This is the other side of Nate. London is his real home. The L.A. apartment is really just for convenience.

This penthouses is bigger than the one I'm used to, but the decorating style is just as extravagant. It's pretty identical to his one in L.A except the sectional bigger than the L.A. one, as well as the T.V. being double in size.

The bedrooms are about the same size, all fully furnished, and the dining room is used more as a small recording  studio with all the bells and whistles you can think of for recording songs with a wall of guitars. At least 15 different ones!

The balcony is much smaller and there are only three bathrooms in this flat. One in Nate's room,  one in another bedroom, and one in the hall.

Nate's room is identical to his California one. The bed is just as big, but instead of dark grey bedding, it's all white with a huge expensive white down comforter.

"Feels like home." Nate smiles down at me.

"It looks just like your other apartment, just bigger." I state.

"Exactly."

"This will be our home for three days until the first concert. We can order dinner soon if everyone is hungry." Trisha begins to roll her suitcase towards the master bedroom but then stops short.

"Oh, right. I'm  used to..." She turns around and looks at Nate with embarrassment, making it now known to me when she comes here with Nate they would sleep together in his bed. I'm not surprised. "Um.. where do you want me?"

"There's enough bedrooms for everyone here. Pick one." Nate gives Trisha a slight nod, knowing this feels weird to her now.

From what I've heard, this is the first time Nate has not been single while on tour. Looks like it will take some adjusting for both him AND Trisha.  She turns to the first available room and quickly wheels her suitcase in. Everyone else does the same, picking whatever room since we aren't here long. I decide to forfeit going to check out Nate's room with him and instead help James.

I grab the handle to James's suitcase and give him a little nudge.

"C'mon, I'll get you settled in." I head to the bedroom, and James follows. He looks around the room and then back at me.

"What did he say down there? Did he apologize for being a turd?" James laughs a little.

"Yeah, he realized it right away."

James knows this isn't the first time Nate has been snippy when it comes it Mila but James is James- He'll never bring it up more unless I do first. He will just continue to make little jokes to cheer me up. It's just how he is.

 I push the suitcase to the side and unzip it, pulling out his grey Nike sweatpants and a light blue T-shirt. I know James wants out of this suit he's in, especially since he can't undo the belt or pants to use the bathroom.

I walk up to my Efron lookalike and grab his tie.

"You look really nice all dressed up, Mr. Bodyguard." I loosen his tie and pull it over his head.

"Thanks. I used to help Paul on occasion with little jobs here and there back in the day, but it feels weird now, like playing pretend."

"Oh really?" I untuck his dress shirt and begin to unbutton it.

"Yeah, look at me. I can't even get myself dressed, never mind protect celebrities."

"I don't know about that, Mr. Gallo. I've  seen you punch Nate." I laugh and pull his shirt off to hang it neatly, then take the white undershirt off, leaving James in just the black pants.

I begin to unbuckle his belt, and a wave of desire ripples through my body doing so. I try to ignore it like I should, but there's something about James that gets me every time,  especially when my eyes look up and see the way he is gazing down at me.

Trying to focus on unbuttoning and unzipping his pants is difficult when feeling this way. My hands fumble a little, and I feel myself blush.

"Sorry. Guess it's my turn to have hands that won't cooperate. I don't know what my issue is."

"I get you all hot and bothered wearing this, don't I?"

"I liked it better when you couldn't speak." I tease my best friend. "KIDDING, kidding."

"I liked it better when you weren't engaged." James isn't laughing.

The way he's looking at me right now, standing here shirtless with my hands tugging at the zipper of his pants, makes me feel and think all sorts of inappropriate things. I drop my hands, and my eyes turn up to him.

James rests a hand on my jawline. "You know, I'd never snap at you like that. Ever."

"I know." I frown and drop my forehead onto his bare chest with a sigh.

"Why do you torture yourself? You put yourself through hell sometimes." James wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "It's ok to change your mind, babe. You're not married yet."

