*Julia*

"Welcome home!!!!" James's sisters shout as soon as we open the door to his cute little bungalow. His mom is even here sitting on the couch with a big smile on her face. James knows the drill... no making eye contact with his mother so he doesn't set her off.

I had a feeling the girls would be here when they kept texting me for time updates on when our flight would land. And don't get me wrong. I think it's sweet. James has the best family. But a part of me is just not having it. 

I'm detoxing and the 11-hour flight home was anything but relaxing. I spent most of it hugging a toilet. My second dose of Ativan didn't work but both Paul and I fake a smile as we walk in. James is bombarded with hugs and kisses from his sisters while Maggie heads straight to Carol, his mom, hopping on the couch to get her attention.

"We missed you so much, Jamie." Ashley says. Paul and I manage to squeak by, away from the crowd of Gallo girls and head to the small kitchen. I look around the kitchen. The girls went food shopping for James, and I can tell they just cleaned the house with the aroma of Pine Sol still in the air. They even put fresh flowers in a vase on the kitchen table for him.

I should be happy. James is home. This is where he belongs. And I love his perfect little house. But I'm not happy. Not while knowing what's ahead of me. I can hear the sisters all chatting it up with James in the other room and suddenly need air.

I don't bother saying anything to Paul, who is already making himself at home and starting a pot of coffee. I head out to the backyard and sit at the patio. It's only three in the afternoon here so the sun is still illuminating James's perfect little backyard. I tilt my head and close my eyes, feeling the warmth hit my face. But tears roll down my cheeks.

"You good out here, Moretti?" The familiar voice grumbles.

 I keep my eyes closed and even though I'm silently crying I respond, "Yep."

Paul sighs and I sense him sitting down in one of the chairs across from me. My eyes remain closed, my tears remain dripping down my face.

"It'll get easier. You know that."

"Sure do." It doesn't help though. I know a lot of things. I know this is going to get worse before it gets better. I know I have to go back to The Avalon on Monday. I know I'll have to see Jeremy Donovan in person again. I know my Bipolar is going to rear its ugly head when the withdrawals kick in full force.  I'm already shaking and feeling nauseous with a screaming headache.  I know I can do this. I've done it a handful of times now. But I've always had Nate taking care of me.

I don't have Nate now. I'm doing this all alone.

*****

*Nate*

"Welcome to Oslo, Norway!" Leslie reminds me where we are as she holds open the door to the Oslo Spektrum. A stadium that holds 10,080 people with a sold out show tonight. This one show will rake in $800,000 just in ticket sales alone, never mind any merch sold. I should be excited but I'm far from it. 

I have yet to hear from Julia since she landed in California. Paul has been updating me, but Julia hasn't answered one text from me. I know she's going through a lot emotionally right now but also wonder if she is upset with me for sending her home. It had to be done though. There's just no way I can continue my tour while she's detoxing. She can't detox properly on the road. She needs the Avalon. The only thing making this somewhat easier is knowing Paul is with her.

And while Paul is with her, I'm stuck with Evan Scolfield. Don't get me wrong, top-notch bodyguard but so far has the personality of a cardboard box. Paul says it's just because he doesn't know me yet but right now, cardboard box Evan is what I get. 

"Are you still texting that Noah guy?" I raise a brow at Trisha who hasn't looked up from her phone once since we got off the plane.

"Maybe. What's it to you?" She throws me a little snarky attitude, but I know she's teasing. And she knows I'm just jealous because he at least texts her back. Julia has pretty much ghosted me today.

"She'll come around." Jonah gives me a little nudge when I check my phone again to see if I missed a text from Julia.

"I think she's pissed at me now. She went from her sad phase to her angry phase now that she's home." I shove my phone back in my pocket as we enter the rec room area of the stadium, already set up for today until my flight to Stockholm Sweden in the morning. Once there I'll have my own private jet ready to go.

"She might be pissed now but you did the right thing." Casey chimes in. "She hit her rock bottom, Nate. She could have died from OD'ing. Needing to get your stomach pumped is no joke."

But is this Julia's rock bottom? I feel like she's hit rock bottom SO many times.... bounces back...only to hit another bottom, much deeper than the one before. If she keeps this up, the next rock bottom is a coffin.

"I should be there with her." I plop down on the couch and Trisha sits next to me.

