*Nate*

Jeremy Donovan has an obsession. We all know this. He will do anything to make sure Julia knows he's in control. And he is in control. He's in complete control. Donovan is a sick, twisted individual and no one can tell me otherwise. One minute he's telling Julia he made a huge mistake and working on his own healing, the next he is telling her to get over it and reminding her he as access to all her medical files.  It is like the man is two completely different people living in one body.  An angel-Julia's savior, the only one who knows how to save her from her awful disease and the devil, doing anything he can to break her down so he can have his way with her. Even if that means drugging and restraining her.

Jeremy is smart, manipulative, cunning, deceptive and hypocritical. He says one thing and does another. He makes you believe he is here to help but then turns around and stabs you in the back.

I will never. EVER trust Donovan.

So, I need to get Julia out of The Avalon as soon as possible. Away from Jeremy, this serpent whose obsession is out of control.

I don't worry about Cara. Jeremy has no interest in my sister. No, only Julia. His obsession. So, when he heard Jules was cozying up with Mike Maloney he lost his shit. Completely went off the deep end. One minute telling Julia she should be discharged from The Avalon because she is not taking her detox seriously and then changing his tune and telling her she's not ready to be discharged and playing games with him.

I don't know the full story of what happened this morning in L.A., and I may never know. Julia blacked out and suppressed the incident completely. But I know Julia. It will resurface. Sooner or later. 

Just like her son's tragic death. Just like husband's affair.

These are the things running through my head minutes before I go on stage to put on a concert for 30,000 people here in the Netherlands. My last concert in Amsterdam. I have one more meet and greet, two more interviews, a signing even and then a 12-hour flight home in two days. 

Two days. 

Two days and I will be back in L.A. Two days and I will be able to see Jules. Hold her. Comfort her. Do whatever I can to help her through yet another tragic event. Another detox. Another day.

My band knows a little of what's going on now. Trisha had to tell them. I was missing rehearsals and sound checks left and right thanks to my emotions getting the best of me. She had to let them know Julia isn't well and I'm not currently in the right state of mind for this tour right now.

But I will finish the first leg like required. I will finish strong and have three full weeks off before we travel again.

"You've got this, mate." one of my bandmembers, Tommy, pats me on the shoulder while Holly fixes my hair, and Trisha adjusts my mic cord.

"Hey," Trisha turns my face to meet hers. "Look at me. Last concert, ok? Last performance and then you get three weeks off." She nods and hands me my acoustic guitar.

I walk into the huddle at the bottom of the stairs with my band and everyone wraps their arms around each other's shoulders, jumping to get the blood flowing and absorb the energy we hear from the roaring crowd on the other side of the curtain.

"Let's do this." I look at each one of my mates right as Leslie gestures for us to walk up the stairs. I watch each performer head to their stations with their instruments and listen to the crowd go wild. My fans. Waiting for me. People who paid money to see this concert. One night. One performance. I can do this.

Leslie cues me to get ready and then gives me a little bob of the head before I run up the stairs and smile brightly at my fans.

Fake it till you make it.

*****

*Julia*

James mustered up the courage to come visit me this morning after Paul had told him I could use a friend the other day. This was before my encounter with Jeremy. James had no idea what he was in for when he entered the Avalon.

Paul fell asleep in the chair next to my bed, still under the weather. Still holding my hand. No, the restraints never came off. Only when I needed to use the bathroom or eat a meal. I slept in the restraints all night, though I never slept. Paul nodded off a few times here and there, but he would quickly wake himself up within minutes, fearful Jeremy would come into my room in the middle of the night. According to  Doctor  Donovan and Dr. Cohen, the two psychiatrists on call for the weekend, if a patient poses a threat to another person, patient or staff, the individual is to be restrained. Says it right in the handbook. Right in all the legal documents. Because this is, indeed, a mental rehabilitation facility.

Katherine Cohen is just as bad of a doctor as Jeremy. She believes in him wholeheartedly and is Team Jeremy all the way. There is no telling her otherwise. So, pleading my case fell on deaf ears.

I never threatened Jeremy. I never inflicted pain or harm in any way. From what I remember, Jeremy grabbed my arm. He shoved me against my bedroom wall. He leaned his body up against mine in anger. He got right up in my face and his lips pressed against my jaw while he talked. He was beyond pissed.  Jeremy threatened me by reminding me how he could ruin me. All the while his free hand slid up the side of my Avalon sweatshirt to feel me up. He kissed my lips. He whispered in my ear. I can't remember everything and what I do remember is out of order.

At first, I froze. I was shocked that this was even happening. Dante, my bodyguard, was right outside the hall and had no idea the damage that was being done in this room. As far as he was aware, Dr. Donovan came in to check my vitals. That was all.  It's not the bodyguard's fault. He doesn't know my situation to the fullest. He was only covering for Paul until Paul was 24-hours fever free.

