Mike Maloney is rude, arrogant, sarcastic, moody, detoxing and dangerous for all I know. Yet, he's probably the closest thing to a friend I have here. Cara is just sarcastic and for the most part, keeps to herself unless she has something annoying to say to me. So when it's time for the morning session, it's Mike who sits next to me. He looks like shit. Pure shit. Dark circles under his eyes, his beard now a real beard, and has gone another day without a shower.

"You stink." I scrunch my nose up a little as we both sit and ignore the therapist talking.

"Don't care." Mike stares ahead and hugs his cold and shaky body. His light blue Avalon sweatshirt and grey sweatpants both look a size too big. That or the man is losing weight rapidly.

"You're getting a shower after breakfast, or you're not allowed to sit near me during lunch." I tease.

No one else is giving him the time of day to push him to do normal human things. The nurse could give two shits. The police officer sure as hell won't. I'm not sure who is therapist is, but I don't think it's Jeremy.

"No one wants to sit with you anyway. You're not the most popular inmate, you know."

I laugh a little at that. It really does feel like we are a bunch of inmates some days.

It's time to go around the room, and today, the question is silly and not the best thing to ask a bunch of mental patients. Where do you see yourselves in five years. We can barely focus on getting through the day. Five years seems so far away.

"Julia? Where do you see yourself in five years?" The therapist doesn't even know me, and I'm supposed to just answer her truthfully? Yeah. Ok.

"You need to answer so we can move on to the next person. Where do you see yourself in five years?" The woman repeats.

"Dead." I deadpan.

From the corner of my eye, I see Mike nod a little. He's right next to me, so he's next in line to answer.

"I second that. Dead."

******

*Nate*

"We need to stop doing this." I say with my eyes closed. It's four in the afternoon, and the second time Trisha and I have had sex today. First, when we woke up early this morning, and now... right after my interview here in Germany before tonight's concert.

"Why? You're not with Julia, and no one else needs to know."

"Because I AM with Julia. Or... trying... and once home, I want to focus on her and only her. I want to marry her, Trisha."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She never takes me seriously. "Well, right now we're not home. We're in Dusseldorf. And you can't go two hours without action so.."

"ME?? YOU came on to ME!" I laugh loudly. "If I do recall, we left Jonah and Casey at the Rec Room of the Venue for a "meeting" and locked the tour bus door.

"It's a stress reliever. You are stressed. When we go back home, I won't give you the time of day, sound good?" Trisha straddles me on the couch and begins kissing my neck again, but her phone goes off with Fireman Noah's name.

"Oooh, I gotta get that." She says with a bit of excitement, and I shake my head.

"You're all over the place, lately." I watch her roll off me and answer the phone, completely naked in the tour bus. Well, at least I know she isn't getting attached to me. I think she is head over heels for this Noah guy.

I get up and get dressed. Tonight's concert isn't until eight after the opener, and then we have about a three-hour drive to Amsterdam. Trisha grabs her clothes while on the phone and heads to the bathroom while I try calling Paul. I don't even bother trying Julia's phone. She hasn't answered me once.

"How is she?"

"No signs of detox yet. That injection was pretty strong. They want to keep her a third night because of it, though."

"Of course they do. Between the UTI and now this..." I shake my head like Paul can see me. "She's going to flip."

"She already knows. And seems fine with it." Paul says with a sigh.

What??? Julia freaks out when she has to go to the Avalon. This just doesn't sound right.

"A few things, boss." Paul says in a serious manner. "Julia's getting too comfortable with me, and she's taken Mike Maloney under her wing a little becomes friends with him."

"What do you mean too comfortable with you?" That pit in my stomach returns after what Trisha put in my head the other day. Julia has no boundaries. She does whatever feels right in the moment and deals with the repercussions after the fact.

Kinda like me lately.

"Julia had me sleep in her bed with her. She knew I needed sleep but wouldn't chance it knowing Jeremy is always lurking around. She said he wouldn't go near her if I was right there. So I did."

I swallow hard. This is so out of character for Paul.

"Wait. What did you just say?"

"Obviously, nothing happened. But you should know that." The bodyguard continues.

"Is this something I need to worry about, Rossi?" I raise a brow like he can even see it.

