*Nate*

 There are four stages. A,B,C,D. Stage C Heart Failure is what I heard. Not Stage A. Not Stage B. But Stage C Heart Failure.

"So this is what we know," the doctor explains to everyone who is gathered in the room.

I spent the night in the emergency room undergoing test after test. This morning, I was able to rest more, and now it's almost 5 pm. We are finally getting a cut and clear diagnosis, and it's not one I wanted.

"Heart failure occurs when the heart can't pump blood properly, which causes fluid to build up in the lungs. That makes breathing more difficult, which is why you  were coughing. Now blood backs up in the pulmonary veins, the vessels that return blood from the lungs to the heart, because the heart can't keep up with the supply, this causes fluid to leak into the lungs." She explains.

"But you show no signs of wheezing, which is good news. Now, let's go through the stages of heart failure." 

I feel myself tense up and look at Julia, who is trying to hold in her emotions while holding my hand. Trisha takes a deep inhale, and I can tell she is also trying to hold everything in.

"Stage A heart failure is technically pre-heart failure. This stage describes people who are at risk, whether lifestyle or genetics play a part in this stage. Family history, you know the deal." The doctor reads on from her files.

"Stage B is known as the silent heart failure. People who have no symptoms but have structural heart disease. You decided to skip right over that stage and head right to Stage C."

I swallow hard as Julia squeezes my hand. Everyone is here listening intently. Everyone but the fucking dog.

"Stage C are people who have been diagnosed with heart failure and have symptoms. Symptoms like coughing, shortness of breath, fatigue, nausea and swelling of the legs and feet. The only symptom you currently have is coughing. The reason for the blood is not from heart failure though which is fantastic news.. You show no signs of fluid in your lungs."

I notice I was holding my breath and let out a huge sigh of relief.

"What happened was you coughed so hard you irritated your esophagus. So technically, no internal bleeding at all. Think of it as you have a tiny cut in your throat. That's all  it is. That's good news, Mr. Hollan. Easily treated with rest, steroids and antibiotics. Unfortunately for you- rest means no talking. No singing. Let your throat and vocal chords heal.  Starting right now.

"Right now?"

The physician looks at me and shakes her head like I've done something wrong by answering her.

"Sir, you already failed the test. I know it will be difficult. But if you want to plan on performing on that stage for your fans, you need to be healthy. Text, write notes, sign language. I don't care. But no talking. No spicy foods. And have your next of kin call your doctor for a follow up in 3 days and then again before you fly out. Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Nate...." The doctor inhales sharply. "No talking."

She's fucking serious.

Right. Ok. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"This is a minor thing. Heart failure is not... but this by no means is a death sentence, so don't think of it as one. What it is is uncommon for someone your age. We need to slow it down. Slow down the progression of your heart failure. There are plenty of options. Right now lets focus on healing your throat. No talking.  Just for a few days until you get in to your doctor. You're on all the right meds, doing all the right things. You're young so that works to your advantage."

I nod. No talking. Ok. A few days. I can handle that.

"Jonah. I will go ahead and print everything out for you and send you all on your way. Remember Nate, No talking."

*****

*Julia*

A wave of relief washes over me and I can tell Nate is relieved as well. No talking. That's an easy fix. But not for Nate. 

"I'm gonna go ahead and text Elliott back. We'll put the word out for you before rumors start   that this is worse than it is. I will cancel all your upcoming interviews as well." Trisha begins. "One good thing is your first concert isn't for two weeks."

Right. Nate had booked his tour to fly us out a week early so he could visit and spend time with his aunt who pretty much raised him. He was gonna show me around London and had some sight seeing days planned. I don't care about any of that. Two weeks is a long time.. enough time for him to heal. IF he stays silent these next few days  until his appointment.

"You got this, playboy." Trisha smiles and nods. I can tell she's relieved as well. She stayed with Nate the entire night. She hasn't left his side.

Nate pulls my arm to get my attention and ticks his head towards the table behind me. He wants his phone. I suddenly feel like I'm sitting next to James. It wasn't too long ago James was unable to speak. He didn't have a choice though. After his coma it took some time for his brain to heal and a good amount of time for him to recover. It wasn't until after his first seizure did he begin to talk again. Even now he stutters and fumbles with his words. 

But Nate CAN talk and I have a feeling this is gonna kill him.

I hand him his phone and he pull up an empty text message box and types.

[Cara]

He wants to know what happened with her. He was  given anxiety meds and slept most of the night. No one has had a chance to update him.  Casey  decides to fill him in on how she had a manic episode and bonked her head needing a few stitches. She has already been discharged and sent back to The Avalon. With Jeremy.

 Both me and Nate continue our sessions  part time at The Avalon until the day before we leave. It's a requirement for Nate thanks to his DUI charges and a must for me with my mental health and change of meds. We do it together.

Once Nate is updated, he texts me.

[Have you eaten today??]

I sigh. I ate a little breakfast. That's it. It's after five and I skipped out on lunch thanks to the new meds making me feel sick. That on top of my nerves, I realize I haven't eaten since eleven. I shake my head with embarrassment.