"What if you just lost your voice for a little while? Laryngitis or something?" I take a step back and wipe my eyes surprised how quickly they filled up. "Sorry. It's been a long day." I finish helping James take his pants off and hang everything up in the closet so it doesn't wrinkle. "Besides, we are literally in Nate's multimillion dollar penthouse on an all inclusive trip- for a year. We can't talk like that."

"But he can snap at you the minute you say his girlfriend's name?" He scoffs and then lets out a slight laugh.

"James...."

"Julia." 

"I know you're trying to be funny. It's falling flat." My tears dry up quickly, though, and I help James step into his sweatpants. 

"Who said I was trying to be funny? Hmmmm?" He cocks a brow at me as I pull his pants up for him and then turn away. But I couldn't get off that easy. James grabs my hand and pulls me in to his body.

"Nate is good to me." James starts, "He's a very generous guy. I respect him and will never hate him as a person. But I hate the way he can get so moody. When he wa-was detoxing fine, I get that." James stutters. "But as part of his normal personality? Not cool. And you know I'm never gonna give up loving you and wanting you to be happy."

"I know you're not. C'mon,  before you get me in trouble." I pull his hand to try to leave the room but he doesn't budge.

"James..."

"You forgot to help me put my shirt on." Again, James smirks at me and I roll my eyes. 

"Right."

******

*Nate*

"Trish, wanna just order a bunch of food for everyone? Guys make yourself at home. I'm gonna hop in the shower." I head to my bedroom. All of this feels surreal. Everyone here. In my home. In London. 

Where the hell is Julia? Right as I think that Julia comes into the bedroom.

"Hey. What were you two up to in there?" I question.

"I was helping James get out of that suit and into comfortable clothes." Julia says and looks around the room a little.

"Well, I'm gonna take a shower, and you're taking one with me." I say in a demanding tone.

"Actually, I'm kinda-"

"You are." I grab her and spin her around so her ass is against me.  I'm not gonna have her spending our first night home pouting. The whole thing was stupid, though I can tell Julia is not over it yet with the coldness she's giving me.

"Really.  I'm just gonna lay down for a bit. I'm tired. Maybe next time." Julia kicks off her shoes and crawls right into the bed, pulling the covers up to her shoulders and curling into a ball.

I  know she's not tired. So I let out a little huff and study Julia's little figure buried under the white down comforter.

Mila Giovanni is a touchy subject for us both.  Julia is overreacting but... is she really? Does this just stir up everything with Luke and his affair? Nicole made it known she was fucking around with Julia's husband. I made it known I was fucking around with Mila. I'm no better than Nicole. Different circumstances, sure. But by the end I was enjoying it. By the end I had feelings for Mila.  Real feelings. I was enjoying being around Mila more than Julia when Julia was down and out.

I try to justify it all in my head. In the beginning I was forced into a PR stunt relationship with a woman who already had a thing for me and clearly had no issues making it known.  But you can only be around someone like Mila for so long before it feels real. She's young, happy all the time, no drama, loves being famous and in the limelight. Mila takes care of herself and has no emotional baggage or struggles. She's sweet, funny, confident and knows what she wants. Goes for what she wants.

At that time, Jules was the complete opposite. She was struggling. Because of me. I tore her apart mentally to the point she became sick physically, and the UTI set off all sorts of fireworks for manic symptoms.

Because I was a binge drinking bastard I didn't care at the time. Now when I look back at what I've done I feel sick to my stomach. I never want to be that man. And because of the things I've done, because she will always remember that awful time in her life, Julia is shutting down in my bed on our first night in London. 

Julia said she forgave me but the memories will always be there.

While taking  deep breath I leave Julia alone and close the door behind me. 

"Everything ok in there?" Casey asks while feeding the dog. Everyone is in the main living area looking over a take-out menu.

"Yeah, she's just laying down for a bit. I'll order her something now for her to heat up later." I try not to make a big deal of it but James can see right through me. I can tell.

"Well in an hour she has to take her night meds and that has to be taken with food so we'll have to wake her up." Jonah eyes me now too. Am I that easy to read?