"No. Not at all. You know I would never. And this whole getting closer to Mike Maloney. It's the reason she didn't flip out when she was told another night would be needed."

I'm speechless. But not THAT surprised. Not at all... but still don't know how to respond to either of these things Paul just told me. I trust Paul. Completely. It's Julia who I don't trust. And Paul is still only human. But I also get where Julia is coming from. Because I know Paul. He will go days without sleeping if he is on the job. I need him to be focused and alert. He needs to sleep, and I know he won't.

But if Paul is protecting Julia... literally in bed with her so Jeremy can't do anything...so they can both sleep, then whatever. I'm more concerned about Jules befriending Mike right now.

"Julia shouldn't be around Mike. You know him. I know him. He's a real drug addict. He's also fucking insane. It made him a great bodyguard but, in the Avalon,... I don't know Paul. Just.... keep an eye on him around her for me, yeah? And I swear to God, if YOU become too comfortable around JULIA we're gonna have a problem." I add before hanging up. I really don't think Paul would. I think he treats Julia like Cara. Like a little sister. But I just had to throw that out there for good measure.

Not that Julia is mine or claimed in any way. I have no idea where we stand. I'm not making things any better fucking around with Trisha either.

******

*Julia*

My table in the cafeteria consists of Mike, Paul, our two nurses who are obligated to be there and the police officer by the door. Everyone else moves to another table and I knew eventually Mike would ask why.

"This happen every day?" Mike looks at his food, clearly not hungry because of his detox nausea.

"Every day." I somehow manage to take a few bites of my french toast without anyone on my back first.

"Why?"

"Why do you have a police officer escorting you?"

"I asked first." Mike takes one bite of his food and I can tell he is having a hard time swallowing it down. I look across the table at Paul who shakes his head at me.

"By law I'm not allowed to say." I shrug and continue breakfast. Mike looks at me, then to Paul, then back at me.

"I'm gonna take that as someone did something to you in here which is why you need Rossi here. But it's still on trial or in the process?"

I huff a little with a frown. There SHOULD have been a trial-"

"Julia." Paul glares at me and I give him a little nod.

"I'm not allowed to say. Your turn." I can feel Paul's eyes on Mike now.

"I held up a bank for money."

I drop my fork and turn to him in shock. "What?!"

This guy is a celebrity bodyguard. They get paid REALLY well in L.A so to say I am surprised to hear this is an understatement.

"Relax. I was never gonna hurt anyone. The gun had no bullets in it. But I needed money for my addiction." He looks at Paul and then away, clearly embarrassed over his fuck-up. "Fortunately for me, a simple bank robbery with no violence and no priors result in a significantly shorter sentence. I had a REALLY good lawyer. Claimed insanity from the drugs and my addiction taking over and got off with this shithole for a while and then tons of community service. I'll be put on parole for life for all I know." He explains and looks at Paul again. "I'm not a bad person, Paul. You know that."

I can feel the tension between the two bodyguards. At one time or another they were friends who worked together or something. Mike feels obligated to plead his case a little.

"What was your addiction?" I push on but his nurse cuts in.

"Mr. Maloney, you need to eat."

"Blow me Brenda. Can't you see I'm in the middle of a fucking conversation here?" Of course, he gets written up for talking to the nurse like that and I watch her scribble away in his chart.

"Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble." I say.

"And your pretty little mouth can-" Mike begins but then stops himself with me. "Anyway. Everything. Pills, powder, heroin."

I nod. He is definitely going to have a much harder detox than me.

"Looks like you made friends with the felon." Cara laughs a little while throwing her food out. Mike studies her for a moment and then his eyes widen. He's putting two and two together, isn't he? Cara looks and sounds just like her older brother. No one is supposed to know she is here. Nate has been adamant about keeping Cara out of the limelight.

"Shit...You're a mini fucking Nate Hollan."

"No. You're wrong. Eat your food." Paul glares at Mike and the look on Paul's face is something I've never seen on him. It's a look of someone we should all be afraid of. Like a mobster or something. The way he glares at Mike, even I felt uneasy. Paul is very protective of Nate and his family, that much I know.

"So what if I am?" Cara blows it and Paul drops his head in defeat, taking out his phone to most likely inform Nate of the problem.

"Nothing. I just find it funny." Mike smirks.

