*Julia*

"Julia."

I hear the voice and freeze.

I'm a mess today and well aware. I'm having a really hard time eating breakfast in the Avalon cafeteria. That, plus creepy Michael Maloney deciding to sit at my table, is putting me on edge. He stares at me on purpose just to get a rise out of me. I'm the only one at my table but he decided to sit here. Of all empty seats. He obviously knows I'm not liked by the "Jeremy fan club." Is he doing this just to provoke me? Antagonize me?

But Michael isn't the one I'm paying attention to. I hear Jeremy's voice behind me, and I straighten up a little and stare at Paul. My hands are already shaking. It's been so long since I have had to be in the same room as Jeremy. I thought I could handle it, but now, hearing his voice, I'm not so sure. I can also tell Michael is now giving me a funny look, wondering why I'm about to lose my shit just from hearing my name.

Fricken Francine, the nurse I have today, must have had the doctor paged because I'm not eating.

I can't seem to swallow properly, and my anxiety gets stuck in my throat.

"Julia. You really do need to eat." Jeremy sits down right next to me. I close my eyes, bite my bottom lip, and take a deep breath before answering.

"I'm TRYING..." I seethe and when I open my eyes, I make sure they land on Paul and only Paul. My heart is racing.

I thought time would help this, but if anything, it made it worse. Sure, I had virtual meetings, but it's a lot different when you can just close a laptop to get away from him verses being next to him in real life. God, I thought I was over this! This fear.. But I'm not. The scent of his cologne is enough to bring me right back to my nightmares. My nightmares I had to live through.

"I know you're in the beginning stages of your detox. But we've been here before, Julia. You know what to expect."

"That's why it's so hard. I know what to expect." I drop my eyes down and wring my hands under the table, trying really hard to keep calm and not burst into tears and run out of the room.

"Julia. Eat." Jeremy says in a stern way. The way he says it... the way he brings me right down to feeling like I'm some child being scolded... makes me unable to breathe properly. Again...it's been a while since I have heard that tone and my eyes well up with tears.

"I can't focus on eating with you right next to me. You know that." I whisper, knowing only Jeremy heard me, but Michael leans in a little to try to hear as well with no luck.

"I thought we were over this. If I could turn back time and change what happened, I would." Jeremy says closer to my ear now.

"Turn back time?!" I cut him off. "TWICE you -"

"MORETTI!" Paul shouts, catching me by surprise. Right. Legally, I'm not allowed to be discussing this. Michael looks thoroughly confused, but I try to pay no attention to Jesus sitting on my left and the devil sitting on my right. I stare straight ahead at Paul.

"I don't think I can do this." My words barely come out. "I can't.... I can't..."

Then it happens.

I swipe my tray right off the table and scream in Jeremy's face. "I can't fucking be near you!"

I startle the entire room, making both Jeremy and Michael flinch in their seats. Nurse Francine's eyes are wide, and Paul shakes his head at me.

"Do you hear me? I hate you!" I bolt out of my seat, making Paul scramble to his feet to catch up to me as I run out of the room.

I sprint down the hallway and burst into the woman's room. There are no locks on the doors, so I lean my back on the door and slide down till I hit the ground, in the middle of my panic attack.

Turn back time. God... if he only knew how much I would love that. I'd turn back time and take Danny's phone. Or I'd drive him. Then there'd be no car accident. I'd pay more attention to my husband so there'd be no Nicole. I wouldn't have even known what Ativan was. I wouldn't have tried to kill myself in Boston or end up at the Avalon or go to the La Constantine, making James worry and drive while over tired. I'd never be put in restraints or get raped or get my "Fucking stomach pumped!" I cry out in the middle of my thoughts.

Turn back time. Who the hell does he think he is, saying that to me? He ruined me!

******

"What the hell is wrong with this chic?"