"No, Nate. This is where you should be. Let her detox and get healthy. You have your own obligations. Like getting ready for your meet and greet event in two hours and then Concert Night 6. Should have been 7 if you performed in Berlin. We will still have to make that one up for your fans."

 Jesus, it's only night 6?  Of how many...  a hundred?! I feel like this first leg of tour is dragging and we have a long way before my three-week break. Tommy, Jared, Andy, Craig, Kyle, Dominic, Evan and Alison, my band, all walk in minutes after we get there, and the room comes to life.

"Weird not having the rest of your crew here." Evan, the youngest bandmember says while flipping through the channels of the TV.

"Please, you just miss Julia.  I saw the way you were eyeing her, creep." Trisha scoffs and the kid just shrugs.

"What. She was hot." Evan laughs and settles on a football game to keep him occupied.

"And taken..." I remind the youngest member of our band. 

"Nobody is EVER taken. Even with vows and a ring. Shit happens." He says while keeping his eyes on the game. Is he serious right now?  I roll my eyes at the naïve child and get up to grab some food.

The first thing I notice is a plate of hot wings, Julia's favorite, and frown. Of course, the caterers wouldn't have a clue as to the fact that she left. How would they? Everything happened so fast. I don't like spicy food but put two wings on my plate anyways. Just for Julia. Even though I know she isn't here.

"Really Nate? You'll drive yourself insane if you do shit like that." Trisha grabs a plate and starts loading food on it. 

"Leave me alone. If it weren't for you, she'd still-"

"Nate." Jonah cuts me off and shakes his head. Right. It's not Trisha's fault Julia isn't here. Saying stuff like that just to hurt her feelings won't do any good. Trisha swallows hard and walks away with her plate.

"You know Julia having to leave wasn't Trisha's fault.  I know you're pissed and disappointed Julia isn't with you, but taking it out on Trisha isn't cool, friend." Jonah says. "It could have been anyone's purse. Do you know how many people carry Xanax and Ativan in their pocketbooks? Let's be real. "

"I just wish she'd answer my texts."

*****

*Julia*

I stayed outside the entire time James visited with his family. I know that's rude to do, but I'm depressed and needing my meds. I don't want the girls seeing me like this. I wouldn't be good company anyway. They give me my privacy and I think James filled them in on everything though I hope not about the overdose. I hope he just said I needed to get back to The Avalon or something. They already think I'm too much stress for James.

Once the girls leave, James comes outside to join me and Paul. He says nothing because there's nothing to say. He sits next to me and holds my shaky hand. I lean my head on his arm and close my eyes.

We all see my phone light up on the patio table with Nate's name, but I don't reach for it.

"Sooner or later you're gonna have to text him back." Paul grumbles without looking up from his own phone.

"Why bother? He should go focus on his tour. That's what he went there to do. I was just a distraction. I'm out of his hair now."

"Babe, you haven't answered one of his texts to let you know we've arrived safely? Why are you ignoring him?" James asks. He watches Maggie happily run around her yard that she missed so much.

"I'm not ignoring him. I have nothing to say.  I just want to get through this detox and then I'll feel myself again." I get up and head into the house, leaving my phone behind. I head upstairs and into James's bedroom, kick off my shoes, climb into bed .... and shut down.

******

*Nate*

"What's going on over there? Why is she ignoring me?"

It's four in the morning and I can't sleep.  I know I'm 9 hours ahead so it's about seven in the evening the night before for Julia.

My concert went well. Same ol song and dance and now on the couch in the hotel so I don't wake Trisha up.

"She shut down a little. Been sleeping since around five." Paul says on the other line. "Why are you even awake?! Isn't it five in the morning or some shit?"

"Can't sleep. I don't get why she isn't answering any of my texts though." I scratch the back of my head and yawn.

"She's just having a hard time now that she's home. That's all, boss." The bodyguard responds.

"Has she eaten?"

There's a pause before Paul answers.

"No. She gave us a hard time. But I'm gonna wake her up and try again soon."

Shit. Julia is shutting down. I should be there with her. I can get her to eat.

"How's Gallo?" I change the subject when I feel my heart begin to pound a little heavier from hearing Julia not doing great.

"He's happy to be home. His sisters and mother surprised him with a visit and did a food shopping, so we are all set here."

"Good. Ok. Can you keep me updated on Julia?" I ask.

"Will do." Paul hangs up and I head back to bed. Trisha sits up and rubs her eyes.

"What time is it?" She asks in her sexy raspy morning voice, barely awake.