So yes. I pushed Jeremy off me. I screamed in his face and cried and had a complete mental breakdown. He held my wrists against the wall. I felt the painful prick of a needle press into my shoulder.

He didn't rape me. That much I do know. I remember my door swinging open and a nurse coming in to see what the disturbance was. I heard Jeremy tell her I was in the middle of a manic episode. I continued to push him away which didn't help matters, making me look crazy. Like I WAS having an episode. But I was just trying to fight him off.

I remember feeling like I was floating. Like every muscle in my body was suddenly relaxed. I watched Jeremy and the nurse lay me on my bed. 

But poor James. Finally coming in to visit me. Of all days. I never meant for him to see me like this. 

So, when the nurse escorted him into my room the sheer look of shock that overcame his face punched me right in the gut. I have no idea what I look like. Probably a mess. Swollen tear-stained eyes and lips, my hair all over the place and in restraints.

Sweet James walked in with a beautiful bouquet of daisies. My favorite flower. The moment he laid eyes on me the bouquet fell to the floor and his hand covered his mouth in disbelief. His big blue ocean eyes welled up with tears the second he saw me. I always forget how quickly James can produce tears. Seeing his reaction breaks me and I have to turn my head and look away.

"What happened?!" James's voice comes out in a shriek, unprepared to see me in this condition. He steps over the flowers and Paul scoops them up to lay them on my desk.

"Babe, what did you do?"

I know James didn't mean those words to come out the way they did. Because in all honesty, there have been plenty of times he's witnessed me flip out and can easily believe I would do something to put me in this situation. That doesn't mean the words don't hurt to hear. One of the first things out of my best friend's mouth was 'what did you do.'

I close my eyes and cry, keeping my head turned to the wall as I feel James push my hair out of my face.

"She didn't do anything." Paul corrects James right away. "Not a damn thing."

"Wha-what??" James stutters and I finally turn my head to look at him.

"I didn't do anything wrong." I whimper in a raspy voice I don't even recognize to be mine. "He came at me. He... he...." I shake my head with no more energy left to explain myself to another person.

James lowers his forehead to rest on mine and closes his eyes while he holds the side of my face. His tears drip onto my face and mix with mine, rolling into one larger tear to cascade down my cheek.

"I can't believe this is happening." James whispers. 

The door opens and Jeremy follows the nurse in who holds my breakfast.

"You sonofa-"James lunges forward but Paul is in between him and Jeremy in less than a second, holding back James, who looks like a dog ready to attack. "Get those God damn restraints off her." He seethes.

"Mr. Gallo, have a seat." Jeremy lets out a frustrated sigh like we are all bothering him now and wasting his precious time. "The restraints are coming off. Julia needs to eat."

"I mean for good, you asshole." 

I've never seen James so furious. Nate, sure. But never James. He's always so calm.

"We're going to see how she does in a little while first. The sedative was a strong one. It could very well still be in her system." Jeremy says while unlocked my wrists, and then ankles. The second I'm free I turn to my side and curl up in a ball to shut down.

"Sedative......" James puts the pieces together and frowns. Yep. Starting detox all over. Again.

"I'd like to make sure she eats and stays calm even after the sedative is out of her system."

"I WAS calm. You.... you..." I can feel Paul's eyes on me, and he shakes his head telling me to stop talking before I get into more trouble. I pull my blanket up over my shoulders and close my eyes tight to ward off more tears. I will never win the battle when it comes to Jeremy.

"No shutting down on me. Sit up and start eating please." Jeremy takes the tray of food and puts it on the nightstand next to me. I sit up and my hands tremble as I grab hold of the cup of orange juice. They tremble so much I almost spill the liquid on myself as I take a much-needed sip to sooth my dry throat. I gulp it down while tears continue to fall from my eyes and hold the cup with two hands.

Jeremy's beeper goes off and he looks down at it attached to the waistband of his khaki pants.

"I need to take this. Rhonda, please make sure she eats. Document everything."

"Yes, doctor." The nurse says as Jeremy exits my room. The second Donovan is gone, James stands up and throws his arms around me, holding me up to a standing position. Holding me so tight in his embrace I almost can't breathe. Paul takes the now empty Styrofoam cup from my hand so I can wrap my arms around James.

"I didn't do anything wrong." I repeat. It seems like the only full sentence I can say.

*****

*Nate*

I finish strong and walk off the stage feeling depleted. My last concert of the first leg of my tour is complete. Once off the stage I hand Trisha my guitar to put away, ignore everyone, and walk to my dressing room with my bodyguard behind me. Once in the shower, I cry.

The hot water soothes me but not enough. It may sooth my body, but nothing will sooth my mind. Ok well maybe whiskey. But that's not an option.

