*Nate*

The flight was long. Too long. There were times I'd pace the aircraft anxiously and drive everyone crazy, and times I slept. I barely ate and rarely talked. I was too nervous, thinking about Julia and how she's doing. At one point, Jonah had to give me an Ativan to calm my nerves.

Trisha is barely talking to me, still upset that I canceled two days' worth of events to promote myself, my album, my tour. None of that matters, though. Doesn't she see that? None of it matters. 

I took a quick shower on the flight and put on my black polo shirt and purple pants. Julia loves these purple pants. I want to look my best for her. Then, I want to discharge her and take her home. Take her home to heal.

The flight itself was about 11 hours long. Even though it feels like ten at night for us in Amsterdam time, it's only around one in the afternoon for Julia in Los Angeles. 

That means she spent the night at the Avalon in restraints. I'm nauseous just thinking about what could possibly have happened. I haven't talked to Paul yet, but I already told The Avalon I was coming to figure this shit out. Evan will escort me. Ren will drop everyone off at my flat first and then bring me to the facility. Trisha, being on top of things, has already placed a full food shopping order to be delivered to the house, and the cleaners came and put away all the groceries away before cleaning the apartment.

The aircraft rolls into the private terminal at LAX, and we all grab our suitcases. The rest gets shipped to my place over the course of the week.

"Ready, sir?" Evan knows the protocol now. There are already three bodyguards waiting in the terminal and two police officers. I watch Evan put his earpiece in.

"Exiting the aircraft." He says into it to let the guards know as I put my baseball cap on and get ready.

"You good, brother?" Jonah pats my shoulder, and I nod. 

"I will be." 

Soon enough, I will be. The second I see Julia and know she is ok; I will be able to breathe normally again.

*****

*Julia*

I'm not surprised I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm also not surprised that Paul stayed up with me the entire night. Even after they dimmed the lights. Paul had enough coffee and adrenaline in his veins to get us both through, though I know once we are at Nates- whenever that will be - the man will need to crash. Crash hard.

I saw a different side to Paul overnight. No, he doesn't talk much. But he would sneak in to entertain me by showing me some funny YouTube shorts on his phone. We actually laughed. Me. I laughed. Even though I'm in a fucking mental facility practically bolted to the bed, I laughed.

Then Paul looked up some concert bloopers on YouTube of Nate over the years. The number of times that guy has tripped over a wire or knocked down a mic stand was so comical I was in tears. Paul was doing whatever he could to cheer me up and I will always remember that.

Jeremy would come in a few times over the night to check on me, and every time I would close my eyes and pretend to be sleeping. We could always hear a door down the hall open and that's how we knew Jeremy was coming out of his apartment. Paul would rush to the chair outside my door and go right into bodyguard mode.

At one point when Jeremy came in, he stroked my hair. The way he was standing made it hard for Paul to see. Then, he leaned down and kissed my cheek before exiting. The second he turned away from me I turned my head and cried. Fortunately, he didn't notice but once he was gone, I broke down and Paul lost me for the rest of the night. 

This morning was rough.

I knew it wouldn't take long to feel the comedown from such a strong medication. I threw up ALL over myself and Jeremy had no choice but to take me out of the restraints so I wouldn't choke.

 Note to self- if you puke, they HAVE to unbuckle you to help you. I'm a pro at making myself throw up these days so spent a good portion of the morning without restraints. 

But now my throat is burning, and I can't force myself to throw up any longer. The damage I am doing to my own body just to stay out of the restraints is concerning but I'm in survival mode right now.

I have a friendly nurse today. She's new and young. I'm pretty sure she said her name was Sarah but I'm not entirely sure. My detox has taken over and Sarah has been by my side all morning. But Jeremy is making shit very hard for me today.

"Why is she out of her restraints?" Jeremy peeks in and sees me sitting up. He looks like he's in a bad mood today and that scares me a little.

"Dr. Cohen came by before her shift ended and said Julia looked calm." The young blonde nurse hands Jeremy my chart that shows Dr. Cohen came in an hour ago. I sit on my bed hugging my knees to my chest with the side of my face resting on them.

"You know she is bipolar, correct?" He looks down at my chart and backup at the nurse.

"Yes, sir." Nurse Sarah stands up nervously, this being her first day and Jeremy showing her who is boss is intimidating her. He tosses my chart on the desk and heads to the exit. Before leaving he turns back to look at me.

"Put her back in the restraints."

This is my punishment for being with Mike Maloney.

Sarah has no choice but to lay me back down and put me back in the restraints. I close my eyes and cry until I fall asleep.