"Know what I find that's funny? Those tracks on your arms and how you smell like a fucking dumpster right now. Good luck with your detox, pal." Cara walks away without a care in the world. JUST like Nate would. She can hold her own just fine. Paul shakes his head while texting and I laugh a little at this whole thing.

"She's unhinged, isn't she?" Mike's eyes are a little wider while watching Cara leave the room with her nurse.

"Just a tad.." I finish my food and have a proud little moment of accomplishment until I freeze when Jeremy enters. My hand shakes when I put my orange juice cup down and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Eyes on me, Moretti. It'll get easier. Hey. Eyes on me." Paul says in a low tone when he notices. Mike gives me a confused look but watches the panic rise in my body.

"I can't be in here." My voice cracks. It doesn't get easier. It never will. And Jeremy is walking right towards me like always. "Paul.... I ...."

"Good job eating Julia." The familiar voice goes right through me. I close my eyes for a second. Which was the absolute WRONG thing to do.

**

"It's ok. I'll be quick." He whispers against the side of my face. Jeremy hovers over me, close to my ear, and covers my mouth again. He begins to whisper.

"Hey. This stays between us, ok?" He strokes my cheek. "Hate to see you tied up like this longer than you need to be."

My eyes widen and dart to his. He kisses my cheek, gets off me, zips and buttons his pants, and leaves the room like nothing happened. I stare at the ceiling in shock.

***

The memory of my first rape floods in.

"Julia. Open your eyes and look at me." Paul knows what's happening in my head. I lock eyes with my bodyguard, but my heart is pounding and tears stream down my face.

"What the hell is going on here?" Mike really doesn't have a clue. He watches me stare at Paul and looks up at Jeremy while is reading my chart, not quite putting two and two together.

"The nurse told you about staying another night, correct?" He hands the chart back to my nurse, seeing the terror written all over my face.

"Yep." I snap but don't look up at Jeremy.

"Come see me after breakfast please." Jeremy walks away before I have a chance to respond. I'm literally heaving now and it's noticeable.

"Take a deep breath, Moretti."

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can. I'm right here with you." Out of nowhere, Paul grabs my hand. Paul doesn't do physical contact. Not usually at least. He gives me a little nod and squeezes my hand before letting go.

I wipe my eyes with my hands while trying to pull myself together. I can tell a million things are running through Mike Maloney's head right now. Eventually he is going to catch on but I can't be the one to tell him. I'd get hit with Slander.

After breakfast we all throw our food away and head out of the cafeteria. I make a decision in my head and look up at Paul.

"I'm not going to his office." I declare.

"Miss Moretti... Dr. Donovan had wanted you to see him after breakfast." My nurse says.

"No one can make me go." Of course they can, but I'm trying to hold strong to my false theory. "I'm going to show Mike where to get the toiletries so he can take a fricken shower since HIS nurse doesn't seem to care if he is filthy." I turn to Brenda and raise a brow at her. She already knows I don't like her. She's team Jeremy all the way.

"I'm pretty sure the doctor wanted-"

"Are you fucking deaf?" This is the part where I lose control. I was just about to push the nurse out of my way which would for sure result in restraints but Paul steps right in my way, almost knocking over Mike and practically picks me up, turning me to walk in the opposite direction.

"Moretti. Walk it off."

"I'm not going to see him!" I yell over my shoulder as Paul pushes me forward. "I'm not going Paul. They can't make me.."

As we walk down the hall we pass by the common area and of course my face is on the news. Mike Maloney stops and watches it.

"While America's voice contestant is currently at The Avalon due to her mental health issues and drug addiction, fiancé or shall we say ex-fiancé ... America's heart throb Nate Hollan was seen here at the famous spa with supermodel Mila Giovanna."

I roll my eyes at the one stupid picture that is still top news around the world. Now that I know the truth you can clearly see Nate is walking down the stairs of the spa with his crew and Mila is a good distance away, at the top of the stairs as her bodyguard holds the door open. They weren't together. But Tabloids love to twist shit.

Mike looks at me and back at the tv and once again at me before he snaps his fingers. "Holy fucking shit. You're.....He's.... you..."

"Complete sentences, Mike..." I pull him away from the room and we continue walking. "Don't believe everything you see."

"I don't see a ring. That's what I don't see." He looks down at my hand.