How did this life become so difficult? Of all people to struggle, why Julia? Why does it always have to be Julia? Why can't it be evenly distributed? I turn the water a little hotter and stand under the showerhead with my eyes closed.

"Knock knock." I hear the familiar voice before the door cracks open, then fully opens. "Just wanted to check on you, brother."

I peek my head out of the curtain a little to see Jonah leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, facing the door with his eyes lowered. I put my head back under the water with a sigh.

"I don't know how to fix this." I sniff while washing up. "I don't know how much more Julia can handle."

"I know. I'm not sure what our options are."

"I need to get home. I need to get her out of The Avalon and home. I can take care of her. She just needs to get away from Donovan." I say while rinsing the shampoo out of my hair. I'm canceling the rest of my events so we can fly home sooner. I can't wait two days."

"I think that's the right call." 

For Jonah to say that makes me think he is really nervous for Julia. He agrees the sooner we get home the better. Leslie won't like it. Trisha won't like it. But I have to do this. Jeremy is playing games and starting fires that I need to put out. If I don't help Julia, she's only going to get worse.

*****

"Trish, I need to do this."

Yep. Just like I thought. Trisha is pissed.  It's well after midnight and I'm lying in bed watching her take off her make up at the vanity. She sits and looks at me through the mirror shaking her head.

"What's the difference between tomorrow and two days from now? At least finish this off with the interviews and meet and greets scheduled."

"I don't think you understand." I stare up at the ceiling with my arms behind my head as a pillow, letting my mind relax after another dose of Ativan. "Do you know how hard it was to fake it for three hours tonight?"

Trisha drops her shoulders and walks over to the bed. She's wearing this flowy light pink camisole thing and any other day I would be all over her. I can tell she's disappointed I'm not but it's just not happening. 

"And you did great. No one suspected a thing." She says and lays down next to me on her side, resting her leg on my hip. She draws little figure eights on my chest, and I grab her hand to stop her.

"We can't do this anymore."

"What?"

"This... right here. We can't Trish. Once we go home. You know that." Trisha must know this. While on tour- sure...we always fooled around, but that's where it ends. Yes, I have feelings for Trish and might have gotten a little cloudy for a bit, but my heart is with Julia.

The look on Trisha's face tells me she thinks otherwise.

"You always come back to me." She says, propping her head up with her hand to study me while her other hand still rests on my bare chest.

"No, I mean it. I love you and would do anything for you, you know that.... but I'm serious Trisha. This ends tonight."

"Sure thing, playboy." Trisha responds in the most unconvincing way ever and rests her head on my shoulder. She's not taking me seriously. "Just remember how much fun we have together and who you can play around with, with restraints and who will have a fucking panic attack if you try."

With that, I sit up abruptly, and Trisha moves her head away with a scoff.

"What did you just say?!" I feel sick to my stomach.

"You heard me. You'll never be able to do that shit with Julia. You'll trigger the hell outta her." She laughs a little like this is all some big joke.

"I can't believe you just said that." I say, in all seriousness.

"I'm kidding! Sheesh." Trisha sits up and crosses her arms over her chest.  I could care less about sex. My God. She just used Julia's rape and being triggered by it as a joke. She found humor in it. How can she even think like that? I know she was just trying to lighten up the mood with a joke but that one fell flat and stung.

"Don't ever say shit like that...please." I say softly and lay back down. Trisha knows that one got to me a little.

*****

*Julia*

I manage to force myself to eat a little breakfast, and lunch, so Jeremy won't have anything on me, but he continues to keep me in the restraints once I'm done eating. James hasn't left my side, and I think Paul is relieved to have him here. This gives Paul a little break every once in a while, from babysitting me, to go get a coffee or use the bathroom. I swear he would roll my bed to the restroom if he had to. He is making sure I am never alone.

James had Paul contact his sister Gwen, who brought him here and was waiting in the car to go home. At least for now. James wants to spend the night, but we aren't sure if that is allowed. He could easily say he is my bodyguard, but I have a feeling Paul is not letting me out of his sight, especially by the way he had words with Dante during lunch and sent him packing. It wasn't Dante's fault though.  He assumed the doctor was doing what he was supposed to be doing.

Right now, Paul is in the cafeteria grabbing him and James a coffee while James is sitting next to me holding my hand. He decided not to ask questions or talk about the morning and tries to keep things a little lighter.

"I reenacted our Griffith Park experience yesterday. I laid on the grass in my backyard and felt the sun on my face. Silly huh?"

I turn my head to look at him and James wipes another tear from my eye. A tiny grin forms on my face thinking about that.

"I did that yesterday too. Right in the garden out back. People probably thought I was crazy but..." I shrug. "Look where I am. Crazy is the norm around here."

I get a laugh out of James from that one.

"I wonder if we went out at the same time."