******

*Nate*

Evan opens the Avalon door for me, and I walk in, pulling my hat down a little more. I have Ativan in my system to keep me calm. I need to be calm for Julia. 

"Right this way, Mr. Hollan." An older, grey-haired nurse begins to escort me down the hall right as a group session gets out. The door opens, and the first person to walk out is Cara. At first, her eyes light up, but she then frowns knowing I came here to see Julia.

"Hey Cara. I'm gonna go check on Julia then come visit you, ok?" I hug my sister, but her arms don't wrap around me this time.

"Don't bother. You're not here for me. You never are." She pushes herself off me. I don't need this right now. I really don't.

 Evan's eyes widen when he realizes this is my sister, but he remains professional and says nothing.

"I'm here to see you both." I answer.

"Well. I have my addiction meeting in a minute... you know... the meeting you should be attending too?" My little sister crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. "You got out of it while touring around the fucking world. You use tour to get out of everything."

Shit. That's right. The court sentenced me Avalon time for AA meetings whenever I am home from touring. My stupid DUI that sent me to jail for a night.  That means come Monday, I'm back here for the Partial Program. As I'm thinking that, Cara walks away with her little attitude, and I'm face to face with another familiar face coming out of the room.

The familiar face stares at me for a moment before I process who it is.

"Well, if it isn't America's Heartthrob himself..." The man hugs his own body with a bit of a shiver as he detoxes. His hair is pulled back in a low ponytail, and he looks like he dropped a good ten to fifteen pounds. He was already thin to begin with.

"You here to check yourself in or check on your fiancé." He snorts. "Looks like the whole fam is here."

"Mike...." I give him a slight nod. I forgot about his attitude. We were never friends, but never enemies. And he WAS a good bodyguard.  He just got caught up in the wrong shit. Jesus, now look at him.

I decide to hold my tongue on telling him to stay the hell away from Julia. In fact, I say nothing at all. Just the quick nod and turn away. That's when I see a young blonde nurse bolt out of Julia's room looking for the doctor and Paul going in her room to see what's going on. I rush down the hall now to get to Julia.

******

"Just me." Jeremy whispers in the dark. "Casey is taking her break to go eat downstairs in the cafeteria." I hear Jeremy slide a chair over to sit next to me.

"Do I really have to stay like this all night?" I whisper, knowing Nate is asleep. James sure as hell won't wake up.

"I'm sorry, Julia. I'm going by the books on this one. At least for tonight." He says.

He sounds... mad... or... irritated in some way. Like he's suddenly fed up with me and regrets taking me on as a patient. Like I'm annoying him by even talking. So I stay silent but can feel the heat rise to my cheeks.

"I'm sorry I freaked out last night." I've already apologized a trillion times but really don't know what else to do about it or why Jeremy has been acting cold towards me. I also don't know why he is sitting next to me in the middle of the night. In the dark.

Then... I feel him kiss my hand.

"What are you doing?" I whisper and try to jerk my hand away but can't with the restraints. I suddenly feel very nervous. Jeremy doesn't answer me. Instead, he continues to kiss my hand and then up my neck. I flinch in the dark.

"I'm really tired. And shaky from detox." I hint. But he says nothing. I swallow hard now, not feeling comfortable with any of this.

"It's ok, I'm gonna help you forget." He whispers in my ear.

I begin to panic internally, and my body starts to tremble a little harder.

Is he trying to do what I think he's trying to do? Because if so, I'm completely helpless, and there's absolutely NOTHING I can do about it.

It's like Jeremy changed into someone else...

Something else...

I feel his hand slide up my thigh, and I instantly stiffen up. "What are you doing? I'm really not feeling good."

"That's ok. I'm here all night to help you."

******

Julia is in the middle of one of her PTSD Terrors. Her eyes are closed and she's crying, desperately trying to get out of the restraints. Paul is holding her hand but she's not responding to him. She's too deep in her nightmare. My stomach drops at the sight of Julia and Evan watches in shock. You can tell he hasn't been exposed to this before.

"Someone get her out of these restraints!" I yell to the nurse who escorted me here.

"The new nurse went to go find Donovan." Paul responds and turns to see me. He looks exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. "She cried herself to sleep earlier because he wanted her back in the restraints."

I walk up to Julia's bed and drop my head down to hers, holding her face with both my hands. I can't hold her or rock her to help her when she is in these fucking things so all I can do is let her know I'm here.

"It's ok love. I'm right here. You're ok." I whisper in her ear. "I've got ya." I kiss her cheek over and over again while she cries and tries to break free.

"Get off me."

At first, I think Julia is saying it to me, but then I realize what's happening.