"Like I'd wear that here. Anyways. Shower. You wreak." I head to the front desk to get supplies for him as well as clean clothes but can't help but look down at my hand and frown. I've been avoiding Nate to get through my detox. But now I have to restart. This battle is neverending. I'm clearheaded right now. I should call him. I should see where we stand.

"Here pigpen. Don't come around me until you smell like soap." I shove the bag into Mike's chest and walk back to my room.

But when I get there, Jeremy is sitting on the chair waiting for me.

*******

*Nate*

"This news is getting old." I click off the TV in the rec room and close my eyes. Tonight was awesome but tiring. After the show, two fans who won backstage passes got to hang out with me here in the rec room for about a half hour. The local news and radio station filmed the encounter, and Evan did a superb job as a bodyguard.

The two giddy 18-year-old girls knew to only come up to me if I initiated it, which I did, and they hugged me with tear streamed faces, took pictures with me got a backstage tour of the rec room and I signed some merch for them. I even grabbed my acoustic guitar sang my newest song, Safe Haven, for the fans. Mary and Brittany have been longtime fans of mine, since they were ten years old, so meeting them both was very rewarding and a great reminder of why I do what I do. It's also my reminder of how I can't bail on my fans.

My emotions got in the way last night when I took Trisha's binder and tried to find a way to cancel the last stretch of this leg of my tour. Hearing that Julia isn't well is always hard. But Evan is right. Trisha is right. Leslie is right. I can't let my fans down. Julia is being well cared for. Paul is right by her side every second of every day. I trust Paul.

"That was so much fun to watch, Nate." Leslie sits across from me while we go over the upcoming schedule. Trisha is on the phone with Noah, Jonah is feeding is face- of course, and Casey is half asleep on the couch. Everyone else is starting to wrap it up so we can head out to Amsterdam.

"You really are great with your fans." She continues and I take in her compliments.

"Lots of practice." I smile brightly at my manager and sip my tea. Like Trisha, Leslie is always dressed to perfection at all times, right down to the skirt and high heels like this is a day in the office. For her, it is. But I try not to look at the lace edge of her thigh highs peeking out when she crosses her long legs. God, all these attractive women are going to be the death of me.

"You're such a guy." Trisha rolls her eyes at me after Leslie leaves the room to take a call.

"What? I can't help what I see." I lean back in my chair and laugh. Only Trisha would my eyes quick glance at Leslie. "You can't deny she's hot. I can't help it she flaunts it." I shrug.

"You have a thing for brunettes, don't you?"

"Nah, it's not the color of your hair I'm looking at, Darlin." I tease and check my phone. Still nothing from Julia and no updates from Paul which is good news. I notice Casey nodding off and decide it's time to head out. She's young but touring can be a lot, and she is tired. "We should wrap it up before Jonah has to carry her to the tour bus."

The ten seconds it took for me to walk from the table to the couch, Casey is out cold.

"I've got her." Jonah stands and scoops sleeping Casey in his arms.

I suddenly get a twinge in my stomach missing Jules while watching Jonah carry "Mini-Julia" out to the tour bus. I frown while watching Jonah slide off Casey's vans and tucking her into her bunk. She curls up just like Jules does too. I've never missed someone so much, aside from dad, in my life. I miss everything about Julia right now. Her laugh, her cries, her little sarcasm and eyerolls. Her long hair and perfect lips. The way she looks at you with those big brown eyes.

I wonder what she's doing right now. It's almost midnight which means it's around three in the afternoon. I wonder if she ate ok, if she is starting to feel the withdrawals yet after that injection, I wonder if she is with Mike Maloney.

****

*Julia*

A lot of patients have their individual therapy meetings after lunch but not me, thanks to Jeremy camping out in my room after breakfast. It was stupid actually. He knew I wasn't going to go to his office. I made clear so he made it clear I wasn't going to get away with it.

He did all the stupid things my own nurse would do. Check my temp and vitals. Still have a fever which means I still have the damn UTI. Looks like I'm going to need to switch antibiotics just like last time. Nothing can come easy for me. I'm apparently Antibiotic resistant and need stronger ones to kick this infection. I never want another UTI again.