"Early. Go back to sleep." I pull the covers up over my waist and rest my arm behind my head. Trisha decides to rest her head on my bare chest and wrap a leg up over my hips.... just like Julia does, before falling back a sleep. 

My eyes sting with tears wishing Jules was here with me. I fall back asleep once again wishing I could cancel this tour.

******

*Julia*

It's Monday morning. My first day back at The Avalon. The weekend was a blur, and I am in full detox mode now. I'm also giving Paul a really hard time with pretty much...everything.

"If I have to literally pull you out of bed and dress you myself I will. Let's go Moretti." Paul opens the door for the fifty millionth time. James and his dog are already off to his mom's house for the morning. Ren picked them up bright and early. Paul's request because apparently mornings are stressful with me, and he wants to save James the trouble.

"I mean it Julia. Let's go."

"I'm fucking going! God, you're so annoying sometimes." I snap but Paul takes no offense like I want him to. Instead, he literally waits by the bedroom door for me to physically get out of bed.

And good thing because the minute I stand up, I feel lightheaded and black out.

"Shit." Paul grabs me and sits me back on the bed. "You need to eat more. Stop giving me a hard time."

"Whatever Paul. Just hand me my clothes.... please."

****

I fidget with my hands while Paul drives us to The Avalon in one of Nate's black SUVs with tinted windows.

"You know the drill. Eyes on me if you feel like you are gonna lose your shit, got it?" Paul reminds me. 

"Pull over." I close my eyes and swallow hard.

"What?" He looks at me like I'm growing a second head.

"I said pull over!" I yell and Paul quickly makes it to the side of the road. I jump out and throw up in the grass. Shit. Throw up mode has been activated. That or my nerves are getting the best of me. I don't have much in my system. An Ativan, a cup of coffee and half a piece of toast is all I could manage to digest and now it's coming right back up.  I don't care about the other two but throwing up my dose of Ativan that is supposed to get me through the Avalon is just fricken lovely.

While I'm keeled over, I feel Paul rub my back to try to help. But I don't want Paul, and he knows it. I have yet to answer any of Nate's texts though I know Paul has been keeping him updated. I just want to get through my first day of the Avalon, then maybe I'll feel like talking.

"Alright. You're done. Let's go. No more stalling." Paul smirks at me when I flip him off. But I do as he says and climb back up into the SUV.  I rummage through my purse and find my pack of gum, taking a piece to get rid of the sour taste in my mouth.

I can't believe I'm headed back to The Avalon...

******

"Well look who's back. You look like shit..... again."

"Hi Cara.." I sigh and take the seat next to her. I'm visibly shaking, sweating and fidgeting making it known I'm detoxing.

"Jesus Christ lady. You need to give up whatever you keep going back to."

"Kinda why I'm here..." I snap and look away. I have nurse Kerri today who is just as good as having no one. She's not friendly, nor does she ever talk to the patients. She just does her job, writes in my chart and gets through her day. Paul has to wait outside any group sessions but just knowing he is there puts my mind at ease. 

I have yet to see Jeremy but have a pit in my stomach anticipating that moment. I turn to see a man I don't recognize. He looks to be my age and clearly at the same stage of detox. He has shoulder length dark brown hair and a beard with piercing brown eyes. If his eyes were blue like James, the guy would look like Jared Leto. Or Jesus.  But Jesus detoxing with a bit of an attitude to his face.  He stares straight ahead with his arms crossed over his chest and his knee bouncing nervously. I quickly look away when he notices me staring at him and gives me a dirty look. He wants to be here about as much as I do apparently.

"Good morning, everyone." The familiar voice says. Melanie England. The young Angelina Jolie that was my therapist after Jeremy raped me.  I let out a sigh of relief knowing it's not Jeremy running the session. 

"Looks like we have a new face and..... Julia, welcome back." Melanie says with a bit of sadness to her voice. No one wants to see someone back in detox. Especially a shaking hot mess such as myself right now. "And you are...." Melanie looks to the man I was looking at earlier.

"Someone who doesn't want to be here." The guy grunts and looks away, slouching down in his chair even further.  I smirk because it's SO something I would say. Melanie looks down at her paper and back up.

"Michael. Everyone welcome Michael."  Everyone in the room says hi or hello but me, and he keeps his arms crossed and eyes looking away from any human contact. He REALLY doesn't want to be here. 