That's what I wake up to. I had a panic attack and cried so hard in the bathroom while leaning against the door I shut down. I completely shut down. And when I woke up, Paul is sitting in the chair near my desk, Jeremy on a folding chair next to him doing something on his laptop and freakshow Jesus Maloney leaning against the doorway.

"Where's Nate?" I sit up a little and instantly begin to cry right after I say those two words. I lay back down facing the wall now, curl up into a ball and pull the covers up over my shoulders, and cry.

"She needs some anxiety meds or something." Jesus says.

"Maloney, don't you have some coke to snort or something?" Paul sneers and I hear Jeremy clear his throat.

"Cop had to take a piss. This lil lady, Nurse Vanessa, is a bore who can suck my cock, so I figured I'd see what this piece of ass is up to."

I hear chairs scuffle but keep my eyes closed.

"Paul, sit down. It's not worth it. He's detoxing too. He's just trying to get under everyone's skin." Jeremy explains

"Everything ok in here?" The police officer is back, and I hear Michael Maloney laugh a little.

"Don't you think she's cute? Officer....Jacobs? Man, I could just go right over there to her and-"

That's it.

I jump out of my bed. Literally jump out like the crazy woman I am, completely out of my mind, and get right in Mike's face. I push him hard. My adrenaline is at 100 now and everything happens fast. Too fast.

"Go over and what?? You piece of shit asshole! Huh? Tell me." I continue to push the guy twice my size and height while looking at him dead in the eyes. I could be foaming at the mouth right now for all I know. "What are you gonna do? Tie me down? Fucking rape me? Huh? You bastard! Too late. Been there done that." I push him hard out into the hall so his back is up against the wall. "Go ahead you prick."

"Julia!" I hear both Paul and Jeremy's voices, but I don't care.

"I swear to God" I seethe, and the guy's eyes are wide... but the smile fades as I continue to push him hard practically punching him in the chest now that he's up against the wall.

"You put one finger on me I will fucking bite it right off and let you bleed out right in this fucking hallway. You hear me?" I feel hands pull me back. The police officer and Paul, both pull me away at the same time and Paul stands in front of me, blocking my view of the idiot up against the wall.

"She's feisty." Michael says under his breath as Paul takes my arm and escorts me back into my room. I'm shaking and crying but furious at the same time.

"Let go of me." I pull my arm away from Paul's grip and crawl back into bed, facing the wall once more, and shut down completely.

"She can't do shit like that, Paul. He's three times her size and also in the beginning stages of detox. Someone's gonna get killed." Jeremy says, his voice a bit shaken.

"I've never seen her do that." Paul replies but then laughs a little. "He needed to be put in his place."

"Yeah, well that can't happen again. Dr. Cohen ever saw her do that to another patient she'd be here overnight in restraints and back on the Ativan in a heartbeat."

I begin to cry hard and bury my face in my pillow. I wish Nate was here. He'd help me.

*****

*Nate*

I feel like I'm here and going through the motions but not really here. Half of me is gone. I didn't hear from Julia once today and even though I know there's a time change, I thought for sure she'd text me. She's trying to distance herself. Paul said she's just trying to focus on her detox, but I know it's more than that. It's too hard for Julia to be so far away so she's not dealing with it at all. She's pushing me away. It's the easy thing to do. But it's killing me.

One good thing is I get my private plane back, so we no longer have to fly commercial. The flight from Stockholm to Prague is two hours. I will still be nine hours ahead of Julia for time though. So when we land this afternoon at 1pm it will only be around four in the morning at home.

"Blood pressure check, Mr. Celebrity." Jonah swings around the blood pressure cuff as I sit down. We don't take off for another half hour but needed to check out of the hotel before eleven so came here. Jonah hands me my heart medications and Beta blockers and proceeds to check my numbers.

"Ooooh..." He says under his breath. "148/80" Casey gives Jonah a little look but says nothing. She writes the numbers down in my chart for him instead. She hands Jonah my chart and he looks over my numbers.

