*Nate*

"She wants nothing to do with me." I walk out of my bedroom and try to pull myself together.

"Well, is she gonna go to the game tonight? I already bought the tickets. Everyone's excited." Trisha frowns as I close my bedroom door.

Julia is finally asleep. The Ativan kicked in right away, but her petite body isn't used to it anymore, so it knocked her right out. Paul carried her up to my apartment, and now we all sit here waiting for the anxiety med to wear off. Everyone is hating me right now. Including Trisha.

"Let's just see how she is when she wakes up. The game's not till 7:30 tonight." I sit down on the couch feeling like the piece of shit that I am.

"Well, you DO realize no matter what happens with Moretti, you HAVE to be up on that stage tomorrow. The show must go on, regardless of what's going on here."

"Well aware, Trisha."

"So now what's gonna happen?" James asks Jonah nervously. I've caused so much stress to so many people from one stupid text. It wasn't worth it.

"Donovan thinks we should keep her on a low dose of Ativan. She doesn't have access to it. Only I do. She's gonna have to be on it for a while. There's just too much going on in her head... and then with this dipshit.." Jonah scoffs and shakes his head. "It's for the best to keep her calm. We will do detox at a later date. Like...... months later date."

"This is unreal." James stands up, and I fear he's gonna beat the living shit outta me. He has every right to. Instead, he heads to his room and slams the door behind him.

"You really fucked up, Playboy."

"Again, well aware."

*****

Jules sleeps the day away. It's four in the afternoon and she is just starting to wake up. I've been laying here with her for hours waiting. She turns and looks at me. Her eyes are still puffy and her lips are still swollen from crying. Her eyes are also dark and dilated from the anxiety med and it's noticeable. 

"I'm so sorry, love." It's all I know how to say lately. Apology after apology. I have never screwed up a relationship in my life. Not like this.

Julia lets me wrap my arms around her. I can tell she still feels numb. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but she's not hyperventilating or having a panic attack and that's what matters.

A few minutes go by where she lets me hold her before either of us speak again.

"Jules, what are you thinking right now?"

"How much I hate you."

She says it with absolutely no emotion to her words. 

"Fair enough."

"This is all your fault." Julia mumbles.

"I know it is."

"I can't trust you. You lied to me. About something that you know is hard for me. The one thing I can't handle is having you lie to me about Mila. But you did it anyway." Her voice is calm as she talks and I feel like her words are gonna make ME spiral out of control now. The sharp pain takes over my chest and takes my breath away.

"I'm never marrying you."

I nod, knowing I deserve this,  and burst into tears.

******

*Julia*

I watch Nate cry and feel absolutely nothing. Not one emotion. I feel numb. While he's still sobbing I get out of bed and leave the room.

"I need a drink. Paul...." I get everyone's attention. "You must know your way around here."

"You can't drink Julia..." Jonah sits up straight but Paul gives me a nod.

"Try to stop me, Jonah. I dare you." I glare at the nurse and look back at Paul.

"Ok." Paul stands up.

"Are you serious right now? The medication may still be in her system." Jonah is not ok with this.

"It's been hours. I'll make sure she doesn't drink too much." The bodyguard looks over at James. "Come with us."

James nods and Paul grabs a set of keys. Apparently Nate has a few cars at this apartment too. No one is surprised with that.

James and I follow Paul out and head down to the garage. I watch him press a button on the key fob and a black Lexus SUV unlocks. The steering wheel is on the righthand side which throws me off a little.  I help James get in and buckle his seatbelt.

"You know how to drive on the opposite side like this?" James asks Paul who nods.

"I've been working with Nate for years. This is his home so I had to lean fast."

I climb into the back and we head to some local pub up the road. 

The pub is nothing like Sullivan's Tap. It's not busy at all and kinda dingy looking. But it has booze and that's all I care about right now.

"You can't get wasted, Moretti." Paul looks down at me while holding the door open. We find a small table in the back and I order whiskey. Paul takes a deep breath and orders himself and James a beer. "I mean it. One or two drinks to take the edge off. Got it?"

"Yes sir." I say sarcastically. The waitress comes back with our drinks and I help James hold his beer. I also down my glass of whiskey.

"One more and that's it. Pace yourself." My babysitter/bodyguard reminds me.

"You sure you're ok, babe?" James is concerned for me.

"I'm not marrying a liar. I can't go through that again. I just can't." Tears well up in my eyes now. The anxiety medication has worn off and I already want more. I want to feel numb. 

"He made a mistake." Paul mutters while sipping his beer.

