There are 20 tour busses rented just for staff alone, nevermind the fleet of 90 total trucks to transport all equipment. I decided to go through Dreamliner for this tour, the same company Taylor Swift uses that has proven to be very reliable.

Two tour busses are for me and my own clan, which will have two security SUV's driving in front and behind them with flashing police lights while on the road. This is generally how we have to travel. Both busses are luxury, 35 ft long, gutted out, and transformed to act as a hotel room. Both of the luxury ones are much roomier than the staff busses.

The more spacious one is my own personal bus, which is that of a hotel room with two full bathrooms. It can sleep 7. 6 bunks and a trundle bed under the couch that slides out. Usually, it's just me, Trisha, and Paul. Now I've got me, Trisha, Paul, Casey, Jonah, Julia, James, and the dog, so a second bus was rented.

Trying to figure out how to split us up was harder than I thought. I need Jules with me-whether she wants to be with me or not, Julia needs James with her, and James needs his dog, now considered a medical dog.

My issue is currently Trisha. Splitting up Jonah and Casey is no big deal because they knew what they signed up for- being our personal nurses and I was hoping to keep Jonah with me, not just for myself but for Julia and James as well.

"We've always been together. Are you serious?" Trisha looks disappointing as we walk out to the garage from the venue.

"Trish. I need a nurse with me. Not just for me but for James AND Julia. Jonah takes care of all our medications and knows Julia's schedule and doses by heart. I'm not gonna make Casey live in a bus with Paul all by herself when you can sleep in that one."

"So why can't it be me, you, Julia, and Jonah? James and the dog can be with Paul and Casey."

"Two males and only one female? Casey is gonna feel weird with that. I guarantee it. Anyway, I thought you'd be happy you wouldn't be sharing a bus with Julia. I was thinking of you."

This is harder than I thought. Trisha is my best friend. We've always been together, and this tour has been an adjustment for her right from the start. The moment she sat next to me in the private jet instead of thinking Julia would want to, I knew I'd have a problem. Then when she almost wheeled her suitcase in my room at my London apartment, forgetting I'm with Julia now and we can't be sleeping together, I knew this would be hard for Trish.

"I bet we could all fit in one bus." She presses on. She's right. We could, but it'd be tight. The bigger bus has two 3-teir bunks, one on each side, so there's six people right there. It also has a trundle bed that slides out from under the couch. It just sounds like a lot of people in one bus, plus the dog.

"How about this? The second bus is already paid for and staffed with a driver. Either way, it's coming with us. So if we feel like things are getting too squished in the one bus, then some of us can relocate to the second, ok?" I give in, and Trisha is happy again. "Now why don't you get everyone else so I can show them our new living quarters."

******

*Julia*

"Holy shit. This isn't just any bus. Look at this thing!" Jonah looks around the luxury tour bus wide-eyed just like Casey, James, and myself.

"This is the main one we will sleep in. We also have the lux bus behind it." Nate states.

"Two lux busses?" I ask. "This one is huge." Then I count the bunk beds. There are six. We have seven. I'm not with Nate. I already told him this. We're not sharing a bunk, that's for sure. Anyways, they are single bunks, and I doubt anyone would be comfortable sharing one.

"There's a trundle bed under the couch. The second bus is if we feel too crowded together, some of us can move to that one over the course of the year. Plus, we still have flights in the jet plus hotel rooms when we have back to back shows in the same state."

I have a feeling Nate couldn't separate people the way they wanted, could he? He knows James is gonna want to stay in the same bus as me and Nate needs Jonah as his nurse. Which means I bet Trisha gave him a hard time moving to the other bus, didn't she?

"Trish is used to traveling with you. Me and James and the dog can take the other bus if that helps. Paul can come with us, right Paul?" I say while looking around. Paul shrugs, not really caring where he lays his head at night.

"Jule..." Nate groans.

"We're not together, Nate. Look. No ring." I hold out my hand and wave it in his face. I have no idea where he put the ring to be honest. I'm also still a little high off my Ativan so being overly obnoxious right now.

"Knock it off." He swats my hand away and squints his eyes at me. "C'mon Julia. I made one stupid mistake. Are we seriously really doing this now?"