"It's been consistently higher than average all week." Jonah says while reading my chart.

"What does that mean?" Trisha asks.

"Could be nothing. Maybe you're coming down with a little touch of something. If it continues, we'll have to possibly tweak your meds, do some bloodwork. I can email your cardiologist to give a heads up." Jonah makes light of it but I can tell the wheels are turning in that head of is. Should I be concerned? I'm no longer drinking. I'm doing all the things right. Taking my meds faithfully. Sure, I still get stabbing pains in my chest, but they go away and never turn into anything more.

I'm stressed about Julia. Why won't she just fucking call me?

*****

"I don't know, Nate. She's not doing well. Not at the Avalon." I can hear the frustration in Paul's voice. Something you don't hear often.

"Holly will be here in an hour to get started. Did you eat?" Trisha asks while breezing by. I nod and continue my conversation with the bodyguard. It's only 7:30 in the morning but Paul answered his phone which means he was up. Maybe even waiting for my call, knowing this is my free time- after my soundcheck but before my concert.

"Listen. She shut down yesterday. And when she woke up she asked for you."

Shit. I sit back a little more on the sofa of my dressing room but drop my head. This is awful.

"She's detoxing hard and now butting heads with Mike Maloney."

I sit up more. "What? What do you mean butting heads with Mike Maloney??"

"They are both at the same stage of their detox and trying to get a rise out of each other. He will say things to get under her skin and then she goes ahead and turns crazy on him."

"How so?" I can hear my own British accent coming out with my concern. Why is she messing with that guy. He's a fucking bodyguard. One that was on some hardcore drugs. He could be insane. I mean......this IS the Avalon we're talking about here.

"Yesterday he said something about how some nurse wouldn't give him a blow job, so he was gonna see what Moretti was up to... He said it right as she was in the middle of an episode and I swear, boss. She went crazy on him. She started spewing all sorts of stuff."

Paul tells me all the things Jules spat at the guy and how she kept shoving him. God she's just like Cara. No fear when she gets like that. That can be dangerous when you are doing that shit to someone like Maloney. The fact that she brought up her rape. That could get her in a lot of trouble if she says the wrong things. I tell him to hold on for a second, put my phone down and shove my palms in my eyes.

"One more thing, Nate."

Oh God. There's more??

"I heard James outside talking to his sister Jennie. Julia doesn't know this, but I think his sisters want her out of his house, claiming she's too stressful. They want her to detox away from James. They've been keeping him at their mother's each day a little longer or taking him out to eat or shopping. Anything so he doesn't have to come home. Didn't help that Jennie walked into Julia having a fit during lunch the other day and James told her to go back outside and walk Maggie. He then..." Paul pauses.

"He reprimanded Julia a little. He was nice about it. Said 'How bout we not wreck my house. I worked hard for what I have.' in a joking way but he wasn't joking, and I don't blame him one bit. She broke a glass and swiped her lunch clear off the table, breaking the dishes as well. I know James. He had to work really hard to get every single thing in that house. Picking up extra shifts at the Marriott, asking for more hours bodyguarding and helping with the 4th floor." Paul's voice trails off. I've never heard Rossi talk this much in my life.

It sounds like Paul has helped James over the years. Things have always been tight for Gallo, then with his mom and medical bills, I can't blame him. But if Julia finds out the girls don't want her in the house with James, she WILL kill herself. She's gonna feel like she doesn't have a place to call home. That EVERYONE is giving up on her, including her best friend. And I'm not there.

Things aren't getting better. They're getting worse. So much worse.

****

*Julia*

"Hey babe. Heard you had a rough day at the Avalon yesterday." James notices I'm awake and I turn around in James's bed.

"Where were you all day?" I ask, still trying to wake up more. He was gone all day. And when he came home, he was already showered and ready for bed. It was late. Is he avoiding me because I'm such a mess and he doesn't want to be around me?

