*Nate*

Antwerp, Belgium to Paris, France is a four hour drive. Completely doable for all of us together in the tour bus. But Julia is making it known she has no interest in mending things with me and making our plans very difficult now.

"I don't see why we have to be in the same bus if you already have two paid for and going to the same place." Julia huffs.

She knows why. I wanted to work things out with her. I wanted everyone to be together. Especially since I had planned to take a couple of days off. Trisha already booked everyone's hotel rooms. I already have the suite ready for me, Julia, James, and the dog, since I promised him, I'd take care of him and make sure he was never alone. Now what? Julia isn't gonna wanna do that? Is she even going to want to sight see in Paris anymore?

And then once we are done in Paris, I am gonna have to hop on a flight, and James is gonna have to drive eleven hours to get to Berlin. So what, I don't see Julia at all while touring??

We are alone right now in one of the small empty rooms. I just finished my concert and should be enjoying the afterparty with everyone else. Instead, I'm sitting here trying to convince Julia to travel with me.

"Julia, please. I don't know what else to do here to make things right." I sit next to her on the small couch, trying to plead my case.

"There's nothing to do. Nate. We're done. I can't trust you. Don't you get it?" She begins to cry, making it known this is just as hard for her to say as it is for me to hear.

"God dammit, Julia!" I bolt up out of my seat and pace the room. "I made a mistake! But it's done! I blocked her number. I don't talk to her. I don't think about her. Can we please just move on from this??" I throw my hands up in the air.

"Nate..."

"I don't know what to do! Tell me what to do, Julia. I'll do whatever you need." I kneel down in front of the crying woman and take both her hands. "Darlin, we were gonna get married. You said yes. How can you just throw it all away because of a text message?"

"Right there! That!" Julia pulls her hands away. "Because it wasn't JUST a text message to me, Nate! Is that all you think this is about? You lied to me! How many times do we have to go through this! Not only did you lie to me, you fucked up my head. Look at me! I take anxiety meds every four hours . Meds I'm addicted to!! Eventually I'm gonna have to go through detox. Withdrawals. I'm gonna shake and get headaches and throw up and go through it all over again. So the fact that you think this is JUST about some damn text message..... my God Nate. Get a clue! Look what you've done to me!" Julia is sobbing now. I'm sobbing now.

"I just want things to go back to how they were." I say softer now, trying to catch my breath.

"I just want to go home." Julia catches me by surprise and my wide eyes show it. Did she just say she wants to go home?

"Jule. you don't mean that." I feel like my whole world is shattering to pieces from that one sentence alone.

"But I don't have a home, do I?" She croaks.

"What?"

"I don't want to be here with you, Nate. I don't want to do this. It's not fair to James to drag him all over the place. We're not even sight seeing. You're working and I'm traveling and for what? We're not together!"

I feel sick to my stomach. Physically sick to my stomach.

"Julia, Please stop saying that. And we're headed to Paris. I had the whole trip planned out. I got us a suite for a hotel and we have a private tour of the Eiffel tower to skip the lines and we were-"

"Fuck Paris, Nate. Look at me! I'm a drug addicted mess!" Julia cuts me off and covers her face with her hands. I sit down on the ground facing her with my back leaning against the wall in defeat. I drag my hands down my face and stare at the woman in front of me.

"You don't want to be here? At all?" I choke out. My voice cracks but I don't even care. She can't really mean this, can she? My chest burns and I know its from a broken heart right now. The lump in my throat is excruciating.

Julia shakes her head. "I really don't want to be here. At all. None of this is enjoyable knowing I have a detox to look forward to. None of this is enjoyable when I'm doped up half the time. I'm not healthy. Not mentally. Not physically." Julia stands up, still crying. I scramble to my feet, ignoring the pain in my chest.

"Wait, Jule- Please." I take her hand but she pulls away again.

"It's over, Nate. I'm only here because I have no where else to call home." She stabs me in the heart one last time before walking out of the room.

The second Julia walks out of the room, Trisha walks in, like she was waiting.

"I knew this would happen." She says to herself while I hold my chest from the panic attack.

"She wants to go home." My voice sounds like a I'm a little kid as I cry. I'm a pathetic mess with a broken heart. All because I made a mistake. I tried to downplay it but it was a mistake that Julia can't forgive and I know this.

Trisha sits on the couch and takes both of my hands into hers.

