*Julia*

I couldn't fall back asleep once I woke up at 4 a.m., so I decided to get up for the day. James doesn't need to see how I ended up sleeping in Nate's bed after my nightmare. I make a pot of coffee and slide into the booth, scrolling through my phone.

The first thing that pops up is news about Nate and his heart disease.

[ Hollywood Headliners. ]

Top Stories

{{ - Celebrity Heartthrob Nate Hollan- Is he healthy enough to be on Tour?

The pop sensation Singer-Songwriter Nate Hollan is in the first leg of his worldwide tour "Around The World" and selling out all Arenas, stadiums, and venues. But is he doing too much?

Photos capture Hollan holding his chest numerous times throughout his concerts in Manchester, as well as Belgium. After last night's concert, fans were interviewed and said he put on an amazing performance. A few fans are saying it was the best concert they've been to.

But is the traveling and demands of being on tour taking a toll on Nate Hollan's heart? This morning, we interviewed Chief of Cardiology at Mass Gen in Boston to learn more about the effects this lifestyle has on someone with heart disease.]

Are they kidding me right now? Nate is already worried about his heart. Now he gets to read about it, too? I click on the video to see some doctor being interviewed as the reporter asks questions that would pertain to Nate's heart.

"Dr. Chaz. With your years of caring for people with different heart diseases and disorders, what is your medical opinion after seeing these photos?"

"Well, Barbara. As a nation, we are all aware that Mr. Hollan is a recovering alcoholic which plays a huge part in his heart health." The doctor goes on and on about the effects drinking has on your body, including showing diagrams of the heart. I roll my eyes, knowing all this, and tune out most of the interview. Until the very end.

"So, Dr. Chaz, you're saying being on tour may not be the wisest move for someone with Mr. Hollan's condition?"

"It's not ideal. The stress that comes along with touring and traveling, as well as performing on stage, does take a toll on even the healthiest of people. My advice to him would be- Slow it down. Listen to your body. Don't ignore the signs and symptoms and rest whenever you can."

I click off the article all together when I see Nate starting to wake up. I watch him as he yawns and stretches and picks up his phone off the charger while rubbing his eyes. He then sits up and furrows his brows.

"Shit." Nate sees all the media news. "Shit! Trisha.... Trish wake up." He jumps out of bed and pulls her curtain open.

Then I see it with my own eyes.

Nate grabs his chest and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. Just a moment but enough for me to notice it. Has he been ignoring symptoms?

I can tell he feels awful having to wake Trisha up like that, being the one to show her the media trash. Usually, she's the one showing him this stuff. She had to jump up and get on the phone with the publicist to set up a press conference and put rumors to rest. But it put Nate in a bad mood starting the morning off like this.

"You ok?" I pour him a half a cup of coffee because I'm unsure how much caffeine he can have right now, and then sit back down in the booth. Everyone else is sleeping except for us and now Trisha, who is near the back of the Tour bus on the phone with Elliott.

"I'm fine." He sips his coffee, still not fully awake.

"Those pictures online..." I start, and Nate raises his eyes to meet mine now.

"I said I'm fine. You know they twist shit all around, Julia. If anyone knows, it's you." He says rudely. I get he's pissed off about this, and it IS really early in the morning, so I don't take it personally.

"I saw you hold your chest a few minu-"

"Julia. I said I'm fine. Drop it." He leans back in the small booth and closes his eyes. I don't say another thing about it but then hear Nate mumble under his breath. "You shouldn't even be caring. We're 'not together', remember?" He says with sarcasm, stabbing me with my own words.

"Doesn't mean I stop caring about you." I squint my eyes at him. "Is there something else that's bothering you? Besides this media shit?"

Nate sits up straight and looks right at me.

"What are we doing, Julia?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean. Here we are. In Paris. We're no longer together. Are you still gonna stay in the suite I booked? Are we gonna do all the things I had planned these next few days I have off? Or am I in this alone?" He glares at me with his tired eyes and folds his arms over his chest. He's getting right to the point this morning. I swallow and begin to fidget with my hands nervously under the table.

"What do you want?" I ask quietly.

"Me? You're asking me what I want? Jules, I want to be with you. You know what I want. I had everything planned out already!" He snaps. "You know what? Whatever. Today I have an interview and then the concert tonight. If you want me to cancel everything for tomorrow, let me know by midnight."

Nate is in a REAL bad mood today.... He starts to slide out of the booth, but I put my hand on his. It's shaking because I need Ativan in my system, but I'm trying to ignore it. He looks down at my tremoring hand and back up to me with softer eyes.

"Nate..."

*****

*Nate*

I don't know what she wants! The way Julia is looking at me right in this moment is telling me she wants to be with me, yet the words that come out of her mouth all the time say 'we're not together' anymore. Today of all days, I don't have patience for the media news or Julia's games.