"Oh my God, Get off me!" Julia cries out.

"Get these things off her now!!" I yell to anyone who will hear me while Julia has a nightmare about her rape. If she wakes up in restraints after dreaming about what he did to her while she was tied down, she's going to freak out even more.

"Sir, only the doctor can. Nurse Sarah had him paged and went to find him." The woman says as Julia thrashes around. This isn't right! This is awful.

"Please..." She sniffs.

"Jules, baby I'm here. Wake up... Cmon Jule. Wake up." I stroke her hair and hold her head feeling hot tears of my own building up.

"Mr. Hollan. You need to back away."

Jeremy Donovan pushes past Evan and comes into the room. I swear it takes all my willpower not to deck the guy in the face. And I'm not a violent man. I leave the punching shit to James.

"Unlock these." I don't back away.

"Sir, during PTSD nightmares you aren't supposed to wake or be near-"

"BULLSHIT!" I lose my cool and just as I'm about to shove the doctor, Paul senses my action and becomes an instant barrier, standing between us now.

"Nate..." Paul shakes his head at me. Right. I don't need an assault charge on top of my DUI. I turn to the side to make eye contact with Jeremy before speaking again.

"If she says your name in the middle of this dream I swear to fucking God-" I say under my breath, but Paul cuts me short.

"Nate!" Paul reprimands me, now glaring at me. I hold on to my chest and close my eyes tight for a moment, feeling the unpleasant reminder my heart can't handle stress, and take a step back, though still furious at the doctor.

"Take. The. Restraints. Off. Now." I seethe. Jeremy straightens his glasses a little and this time, he nods, walking over to Julia. The second the leather straps are off her I scoop her up into my arms and sit on the bed, holding her and rocking her while she cries. She grabs on to my arm with both hands and holds on so tight it brings me right back to the very first time this happened in front of me. Like my arm was the only thing holding her above water. It hurts but I don't care. I let her hold on tight for as long as she needs. This episode is a long one just like that first one.

"Darlin, time to wake up." I whisper in her ear, paying no attention to the psychiatrist, nurse or bodyguard in the room. "C'mon Jules..."

"She needs a sedative." Jeremy says to the young nurse who nods and leaves the room.

"No. She doesn't! She needs to get off that shit." I glare at Donovan.

"Nate, this is a bad one. When she wakes up, she will start hyperventilating. She won't be able to control her breathing properly. Julia is too worked up."

"She'll be fine." I ignore him and squeeze Julia a little tighter, making sure she is still squeezing my arm. If not, she will start pulling at her hair and I rather her hurt me over herself.

"Sir." The blonde nurse comes in holding a needle. A needle? They're going to inject her with something? That's going to be twice as strong.

"Step aside, Nate." Jeremy demands but I shake my head no and don't let go of Julia.

"At least wait till she wakes up and see if she requires it!" I plead.

I can't believe I have to fight with a doctor like this.

Julia begins to wake up and unfortunately, just like Donovan predicted, she begins to hyperventilate. She doesn't even notice it's me holding her.

"I can't.... I can't..." She tugs at the neckline of her sweatshirt frantically as her eyes dart around the room. "You.. " 

Jeremy's eyes widen when Julia stares at him, horrified. He suddenly becomes nervous and before the two nurses in the room question a thing, He reaches over and injects Julia with the sedative.

"Sonofabitch." I growl, still holding on to Julia but feel her breathing begin to slow down.

"It was you...."Julia continues. "You....You ra-" Her eyes close and body falls limp in my arms. Jeremy sedated Julia right before she could say he raped her. Something that would get her in a ton of trouble but also something that made him very nervous and on edge with the two nurses and two bodyguards right here to hear it.

I brush her hair away from her face and cradle her in my arms.

"I'm taking her home." I stand up with Julia, but the doctor and two nurses all shake their heads.

The older nurse who walked me down here looks at me with sympathy. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hollan. You can't take a patient home after an intramuscular sedative. Especially a bipolar patient. She needs to be monitored for 24 hours after a manic episode. Aside from that, Midazolam injection may cause serious or life-threatening breathing problems. We have to monitor her heart and lungs closely after to make sure she continues breathing properly. It's a very strong sedative."

Jeremy just guaranteed her another night's stay at the Avalon, didn't he?

*****

*Julia*

Once again, I open my eyes with a pounding headache, dry scratchy throat and feeling dehydrated. All the lights are dim which means it's after 9pm. After 9pm? I slept half the day away? That's not like me.