Then Jeremy checked my moods- how I was feeling in the moment- obviously I was pissed he was waiting for me in my room and let him know... then once that emotion left, I became more aware of my surroundings and became nervous having him near me. He received a page needing help with another patient so ended up leaving my room early which was a big sigh of relief.

During lunch, Mike Maloney sits next to me and clearly did not take my advice. He's in the same sweats as this morning and his hair is still tied back from when I pulled it back for him in the middle of the night.

"You still smell like a dump. No shower?"

"I decided to spend the morning regurgitating my breakfast instead. It was fun. My nurse is so fucking helpful, skankbag." He glares at woman in her mid-forties who doesn't write him up but does give him an exaggerated eyeroll.

"Why are you not helping him!" I glare at the lady and Paul gives me a look to remind me to mind my business.

After lunch he doesn't have time to shower due to his second session. For some reason, Jeremy has kept me on my part time schedule instead of making me complete a whole day like the rest of the full-time patients. I can tell that irks Cara by the way she huffs when she passes by my room to get to her session.

"Do you want me to call one of James's sisters to bring him here so you can have a break?" I ask Paul who declines. He is pretty much living off the cafeteria food and coffee today and I feel awful that this is what his job has come down to.

Then, the boring job becomes more exciting for him. My need for Ativan hits me midafternoon while everyone is at their session and, my nurse is on her lunch break. My head begins to pound, and I suddenly feel agitated. Paul doesn't notice at first since he is reading his damn newspaper while his phone charges.

I sit on my bed, bouncing my knee nervously while looking around the room. Shit, it's going to be harder now isn't it since the injection was so strong. Beads of sweat form around my forehead and I feel my lunch sit in my stomach. I become restless and my thoughts begin to race. I try not to think of what I know about the Benzodiazepine withdrawal timeline. But the knowledge is stuck in my head and I hyperfocus on it.

I can almost hear Jonah's voice explaining everything to me.

"Withdrawals from benzos begin with 1-4 days, right away if you have taken high doses."

I imagine the injection being a high dose since it almost knocked me out cold.

"The withdrawals peak in severity in the first two weeks."

TWO WEEKS. When was the last time I've gone two weeks?

"Certain symptoms of protracted withdrawal can remain troublesome for months and years. Benzo withdrawals include anxiety, agitation, sweating, increased heart rate, trouble sleeping, nausea and vomiting, hallucinations, seizures."

I try and focus on anything other than what's ahead of me. Anything at all. Think Julia. Think of something that makes you happy. I try and picture myself laying on the grass at Griffith Park with James by my side. James. James makes me happy. I miss my best friend. Going from being with him, caring for him 24/7 to barely hearing from him is hard. It saddens me. I know he can't use a phone and I'm sure his sisters are all just trying to protect him and keep his life as stress-free as possible, so they aren't going to offer to call me and let him talk to me, that much I know.

I pull at the collar of my sweatshirt feeling it choke me, even though I know it isn't. I'm beginning to feel unhinged. My eyes dart around the room.

"Paul." I mutter but my words barely come out as I tug at my sweatshirt again. "Paul..." Tears sting my eyes that continue to dart around the room.

"What, Moretti?" He lowers the newspaper to see what I want and then studies my face.

"Paul.... I - I can't breathe... It's starting, isn't it?" I swallow hard but almost choke on nothing but air. I'm about to have a panic attack.

"Looks that way." The bodyguard says with no emotion and lifts his newspaper back up, trying to make light of it. I roll my eyes at him and lay down, hoping it will pass but knowing it won't. I try not to pay attention to the way the walls feel like they are closing in on me. That's not really happening Julia. You're fine. I think to myself like a crazy person.

I need a distraction before this fucks with my head.

I've learned the full day routine at the Avalon now. Around three in the afternoon we lose our nurses for a while during our free time. Without even giving Paul a heads up, I begin to leave my room, making him drop the paper and scramble to his feet to follow. I take it upon myself to head down the hall to Michael Maloney's room. I know he's in there thanks to the officer sitting outside his open door.

Mike is pacing the perimeter of his room and fidgeting with his hands. Still without a shower.

"Grab your bag." I demand, making him jump seeing me in the doorway.

"Moretti, what are you doing?" Paul grumbles behind me.

"Lets go. Grab your bag. You're taking a shower." I say to Mike and ignore Paul who puts a hand to his forehead at my attempt to help Mike.