"Ashley took me to the movies. We haven't hung out together like that in forever. I ended up just showering there. Katie helped me a little. not li-like she'll remember." He stutters. Katie's getting worse. "I thought maybe you'd need to rest and didn't want to-"

"Want to come home and let me help you shower and do all the things I do to help you??" I sit up and frown. I'm already visibly showing my detox. My whole body hurts. Every single muscle. And I'm so cold. I'm freezing.

"I-I just didn't want to bother you."

"Are you purposely coming home later and later to avoid me, James? Tell me the truth. You know I'm gonna know if you're lying anyways." I get right to it.

"It's. It's just a lot. Nate was always so good with this stuff. I'm not. Babe, I just want you to get better. But I don't know how to take care of you when you get....."

"Crazy? Go ahead! Say it. When I get all crazy?" I burst into tears, pull my knees up to my chest and bury my head. I feel James wrap his arms around me to try and comfort me, but I stiffen right up and then lay back down on my side and curl up in a ball and whimper. I should have known. It's not James's fault. I can't expect him to know what to do. I don't even know what to do!

James tries to lay with me, but I stay curled up, making it nearly impossible for him. He eventually gives up and heads downstairs to let Maggie outside. I bury my head in his pillow and literally sob. He is finding ways to not come home to his own house because I am here? Does he know how that makes me feel?? Awful! It makes me feel absolutely awful! Unwanted. A burden.

"Moretti." I hear Paul's voice through my crying. "Here."

"What do you want Paul?" I cry into the pillow. "Just leave me alone, ok?"

But he doesn't.

Instead, I feel something cold against my ear.

"Jules... love I know you can hear me."

Paul holds his phone to my ear, and I break down even more hearing Nate's voice. It's only been days, but it feels like years.

"Why are we crying, doll?"

I can't form words. I just cry. I close my eyes and cry and listen to Nate's voice, wishing he was right her with me. Holding me. Comforting me.

"Jules... Talk to me."

"I can't do this, Nate."

"Yes, you can, Princess. You know you can. You've done it before."

"James is purposely coming home later and later so he doesn't have to deal with me. To be around me!" I wail into the phone while Paul is still holding it to my ear.

There's a pause on the other end. Almost like Nate knows or isn't surprised yet surprised I know this myself.

"You know he's not good with this shit. That's all it is. He'll get used to it. Gallo is just used to me taking over, that's all."

"I can't do this. My whole body hurts. I'm freezing."

*****

*Nate*

That's what breaks me down. Hearing that Julia is at the phase where her muscles ache. Her body is cold and needs its addiction. James never was good with this stuff. He's not an addict. He's never been through detox or had withdrawals. He doesn't understand this kind of pain in your bones that rips through your body.

"Nate. Holly will be here soon." Trisha comes into the dressing room, and I nod. She gives me a sour look when she sees my glossy eyes while I'm on the phone. I quickly get up and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

"Jules, you need to just fight through this, ok? Please, baby. Just get through this hard part, and things will get better." I pace the small bathroom like a lion in its den.

"I feel so alone." Her voice is barely there. She's so physically and mentally exhausted yet can't shut her mind off. She's Julia.

"I love you so much, doll. You know that?"

I can hear Julia crying, and then the line goes dead. She hung up on me.

"Fuck!" I throw my phone against the bathroom door, stepping over the shattered phone to leave.

"Seriously, Nate? I don't have fucking time to go to fucking Best Buy to get you a phone. Do they even HAVE a Best Buy in Prague? An Apple Store? Jesus Christ, Playboy." It's all I hear as I brush past Trisha and leave my dressing room, in need of air.

Of course, my cardboard box has to follow me outside.

"Evan, you really don't have to stay out here with me." I say as I sit on the back step of the vacant venue, trying to get air and calm myself before my concert.

"I do, sir. It's kinda my job." But what surprises me is, instead of his usual bodyguard stance standing with his arms folded, Evan sits next to me on the stairs.

