*Julia*

James kissed me on the airplane. And again, I didn't back away. We keep slipping up and this is a real problem now. I can't live in Nate's world and live in James's world at the same time. I made my choice, but I'm having a real hard time with that decision right now.

After our kiss, I finally pulled myself away and went through the same routine, telling James we couldn't. He doesn't care. He never did. His motto has always been, "If it feels good, go for it." So he went for it. And it always feels good. I kiss his forehead and remove myself from the situation, getting up off the recliner. James sighs as I leave, closing the curtain behind me.

"How's his head?" Nate asks when I enter the small bedroom. He's  sitting on the edge of the bed, strumming his guitar softly.

"The medicine is starting to help." I sit down next to Nate, debating whether or not to mention my slip up with James. I decided not to while still on the plane. It's not a good idea. At all.

"You saw Jonah's black medical bag with all the prescriptions." Nate says while he strums.

"Yeah." I lay down sideways on the bed.

"The way you were fixated on it, Jules...."

"The same way you would be if it was a bag of booze, Nate." I raise my eyebrows at him.  He puts the guitar down and lays on his side just like James did, using his arm as his pillow like me.

"Yeah. I know." Nate has the same problem I do, just with a different substance. He can't judge me for the way I looked at something. "I just worry about you. I want to protect you from everything. Tour can get a little... crazy. I can't control what people bring or do. There will be a lot of people and a lot of exposure to a lot of things."

"Yeah." I flip to my back and stare at the ceiling of the aircraft. Nate does the same.  I remember when we used to do this at the Marriott. We'd talk to the ceiling, but really, talking to each other.

"It's so hard." He says exactly what I said to James. Nate understands addiction. He's always gonna struggle with recovery just like me.

"It really is."

"This will be the first time I go on tour sober. Can you believe that?!" He says to the ceiling.

I turn my head and nod. "We've got this. We're in it together." 

*****

*Nate*

There's an eight hour time difference between Los Angeles and London. That will be difficult for everyone to adjust to. We've conquered five out of the ten and a half hour flight. Everyone but James and Julia are awake now. I'm glad James finally fell asleep. Maybe he'll wake up without a migraine. And I'm  glad Julia finally fell asleep because it will kill some of the flight time for her.  Maybe she'll wake up less anxious.

Our flight attendant serves us a late lunch from the catering company, and both Trisha  and I make plates for James and Julia for when they wake up.  Rachel wraps up their food and puts the plates aside.

Once everyone has eaten, we all kinda look around aimlessly. Casey is the only productive one right now.  She's literally walking the dog up and down the aisle. It's comical. She loves that dog.

"You ready to be in bodyguard mode when we land?" I start up a conversation with Paul.

"You know I am." He puts his  enormous hands behind his head and leans back on the couch watching Trisha who is reading a book across from us.

"Still got a thing for her, dontcha?" I whisper and follow Paul's eyes.

"Everybody has a thing for her. You said it yourself, remember?" He replies.

"Oh, I remember all right."

"I'm surprised Moretti isn't going stir crazy yet." Paul is quick to change the topic.

"We've still got time. She's sleeping right now. Hopefully, she'll sleep for a while."

"If she doesn't, you're gonna have to find a way for her to pass the time."

Trisha looks up at us and rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, you discharged a psychiatric patient from a mental institution and put her on a plane for 10 hours. You're an idiot." She says with a laugh and looks back down at her book. She has no sensitivity towards Julia's mental health. I don't remember Trisha being like this with my sister.

"What exactly do you not like about Julia? I'm asking sincerely, Trish." And I am. Because Trisha is my best friend and Julia is gonna be my wife. It'd be really nice if the two of them could get along.

Trisha lays her book down flat on the table to keep her place and looks at me seriously.

"It has nothing to do with her, Nate.  And I don't dislike her. It has everything to do with you and your stress level. Julia is needy."

"She's not needy." Paul chimes in. "She can't help having mental health issues."

"I know, Paulie. But she's a stressor. Nate can't help his weak heart either, and the biggest concern is his stress level."