We get through the session and Paul is waiting to escort me to breakfast. Like I'm going to hold that down... But Paul isn't paying attention to me. Not at all. He is staring at Jesus/Jared Leto and Jesus is staring back at him.

"Mike...shit." Paul knows this dude. Jesus brushes past him without saying a word and a police officer waits to escort him. Jesus got himself in a bit of trouble with the law, didn't he? I've seen it here before. A police officer along with the usual nurse with the patient. That means Jared Leto didn't come here by choice. He was convicted and sent here as part of his sentence.

Now I want to know what he did to land him a police escort, what he's detoxing from and how the hell Paul Rossi would know the guy.

"Who's the hottie?" Cara walks side by side with me like we are besties. We are far from it and to be honest, having Nate's clone right next to me just makes me miss him more.

"Mike Maloney. Shit. We worked together." Paul shakes his head. So, Mikey is.... or was a bodyguard? He certainly doesn't look like one. He tall but not built like Paul and James. Thinner. Like Nate......before he bulked up for that damn music video.

Once in the cafeteria my nurse grabs my tray and gets my breakfast. Then I remember I'm still shunned from saying everyone's beloved Jeremy Donovan raped me. When I sit down at a table, everyone moves to another. Everyone but Michael at the end. He looks up and almost laughs a little at my unpopularity, but it fades when he notices Paul sit down across from me.

The police office waits by the door and Michael's nurse waits for him to start eating. But like me, he isn't having it.

"Mr. Maloney.... please start eating." The nurse says but the guy pushes his tray aside.

 "Tell me, Vanessa, is it?" He stares at the young nurse, and she is suddenly intimidated by him. "If I eat this shit, will you go down on me?"

Vanessa furrows her brows and begins writing like crazy on his chart to document the sexual harassment. He chuckles at her. My eyes widen and quickly turn away. I stare down at my food, so I don't make eye contact with the asshole.

"And you. Rossi. How the hell are you on the other side? You're no better than me, you piece of shit." Michael eyes Paul, his next victim. Oh my goodness.... this guy though... who the hell does he think he is?

"I don't shoot up heroine and I'm not a felon, Mike." Paul responds dryly.

*Nate*

"Hey, playboy. Wake up. We got a flight to catch." Trisha nudges me and I groan.

"What time is it?" I grumble and put the pillow over my face.

"It's 10am. We have to get there an hour early to go through security remember? Your jet will be ready and waiting for us in Sweden tomorrow."

Ugh, that's right. We will have to go through TSA like everyone else which is a pain and time consuming.

"And put that thing away. No time for that." She scoffs at my morning wood and gets out of the bed.

"Like I can help it." I throw my pillow at her and watch my beautiful bombshell of a best friend undress and change into her clothes right in front of me. "You can't be doing that shit, Trisha."

"Oh, grow up. It's a human body. Get over it." She says while pulling up her underwear.

"You do that shit when Paul lived with you?"

"Sure did, playboy. Again. It's just a body."

I roll my eyes and get out of bed. Another day, another flight, another interview or meet and greet, another concert. When I walk off the stage at 10:30pm tonight in Stockholm, Julia will have ended her first day back at The Avalon.

**** 

In between my meet and greet and soundcheck, I have a good hour to spare. Leslie dragged Trisha away for a meeting, so I sit in my dressing room with my cardboard box bodyguard.

I try Julia again.

Nothing.

I decide to call Paul and see what's up. He'll answer the phone and at least give me an update.

"Hey, Paulie. how is she?"

"She's a gem. That's how." Paul says on the other line. Oh boy. The sound in Paul's voice combined with the sarcasm makes me think Julia is giving him a run for the money.

"How was the Avalon? Did Dipshit Donovan try anything?" I find myself pacing but the carboard box pays no attention to me and keeps his eyes on his phone.

"Apparently he's still out with the flu. But guess who IS in the Avalon?" Paul pauses for dramatics.  "Mike Maloney."

Mike Maloney. The name rings a bell but I can't put a face to him. Given the pause on my end now, Paul reminds me.

"Mike Maloney. Bodyguard. Looks like friggen Jesus."

"Holy shit. He's in the Avalon? For what?!" I remember him clearly now. He's worked for me before alongside Paul. Very good at his job but can be a bit of an arrogant prick if you rub him the wrong way.  I never did and him and Paul were friends at one time. He one day fell off the face of the planet and never heard from him or saw him again. I just assumed he moved away or was no longer a bodyguard.