"I can be a good listener. Also, part of the job.... kind of..."

I look over to the man and drop my shoulders, giving in.

"I shouldn't be here. I should be with her while she's detoxing." I assume Paul gave Evan the FULL update, but even if he didn't, the kid will catch on.

"Your job prevents that, sir. What would be different if you were there with her? Either way she is going to have to go through detox and withdrawals, with or without you. And she has Rossi so she's not alone-"

"She's always been there for me. When I went through my alcohol detox she was by my side. But I wasn't there for her the way she needed me."

I think about how Julia was still admitted yet I was discharged and began going back to work, sleeping at home because it was closer to the studio. Living my life again like Trisha wanted. It was then when I took Trisha to an event. It was then that I slept with Trish and Julia slept with Jeremy. That alone opened the door to Donovan's addiction. His obsession with Julia. He had her once then couldn't keep his hands off her.

I have no idea if Evan is following along, but I keep talking.

"I feel like I keep abandoning her when she needs me the most." I stare out at the distance at all my tour busses lined up and people working hard to set up the stage for me. "None of this is worth it if I don't have her. And she's slipping through my hands."

"If this isn't worth it than why are you here, Mr.Hollan?" Evan turns and looks at me, waiting for an answer I don't currently have.

Good grief, maybe Evan is more like Paul than I thought.

*****

*Julia*

"I'm not going to the Avalon today. Say I'm sick or contagious or something." I bury my head into the blankets like I'm some teenager not willing to get up for school. The reality is, I don't want to see Jeremy or that asshole Michael Maloney. He creeps me out.

"You have to go." James sits on the corner of the bed. "You'll feel better once you get out of bed and dressed."

James is already dressed. Kendall decided to come to his house early and get him ready. She wants him out of here and not around me. I can tell. I'm not an idiot.

"James, you ready? " Kendall hollers from the living room. They are going out for breakfast and then bringing the dog to Griffith Park. After that he's going to a men's bible study at his church which he hasn't been able to do in a long time. Just like Nate, James is moving on, living life, bettering himself. Meanwhile I have a puke bucket next to my bed, haven't showered in two days and have the dreaded Avalon waiting for me. I don't blame James for not wanting to be around me. Just thinking about that brings stinging tears to my eyes.

"C'mon sweetie. You're gonna get through this. Just try, ok?"

"Just go, James. Your sister is waiting." I close my eyes tight and wait to feel him lift off the bed and walk out of the room so I can continue to cry and fall into my depression. I need a fucking Ativan.

I wonder if he still has shit around his house. I mean, he had an old bottle of Xanax laying around from years ago and James isn't the most organized of people. In a daze I get up and head to the bathroom. When was the last time I even used the bathroom. God, what if I get another UTI? What it I spiral out. I try to use the bathroom but with no luck. I'm dehydrated and not taking care of myself. Then I rummage through the medicine cabinet, making a mess, letting bottles of Tylenol and cough medicine fall off the shelves into the sink, causing noise to alert Paul.

Because I'm not thinking clearly and just want my fix, I left the bathroom door wide open. And because I'm not thinking clearly and just want my fix, I don't realize I'm in hysterics while rummaging for any kind of pills to help me.

"Having fun, Moretti?" Paul leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed and an evil smirk on his face. "You're wasting your time. The girls cleaned James's house top to bottom. You're not going to find what you're looking for."

I hold on to the basin of the sink with both hands and drop my head, now a sobbing mess. My eyes and nose running, my hair falling out of my ponytail and I'm only wearing one of Nate's tour shirts I stole from his wardrobe rack.

"I can't do this!" I rest my head on the cool basin and that's when I realize it. I'm burning up. I have a fever don't I? Shit. Tell me I don't have another UTI from being dehydrated. Please God tell me this isn't happening again. I lift my head and look at my sorry existence in the mirror.

"You piece of worthless shit. Look what you've done."