"Listen, Playboy. You need to make things right with her over this Mila Giovanni thing. Paul told me how you snapped at her." Trisha pays no attention to Paul sitting right next to her on the couch and I glare at my bodyguard.

"Thanks Paul."

"Anytime." He smirks and grabs the menu out of Trisha's hands.

"I mean it. You get weird when it comes to talking about that shit. I know YOU weren't the one to end it and know Mila sure as hell wasn't the one to end things. Management did. But you need closure. You need to figure your shit out."

"It's over. Why are we talking about this tonight? That's the question I really want to know."

"Because people are gonna say shit and post shit. The public, your fans, don't know this was a PR stunt and started off fake, and we ALL know it didn't end fake. Fans that may not like Julia touring with you are gonna make it known they want to see Mila and you together. It's up to you to make sure Julia knows you don't still have feelings for Mila and it's done for good. Being short with Julia and getting mad isn't gonna cut it." Trisha explains.

"Alright, alright. I'll talk to Julia more about it, ok? Can we just order food already and enjoy our first night in London?" 

*****

*Julia*

"Hey. Sorry to wake you babe. Jonah said you need to eat and take your night meds." James sits on the bed and rubs my back. It's been over an hour since Nate left the bedroom but I never fell asleep. I just laid here. Thinking. And listening. I heard Trisha talk about Mila. How management ended the relationship between her and Nate. I was only told she flew back to Italy once she found out Nate relapsed. That she didn't want to get involved with drama when her career is going well. 

There was no closure. Mila didn't break her and Nate up. Nate didn't end it either. Management did. Is that why Nate snapped at me?  Because he still wants to be with her and can't? Have I just been the runner up all this time?

"Julia..."

"James." I sit up and throw my hair in a pony tail. James squints his eyes at me and studies my face.

"Have you been crying?" He asks and puts a hand on my cheek. "You haven't been sleeping at all, have you? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. Lets go eat. I'll help you with whatever you need." I try to end the conversation but James isn't having it, holding my hand when I stand up so I sit back down.

"I heard Trisha talking earlier. How she said management was what broke Nate and Mila up not him. Not her. I'm starting to think he would still be with her if he had the choice." I admit and feel a pit in my stomach form from saying that out loud.

James doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to and I don't want him to. He just listens. He's good like that. 

"I feel like he's only with me because he can't have Mila. I'm the runner up." I say and turn to James who lets out a little sigh.

"Yeah, hurts like hell doesn't it?" James replies. That's when it happened. Right then and there is when it happened.

I burst out in tears. 

Bipolar tears. 

That much I know by the way they came on so suddenly, out of nowhere. I wouldn't react so strong like this if I were a normal person. I'm still not used to the new medications and am aware these tears that came out of nowhere are more than just from our conversation. They're uncontrollable.

I  also know there's truth in what James said. I never want to be the one to hurt James. What an awful feeling this is.

James wraps his arms around me but a look of concern shows on his face.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I shouldn't have said that. I made things worse."

"No. You're absolutely right." I can't stop crying while trying to talk. "I don't want you to feel like that. You're my best friend! I love you! I don't want to hurt you." I ramble on knowing this is more my mental instability taking over. 

Jonah comes into the room wondering what's taking me so long to go eat and take my meds. When he sees me sobbing the way I am he freezes for a second.

"I'm sorry! I don't know why I'm crying like this!" I try to explain and Jonah gives me a few minutes to try to calm down but I can't. I cry harder.

"OK. Julia, try to take a deep breath. Maybe we need to tweak this new med. I'll text Jeremy. It's only 3am or something back home so when he sees it in the morning we can talk about your meds, ok?" Jonah leans against the doorway and looks at me with sympathy. "I had a feeling this may happen with the long flight and time change. It's a lot."

I continue to cry, still unable to control my emotions when Jeremy facetimes Jonah right back.  Jonah leaves the room for a second to hear the doctor and I bury my face in James's chest.