Trisha looks my way. "You're supposed to limit your stress. Instead, you're gonna marry it."

*****

James woke up headache free, which is a relief. Julia is still sleeping, so I take over helping James eat. It's just putting the food in his hand. It's not like I'm spoon feeding the guy.

James and the flight attendant start a little small talk while he eats to make the time go by faster, and then she cleans up after. Trisha and Paul are chatting away as well. It looks like they are on her laptop going over the agenda for the week ahead.

Jonah and Casey are watching a movie together on one recliner.  It's the first time I've actually seen those two affectionate towards each other around us, even though they are just sharing a recliner. They keep their relationship extremely private.

It's me that's bored now. I could use the wifi here and check my social media platforms. I have people  who control my social media for me for the most part. Trisha does as well and has already posted a picture on Instagram of the sky from out her window after we took off. She captioned it, "Around The World Tour begins NOW," and was up to 75K likes within the first hour. While sitting in my recliner, I pull out the Ipad and go on IG to check the post because I have nothing better to do. 

That one picture is now up to 5 million likes. It's not even a picture of me. But that's my fan base for you. They respond well to anything Trisha or  the Management Team posts. They love to see where I'm at and what I'm doing, even if I'm not in the actual photo.

I'm surprised to see the comment box filled. Usually the settings are off for that, limiting people from commenting just because it would crash the internet. But sometimes they leave the comments on. This being the first tour picture, and just a shot of the sky, Trish left the comment box open.

I lazily scroll through the 3,227 comment, paying attention to the celebrity ones with the blue check next to their names. Most comments are everyone wishing me and the band safe travels, wishing me well and to stay healthy and the excitement from fans who have tickets to the concert.  I noticed Mila liked the post. Doesn't look like she commented, though.

I continue to scroll, and then some negative comments catch my eye, which is unusual. Comments like, "I hope you aren't bringing  Julia Moretti with you. She's bad luck." and a string of replies reminding me all the bad things that have happened in my world since I met Julia. Then, I read a few more comments. "He should have stayed with Mila Giovanni."  I look up at Trisha and catch her attention right away.

"You need to shut the comments off on that Instagram post." 

"Really?" She stops her conversation with Paul and comes over to see what I'm talking about. At the same time, I see Paul pull out his phone to see the post. Trisha leans over to read the comments and then sees the one about Julia being bad luck and how many likes it received. She also sees the tagged comment on Mila.

"Shit. Yeah, ok. Let me get on that." Trisha quickly heads back to her own laptop to change the settings on that post so you can't comment, nor can you see anyone's comments now. 

Usually, I wouldn't make a big deal over it, but I can only imagine how Julia would feel reading my fans describe her as my "Bad Luck Charm."

Julia's not one to really go on social media anyway after her son died. Her own posts and pictures were too triggering for her. Every once in a while, I will catch her scrolling and then crying at some of her old posts, usually bragging about a great "soccer" football win or pictures of family during the holidays. All now sad reminders of a different world she was once living in. A world where she was happily married and raising a teenage boy.

But just to be safe, it's better to shut off the comments in case she does log on.

"All set, Nate. Good catch. That's all we need is for her to see that shit." Trisha says and shares a look with Paul. They both know setting Julia off when we still have a few more hours in the air isn't ideal.

 James catches my eye now. I watch him stand up and stretch his legs, then look over to the bathroom. He always tries things himself first before ever asking for help, and I have a feeling that bathroom lever might be an issue for him. I don't draw attention to him, but when he walks over and can't pull the lever, I jump into action.

"I've got ya." I say quietly and open the door for James, who looks a little bit embarrassed but grateful.

"Thanks." He goes in, and I close the door, but don't latch it so he can pull it open easily. I stand by the door in case he needs help with anything, but don't hear him call out for me. At the same time, Julia walks out of the bedroom, still a bit groggy, and looks around. I can tell the first thing on her mind is James. She is looking for him to make sure he's ok.  I tick my head to the closed bathroom door, and she smiles at me, seeing I helped him with the door. Extra points for that.