"Knock it off. C'mon." Paul grabs my arm and pulls me away from my reflection. I'm shaking and cold but hot to the touch and Paul notices. He sits me on the edge of the bed and puts his hand on my forehead.

"No.... Shit." He shakes his head. "What doesn't feel good, Julia?"

"Everything you idiot!"

"No seriously. Do you have a sore throat? Or feel run down?" Paul is asking very stupid questions to someone that had a tube fricken inserted down their throat and is now starting detox. Of course, I have a sore throat and run down!

"Just leave me. I'm not going to The Avalon." I crawl my way up into the bed and shut down again. But Paul stays in the room, and I hear everything he says when he calls Jonah.

"Is it normal to have a fever during detox?" There's a pause. "I have no clue! I'm not a nurse. You ask her." Paul puts his phone on speaker. It's loud. I can hear the concert in the background. I can hear Nate singing his heart out with the band and strumming in the back though it sounds like Jonah has moved out of the Arena. Maybe he's in the rec room or Nate's dressing room.

"Julia. Are you there?" I hear Jonah's voice.

"No Dipshit. I'm not." I roll over and push the phone away, but Paul isn't having it. He sits on the bed and holds the phone up out of my reach.

"Nice, Julia. Listen. Paul doesn't know if James has a thermometer and I'm guessing he probably doesn't. God... I should be there." He says, now talking to himself. "Do you feel like you have a fever? More than just a slight elevated temp from detox?"

"How the hell do I know!" I snap, not being very helpful but can tell Jonah isn't surprised by this.

"Have you been drinking fluids, urinating frequently or are you shutting down on us, Julia. Because you can't afford to get another UTI. Not right now."

I begin to cry hard. Because I know I couldn't use the bathroom this morning and can't remember the last time I went. Nor can I remember the last time I drank even an ounce of water. I gave Paul a hard time with dinner and then went to bed shortly after eating enough to get him off my back. But did I drink anything? I don't think I did. I was just eating to shut Paul up.

"Paul. Take her to The Avalon. Let one of the nurses check her out, please. If she has a Urinary Tract infection again...Jesus. Just go get her checked out."

Paul hangs up the phone and starts rummaging through my suitcase in search of clothes.

"I'm not going to the Avalon. Take me to an urgent care or some other shitty place." I mutter as Paul throws me my pink plaid pajama bottoms and a pair of socks.

"No, they won't know what to do. Not with your bipolar. Let's go."

****

We arrive at the Avalon and they don't bother weighing me in or going over the usual check in routine. Instead, one of the nurses escorts me to my room then closes the door to get the run down from Paul.

I remember Jonah once explaining that some people are more prone to having UTI's. I think I may be one of them. Which doesn't help me from being the next Eric Furgeson with all my other issues. I lay in my Avalon bed barely able to hear the nurse and Paul discussing my symptoms with the door closed.

After a few minutes the door opens and who fricken walks in? Jeremy. The last person I want to see. Fortunately, Paul is right behind him.

"Julia. I'm gonna have the nurse come in and take your temperature, ok? Then do a urine test which will tell us if you have another UTI. Did you take your morning depression medications?"

I shake my head no while laying on my side facing Jeremy. I flinch when Jeremy puts his hand on my forehead and Paul is quick, right there pulling Jeremy's hand away.

"Relax. Jesus. I'm seeing if she's burning up." Jeremy backs away, shaking his head at Paul.

"No touching." Paul grunts, now on high alert.

"Ok, well.. She for sure has a fever. I can tell you that much." Jeremy says right as the nurse comes in, rolling a monitor. She has me sit up, put the thermometer under my tongue and a pulse oximeter on my index finger. While doing that, she takes my blood pressure.

"Dr. Donovan..." The old lady gets Jeremy's attention, and he looks at the monitor while she writes the numbers in my chart.

Low and behold my temp is high. 102.7. Lovely.