Jonah comes back in and looks at me with hesitation. "He'd like to talk to you, Julia."

"Ok." I don't feel the normal fear I would when I take the phone and see Jeremy's face. He's far away. He can't do anything physical to me. His glasses are off and hair tossled making it known he was asleep. I hate the fact he got back to us right away, proving to be a really good doctor. 

"Hey, Julia. Heard you're having a hard time. Hey, take deep breaths with me. Focus on me, ok?" The doctor says through the phone trying to calm me down. I do as he says and focus on the screen while talking deep breaths the same time he does. It takes a good few minutes of doing this before I calm down and wipe my eyes.

"Good job. Listen, you have adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety along with everything else. I was on the fence with this diagnosis but wouldn't know for sure until you showed real symptoms.  Adjustment disorder is a maladaptive response to a stressor. The maladaptive response usually involves otherwise normal emotional and behavioral reactions that manifest more intensely than usual, causing marked distress." Jeremy explains. I look at him dumbfounded so he drops the doctor talk. "It's why you were crying so hard."

"So I have ANOTHER thing wrong with me?" I begin to feel the tears building up again.

"Deep breath, Julia. Not really. It goes hand in hand with PTSD, depressive disorders, anxiety," He pauses, "Bipolar. They coexist and feed off each other. Today was probably a really long day for you, huh? Hours on a plane, then the time change and new environment. Correct?" 

I nod  while wiping my eyes like I'm a damn five year old and then frown. Because Jeremy is correct. James and Jonah both listen to Jeremy explaining everything and calming me down, and I can see Jonah in awe of the doctor's knowledge, soaking it all in.

"I'm not gonna say I wish you didn't travel and were at the Avalon right now because it doesn't matter now, does it? You made your choice but I will do whatever I can to make sure to help you through it all, ok?"

"Yeah."

"See? You're already calming down. Sometimes just hearing the diagnosis helps. You're not imagining things. You're not overreacting or going crazy. You are really feeling this and it's a very real physical and mental symptom. Remember that, alright?" 

I nod. 

"Good. Now go get some rest and put Jonah back on for me. Call me any time day or night if you need anything." 

I hand the phone to Jonah who walks away while talking, closing the door behind him.

"I hate that he's so good at his job." I sniff.

"I know, sweetie. But look. He can't hurt you over the phone. And you're calm now. That's all that matters."

*****

*Nate*

Julia and James come out of the bedroom together. Her eyes are red and sad. I watch her sit down at the dining room table and begin to eat. I then look up at James, who ticks his head to the side and walks back into my room.

Oh God, what now? I can't afford to have a black eye or broken jaw on tour.

 I close the door behind me once in my room and face the man, who leans against the dresser with his arms folded.

"You're a piece of work, you know that Hollan?" 

"What'd I do now, James. Spit it out." I mimic his posture and lean against the wall.

"Julia heard you guys talking. She heard it was Mila's management team to break things off between you two. Not you guys."

Shit.

 I drop my head back against the wall, look up at the ceiling and shake my head. I can't fucking win.

"Fix it, Nate." James demands in a stern tone I've never heard before, brushing by me and slamming the door.

"Fine. I'll text her right now!" I yell to the door, knowing he heard me.

I sit on the corner of my bed and scroll through my phone to find Mila's number. I open the text message box but stare at it. I need to just text her. Make sure she knows it's not just management ending this. I'm ending it too. That way there's closure and Julia can trust me.

Five full minutes go by where I stare at the blank message. When the bedroom door opens again it's James again. He raises his brows at me as I close the blank message and put my phone in my back pocket while standing up.

"Happy? It's done." I lie. 

I fucking lie.

****

*Julia*

"Feeling a little better now that you ate?" James plops down on the couch next to me. "Hey. I told Nate to figure his shit out. Hope you don't mind."

"Oh boy, what did you say to him? Do I need to go ice his face?" 

"No. He said he texted Giovanni  and made sure she knew it was over. Not just because Management pulled her away but because he is ending it."