"What do you want me to do, Nate?" She asks with sadness, knowing everything I want is slipping through my hands.

"I don't know Trisha!! Figure it out!" I snap and walk out.

*****

*Julia*

"I'm not looking to hurt him. You know that's not what I'm trying to do." I explain to James while still heaving and clearly distraught. He sits on the outdoor picnic table in the grass with me and listens. It's gotta be midnight by now but the afterparty is still going strong inside the Venue.

"He knows that." James leans forward with his forearms on his knees and clasps his hands. When he glances up my way the look of concern washes over his face. Because we don't have a plan. Do we? No matter what happens, James is gonna have to fly. A long flight at that.

"I don't know what to do!" I burst. "I feel so lost right now!" I begin to work myself up and cry so hard I leap up and turn away, throwing up in the grass and crying at the same time now.

"Shit." James hurries over to me and grabs my hair with one hand and rubs my back with the other while I sob and make myself sick. The sobs coming out of me are loud and I'm losing control of my emotions. Not in a way that would hurt anyone around me or a manic episode. A true feeling of just being lost and hopeless not having a plan in place.

I only get sick once but it doesn't stop my crying. I walk a few feet away from the grass and drop to my knees in tears. I continue to let it all out. For a good five minutes straight I kneel in the grass and sob into my hands. I keep my back turned so I'm away from him and he doesn't have to see my face. I know I'm probably freaking James out now. He can't handle this. He can't handle me. He shouldn't have to and I don't expect him to.

So when I feel the hand on my back and the body crouched down behind me ready to hold me, I know it's Nate. It only makes me cry harder.

"Ok, doll. C'mere." The British accent whispers as Nate pulls me back so I'm leaning into him. I curl up into his chest and hold on to his arms so tight.

"I can't stop crying!" I wail and bury my face into his chest. Nate sits down on his butt and rocks me side to side while holding me.

"I know. It's ok. I've got ya." He pushes my hair away from my tear-stained face. "You're ok." It's the last thing I hear before crying myself to exhaustion in Nate's arms.

*****

*Nate*

Any other time something like this would happen I would probably give James a dirty look and shake my head at him. But I can't blame him not knowing what to do right now. And none of this is his fault. He has his limits with how to take care of Julia and when she gets this distraught, he freezes up. I also know Julia probably would not have calmed down if it was James holding her while sitting on the pavement.

It's always been me.

Which is why I need to figure this shit out. Julia is so much more important to me than my job. She's right. She's not healthy and it is because of me. I'm the reason she will have to go through yet another detox. I'm the reason everything is falling apart right now. So I need to be the one to fix it. Not Trisha. Not anyone else but me. I need to find a way to make this right.

I slowly get to my feet with sleeping Julia in my arms. The slight whimpers and sniffs break me every fucking time. I look over at James who stands frozen with wide eyes and I can tell he thinks I'm going to have a snarky comment for him but I don't. I'm grateful he ran and got my attention. I'm grateful he told me Julia was this distraught and brought me over here. He knew what she needed and knew it wasn't him this time.

"Thanks, James." I nod.

"I.. I didn't know what else to do." He stammers. "She cried so hard she made herself throw up."

My shoulders drop hearing the helplessness in the man's voice.

"I did this. I'm gonna find a way to fix it, ok Gallo?" I look down at Julia and inhale sharply before walking back to our tour bus. James follows me inside and watches me take care of Julia. Things he can't do, like untie her shoelaces once she's laying in his bed. Or unbuckling her belt and taking her jeans off to put pajama pants on her. It's noted but it's not something that is his fault. It also makes me know there is no way I can just send Julia and James on a flight home together.

That's just not possible.

Once I get Julia situated, I stand up straight and look over to James.

"C'mon. I'll help you get changed and ready for bed before everyone starts coming in."

*****

"You really should sleep a little, Nate." Says the man who never sleeps. Jonah hands me a cup of tea and slides into the small booth to sit across from me at the table. We keep our voices down seeing as everyone is asleep, including the dog, though tonight she is laying in the trundle bed between James and Julia. Probably unsure of which person needs her more.

"I will. I just need to shut my brain off a little." Both Jonah and I witnessed James having his own PTSD nightmare, something I've only seen from Julia. His is not as dramatic but was still enough for both me and Jonah to go over and check on him. When James woke up the fear in his eyes before he realized what what going on made it known this dream was about his abusive father. The sonofabitch did a number on the Gallo family. It didn't take James long to calm down at all and now he sleeps peacefully in the trundle bed.