But then, I see her shaky hand. She's trying so hard to live in that body of hers right now. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know whether she's coming or going with her addiction running strong.

I sit back down and soften my attitude towards Julia. She keeps her hand on mine while I talk.

"I love you, and I'm sorry. I'm gonna keep saying it over and over again, Jules. We're in Paris for the next few days. Can we please do all the things and enjoy it?" I ask. Julia's eyes water, and she nods.

Thank God.

"Yeah. We can do all the things..." Julia responds to my touch by holding my hand. At least it's a step in the right direction.

"Alright, Playboy. Elliott's putting out the fires and taking care of everything. You have your first interview at eleven, so let's go into the venue and have breakfast, ok?" Trisha stretches and pats my shoulder. She knows today is a hard day for me as it is and doesn't bring it up in front of Julia. "Should I wake up one of these two goons to be our bodyguard?"

"No... Let them sleep. We can get from point A to point B just fine this early in the morning." I look over at Julia now. "You coming?" I ask, but Julia pulls her hand back and looks at James, who is still sleeping.

"I'll wait for James to wake up so I can help him, then I'll go in."

I take a deep breath and nod while sliding out of the booth to throw clothes on.

"It's all over the internet. Pictures of you holding your chest. You should have told me you were having issues, Nate. I only see the backside of you."

"And you love seeing the backside of me, dontcha darlin." I raise an eyebrow, and both Trisha and Julia roll their eyes at me. I pull up my sweatpants with a smirk on my face.

We leave the tour bus and head to the large building where I will be performing.

"Seriously, are you ok today?" Trisha asks quietly while the caterers fill our plates. I wait until we are seated to respond, and even then, stare at my bowl of oatmeal and fruit before answering.

"It's just like, one minute he's here and the next he's gone." My voice cracks. "Then to have this shit posted all over the place on the anniversary of dad's death. The timing is impeccable." I huff.

"I know, sweetie." Trisha takes my hand from across the table and squeezes it.

"Seventeen years. Can you believe it? He's been gone for seventeen years." My voice is a little shaky as I stab at a cantaloupe chunk, trying to make light of the situation. Trisha frowns, and I can tell she feels for me. Today is always a really trying day.

"Did you talk to your hot mess this morning?" Trisha changes the subject for me like I need her to. She sensed it right away, and I'm grateful that she did before I burst into tears in front of caterers and production team stragglers.

"Yeah. I didn't tell her what today was. She doesn't need to know. We're not together." I roll my eyes with a sigh.

"Sooooo.... am I canceling everything for tomorrow? I booked the hotel for tonight, too, so you guys could get an extra day... I booked rooms for everyone. And tomorrow I booked the-"

"Everything is on." I interrupt her before she rambles on the agenda for the next few days. "Keep the rooms. We're still gonna do everything regardless of our situation."

"Good. Because I think the rest of the clan is really excited for the Eiffel Tower tour tomorrow! But are you?" She cocks her head to the side and studies my face.

"I'll be fine." I keep my eyes down on my food. I have to be fine. "I'm not gonna ruin the trip for everyone else because of my broken heart. My physically and emotionally broken heart."

"Sounds like your next song in the making, playboy."

*******

*Julia*

I tried to keep things in check, knowing Nate was already not in a great mood, but now that he's gone.... I need my fix.

"Jonah....Jonah wake up." I tap on the nurse's shoulder. "Jonah.... C'mon. I need my meds."

"What are you yapping about, Moretti?" Paul grumbles and puts the pillow over his face.

"Paul... I need my meds.... I really need them. Like right now." My heart is pounding, I'm sweating already, and my hands are shaking. All the physical signs of my addiction are coming to the forefront of my body. Paul sits up and looks me over.

"Shit, yeah, ok." Apparently, Paul has access to the black bag. I watch him pull it down from the overhead storage bin and turn his back to me so I can't see the combination on the lock. But I do see the prescription pill bottle and begin to breathe a little heavier. That one pill will make this all go away within fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. That's it.

Paul takes out the pill, then writes down the dose and time in my chart like Jonah always does. C'mon C'mon C'mon.... Just give me the pill and THEN do all that shit....

"Paul...."

"I'm going. I'm going... Jesus." He locks the bag and puts it away before finally handing me my Ativan. I sigh in relief the moment it's under my tongue. "Eventually he's gonna wean you down, you know that right Julia?"

"I'm not an idiot."

Paul doesn't say anything more. He shakes his head at me and heads to the bathroom. I don't care what he thinks. Look at me! I clearly needed my dose. I lay down in bed next to James and wait to feel the relief I need. The numbness I need.

But fifteen minutes go by, and I am still anxious. Shit. 1mg no longer has the effect I need. I'm in so deep. I stare at the bag up in the overhead bin. I hyperfocus on it. My chart is right next to it. Why the hell did Paul use a pen? I could have erased what he wrote, woke up Jonah and gotten a second dose.