Paul is always gonna be on Team Nate, there's no questioning that.

"Maybe I just need time away from all men." I pout feeling all sorts of discouraged now. " I don't care if it was a big or small lie, it was a lie about Mila. He knew better. That stung."

Both Paul and James nod in agreement.

"So now what?" James inquires, knowing his future depends on my decisions.

"Now," I get the waitresses attention and hold my glass up for another. "We go to a goddamn soccer game tonight."

And that's exactly what we do. Although I feel like my night is ruined, I'm not about to ruin everyone else's experience. Instead, I fake it till I make it. I paste a smile on my face and cheer on the game just like Danny would want me to. I don't think I looked at Nate once. Not one time. I made sure James was ok, helped him with anything he needed help with and tried to enjoy the night with him knowing he was looking forward to this just as much as everyone else.

"You're faking it but thank you. I'm glad you decided to come." James puts his arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.

"How do you always know when I'm faking it?"

"I can just tell. I know you, Julia. Better than anyone else here. Does this mean you're going to the concert tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, I'm going. I'm gonna do everything that we planned on doing. I am just gonna avoid him. If he wants to go ahead and spend all his money to have me around whatever, I'll take advantage. But I can't even look at him right now." I can feel Nate's eyes on me while I talk to James.

"And I'd REALLY FUCKING LIKE IT if he stopped STARING AT ME right now!" I yell, keeping my eyes on the game. I can see him out of the corner of my eye dragging his hands over his face in frustration before looking away.

I can tell everyone is on edge while trying to enjoy the game. No one can blame me this time. This is all Nate. The only thing I did wrong was look at messages on his phone. That and chuck a two million dollar ring at him that I refuse to wear.

*****

*Nate*

"Nate, what are we doing?" Trisha lays on my bed but I roll over to my other side. We're home now. Everyone seemed to have a decent time considering, but Julia won't even look at me. Instead, she grabs a pillow and sleeps on the couch after she helps James.  

"What do you mean?" I muffle into my pillow.

"Do I need to book her a flight home?"

"Home to what...to who? Jeremy? C'mon Trish, lets be real here." 

"I AM being real here. Regardless of what happens with her, you have an agenda. You have a lot of people counting on you. Are you gonna be able to go up on that stage and perform tomorrow night? Are you gonna even fucking enjoy it? We've worked so hard to get here!" Trisha begins to cry.

This tour means just as much to her as it does to me. She put a lot of hard work into making this happen and now she feels like it's slipping through her fingers.

I turn back around so we are both on our sides facing each other.

"I'm gonna do fine tomorrow night. I'm gonna perform just fine, and interact with the crowd, and do everything as planned, ok? Eventually this will have to blow over."

"And if it doesn't? She already took the ring off, Nate. You fucked up with your lies. What the hell were you thinking?" 

"I wasn't. Can we not talk about this anymore tonight? I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it."

Trisha responds by kissing my forehead and leaving
the room. Once she is gone I lose it. I completely break down in my bed in the dark. I cry into my pillow so hard I can't catch my breath.

I can't believe I did something so stupid. It was something little but not to Julia. Not at all. Not with her past. I can't see Julia getting over this.

I end up working myself up to the point my chest hurts and I know I need to see Jonah. By this point my eyes are mere slits from the crying and swelling. I climb out of bed and head to the living room where I can hear Julia quietly crying into her own pillow. Jonah is sitting on the other side of the couch when he notices me. He zips up his black medical bag and shakes his head in disgust.

"You too?" He studies my face and sees my hand grabbing my chest.

"I can't stop." I croak out and Jonah lets out an exaggerated sigh before reopening his bag.

"The two of you need to talk this out.  Tonight. Here." Jonah hands me an Ativan. "Now you are both medicated. Figure your shit out." He leaves the room.

Julia needed to be medicated again? I did this to her.

I boldly lay down on the couch against her and feel her cry harder. She's facing the couch, just like she'd do back home when she shut down- because of Mila. I grab Julia's shoulder and forcefully turn her so she is facing me. She finally looks at me with her sad, tear filled eyes.

"What is it about her, Nate?" Julia can barely speak. Her voice is raspy from crying so much all day. "What is it about Mila that makes you act like this towards me? What does she have that makes you want to be with her more than me? That makes you hurt me like this over and over again?"

I shove my palms into my eyes to stop the stinging of more tears but it's no use. I'm too worked up. I shake my head and put my hand on Julia's cheek. She doesn't flinch.