"You need a nurse too. I'm the one in control of your medications." Jonah reminds me. Right. He has to be with Nate AND me. Casey technically is just here to help out when needed, or for James. She's pretty much the friggen dogwalker really. But her and Jonah are together so of course they're gonna want to travel together.

"Guys, let's just try this out and see how it works ok? Our first trip is only a few hours. We're all beat and just gonna sleep through the night anyway. Everyone pick a bed." Trisha takes over and steps to the side.

"I call this top one!" Casey is the first to claim her spot and climb up to her bed. "Guys, look! A TV!" She pulls down the small screen and I notice all the beds have their own built TV's. Ok that's kinda cool.

"I'll take the other top one." I climb up to my bed and Nate's face says it all. He is disappointed.

"Jule.." He says again after he pulls out the trundle bed which is much larger than the single bunks.

"Fine. Me and James will sleep there."

"Julia. Come on. Can you please stop with that? You can't just break up with me from a text response."

"You lied to me." I glare down at Nate. "About breaking it off with Mila. We are NOT together." I can feel my face redden with anger as I hop down off the bed. "Do you really want to do this now?" I get in his space and tilt my head to look up at him. Paul pushes me back a little.

"No, we really don't, Moretti." Paul shakes his head. "Trish, you're small. You get top bunk. Then Nate. Then myself. Jonah under Casey. The damn dog can have the extra bottom bunk for now."

"That or you can always ask Mila if she'd like the extra bunk. I'm sure you'd love that, wouldn't ya?" I say under the breath. Yep. Still high.

"This is ridiculous, Julia." Nate snaps and walks off the bus.

"Really, Julia?" Trisha walks of the bus to be with her best friend and I shrug. Not my fault Nate's a liar and a cheat.

"If you guys don't want to share a bed, I'll take the trundle." Paul says but knows James and I are fine sleeping in the same bed. And right now....I prefer it over sleeping with Nate.

"Hey look. Here's all of our luggage!" Casey tries to change the subject and points to the cabin on the overhead on the other side of the bus, seeing it from where she is laying on her bed.

The cabin holds all of our suitcases for the first week of the tour. Before we fly again we will all switch to the second ones we packed for the following week. Most of our wardrobe is on a separate truck, already organized, and ready to go. Nate has a hired wardrobe team for that. Amazing to think of how much prep goes into the tour. Right down to your clothes.

We all get off the first lux bus and check out the second one which is smaller and less luxurious but still incredible. This one sleeps four instead of seven but would have been perfect for me, James and the dog. But everyone knows I can't take care of James alone after what happened at his house when he couldn't talk to get help for me. Just another day of popping pills. Just like today.

*****

*Nate*

"She's really doing this? She's ending it?" I whisper to Trisha while waiting outside the second tour bus.

"Looks that way, Playboy." Trisha whispers back. "Where did you put the ring? It needs to go in a safe."

"It's back in the box in my suitcase. It's coming with me, Trisha. I'll get it back on her finger."

"Nate...." She looks up at me like I should just let this go. Doesn't she know me at all??

"She belongs with me." I huff and fold my arms over my chest while waiting for everyone to come out of the bus.

"Yeah, well, she's sharing a bed with Gallo...sooo..."

"This is so stupid. This whole thing with Mila. It's fucking over. It's been over. Why can't we all just move on from it? She's can't break up with over something like this!"

"Nate, she can do whatever the hell she wants. You don't own her. You know I love you. So I say this in love. You sometimes treat her like shit. You may not even realize it. Like the way you snapped at her the first time she brought up Mila's name. Things are only gonna get harder now that she's doped up again." Trisha rubs my back. "And I'm never gonna stop worrying about you and your stress level. That big ol heart of yours. Maybe she'll come around. Just let things go for now and focus on what we came here to do, yeah?"

"Yeah." I say right as everyone starts coming out of the tour bus. We wait for the catering company to stock up both busses with premade food and snacks before we head into our new home. Casey takes the dog out one last time for the night and then we are on the road.

I sit on the recliner and watch Julia take James into one of the two bathrooms to help him change. Jonah and Casey head to the second bathroom to do the same. Trisha is Trisha and could care less if anyone sees her so begins to change into her pajamas right in the back even though Paul is still around. I wonder if she did that at home too. He doesn't seem fazed. I do the same and throw on a pair of running shorts for now that I will take off once in my bunk.