I nod feeling a sense of relief. The fact Nate did that right away for me shows me he means it. It's over. Now whenever I hear that shit from fans I can just let it go.

"Thanks, James." I look up at him and my heart sinks a little. Because now I know exactly how James feels. The runner up. Just like how I felt when I remembered things between Luke and Nicole. "I'm sorry for always hurting you." I pout, not really knowing what to do or say to make things better.

"Hey. Don't worry about it, ok? I'm still gonna be your best friend even if I want more. That will never change, you know that." He puts his arm around my shoulder and smiles.

******

*Nate*

I need to get my mind off what I just did. Or didn't do. So I do what I do every time I come home. I don't know why. I just do. While everyone is preoccupied out in the living room planning the day of sightseeing tomorrow, I walk into my closet and pull down the box from the top shelf.  I drag the heavy box to the bedroom and lift it on to the bed, sitting myself down next to it.

The first thing I pull out is the big family photo album. Tears sting my eyes while I flip through the pages.

"I miss you so much dad." I choke out and touch my dad's face in one of the photos. He took me fishing that day. I looked little but I caught a pretty good sized fish. I remember that day well. I pull out my dad's favorite baseball hat and put it on my head for a minute before taking it off and staring at it. The Wanderlust London Baseball Cap is red with white lettering across the front.  Dad wore it all the time.

 I flip through a few more photo albums and sift through some loose photos in envelopes. There aren't many of Dad and Cara. He had his heart attack when she was just a baby. But there are so many of Dad and Rita. He loved my mother. I was just a child so never really understood why she was different from the other moms of my friends. Rita slept a lot during the day because she had a hard time sleeping at night. She'd have these outbursts, these mood swings, that would come out of nowhere. I didn't really invite my friends over after school because I never knew what kind of mood my mom would be in.

Even before Cara was born, Rita struggled. Now I can put two and two together to realize she not only had some major mental illness but was on a lot of prescriptions because of it. Just like Cara is now. Just like Julia. I saw my mother in Julia when she shut down on my living room couch because of what I did to her with Mila. The way Julia cried. The way she stopped taking care of herself. The way she gave up.

Unfortunately my mom gave up well before dad died. She became addicted to pain meds quickly. She stopped living. When Cara was born she became depressed even more. Dad showed me how to change diapers in case mom wasn't "feeling well"  some days when he was still at work. He showed me how to warm up bottles, and rock my sister to sleep.

But dad never talked bad about Rita. Ever. He loved her unconditionally till his very last breath.

"Hey..."

I jump a bit when I see Trisha come into the room. She looks down at the box and then up at me. I wipe my eyes and put everything back in the box when she sits down next to me. 

"It's been a while since you've been home, huh?" Trisha knows I do this to myself every time. She's familiar with this box and it's contents.

"I miss him."

"I know you do. C'mere." Trisha pulls me in and I lose control of my emotions. She runs her fingers through my hair to calm me. Almost like a mother would. Not my mother, but a loving mother. Trisha doesn't judge me when she sees me cry. She never has. 

After a few minutes I pull myself together and sit up straight.

"Hey. We have a bit of a change of plans for tomorrow. I know you wanted to visit your Aunt Jeanne but she just texted me a little while ago. That's why I was coming in. She tested positive for Covid this morning. We can't risk anyone getting sick on tour but she said she'd facetime you tomorrow for a visit."

I slouch down. I fucking hate Covid. It has cancelled so much of everyone lives already. It cancelled one of my tours. And now the one time I'm home I can't go see my family because of it.

"But I booked a few sightseeing tours to take up the day for everyone. Sound good?" She tucks my hair away from my forehead.

"How's Julia?" It's the first thing that comes to mind now. She was pretty upset and apparently it was stemmed from hearing that management was the one to break things off between me and Mila.

"She's fine. She ate and is helping James get ready for bed. You took care of that Mila thing though, right? James said you ended it? We don't need Julia to have another meltdown, playboy."

"Yeah. I took care of it..."

*****