"You are definitely sick, Julia. And your blood pressure is very low. Too low. You haven't been drinking enough fluids at all. You're dehydrated and under a great deal of emotional stress. That combination alone can cause low blood pressure. You may need to get admitted for IV fluids.

"What? Here?! No." I look over at Paul with pleading eyes.

"You guys do IV's here??" Paul raises a brow as the doctor nods.

"We do. That's about all we do for medical things though. A lot of detox patients come in severely dehydrated." Jeremys says as the nurse hands me a small container.

"We'll just need a urine sample. Doesn't have to be a lot." The nurse helps me up and walks me to the bathroom while Paul pulls out his phone. Michael Maloney walks past me with his nurse and a police officer and puckers his lips at me with a wink of the eye. I look away disgusted. Too bad, he's a good-looking guy. Just a sick psychopath who probably belongs locked up. At least he has a police officer escorting him.

When I come back into the room, Jeremy is gone, and Paul just ended a phone conversation.

"Nate's gonna stay up a little longer to get an update once we know what is going on. It's late there."

I don't even know where he is. Prague maybe?

"I can't stay here overnight." I whisper to Paul because the door is still open. "You know I can't, Paul. Don't do that to me. Please!" He knows what I'm saying. If I stay here overnight, Jeremy will make it a point to also stay here over night. I can't handle that.

"If you DO need to stay. I will be right here with you, Moretti."

"What about James?? He can't be alone." I begin to cry.

"One of his sisters will have to stay with him. Let's just see what they say here first." Paul plops down on the chair as a wave of nausea hits me hard. I know I won't throw up though. I have nothing in my system. I lay down and silently pray everything is fine and they will just let me go back home. But I have a feeling that's not going to be the case.

*****

*Nate*

I'm exhausted but there's no way I'm falling asleep until I know Julia is fine. The four of us are settled in for the night in the tour bus after a four-hour drive. We are now on our way from Prague to Munich, Germany. Everyone is sleeping but me. I'm charging my new phone thanks to Trisha scurrying around after I decided to throw my other one into the bathroom door.

I'm putting on quite the show for everyone. My concerts have been flawless, interviews and signing events perfect and no one suspects a thing. I'm doing everything right. But the minute I get off that stage, the minute I'm no longer surrounded by people, I'm back into my depressed mental state. I don't want to be doing this. I'm not enjoying it this time around.

My concern for Julia is overwhelming and I just want to be home. I love my fans. I love it when I'm on stage. But I'm so sad and lonely without Julia with me. Even though we weren't really together throughout most of the time she was here, she was still with me. I became attached to her, used to having her around. And I was the only one who could take care of her. Now look. She probably has another UTI and sick. Paul is trying his best. He can't literally force feed Julia so I can't blame him, and James has checked out. I can't blame him either.

If I could only turn back time and make things right from the start, Jules wouldn't be where she's at right now.

Paul's number lights up my phone while I'm lying in my bunk. I get off and head to the front of the bus so I don't wake anyone up before answering.

"What's going on, Paul?" I don't bother saying hi. I need him to get right to the point.

"She has another UTI from being dehydrated and not going to the bathroom enough. Donovan wants to give her IV fluids and antibiotics right away, before she spirals out." He informs me. I sit on the recliner while getting the update.

"Nate. They want to admit her overnight. Her blood pressure was really low and with detoxing and now the UTI. I have to agree with them. She needs IV fluids. "

"She can't stay there overnight Paul!" I whisper but it's loud and I look down the hall to make sure I didn't disrupt anyone sleeping.

"I'm gonna stay with her. Two of Gallo's sisters are going to stay at his house overnight to care for him. I won't leave her side, boss. You know I won't."

And I do. But it doesn't mean I'm jumping for joy over this decision. It makes my stomach turn.

"I can't believe this is happening." I mutter, more to myself.

"I'll keep her safe, Nate."

"You better." I hang up.

*****