"Nothing. I made a dumb mistake. That's all it was. But I know it's the kind of mistake you already have scars from with Luke. I was an asshole and I'm sorry, Jule."

"You know it's over now. Me and you.." Julia's voice changes a little. I can tell the anxiety med is kicking in by the lack of emotions behind her words.

"I can't live without you."

"And I can't trust you. I can never trust you again. I just can't."

"Jules. I don't know what to do." I drop my hand from her face.

"I'm not gonna ruin this experience for everyone else if that's what your insinuating. I can't go to the Avalon. I can't be near Jeremy. And I am not pulling Casey away from Jonah to babysit me and James in California. So I'm gonna do all the things. I'm gonna medicate and fucking fake it for everyone else. But I'm no longer with you. At all. So if this is your way out so you can be with Mila, so be it. You already broke me." Julia pauses and sniffs.

"I'm gonna have to go through withdrawals and detox all over again but I'm sure as hell not doing it now. Because I need to feel numb. You made it so I don't want to feel anything anymore. And now I need you to get off this fucking couch and never touch me again."

The pain in my heart becomes excruciating, to the point I close my eyes tight waiting for it to pass.

"Get up Nate. Get away from me." Julia pushes me hard. "Go have your fucking heart attack somewhere else." She says in a calm medicated voice and pushes me again so I almost fall off the couch. I get up, feeling the tightness in my chest worsen, and go to bed.

I've only cried myself to sleep a handful of times. When my father died, when I found out Cara was shooting up heroin, when Jules tried to kill her self, and when she was raped...twice. Tonight I cry myself to sleep from a broken heart, literally and figuratively.

******

*Julia*

Am I overexaggerating? Maybe. Did he know I had trust issues with this stuff? Most definitely. He could have thought about that when he lied to everyone and told us he ended it with Mila for real.  He could have thought of that when he texted Mila back wishing they could see each other... calling her 'love', being overly nice. 

And now look at me, back on Ativan until further notice. Now look at me... Crying myself to sleep alone in an unknown, unfamiliar country.

What the hell was I thinking following Nate here? Dragging James with me? We don't fit in here, there's no place for us. We don't belong here.

But the show must go on. Casey is excited to see the concert tomorrow night, and I actually think James may be as well. This is the most he's been able to do in a long time. Money has always been an issue and concert tickets are expensive. This traveling adventure is a once in a lifetime all inclusive paid experience for James, Jonah and Casey and I'm not gonna be the one to take that away from them. Not because Nate is an ass.

And the worst part of all?

I still love him. I hate that I still love him.

Even with the anxiety med in my system I feel myself getting overwhelmed laying here alone crying. I sit up and look around the apartment. Everyone but Nate is sleeping. I can still here him sniffing. He made his bed though. He can lay in it. I really have no sympathy for him right now. But I regret telling him to go have his heart attack somewhere else. God, what if he didn't wake up in the morning and that was the last thing he heard from me?

I begin to cry harder. I can't do this shit to myself. I grab my pillow and go to James's room. It's completely dark and Maggie is asleep on the bed near James's feet.

"Hey babe." I hear James whisper.

"You're awake.." I stand in the doorway for a second before closing it. Maggie doesn't lift her head. She must know it's me.

"Bad dream."

I hate that James is having more bad dreams after his brain injury. And really hate he had one alone in this unfamiliar room. That's probably why his dog is laying in his bed.

"Can I lay with you?" I sniff. God, I sound like a five year old right now. I'm so pathetic.

"Of course you can. You never have to ask permission for that." He smirks in the dark and moves over a little. I take my pillow and climb into bed with him.

"I'm so sad, James." My eyes water once more and when I close them tears escape.

"I know, sweetie. C'mere." James wraps his  big muscular arms around me and pulls me right into his chest where I continue to cry. He holds me so tight and lets me weep until I finally fall asleep.

*****

"Tonight's the night!!" Trisha says with excitement that fills the entire room while we're all trying to still wake up and caffeinate. I know she's trying to bring the mood up times a hundred but it's early and no one is feeling it.

"Too early.." Paul grumbles and pours him and James coffee. I hold the hot cup for James and he takes a sip. We are all sitting at the dining room table. Apparently Trisha had this morning's breakfast all planned out and the catering company came and set up a shitload of food before anyone was awake.

"Aww Paulie. Drink your coffee, you moody bastard." Trisha winks at him and turns to Nate. None of us are dressed yet. Nate is in a pair of running shorts with no shirt on like James and his hair is all over the place. His eyes and lips are puffy from crying and he has a sad drawn look to his face. He certainly doesn't look like 70 million dollars anymore.