Spoken by a true addict.

"You ok??" James opens his eyes. He's like the damn dog, He can sense I'm having a hard time. We both lay on our sides facing each other.

"The Ativan dose isn't working anymore. My body is getting used to it I need more." I confess to my best friend. James nods and pulls me right up against his body. I snuggle against him and begin to cry.

"I hate this! What was Jeremy thinking!"

"I know, sweetie. I think he was just thinking of the only way to get you to calm down and breathe. Your panic attack was so bad, remember?" James squeezes me a little tighter knowing of course I remember. I remember everything. I remember seeing the texts. I remember the fight. I remember not being able to breathe. I remember Nate begging Jonah to not give me Ativan. Those are things you just don't forget.

"Jesus, I can feel your heart beating hard."

"I need more, James."

******

*Nate*

"Fuck."

"Now what??" Trisha puts her cup of tea down.

"Paul needs me in the Tour Bus. Julia's not doing well." I hate telling Trisha this stuff because it just gets her going saying the same things over and over again.

"Nate, you have an interview in a little while..."

"I know what I have!" I snap. "What time do I have to be back here for Holly?"

"Ten thirty." Trisha gives me a look, but I ignore her.

"Perfect." I huff and head out to the Tour Bus. When I open the door, I see Julia in the far end of the bus in a corner crying. Both Jonah and Casey surround her, and the dog is barking up a storm. James looks distraught like always when this shit happens. He can't bear to see Julia like this.

"Her dose isn't working anymore." Paul fills me in.

"Guys. Go take the dog for a walk or something..." I order. Maggie gets too worked up and James agrees, yet he can't hold her leash. Case jumps up and gets ready to take the dog out. "Breakfast is ready in the Rec Room. I tick my head, letting Jonah know I've got this and for everyone to go. Julia is crying so hard she doesn't even notice I'm here.

Everyone gets dressed and leaves the tour bus to give us privacy, and then I head to Julia.

She's crying so hard. I remember that feeling. When the addiction is so strong you can't think of anything else but the drug. Or in my case, alcohol. I scoop Julia up off the floor and sit on the couch. I don't even need to say anything. She curls up in my lap and cries into my chest.

"I need another pill."

"I know, love." I kiss her forehead. She's already in a cold sweat. When she DOES detox, it's gonna be miserable for her. "Try and take a deep breath, ok? What time did you get your last dose?"

"An hour ago." She answers.

Shit. She got a dose an hour ago and it did nothing? She still has to wait three more hours until her next dose, and what if that dose doesn't work? Then what do we do? We need a plan.

"I don't know how to calm down!!" Julia sobs and holds on to my shirt near my chest in a tight fist.

How can I calm her down?

"I know... hey.. look at me." I swipe her hair away from her face. "A hot shower. That will help. Right? We'll go take a hot shower in my dressing room. I have to take one before my interview anyways."

"We're not togeth-"

"Stop. I know. C'mon. It will help." I push Julia off me so I can stand and pull her suitcase down. "But Jules, you gotta pull it together when we walk in the building or your face will be all over the internet like mine is today, yeah?" I pull her up with my free hand and she nods. But she is anything but put together. I can't carry her in. That will for sure draw attention.

"Jule, take a breath. Let's just get to the dressing room." I grab her flip flops, not knowing what she is choosing to wear today but that doesn't matter, she can change her shoes later. With one arm pulling her suitcase and the other around Julia's waist, I guide my little hot mess into the venue and through the halls. She keeps her head down and tries to hold in her crying, but I can feel her heart racing. She really does need another pill.

I open the door to my dressing room that is already set up for me and when I close it behind us, I lock the door. Last thing I need is someone coming in here while Julia is having a panic moment.

"A bath would be better, but they only have showers. When we check into the hotel after the concert you can take a bath."

I don't care if we are together or not. I strip down and help Julia get undressed while the water heats up.

"I can't go three more hours!" She covers her face.

"Yes, you can. C'mere." I take Julia's shaking hand and guide her into the hot shower, giving her all the water. She leans into me and cries while the water hits her back, and I wrap my arms around her. "You're ok, doll. I've got ya."

"It's because of YOU I'm going through this!" Julia wails into my chest and the familiar sharp pain shoots through me.

"I know, Jule." I frown. God how is she going to be during detox? She may murder me.

**

We end up resorting to sitting down on the shower floor with me behind Julia, holding her. At first, she wouldn't but I assured her how I have specific demands with my dressing rooms. One being that the bathroom is scrubbed with bleach before I arrive which I know gets done by someone because every dressing room has the slight scent of bleach and every dressing room is immaculate the way I need it. I'm not a germaphobe but am a very clean individual and get what I want when it comes to my demand and different services. A lot of celebrities have different requirements for their personal dressing room. That is one of mine.