I climb up into my bunk and watch Julia take care of James. Everyone is exhausted and goes right to their beds now. Even the dog. Trisha thought of everything. Even to pack this bus with the dog's bed. I glance over at Jonah and Casey who kiss each other good night and feel a pit in my stomach now. I can't lose Jules. Everyone pulls the curtains closed on their bunks but me.

I watch Julia make up the trundle bed for her and James. I watch her pet Maggie and kiss the top of the dog's head.

I watch her lay down next to James.

My eyes well up and I look away once she turns the last light off. I can't hold it in. I turn to my side, facing the wall when I feel the hard lump forming in my throat.

It's over.

*****

I'm a light sleeper, always have been. So when I hear Julia's little whimper I wake right up and look at the clock on the microwave. It's two in the morning. We are probably almost at the venue. I knew this would happen with Jules. It does every single time she comes down from her high. Before she even notices me, I climb off my bunk and am by her side.

James apparently can sleep through anything because he doesn't budge when I scoop Julia up into my arms and lay on the recliner with her.

"It's ok Jule, I've got ya. You're ok." I whisper and wrap my arms around her. She buries her face in my chest and cries softly.

"What have I done?!" She whispers a little louder and cries into my bare chest. She's sobered up and now feeling everything.

"Shhh. Don't worry about anything, ok? Just try and fall back asleep, love." I brush her hair out of her face and kiss the top of her head.

"I hate you." Julia cries and looks up at me with her big brown eyes.

"I know you do." I frown and nod.

"I hate that I love you." Julia closes her eyes and rests her head down on my chest again, slowly calming down and falling back to sleep.

I'm not sure what she means. Is this her forgiving me or is she just stating this as a fact? Will she even remember this when she wakes up in the morning?

I wrestle with these thoughts in my head until I eventually fall asleep as well, with Julia in my arms.

******

*Julia*

I wake up in Nate's arms. The tour bus has stopped moving and both Trisha and James are awake. James has already pushed the bed under the couch and is sitting on it with Trisha who is helping him with coffee. He glances over at me with sad eyes.

I slowly peel Nate's arms away and get off his lap but the minute I stand up I feel lightheaded and sway.

"Jule, hold on." Nate says in his raspy voice and grabs my arm, now awake as well. "You're dehydrated from taking too many pills, remember?"

Right.

Nate quickly gets up and sits me down in his place. I lower my head and cover my face before my tears escape.

"Hey.... it's ok. You made a mistake." James kneels down and pets Maggie who is suddenly right in front of me.

"It was a slip up, that's all." Nate says, trying to make light of it. He opens the small fridge and grabs me a water. My head is pounding and throat is dry and scratchy. I don't make eye contact with Trisha as I drink the water. She's probably judging me from constantly making a mess of myself. I'll never live up to her standards, that's for sure.

"I don't know why I do what I do." I cry.

"Well it's over now, so lets just have a good day. The catering company has already set up breakfast in the building. We've got a busy day ahead." Trisha says as both Jonah and Casey wake up and hop off their bunks. "There is a small shower in the back bathroom but there are regular showers in the arena's dressing rooms. Showers then breakfast. Chop chop." Trisha chirps, full of energy.

"You ok?" James stands up straight and I nod. Both him and Nate back away to give me room to stand.

"I'll get your suitcase down." Nate heads to the other side of the bus but James stands still, with his eyes on me.

"What happened last night, Julia?"

"Which part?" I know exactly what he's talking about. How did I make it into Nate's arms on the recliner.

"You know which part, babe." He cocks his head to the side and raises his brow.

"C'mon. I'll help you shower." I dismiss him completely and grab my suitcase from Nate.

We all walk off the bus and into the venue together. Leslie is already waiting at the door for us like she knew we were coming in. She must text Trisha often to make sure we are on schedule. They are like the same person, Trisha and Leslie.

"Good morning! Welcome To Cardiff." Leslie begins to walk down the hall and we follow.