Nate makes sure not to look my way but a few times I look at him and notice his eyes glossy and ready to drain tears again. He knows he fucked up.

"Are you excited Nate? The first night of tour!!" Trisha is trying hard but it's falling flat. She looks around the table at all the half awake zombies and slams her coffee cup down.

"Ok people. We are NOT fucking doing this today, you hear me?" She stands up and scolds us all, catching everyone off guard. "I've worked WAY too damn hard to have you all moping around over this shit. So you're ALL gonna fucking get over yourselves, self medicate if you fucking have to and enjoy this fucking day. You hear me?  Because the show is happening tonight no matter what."

Trisha sits back down with an angry, red, flustered face I've never seen before. She's had enough. She's right. She has worked so hard for this, I've seen it myself. I've envied it. It's all coming together and I'm not gonna be the one to ruin it.

"I'm excited for the concert." I look up at her and nod, knowing Trisha needs us to pull it together. "I haven't been to a concert in years."

"There we go! THANK you, Julia." Her shoulder's drop in relief. I feel Nate's eyes on me. Man up Julia. You're no longer with him. No longer engaged. Show him your stronger than you normally are. I look over at Nate and nod before needing to look away again.

"But I will be self medicating, Jonah..." I look across the table and see the color drain from the nurses face. He knows I'm already feeling the constant need for numbness. It didn't take long to feel the addiction run through my veins.

"Every four hours, Julia. The smallest dose. That's all you can get." He reminds me and shakes his head at Nate. Because Nate did this. Not me.

"Better than nothing." I make it known to the entire table. Look at me, the fucking drug addict. 

I then decide to make things even more awkward for Nate. "James, when you're done eating I will help you shower."

******

*Nate*

I deserve this treatment. I know I do.  But it's tearing my insides up. When James is finished eating Julia takes his hand and escorts him to the bathroom. I drop my fork on my plate and shove my palms in my eyes.

"Fuck."

"You did this, playboy. Let it go. You have a big night to focus on." Trisha begins to clean up the breakfast.

"Jonah, how much caffeine can I take today? I didn't sleep at all."

"Seriously?" Trisha glares at me. "You realize you're gonna need all the energy in the fucking world to get through three hours on that stage. You didn't sleep?"

"God damn it, look at me Trisha! You think I'm fucking ready to perform tonight?" I cry out making both Paul and Jonah look away. Casey begins to cry because she is a mini Julia and can't handle seeing anyone else cry.

"Ok, you know what? It's seven thirty in the morning. I'm gonna give you an Ativian. Sleep until noon. That's what time we are heading out correct?" Jonah looks at Trisha who nods. "When you wake up, you can have one cup of strong coffee and then right before you go on stage you can have half of another cup. HALF. That's it. And only because you are going to need the energy tonight. Let's go." Jonah gets up and I follow him to his room.

"You're a real mess Nate. This is a temporary fix but you need to make amends with her. You're losing her." Jonah closes the door behind  him and talks while unlocking the black medical bag.

"I've already lost her. She's never going to trust me again. She can't even stand to look at me."

"Here." Jonah hands me an Ativan and I take it right away. "So you're giving up? Is that what we do now?"

"There's nothing else to do. The ball's in her court. She literally threw a two million dollar engagement ring at me."

"Well you know as well as I do it's not the price of the ring she cares about. Julia could care less about money. She would flush it down the toilet and not shed a tear. Material things never did wow her. But Nate, you keep messing with her heart and her mind. You need to make the choice. Do you want to be with Julia or Mila. Because if it's Julia. You need to cut ALL ties with Mila. Text her and tell her you need to focus on your career and fiancé and can't risk it by being associated with her. Then you need to block her number and win Julia back or you're gonna be one miserable bastard to travel with for a year."

Once in bed I open my text messages and finally end it for good with Mila.  I tell her exactly what Jonah told me and also wished her the best. I don't block her just yet because I want to get a response from her first to make sure she understands. I pull up my Google Translate and wait for Mila to text back. She could still be asleep for all I know.

I put my phone next to my pillow and close my eyes. Right as I feel myself starting to drift off Mila texts me back. I translate it right away.

[I'm sorry you feel that way, we were good together no? I hope it's not management making this decision for you.]

I sigh. For once, I wish it was management making this decision. We were good together. But I don't love Mila and not going to even give myself the chance to get that far.

[No. This is my decision. I really need to cut ties altogether. I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way.]