Then I feel the soreness in my shoulder. I lift my hand to rub my shoulder and surprisingly, I'm not in restraints. I'm able to freely move my arms and legs. So, the first thing I do is curl up into a ball under the covers and shut down. I feel numb. So numb I don't even produce tears. I feel dead inside.

*****

*Nate*

Paul stays with Julia while Evan walks behind me. I follow Donovan into his office for a meeting about Julia while she's sedated.

Jeremy eyes the bodyguard but I raise my brows at him. "He goes where I go." I start but when I see the room is empty and it's only me and Jeremy, I look back at the bodyguard with a nod, changing my tune. "You can wait outside."

Evan leaves, closing the door behind him and I sit on the couch. Jeremy pulls his chair over to sit across from me, holding Julia's medical charts in his hand.

 He has her charts in his hands. Her life- her future- in his hands.

 I have to make sure I don't lose my shit with this kid. I have to control my emotions.  I wish Jonah was here with me right now.

"As you can see, her moods have been all over the place." Jeremy begins.

"I wonder why..." 

Ok, that's not starting things off well. Pull it together. I inhale sharply and start over. "Listen, you and me both want the same thing. For Julia to be healthy. Injecting her with that shit.... prolonging the detox process... it's just messing her up more.

"We have certain protocols to-"

"Bullshit. I know what happened."  I cross my arms over my chest and watch Jeremy take off his glasses, pinch between his eyes tiredly and put them back on.

"What did she tell you?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm taking her home. She can recover at home. No more Avalon. No more you."

"I can't let you do that." Jeremy holds up Julia's file. Is this some kind of threat? He's letting me know who is in control. And it's not me. I drag my hands down my face in frustration and drop my head down.

"How the hell do you sleep at night?" I groan.

*******

Jeremy Donovan wins. He always does. Julia has to spend the night to be monitored. I send Paul back to my apartment to get some rest. Evan sits outside Julia's door. I sit on the chair next to her bed and Donovan lets me. I'm the one who pays for not only Julia's care here by my sisters as well as my own AA meetings here. They are making a lot of money off me. Funny how the rules change when Jeremy wants them to.

Julia is in and out of consciousness and yet to notice I'm here.  She remains out of the restraints because she is so knocked out. She's had too many injections of this sedative the last few days and her tiny body can't handle it. On top of that, she'll probably get yet another UTI from being sedated and not using the bathroom as often as she needs to.  Jeremy is keeping her on high doses of antibiotics to prevent that.

I don't care who sees me. I kick off my shoes and crawl into bed to hold Julia. Pull her right up against me and she rests her head on my chest and leg up over my hip like she always does. I don't even know if she realized she did it. I don't know if she can hear me, but I talk to her anyway.

"I love you so much doll. I'm gonna get you healthy and out of here, yeah?" I stroke her long brown hair while talking to her.

I hear a slight tap on the door and Mike Maloney is standing in the doorway, with Evan now standing up to block him. He doesn't seem to be intimidated.

"How is she?"

"Shouldn't you be in your own room after nine? With a police officer by your door?" I ask.

"Apparently my 'good behavior' here has rewarded me with no more police escort."

"Your good behavior. Fucking around with other patients? That's good behavior?" 

"She came to MY room." He corrects me. "She said she needed a distraction."

That sounds about right. That sounds exactly like something Julia would say and do. I sigh and continue holding my little hot mess. I kiss the top of her head and try to ignore Mike.

"Why are you here?" 

"I always sneak out once everyone goes to bed."

"No, why are you at the Avalon? What the hell happened to you, Maloney?"

There's a long pause where Mike leans against the doorframe saying nothing. He is clearly struggling with his own detox. Trembling and cold with dark purple circles under his eyes. "You wouldn't understand."

"No? Try me. I have a mother and sister both heroin addicts, I'm an alcoholic and my girlfriend is addicted to benzodiazepines" I scoff, putting Mike in his place. Of course I'd understand.

"My addiction... well...things just got out of hand."

"To the point you hold up a bank for money??" 

"Like I said, things just got out of hand." That I understand very well. Not the holding up a damn bank but how quickly your addiction can take over.  Things can get out of hand very easily.

"They injected her again, didn't they?"

I nod and rest my cheek on Julia's head, closing my eyes.

"Shit. She's never gonna recover."

"Not here she won't. Not with that guy as her doctor." I huff but don't say anything more about it.

" I read the shit online. Julia wouldn't tell me anything, but she didn't have to. It was all true. What he did...." He doesn't ask this because he knows I can't answer so he says it like a sentence. He believes Julia over the doctor. If only someone sane and not in a mental facility would believe her. Someone like a doctor or a lawyer. 

"He's in completely control." 

******