to feel.

"You say that, but you need this just as much as I do right now." I arch my back a little more.

Oh Paul, you're just like every other man. You don't have superhuman powers. Give in. Let me feel this.

"Paul..." I eventually feel his hand tighten on my hip again. His heart is pounding so heavy right now and I am so damn turned on. I slide his hand into the waistband of my clothes and between my legs.

He doesn't pull away.

With my hand on top of his I press it down further and hear his breath hitch the same time mine does. He can feel how I want this, and he isn't moving his hand away. He isn't even trying now. His open mouth is back against my neck but not kissing me yet. Like he is having some internal battle with himself. I'm sure Nate has put the fear of God in the bodyguard to not go near me. But he never told me not go to near Paul, though that is a given. Then again this is me we're talking about. God do I really need to feel this right now. Paul begins to move his hand just slightly and I gasp at his touch. I've never felt this needy before in my life. I need to feel this.

Without letting him overthink anything I slide my hand behind me and into his sweatpants. I'm still over his boxer briefs but can literally feel him throbbing hard against my hand.

"Julia no. We need to stop."

"No, we don't. No one needs to know. You tell absolutely no one, do you hear me?" I pull down his clothes and release him from the tight confines of his boxers.

"Please just let me feel this. I need this and I can tell you need this too." I begin to stroke him and feel him rest his forehead down on my shoulder. He's giving in. Holy shit he's actually giving in. I never thought I'd see the day where Paul actually gives in to me. He rocks his hips into my hand more and I swipe my thumb over his tip to feel the bead of precum escaping. He starts kissing my neck and rocking into my hand needing to feel all of it. All of me. His hands are everywhere. On my breast, in between my legs. Like he's been desperate for this for so long. That's when I take a moment to pull my pants down all the way and before you know it, Paul is shoving himself between my legs from behind.

"Holy shit." I gasp and breathe out. Right away he is hitting the right spot slamming into me, one hand between my legs working my nerve the other under my sweatshirt massaging my breast and pulling at my nipple. His mouth stays barely kissing the back of my neck. My spot. Whether he knows it or not and it's teasing me and driving me insane. Everything he's doing feels so good. He drops his mouth to my shoulder trying to hold in any noise, like he can't take it anymore. But this low groan comes out of him, and I swear I hit my high so freaking fast. Faster than it has EVER happened before. My legs quiver and my back arches when he speeds up his hand on my core.

"Oh God..." I breathe out again.

We've lost all control. We've crossed the line. Paul turns me around and we both take off all our clothes. He rolls on top of me but puts all his weight in his forearms. and begins slamming into me again. My hands glide up and down the muscles of his back.

"Paul..."

"Jesus Christ, Moretti." Paul says in annoyance. I bolt up and sit up straight, looking around the room. Holy shit.

"You're not going to let me get any sleep tonight, are you?" The grumpy man huffs, flips to his other side and falls back into a deep sleep.

Oh. My. God.

It was all in my head. I just had a sex dream about my bodyguard. Paul is fast asleep already and has no idea what was going on. It was only a dream.

It was all in my head.

****