"Jule."

"NATE!" The entire room says simultaneously. I drag my hands down my face in frustration.  Nate stands up and shows Jonah his message about me eating and James sees it as well.

"I'll bring her down to the cafeteria." James offers and Nate nods.

"I'll escort them. Apparently you have become just as famous as Hollan these days." Paul grumbles and follows us out of the room. I'm able to hold in my emotions until the elevator door closes and then I lose it. I burst into tears and I don't even know if they are happy tears or sad tears or tears of relief. I think it was all just - a lot.

"Aww. It's ok." James scoops me into his arms. "Today was a lot for all of us." He responds like he can read my mind. Because that's how best friends work. That's how me and James work.

"I'm sorry. I tried to hold it in."

"Don't be sorry, Julia. His diagnosis is scary. But it sounds like him being so young, he has a fighting chance, right? She even said it. He's doing everything right. This was a minor setback, that's all."

"Do you really think Nate is gonna be able to keep quiet?"

Both men in the elevator laugh.

"Maybe if we sedate him." Paul smirks as the elevator doors open again and we are all faced with Jeremy. Of all people.

Paul immediately pulls me back out of habit as I freeze.

"Sorry..I um." Jeremy swallows hard. "I forgot Cara's discharge instructions."

Why can't I get away from this man? He is everywhere I am. All the time. Did he forget on purpose?

I can feel the panic set in from this surprise intrusion and Paul notices right away.

"Julia." Paul stares at me and nods. I can feel James's eyes on me as I continue to stare back at Paul. James has no clue what's happening. But Paul does. He can feel I'm nervous, as Jeremy enters the elevator- needing to go up even though we are going down, which means he's riding the elevator with us for awhile.

Paul stares at me to keep me calm just like he did to get me through the first few weeks at the Avalon- after Jeremy raped me. Just seeing Jeremy had me in full blown panic mode. But Paul would stare at me, making sure my eyes were on him and not on Jeremy. He got me through so many days.

So here I am. In the elevator with my rapist/ my therapist, my best friend and my bodyguard.

 I stare at Paul and he stares at me. My jaw is clenched tight and I can feel my body begin to tremble having Jeremy standing right next to me, practically touching me, in the small elevator. People come on and off but I just keep my eyes on Paul. He can tell I'm holding my breath. He can tell I'm about to cry. My bottom lip quivers and I try to ignore it. He nods to let me know I'm ok. We're almost on the floor we need to be on. But if one more God damn person stops this elevator to come in or out I may burst. 

Nausea sets in and I close my eyes. But when I do, my other senses take over. I can smell Jeremy's cologne. I can feel his body right next to me.

It brings me right back to that night in the hospital. His cologne invaded my nose while he invaded my body. I couldn't fight him off. I was in restraints thanks to my manic episode. In this very hospital.

*****

"Stop! Jeremy, what the hell are you doing?!" I say louder, now completely freaking out, moving my body any way I can to make it known this isn't something I want.

My psychiatrist gets on top of me, and the second I want to make more noise to wake Nate up, he slaps his hand over my mouth hard and covers it.

"It's ok. I'll be quick." He whispers against the side of my face. Oh my God...

I cry against his hand. Hard. Barely able to breathe. My body is shaking a million times more than it was five minutes ago, and I feel like I may throw up.

*****

The ding of the elevator brings me back to the present time and the doors open.

"This is us." Paul quickly pushes me out the door and James follows. I don't look back at Jeremy. The doors shut and I exhale.

"You're ok, Moretti."

I nod. I know. I also know I have far more healing to do than I thought. How just being next to Jeremy brought me right back to the first time he raped me. One of two times.

"Babe, your shaking." James frowns.

"It just brought me right back. Being confined. With him so close." I croak out. Both men nod.

"Miss Moretti! Can you give us the latest on Nate Hollan's health issues?" A woman shoves her phone in my face. 

She's a reporter. I can't win today. How the hell did she get through security? Paul jumps right into action the second she approaches me, pulling me away from the woman.

"No comment." He growls at the woman and then turns and makes eye contact with a police officer walking buy.

"Miss Moretti-" The pushy reporter continues. "Is it true Nate Hollan's health is deteriorating?"

All the color drains from my face and James and Paul both grab my arms to push me past her. The officer catches on quick and escorts the woman out of the hospital. But not without a fight.

I don't even realize I'm now hyperventilating until Paul pushes us into an empty room and closes the door.

"Hey. Look at me. You're ok." James tries to calm me down but I can tell, I'm making him nervous.  All of this. It's too much for James. His brain is still trying to heal and process things.

"Moretti. Breathe." Paul demands and I do. I take a deep breath.

"I can't get away from people today!" I cry and for some unknown reason, it's Paul I lean into and it's Paul who wraps his arms around me.  The only think I can think of to explain it is because I feel safe with Paul.

 I know I feel safe with James. But I'm the one always taking care of James, not him taking care of me. All this..... it's too much for him. I can tell. But not for Paul. I feel bad thinking that but it's the truth. James is my best friend. I love him.

 But I also scare the shit out of him sometimes.

******