Then I block Mila's number and fall into a medicated sleep.

*****

*Julia*

I undress James and then myself before pulling him into the shower. While helping him wash his hair he looks down and rolls his eyes a little.

"I see you went all out for this trip."

James is talking about me shaving everywhere. Something I did in hopes to fit in to the "celebrity girlfriend-high maintenance- mode."

"Yeah, Sooo wasn't worth it, and now my skin's itchy and irritated." I say to my best friend. James laughs a little and shakes his head.

"Just be yourself, Julia. You're trying to change into something else. Someone else. "

"Yeah, big mistake." I sigh and start washing my own hair now. "I'm not enjoying this trip. Not at all."

"I can tell. What's gonna happen? Are we going home?" James asks. His voice is filled with concern about what will happen to him.

"Not unless you want to, James. I plan on taking advantage of this opportunity regardless of Nate being an idiot. I'm not gonna ruin it for everyone else. Do you want to go home?"

"You're my home, Julia." He leans down and hugs me.      "I want to be wherever you are."

*****

*Nate*

"Just in time. I was about to go in there and throw water on you." Trisha ruffles my hair and hands me a cup of coffee. She  is ready for the concert and looks good. She curled her blonde hair and is wearing black ripped jeans, a hot pink tank top that fits like a glove and very high black heels.

But it's Julia that catches my attention. Now, I let Holly pick out those racks and racks of clothes for everyone, but I did not see this coming.

Julia walks out of the bathroom in the hall wearing black leather pants, black stiletto high heels, and a deep red tank top. But not just any tank top. The spaghetti straps crisscross down her back and tie like a corset. The fabric is lace and must have some kind of built-in bra because there are no bra straps, but Julia is all cleavage. She has straightened her hair so it looks much longer than usual, down her back, and her make-up is light. All but bold red lipstick that brings out her perfect lips.

"Holy shit Julia. I don't remember Holly picking out this outfit. You look amazing!" Trisha claps her hands once and both her and Casey look over Julia.

I can't fucking breathe.

"Oh my gosh, I love this!" Casey, who is just wearing a Nate Hollan concert T-shirt, jeans and a pair of vans. I sometimes forget she's still young. "You look so good!" 

I look away and sip my coffee. She's really gonna go to the concert like this? Every fucking guy is going to be drooling over her.  She looks outstanding and I hate that.

Jonah sits next to me and hands me my heart medication. He also looks great. Casual but good. It has Holly's touch written all over it.  Jonah is wearing a navy shirt with grey plaid pants that look good on him. James and Paul are in their bodyguard uniforms.

"I have your outfit ready to go in the dressing room. You'll shower and change at the Venue and then Holly will get you set." Trish reminds me. "Drink that coffee, playboy. You're gonna need it."

*****

*Julia*

I sit next to Casey in the SUV and once at the Venue she falls behind with the rest of the group while James and Paul escort Nate and I in. A crowd is already forming out front and the doors don't even open for another four hours.

"You look nice." Nate mumbles as we walk to the main room where everyone will hang out before the concert.

"I know." I look straight ahead and try not to look at him. I hear James laugh a little at that and then go right back into bodyguard mode.

Once in the room I sit down on the couch and pull out my phone to ignore Nate. No one else is here yet. We used a separate side entrance so no one would see us.

Nate sits down right next to me and James lets out a little sigh.

"I texted Mila to let her know it's over, wished her well and then blocked her number."

"'Bout time." I say coldly.

"Jule."

"Nate. It's over. Please... Just go and do your thing tonight. We're not together." I stand up and walk over to the catered table. I'm not hungry at all, I just can't be that close to Nate or I'll give in. But he follows me to the table.  I grab a plate and start loading it with food. Nate does the same but talks to me under his breath as everyone starts filtering in the room.

"You can't just break up with me like this, Julia."

"Sure I can" I say nonchalantly, feeling the afternoon dose of Ativan kick in.

"I made a stupid mistake. I didn't even see her. You're making it sound like I slept with her or something."

"No, you already did that, remember?" I keep my focus on my food and walk over to the table to eat.  Once sitting down, I stare at my plate and feel the hot tears forming. This isn't right. I should be feeling numb by now which means my body wants more.

Nate boldly sits down next to me, not giving up.

"I make mistakes, Julia. But you do, too." He begins but my focus is not on him anymore. He drifts off into the background now.  My focus is on the fact that I have Ativan in my system yet the effects aren't strong like I need them to be.

I'm not numb. I need to be numb.