Mike stares at me like he doesn't know what I just said, off in his own world.

"I mean it. You stink and I need a distraction before I lose my fucking mind." I grab him by the arm with one hand and grab his Avalon drawstring bag with fresh clothes, a towel and toiletries in it, with my other hand, dragging him out of the room. Our entourage follows behind. Paul and the police officer. I walk Mike to one of the vacant bathrooms and throw his bag on the counter.

"Go. Don't come out till you are clean." I push Mike into the room and close the door before he can fight me on it. I cross my arms and wait to hear water but after a good minute I still hear nothing. I bravely open the door to see Mike leaning his forearms on the sink with his head down.

"Mike. You will feel better once you shower." I say but he doesn't respond to me. He doesn't even raise his head. I walk behind him and turn the water on, making it as hot as I would want it while detoxing. "I mean it. Here." I literally rummage through the bag finding the bar soap, and the shampoo. Putting them both on the ledge of the shower before slamming the door behind me. If he was James or Nate, I'd help him but... yeah... I don't know this guy. At all.

"I mean it Mike!" I yell from the other side of the door and Paul takes a deep breath while shaking his head.

"You missed your calling as a caretaker, Moretti. But he is the last person you should be taking care of."

"Why, because he's getting SO much help from the staff already? How would you feel if you were detoxing alone like that?"

"I wouldn't be detoxing." He huffs.

"I'm sure I thought that at one time too..." I frown and got under Paul's skin a little when I see a slight tug of a frown forming on his face. Because he knows I was once a normal functioning person. I never asked for this. Any of it. It just happens sometimes. Over and over again for me, I guess.

"Just.... watch it with him. You're getting attached."

"I'm doing whatever a normal human would do for another. That's all this is." I wait a few minutes before cracking the door open. Mike is in the shower. Finally. I close the door again and slide down the wall waiting for him. I wrap my arms around my body feeling the chills begin.

A good five minutes go by when I now begin to hear him throwing up. Shit. Do I go in? He needs help. I look up at Paul who drops his shoulders knowing what I'm thinking. He is the one to open the door first to make sure the detoxing man isn't naked and then gives me a slight nod.

"Go ahead......" Paul sighs knowing I'm going to regardless of his permission. I stand up and walk in to the steamy bathroom. Mike has his sweatpants on but no shirt and is heaving into the toilet. His entire back is tattooed just like James but with all sorts of different things and it wraps around his shoulders, chest up biceps as well. He is a very muscular man, but you can tell drugs and detox have taken a toll on him with weight loss.

"Dude. You're literally getting your hair puked on right now." I cringe and pull hair back without touching the gross part. He closes his eyes as it passes. "Cmere."

With his head still down, I walk him to the sink and grab the shampoo out of the shower.

"Head down." I guide his head into the sink and begin washing his hair for him. I rinse his hair, making sure to scrub it well first and then grab his towel to dry it. He leans on the sink basin and looks at his tired face in the mirror.

"You're pathetic." He says to himself just like I've said to my reflection numerous times. A strand of wet dark hair falls in front of his face and I boldly tuck it behind his ear.

"You're not pathetic, Mike. You've never detoxed before. It sucks, doesn't it?"

He nods and looks down at my hand resting on the basin, noticing it trembling. Mike puts his shaky hand on mine and we both stare down at them. "Thank you."

"Well, no one else was helping you." I keep my eyes down, feeling things I always feel around an attractive man. Down Julia..... down. This is NOT what you need to be feeling right now. God, not at all.

"Moretti, finish up." Paul says while looking at his phone, not seeing Mike's hand on mine. I pull mine away and walk out of the bathroom before I overthink things. Or don't think enough.

Jeremy walks by us at the exact wrong time. Right as I'm exiting the bathroom with Mike behind me. He looks down at me and then over at Mike.

"You two can't be hanging out this much. Why are you both in the bathroom at the same time?"

"No one else was helping him while he was getting sick." I say, stopping short, making Mike bump into me accidentally.

"She was just helping me, boss." Mike raises his hands in defense, but this doesn't look good and because he bumped into me, he's probably a little too close behind me as well, practically right up against my body.

"Julia. You know your diagnosis....."