"I hate you." A shiver runs through Julia, but she begins to melt into my body as the warm water hits us.

"Yeah, but you're calming down." I rest my chin on her shoulder.

"I still hate you." Julia closes her eyes, knowing the hot shower trick is working. It relaxes her, and her heart rate begins to slow down to a normal pace.

"Maybe. But I'm the only one who can take care of you." I continue.

"James can if you show him."

"No...he really can't. It's not the same and you know it, Julia." I make a bold move and kiss her cheek as she begins to fall asleep. Maybe the medication DID work a little, she just got herself so worked up that she couldn't feel it.
*****

*Julia*

When I open my eyes, I don't recognize the room right away.

"I'm thinking the anxiety medication worked." James smiles at me from the oversized leather chair he is sitting on.

I sit up and look down at myself a bit confused. I'm fully dressed, on the couch in Nate's dressing room. I worked myself up this morning and fell asleep on him in the shower... yet here I am, dressed and have a warm blanket over me as well.

Nate took care of me. All by himself he got me out of the shower, dressed and laid me down in the couch to sleep. Even my hair is brushed.

We're not a couple but he still took care of me completely. I drop my head down in my hands and begin to cry.

I cry because even though Nate was stressed out thanks to tabloid shit, even though his agenda is crazy busy with no time to spare, Nate put it all aside and focused on me. He really does have a heart of gold. But it's not his heart that gets him in trouble.

James comes over and sits next to me, leaning over like I am with his hands clasped.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I'm so embarrassed." I drop my hands away from my face and turn to James.

"Embarrassed? Why?" He asks and I shrug.

"My reaction when I noticed the Ativan wasn't working as well. How I couldn't reel it in or control my emotions."

"One, it was your addiction that took over. Two, you're Julia Moretti. You can't control your emotions regardless of your addiction." James smiles and nudges me a little, making me smile.

"Can't I just put you and Nate together to make one perfect boyfriend?"

"Um, no. I'm already perfect and Nate would just ruin that for me." James lets out a laugh and I roll my eyes at him resting the side of my head on his shoulder.

"Where is Mr. Celebrity anyway?"

"He had some interview. Paul and Trisha are with him. Jonah and Casey just came back from walking Maggie so I thought I'd come in and check on you." He turns his head down towards me and does the sweetest thing by nudging my nose with his a few times. I lift my head off his shoulder to smile at him at how cute he is with that stuff.

But then he keeps his face close to mine and those blue Efron eyes focus on my lips. My breathing suddenly becomes very shallow from what I'm feeling with James in such close proximity. His cologne is hypnotic and I can't seem to back away.

James barely brushes his lips across mine sending a bolt of electricity straight down my body, before whispering in my ear.

"I could be the perfect boyfriend..." He pauses and goosebumps take one me when I felt his warm breath on my neck. "If you gave me the chance."

I can't help but close my eyes when I feel his lips barely touch my skin and I tilt my neck needing to feel more.

"James knock it off." I whisper with my head still tilted and eyes still closed.

"What? I'm not doing anything." His lips say against my neck.He softly drags his lips up my neck with little kisses and traces my jawline making me clench my muscles and press my thighs together.

"That.. what you're doing right now."

"We're just talking." James swipes his lips against mine and I can smell watermelon gum. It brings me right back to our first real kiss and I'm suddenly turned on. For someone who looks like a big, tough, muscular bodyguard, you'd never guess how affectionate he really is.

"James..."

"Julia."

"You always have to go that one step too far." I whisper right before his lips connect with mine. It's a light touch of his lips that always lights me on fire. But for once, I muster up a little self-control and back away.

"You're trouble, Mr. Gallo." I say, making James laugh and lean back on the couch casually... like that one tease of a kiss didn't affect him at all. But the way he shifts on the couch a little makes it known he definitely affected him.

We stopped the flirting just in time as Jonah swings the door open.

"You're awake. How are you feeling?" He asks as he walks in and sits down across from us.

"I need to get off this shit, Jonah. I'm only getting worse. I was doing so good staying away from it for so long. I never asked for this."

"I know. At the time we had no other options, Julia. Jeremy thought maybe you'd be ok on a low dose long term." Jonah replies with a look of regret on his face.

"Jeremy was wrong. I'm not ok. Now my body just wants more and more. You can't just give someone a low dose of what they're addicted to and think they can continue the low dose. That's like giving someone just a little heroin instead of the whole injection." I lay my head back and close my eyes, disappointed in where I'm at with recovery now.

"You check in with Jeremy daily, correct? Let's sit down together with him today and figure this out. Detoxing while on tour may not be the best idea but maybe we can pick his brain on different ways to get you through this." Jonah has always been willing to help and try to figure things out for me. Fingers crossed he can figure this out because I can't live like this.

*****