"I bend over backwards for you. Because I love you. But you don't do the same for me, do you Julia?" Is he turning this around on me now?

"I need another pill." I say under my breath and look around the room. 

"What? No. Jonah just gave you one a half hour ago. Julia, listen to me.  I'm  trying to-"

"I need another dose." I scratch the side of my head and my eyes dart around the room. Where the hell is Jonah?

Maggie drags Casey, who is holding her leash, my way and the dog sits on the floor looking up at me.

"Not now, Maggie." I feel myself begin to panic internally a little.

"One dose wasn't enough. Where's Jonah?"

"Jonah already gave you a dose of Ativan, Julia. You have to wait four hours." Casey says in nurse mode now.

My heart starts pumping harder.

"Julia.." Nate takes my hand but I flinch and glare at him as I pull it away.

"Don't touch me. Where's the black bag? The first dose didn't work, I need-"

"Hey. You ok?" James walks over now from hearing me and gives Nate a look before looking down at me.

"I need more meds, James! It didn't work." I burst into tears, not caring about my makeup now, and the dog starts barking.

"Not now Maggie!" I yell and the dog whimpers and scurried to James, who kneels down to comfort her.

"Don't yell at her, Julia." James says in a stern voice I've never heard from him.  He glares up at me while petting the pup. "You're scaring her. C'mon Mags."

James takes the leash from Casey and walks her out of the room. I cry harder now.

"I didn't mean to yell at her!" I wail. I'm now out of control. It's like I'm on the outside looking in at myself. Everything around me is spinning.

This can't be happening again.

*****
*Nate*

Julia had another full blown panic attack all while Jonah was down the hall in the men's room. It happens that fast. He came back to a screaming, crying mess in my arms.  Her moods are everywhere and worse now that she got a taste of her addiction.

She got so upset Jonah had no choice but to get Jeremy on the line who told him to give her another Ativan. Julia didn't fight me and let me hold her for a good twenty minutes, but I have to go shower and get ready before soundcheck.

Julia fell asleep in my arms.

"Nate. You gotta go." Trisha comes in with Leslie, who looks very confused by the situation. Trisha almost looks embarrassed to have to explain this to the manager, so she only says Julia's not feeling well. I lay her on the couch and rush to hit the shower so I'm not late.

My thoughts are all over the place while I stand under the running hot water. What the hell is going on? I made a huge mistake thinking Julia would be ok on tour. This is not how I imagined things to go. Yes, I fucked up, but to the extent she breaks up with me? It all seems a little much.  Julia's emotions have been anything but stable since we left California, and now she's back on the Ativan. 

Then I think of Donovan. Is this some kind of fuck up? Some GAME of his?Did he do this on purpose? Did he play us.... again??

We trusted him as a doctor and did what he said- giving in and giving Julia the Ativan. Did that dick know this would happen? Does he do it on purpose so Julia would be so out of control we'd have no choice but to ship her back to him?

That sonofabitch. This is a nightmare.

I quickly do what I need to do in the shower letting my mind run wild with these thoughts and change into my concert clothes that have been picked out for me.

Of course, tonight's wardrobe is a fan favorite, purple pants, and a black polo shirt unbuttoned.

Once dressed, I sit at the vanity, and Holly does my hair and turns the steamer on for my face. She has a trillion steps, half I don't even know what for but I let her do what she wants.  While she works her magic, my vocal coach, Nora, has me start my  warm-up vocal exercises. Trisha also comes with a hot cup of tea with honey for my throat. My warm-ups take a half hour, and then I drink the hot tea until it's show time.

"And this. Jonah said you can only have half a cup." She puts down the mug of black coffee next to my tea. I nod while continuing humming along with my coach.

"She didn't sleep long but seems calm now." Trisha sits in the chair next to me, knowing what's on my mind.

"Casey is helping her touch up her make-up, but I'm not sure where her head's at. James is in the room, but I think he's a little pissed at her for yelling at Maggie. He's sitting on the couch petting the dog instead of talking to Julia."

That's all Julia needs... her best friend mad at her too. Anything else? I nod and keep working with Nora.

"I need you to focus on tonight. Ok? Jonah and Casey will handle her. You sold out Wembley, Nate. Remember who you are and why you are here, for your fans. The people who believed in you and have supported you to get you where you are right now. Don't disappoint your fans." Trisha says harshly before standing. I nod, letting her know I understand, and she leaves the room.

Trisha is absolutely right. I need to focus on my show and only my show right now.

The rest will still be waiting for me when I walk off that stage.

 
******