"Maybe. I don't really have a sense of time here unless I look at my phone, but you know...I never do." James knows I'm rarely on my phone, especially here. It's frowned upon because some can't have one here at all, so I leave mine on the desk or in a drawer here. Apparently, Mike Maloney isn't allowed to have one being a felon and has to pay a guy to smuggle them in.

Speaking of. Mike walks by and stands in the doorway to check on me.

"Hey. You ok in there?" He leans against the door eyeing James holding my hand.

"I just want these off." I lift my wrists a little. "I don't think the sedative is still in my system and I ate. I don't know why I'm still in restraints." I say calmly, though I know exactly why I'm still in restraints and it's not happening. It can't. I don't think I can handle anything more.

"Who are you again?" Mike squints and James. 

"Um......" James cocks a brow at me, and I let out a sigh.

"Mike, James. James, Mike. James is my best friend. Mike is...... a guy I slept with last night."

"Julia!" Mike's eyes widen as he stares at me, and he runs his hands through his hair nervously.

"Only you." James smirks and I shrug.

"Sorry, we tell each other everything." I admit.

"EVERYTHING?" Mike asks in surprise.

"Everything." Both James and I say in unison. "I think you still have some of that sedative in you though, babe. Your filter is gone, and you are very relaxed...all things considered" He laughs a little.

"You guys seem more than friends."

Again, both James and I shrug and smirk at each other.

That smile fades when Jeremy notices Mike lingering near my room.

"I'm pretty sure you have someplace to be right now." Jeremy narrows his eyes at Mike. At the same time, James squeezes my hand so tight I don't even think he realizes how strong he is. Just the sight of Jeremy makes James clench his jaw in anger. He has every right to feel this way, but we can't show it. Not here. Not now. Not with me restrained like this. 

"Remind me why you have her on lock down in here?" Mike stands up straight and it seems like he is sizing Jeremy up. He's a tall bodyguard so I'm sure he's trained well in self-defense. But with the sudden weight loss from drugs and whatever else he was doing; he is thinner and weaker looking than Jeremy. And Jeremy is a lean man like Nate. Muscular but not bulky.

"This is what happens when you have a manic episode. For the safety of herself and those around her." The doctor explains. "You DO know Julia has bipolar disorder among other things, right Michael?"

Why is he telling him this? Mike doesn't care about what friggen disorders I have. He's making it sound like I'm dangerous. Am I? Maybe a little. Maybe I deserve to be in these restraints. No. No way. I don't deserve this. Jeremy is messing with my head now. I know what happened.

A single tear rolls down the side of my face and I turn my head in embarrassment to face the wall. Not like I can cover my face with my hands to hide myself.

"Everyone has something. Kinda why we're here, boss. But how long does she have to be tied down like this for?" Mike is unfazed by my diagnosis.

"Until I say so." Jeremy walks away from the conversation and my body becomes rigid hearing those words.

 He's in completely control and he's letting everyone know it.

*******

*Nate*

I toss and turn all night long. Around four in the morning I give up even though I have yet to fall asleep. Trisha, however, is snoring like a freight train next to me. Note to self, get that woman on a Cpap sleep mask machine. For her health and my ears.

The only thing I can think of right now is The Avalon. Julia. It's evening in L.A. so I grab my phone and head to the living room, closing the bedroom door behind me so I don't disturb Trisha and her not so quiet slumber.

"Paul. How is she?" I ask, keeping my voice low.

"She's hanging in there. All things considered. Trying her best to stay calm and do all the right things so she doesn't piss Donovan off."

"Is she still being restrained??"

"Yes. He's not budging on that. A nurse took her to shower. I'm right outside the bathroom door guarding it." Paul responds and I can hear the shower water running in the background. "James came and stayed for the day but isn't allowed to spend the night so when visiting hours were over, I had one of his sisters come get him."

Knowing James spent time with Julia put my mind at ease a little more. Long gone are the days I dreaded knowing James and Julia were spending time together. Now, it's a blessing to know he's around.

That being said, I went behind Trisha's back to contact my pilots to make sure they were in town by now in case I can leave early. The sooner I'm home with Jules the better, whether Trish or Leslie like it. I'm already planning out my speech to Leslie at our morning meeting. 

I'm not going to any interviews. I'm not attending any meet and greets or signing events. I'm Telling Leslie to cancel it all due to "unforeseen circumstances" and hightailing it out of here.  Jonah already knows this. Everyone else will just have to deal with it.

"Paul..." I begin. "How is Julia. Really..." I know Paul is sugarcoating shit because I'm so far away and there's nothing I can do from here. I need to know what I'm walking into though. 

"I told you-"

"No. Really. Because I'm trying to get out of all further commitments so I can fly home soon. It's an eleven-hour flight. So, I really need to know what I'm walking into so I'm prepared."

There's a pause. A long one. Then a sigh.

"She's a mess, Nate."

******