"She does this every time, to remind me where I am. After awhile you tend to forget." Nate's British accent fills the hallways as we hurry to catch up to speedwalking Leslie.

"There's four dressing rooms here. All with showers. Two showers in this main one. Nate, yours is set up with everything you need as well as your wardrobe for tonight." Leslie says. She hands Trisha her binder and opens up the doors. Two of the rooms are regular bare dressing rooms with not much character. Nate's looks like a damn suite in comparison and already has all his hair products and shit out on the vanity. I wonder who sets all this up for him and when the hell they sleep.

"Down the hall to the left is the main room. Everything is already set up and breakfast is ready when you all are. Nate," Leslie looks down at her binder and back up at him. "You have a busy day ahead. A radio interview at eleven, then a backstage signing event at one. Lunch in between and after you have your soundcheck. Then it's up on that stage!" She sounds just as excited as Trisha. I look over at Nate who nods, not overwhelmed by the busy day at all. In fact, he smiles.

"Coffee is brewing in Nate's dressing room." She says to the rest of us before looking at Trish. "Shower and eat. You have a meeting in an hour."

I now realize Trisha is more than just Nate's personal assistant. She seems to be EVERYONE'S PA, including Leslie's. Like Nate, Trisha doesn't seem fazed and quickly wheels her suitcase into the first vacant dressing room. Jonah and Casey go into the second one, still groggy.

"You guys can shower and get ready in my dressing room if you want." Nate offers. I look up at James who nods and gives Paul the other dressing room down the hall to get ready. Nate takes both James and my suitcases, wheels them in and closes the door behind us.

"Jesus. Look at the difference between your dressing room and everyone elses." James looks around. Nate's room is much bigger, fully furnished with two TVs on the walls, a table with all sorts of his favorites snacks and seltzer waters, a plush couch and from what I see, the bathrooms are huge.

"Who sets all this up? This is all the shit you eat too." James asks.

"I have people for that. They know what I like." Nate says in a nonchalant way. "Help him shower but no funny business in my dressing room."

"Yeah yeah." I wave him off and he disappears into one of the bathrooms. I grab James's clothes out of his suitcase before grabbing mine. "Just take one together then?"

"You seriously have to ask that? Um, yes." James laughs.

"We're not doing anything but showering, James."

"Still yeah."

I take Maggie's leash off and she hops right on the couch taking advantage of the situation. I swear she has a smile on her face.

"You're gonna get yourself in trouble, miss." James scruffs up her ears and I'm the one smiling now by how cute he is with his dog.

We shower but don't fool around. Instead we talk. Real talk. We talk about me taking the extra pill and my addiction. We talk about me waking up in the middle of the night crying and Nate consoling me. We talk about Mila Giovanni. We talk about everything like we always do. Just like we would at two am in the Marriott Lobby. James is my best friend, no matter what happens he will always be that for me. I'll never lose him as my best friend and that means more than any other relationship right now.

"Thanks James." I wrap my towel around myself and help James dry off.

"For what?"

"For just being you. Always being here for me and letting me vent." I throw my arms around him, still only in our towels and try not to pay attention to what I feel against my stomach.

"Sorry, you knew that was inevitable." James laughs. "You know... you could always-"

"James Gallo."

"You knew I'd at least try." He shrugs. James being James. Always. Another thing I love about him. He's consistent.

*****

*Nate*

I have no idea if Julia fooled around in the shower with James but they were out and dressed before me so I'm gonna say no. I don't bother styling my hair in any way because Holly will be here to do that later so it falls down my forehead a little. I pour myself a cup of coffee and also hand one to James, making sure he has a good grip on the mug. Julia is in the bathroom still blow drying her hair and getting ready.

That familiar pain shoots through my chest again and I can never tell if it's anxiety or the arrhythmia. What I do know is I'm not keeping any Ativan in my pockets anymore. Last night was a complete shitshow and I really don't know what the next steps are going to be to help Julia. I glance over at James who must feel the same shooting pain I get in my heart in his head by the way he suddenly holds the side of his head but then drops his hand down real fast in hopes no one notices.

"That happen often, Gallo??"

"Does what happen often?" He plays the game.

"You just got some kind of shooting pain in your head, didn't you? How long's that been going on?" I quickly grab his mug and put it on the table in front of him when I see how shaky his hands are now.