"If she really wants to go back to L.A.we can figure it out." Jonah says tiredly.

"Please stop."

"Nate, you can't hold her hostage. Julia knows she's not well and knows what's ahead of her with detox. She's grown a lot in the last few months. She's making decisions." Jonah looks at me with eyes filled with sadness. Sadness for me. " She's told you she wants to go home."

"She doesn't know what she wants. Look at her. I'm the only one who could calm her down. James sure as hell can't, and I don't expect him to."

We both look at Julia. She's asleep laying on her side facing us. Then, all of a sudden right as our eyes are on her, she furrows her brows and begins showing signs of her own PTSD nightmare. I've only always woken up to them. I've never actually seen her go from calm to terrified in her sleep.

"Shit." Jonah notices Julia too. She begins to whimper in her sleep. And then talk.

"Stop. No stop." She whispers but then cries a bit louder and moves around like she's fighting someone off.

Now, I know Jonah thinks the right thing to do is let the person play it out, He's by the book. But when it comes to Julia- nothing is by the books.

"Jeremy, stop!!"

That's all it took for me to bolt out of the booth and grab Julia harshly, quickly waking her up from her rape memory.

"You're ok." I hold her just as tight as she holds me, sitting on the floor of the tour bus trying to calm her down. "Shhh, you're ok."

Julia's eyes open, and the look of fear brings me right back to the incident I witnessed. I'm not sure which incident she was dreaming about, thanks to there being two separate times, but my thoughts go right to what I saw happen with my own eyes.

She gasps in the middle of her whimper, now fully awake, and her wide eyes search around the room, making sure Jeremy is not with us. Once she comes to her senses, her grip on my arm loosens.

"You're ok, love. He's not here." I assure her.

"It felt so real!" Julia looks back at me, and I nod.

"I know, doll. Because it was. At one time. But I've got ya now, ok? You're safe." I glance back at Jonah and shake my head. The is no fucking way I'm letting Julia go back to L.A. without me. Not with that fucker around. We can pick his brain virtually but her home is NOT the Avalon.

I, once again, stand up with Julia in my arms and turn to sit in the recliner with her in my lap.

"Don't you see, angel? You belong with me. Right here with me." I whisper. I fully expected Julia to brush me off and fall back asleep, still angry at me for all my mistakes. But she doesn't. Not tonight. Tonight, Julia looks at me with tear filled eyes and nods right before throwing her arms around my neck and burying her face in me. I close my eyes and sigh in relief.

Julia may change her mind by morning, but right now... right now, she agrees with me.

Jonah shakes his head with an eyeroll and a smirk and heads to bed.

Julia continues to hug me until I feel her body slouch down and relax. She's asleep. Just like a child who falls asleep with their head over your shoulder, the emotional exhaustion of Julia just being Julia tires her out.

And this time....I don't lay her back in bed with James. I hold her in my arms and drift off.

*****

*Julia*

I fall asleep in one place and wake up in another. Just like I fall asleep next to one person and wake up next to another. I'm in Nate's bunk, practically laying on top of him with one leg up and over his hip and his arms firmly wrapped around me. The bunks are narrow and really only made for one person.

The tour bus is no longer moving, but it's dark and quiet, which means the four hour drive to Paris is over. I figured it out that I tend to wake up right when the bus stops moving every time. Sometimes I fall back asleep, sometimes I don't.

I left my head off Nate's chest and turn slightly, squinting my eyes to read the time on the microwave. 4am.

With a sigh, I lay my head back down on Nate's chest and listen to his heart beating. It's the best sound in the world when you know at any moment that sound could stop.

I need to forgive Nate. He forgives me for my shit over and over again. I need to forgive him and be by his side until that very last beat of his broken heart.

But I'm also a very stubborn woman. A stubborn woman with trust issues. How the hell can I trust him? I'm always going to be wondering if he is hiding things from me. Yet....I'm still so in love with this man. I know his time is limited and I don't want to waste it when I could be with him and enjoy life with him.

James is right. I'll end up forgiving Nate and going back to him, won't I?

But if I give in now, Nate will know I will always give in. He'll continue to do what he wants when he wants knowing I always take him back. I need to give him some time to think about how serious the damage was to me. Maybe he'll learn his lesson and not take me for granted.

Or maybe I'm just wasting precious time he doesn't have.

******