"Which one?" I squint my eyes at the doctor. Go ahead. Remind me, idiot. I brush past Jeremy before he can answer and start heading back to my room, but not before I hear Jeremy reprimanding Mike and telling him to stay away from me.

******

*Nate*

"Maybe being here isn't the best idea for her." Paul says while updating me.

I was unable to sleep and we have already made our way to Amsterdam. Everyone else in the bus is out cold so I decide to get an update from Paul.

"I mean, once she no longer has a fever she can go to my place with you, right?" I get out of my bed and head to the front of the tour bus to the recliner, so I don't wake anyone.

"Yes. They are switching her antibiotics and going to see if that helps. I just don't have a good feeling about her around Mike Maloney."

"So DO something about it, Paul. You're there. I'm here! But if nothing is going on and she feels productive helping care for someone, let her. It's how she gets through her detox. She doesn't have James to take care of right now and is feeling pretty down and out about that. Where is she now?"

"We're heading out to the garden so she can get some fresh air before it gets dark. She's starting to tremble again and was panicky early until she busied herself helping Mike. But now she's quiet but having a hard time."

I let out a frustrated breath. As much as I'm not fond of the idea of Julia helping anyone but herself right now, helping Mike is distracting her from her own detox. I wish it was someone else. A female, obviously. But Julia always gravitates to the male species and usually the ones who need the most help. It's just the way she is.

"Can I talk to her?" I won't stop trying. "Actually, can I facetime you back?"

Before Paul can answer I hang up and facetime him instead. He's outside and the background is the beautiful garden and gazebo area of The Avalon. Paul looks tired. This 24/7 job is a hard one with no real breaks for him. Not until he gets back to my flat. Then maybe things will be different. He won't feel so on edge because Jeremy won't be in the same building. I watch Paul face the phone to Jules. She's laying in the grass with her eyes closed and the last bit of the sun splaying on her face. Unlike Trisha, Julia never cared about laying in the grass, or the bugs living underneath it or any of that. I've seen her do this before. She lays her hands behind her head and feels the warmth on her face.

"Moretti. Nate is on the phone." Paul announces but Julia doesn't budge.

"Whatever." She says with her eyes closed. "Did you tell him they doped me up again and now I have to start my detox all over?" She apparently doesn't realize I'm on facetime and can hear and see her. I study the beautiful woman laying with her eyes closed and see her frown a little. She looks so sad but stunning at the same time. How does she manage to do that?

"Jules." I let out a sigh and she turns to her side, laying on her arm before taking the phone from Paul. She props the phone against the brick edging of the garden and finally looks at me. I'm lying on the couch on my side wishing I was right next to her.

"Talk to me, Jules."

"There's nothing to say. You're there. I'm here." She's calm right now, but sad and it's almost hard to hear her voice crack the way it does as her eyes water.

"You're gonna get better and recover at my place before you know it, ok? You just gotta take your meds and let the antibiotics clear up your UTI." I remind her, not knowing really what else to say to help her without being there to hold her.

"You pay all this money for me and Cara to be here. You know the nurses here suck, right? There's a guy here and they don't even help him through his detox or help with anything. Everyone just ignores him. Imagine what he must be feeling right now?"

Oh Jules. She cares about other people so much it hurts her heart when she sees them struggling. Even people like Mike Maloney.

"Yeah, love. Paul told me. Can you just be careful around Mike Maloney? I know that's who you're talking about. He could be dangerous."

"Doesn't matter. He's still a person. He's not dangerous towards me. He just has a mouth like your sister."

Of course he's not dangerous to Julia. Look at her. He probably wants to get in her pants.

"I miss you." I change topics all together. Paul can handle this shit with Maloney. I'm just happy Julia is giving me the time of day right now.

"Julia. Time go in for dinner."

I hear Donovan's voice at the exact same moment Julia's face changes. I've never seen it from this point of view, already staring at her. The moment she hears Jeremy's voice, her body becomes rigid, she closes her eyes and her bottom lip quivers. Sadness mixed with fear takes over her facial expression in mere seconds. When she opens her eyes tears roll out immediately. Just hearing her rapists voice breaks her down. She doesn't say anything. When Jeremy calls her again her body trembles.

"I love you Julia. Hang in there." I say and the only response is her hanging up. But at least I got to see her.

The sooner she is discharged and away from Jeremy Donovan, the better.