"You don't remember? He was all over the news not long ago. Got himself addicted to heroin and arrested for holding up a goddamn bank for money to feed his addiction. I didn't know he'd end up at the Avalon though."

"Jesus Christ. Wow. That bloke was making mad cash as a bodyguard too." I shake my head to myself, but Michael gets put on the back burner when I hear Julia in the background crying.

"What's going on? And why the hell won't she text me back?"

"She's busy throwing up. You know how Moretti cries when she pukes."

I should be there. I hate this. Julia is in California crying and going through detox and I'm not with her to help her. To take care of her.

"Listen, Hollan. Gotta go. She's a mess." And with that, Paul hangs up. I throw my phone clear across the room and Evan stands up.

"Boss...?" Look at that. The mate speaks. Other than his introduction the very first day Evan hasn't said much. I get it we don't know each other and he's probably just trying to be professional and all.... but a little conversation here and there would be nice. The bodyguard picks up my phone and looks it over. It didn't break so he hands it to me and raises an eyebrow. "You good, sir?"

"Nate. And I'm fine." I pinch the tension between my eyes and shove my phone in my back pocket.

"She's in good hands, Nate. Paul knows how to take care of her." Evan says with sympathy. Paul filled him in, so he knows what's going on in California.

"Yeah. Just hard is all. And I need a fucking drink." I blurt out, feeling overly stressed and my own cravings rise up.

*****

 *Julia*

 The girls took James out for lunch, probably to extend his time with them and lessen his time with me right now. I can't blame them.  But while he is out, I'm in his tub with scalding hot water trying to stop my body from shaking. I've been in here for well over an hour and used up all his hot water. Unlike Nate's unlimited hot water, James doesn't have such luxuries.

"Moretti, you alive in there?"  Paul taps on the door but it opens. James's house is a little on the older side and sometimes the bathroom door doesn't latch shut all the way.

"Oh, sorry." He sees me in the tub holding my knees up to my chest and my cheek on my knees. Tears stream down my face like always.

"You're fine. I'm covered." In bubbles. I used James's shampoo in the bath but miss Nate's expensive Bath shit Trisha buys for his bathroom. "We ran out of hot water."

"Why don't you get out then?" Paul leans against the doorframe with his arms folded over his chest 

"Cuz I'm cold."

"You need to eat. And pull it together before James comes back. He's gonna need you to take care of him."

"Well aware." I say in true Nate Hollan form, making Paul roll his eyes at me. "I can't do this, Paul." I say seriously now and my eyes flood again.

"You can."

"No! I can't! Look at me! I need more to get me through."

"No, I'm pretty sure your body had enough Ativan when you decided to down all of Trisha's." Paul scoffs and holds out a towel, turning his head to the side to not look at me. "Cmon, let's go. I'm not fooling around. It's this or I drop you off at the Avalon to spend the night. Maybe you can share a room with Mike. He's just as pleasant as you are right now."

I wipe my eyes and give in, grabbing the towel to wrap around my shaking body. "He's cuter than you are."

"I'm not here to be cute. I'm here to keep you alive. Downstairs in five minutes." Paul leaves the bathroom with a huff and it's my turn for an eye roll.

****

"Julia. Knock it off..." Paul picks up the pasta off the floor just as James and Jennie walk into the house. I'm crying and very well aware I'm in the middle of a bipolar manic attack. Being aware and trying to stop it are two different things though.

"Please! I can't do this!" I cry, needing to feel numb but instead feeling all the things. I threw up my morning dose of Ativan and the second dose didn't work. I only have one more dose that Paul won't budge on giving me until bedtime.

"Take Maggie for a walk, Jen... please." James doesn't want me freaking out his dog which makes me cry even more. She quickly turns right back around and leaves the house, closing the door behind her.

"Babe, what's going on?" The concern in his voice makes me hate myself even more.

"I need another dose. James... I threw up my first dose and the afternoon one didn't work.  And THIS dickhead won't give me anymore till tonight!" I cry out while pacing the small kitchen that I made a mess of by swiping my pasta lunch and glass of iced tea clear off the table.

"How bout we not wreck my house, sweetie. I worked hard for what I have." James frowns.

 That's all it took. I burst into tears and run upstairs, slamming James's door behind me. I cry so fricken hard. I don't want to ruin his home. I know how hard he worked for every little thing he owns.  I shouldn't be here. I can't control myself. I really shouldn't be here.

I should be at the fucking Avalon.