"They come and go but the flight did a number on me." James admits. The flight. Shit, we have like forty five more flights to go. The tour has just begun. This is only Concert Night Two.

"Have you told Jonah??"

"Not yet. I wanna wait and see if things get worse. I don't want to worry Julia, ok? It's probably nothing." He continues but clasps his shaky hands together in hopes I don't notice that has worsen too.

Is this all too much for Julia AND James?

"Hey, you need to go eat so you can take your heart medication." Jonah stands in the doorway bringing me back to the here and now. "And she does as well as have her virtual meeting with Dr. Donovan."

"Ok." I stand. "She can have her meeting in here where it's more private. I'll go hurry her up so she can grab breakfast first."

"You good James? You look a little pale this morning." Jonah studies James for a second.

"Yep. Just getting hungry." He answers and his eyes drift to mine, pretty much telling me to keep my mouth shut. I'm not comfortable with it though and glare at the guy. Of course, Jonah isn't stupid and catches on right away. James drops the act and tells Jonah about the frequent shooting pains in his head since the flight.

"When's our next flight, Nate?" Jonah asks with touch of concern in his voice.

"We drive four hours to Manchester tonight for tomorrow's concert. That's all I know. Trisha knows the agenda better than I do."

"Ok, if we need to get you checked we can, James. If this has something to do with the flights and the air pressure changes we may have to figure something out, such as driving more instead of flying. Would that even be an option??" Jonah asks me but I really don't know the answer to that.

"I think so? I'm not sure. We can ask Trisha and Leslie. I'm sure we can work something out though." I begin to feel a little stressed out again. I'm not sure how to make everything fit into place the way it needs to. We're on a strict schedule as it is.

"Hey Nate, you're running out of time here and you haven't even eaten breakfast." Trisha walks by my room with Leslie and sees I'm still in here.

"Yeah, ok. Can you bring Julia down to get food?" I ask Jonah who nods. I follow Trisha and Leslie out and know I need to address the new situation.

"James's head is acting up." I say, trying to keep up with their pace. I swear Leslie walks faster than Trisha if that's even possible.

"What do you mean, acting up??" Trisha asks while holding the door open for me. "Jonah and Casey are taking the dog for a walk together around the building. Paul is on the phone checking in on the 4th floor back in L.A." She says as we walk into the empty room full of food.

"Thanks Meghan." I nod to one of the caterers who hands me a plate and leads me to the buffet. I grab a few things quick while Trisha pours me a cup of tea.

"You guys talk while I take this." Leslie says while looking down at her phone. She exit and Trisha sits next to me.

"I think the flight fucked him up a little. He's getting these pains in his head. Jonah said if it is due to the flight air pressure we are gonna have to figure out alternative routes. Drive more verses flying." I try to say this in a very nonchalant easygoing way knowing this puts a huge wrench into years worth or traveling plans that have been made.

"Shit, Nate. I mean..." She sighs knowing this task is a big one. "Yeah. I'm sure I can figure something out." Trisha pulls out her binder from her bag and opens it up to the travel section. Then she pulls out her laptop and begins typing away.

"Do you think it's something that would be able to work? Driving more?"

"I'm looking, I'm looking." Her eyes dart from the binder to the laptop and back down again while I eat. "If flying is a problem for James we can tweak travel plans as we go, but that also means you may not be traveling together with Julia."

"What do you mean??" I question.

"Ok well.. Lets see. From here we drive to Manchester. Then Manchester to Antwerp, Belgium we fly for under two hours or drive for nine.. It could possibly be done overnight and still have time for the concert but.." Trisha flips through the binder and then types in the laptop. I'm making her work hard right now and feel bad but she's Trisha. She always figures it out. "IF we were to drive you'd have to cancel your Radio interview in Belgium that morning. I'm not sure Leslie would like that. Or..." She pauses and looks up at me. "You could take the flight as planned and James can stay in the tour bus and drive the nine hours. It'd be overnight so he'd just sleep through it and it's not like HE'S the one driving. He's in the lap of luxury in the tour bus. The busses will be driving regardless because they will have to be ready in Belgium for our four hour drive to Paris, France. But James can't be alone and sure as hell can't be alone with Moretti."

"Right. We'd have to separate some people. But it IS doable??"

"Could be. At least for the next few concerts and then we will have to go back and figure out the rest. Probably do this a week at a time in advance. But this is a lot, Nate. A lot of rearranging plans."

"But just for James really. I can still fly and make the concerts if we split up when needed. It's just getting him from point A to point B, right?" I begin to eat when Trisha nods, still flipping through pages.

"I'll talk to Leslie. Does he need to get seen? Because we would have to book something ahead of time. Healthcare is different here than the U.S., you know that."

"I'll see what Jonah thinks. Thanks Trish. Really."

*****

*Julia*

Jonah's already on me to eat so I can take my meds but the only thing I can think about right now is calming my nerves. Now that I'm back on the Ativan, it's all my body craves. My hands are trembling as I get breakfast for me and James and it's noticed by James.

"Cuz I've gone all night without Ativan." I whisper to James who nods with a frown. "Where's Jonah?" I look around the room.

"Walking the dog with Casey. C'mon, lets eat a little. Maybe you'll feel better after breakfast."

"Hey, Jonah said you have a virtual meeting with Jeremy this morning. He has the laptop set up in my dressing room for privacy if you want to bring your food and eat breakfast in there. You know he's gonna wanna see you eat, doll." Nate says to me.

I look back at James, not really wanting to leave but Trisha swoops in and takes him away.

"I can help you with breakfast, sexypants." She takes the plate right from my hand and James follows her.

"I really have to do this right now?" I ask Nate.

"Sorry. You do. Part of the agreement of him signing off on letting you travel so far from the Avalon. You know he holds your files.." Nate reminds me. Right. Jeremy will always have access to my files. He can easily tweak them, sending me away forever if he wanted. I'm under his authority forever aren't I? At least while I get my meds and treatments through the Avalon.

"Ok ok, I'm going." I head back out but Nate follows me. "You don't have to come."

"But I do. Julia he only knows a little about last night. Sorry but he needs to know everything so we can know what to do for your meds."

"You're gonna tell him about the extra pill? Nate."

"Jules, look at me." Nate stops right in the middle of the hallway and puts his hands on my shoulders. "He knows how to help you. We have to be honest with him. Who knows, maybe he will tweak your dose of Ativan or give you a little more to help, ok?" He says that just to entice me but we both know that one's not gonna happen.

Nate sits right next to me on the couch in his dressing room, both of us with our food, and logs me in to The Avalon.

"There she is." The familiar face shows up on the screen. Jeremy is in his office like he was waiting for me. He studies my face as I look down at my food. "What's going on Julia, was last night not a good night for you?" He can tell before I say one word.

Tears fill my eyes when Nate tells him what happened and what I did. I'm humiliated. Jeremy leans back in his chair, takes his glasses off and rubs the tension forming in his forehead before he says anything.

"Shit, Julia.." The stress I'm causing everyone from my addiction is embarrassing. "Take a bite of food, please." Jeremy says while still trying to process my slip up.

"She wasn't going to say anything. But I knew you needed to know. And Jules, if I didn't tell him you sure as hell know Jonah would have." Nate says while eating his breakfast.

"C'mon, you've stalled enough. Start eating." Jeremy says with a hint of aggravation. I nod and wipe my eyes. Then begin to eat my eggs. "Good. Ok... " He begins, now that he sees I'm eating. "So you slipped up. Nate, no more leaving meds around. She's an addict and will do anything to get her hands on pills. She'll watch every movement, every dose taken, every pill that falls out of that prescription bottle. I'll meet with Jonah and go over everything with him as well but you're not to take meds in front of her anymore, ok? Certainly don't put pills in your pockets anymore."

Jeremy talks like I'm not even in the room while I continue to eat.

"Julia, did you just see the pill and want it or did something happen to make you want to self medicate?"

That's when I begin to cry harder.

Everything that has happened fills my head. Nate lying to everyone about ending it with Mila. Then getting caught forcing me to end our relationship. The cherry on top was seeing Mila attending Nate's concert.

If he really did break it off with Mila Giovanni, why the hell would she show up to his concert?

*****