"Sleep well?" I ask when she makes her way over to me and wraps her arms around my waist.

"I did. How is he?" Julia didn't sleep too long but still sports her raspy morning voice that is sexy as hell.

"He slept, and his headache is gone. I helped him with lunch and am just waiting to see if he needs anything while he's in there." I can tell the points are adding up as quick as the Instagram Likes on that post.

"Thank you." Julia leans up and kisses me. It's a sweet, tender kiss, making me erase what I felt when I noticed Mila liked my post. I need closure on that one so I can get her out of my head.

James comes out of the bathroom, and I lose Julia to him instantly. She hugs him and gazes up at him with the same eyes she gazes up at me with.  But she kisses me. Not him. Today, at least.

******

*Julia*

"Your headache is gone, I hear?" I kneel down to give Maggie some attention while talking to James.

"Yeah. I don't know what that was all about. Hey, you should eat something. They saved you a plate."

"Of course they did." I sigh. I'm not hungry, but I know Jonah will be on me soon if I don't show an effort. Nate walks up to the flight attendant to grab my food  and I decide to sit at my recliner since it looks like Trisha and Paul may be working at the table. James sits across from me and nods when Nate comes over with my food.  He sets up the table that pops out of the side wall.

"How much more time do we still have?" I ask while looking down at my food. Nate knows it takes me a bit to start eating, so he doesn't push me yet.

"About four hours left, love."

Four hours. We still have four hours to go. It's like Nate is a mind reader today. He can tell I'm wondering how the hell I'm gonna get through four more hours on a plane without going stir crazy. Even IF the plane is this big luxury private jet.

"We can watch a  movie. Or I know Trisha stocked the plane up with different things. I think there's a pack of cards here somewhere."

"Babe, eat." James notices I have yet to take a bite of anything.

"I'm going, I'm going. You're just as bad as Jonah." I begin to eat my lunch and make a sarcastic face at James, who in returns laughs. Once Nate sees me eating, he sits on the couch to join Trisha and Paul. It sounds like they are going over travel plans.

"You have the three days of sightseeing and visiting with your aunt, and then we start right up." I watch Trisha slide her laptop over to Nate to look at as well.  

"You know the drill. Leslie and I have tweaked things here and there, but for the most part, your agenda looks like this- The concert, after party, and then we go right on the tour bus. London to Cardiff is a three hour drive. Then Cardiff to Manchester is a four hour drive to AO Arena. That's the first three concerts."

Nate and Paul both nod at her, following along. I watch Trisha do her thing. She's in her element now.  In her world. She's in control and on top of everything. It's fascinating to watch Trisha work. But while watching her, a lump of jealousy forms in my throat. There's  not an ounce of trepidation in Trisha. She knows exactly what to do.

I don't even know how to pay bills. Luke always did that. Now I know why, to hide gifts he purchased for Nicole. Regardless, I'm not self-sufficient at all. I can barely keep my head above  water, never mind live a normal, productive life.  All my life skills died with Danny.

"Why are we crying?" James whispers. I didn't even realize I had tears falling while deep in thought. James immediately comes over and sits next to me in the recliner. These things are wide enough for the two of us, so he has no issues fitting. "You don't have to finish everything." James looks down at my food.

I wipe my eyes and snuggle into him more when he puts his arm around me.

"It's not that. I don't know why I'm crying." I lie, and James can tell. He raised his brows up at me, and I look back over to the table where Trisha is at. I tell James what's on my mind and how unproductive of a person I've become compared to Trisha. 

"She's seven years younger than me and look at her. She's so smart and knows just what to do." I frown.

"Stop comparing yourself to Trisha. You've been through a lot, sweetie. You've been a little preoccupied with bigger things than balancing a checkbook." James laughs, showing our age a little. He's only three years younger than myself.

"Do people still do that?" I ask and receive a shrug from James with a little chuckle.

"I certainly can't anymore." James looks down at his uncooperative limbs. He's not able to write. I wonder if mentally he's able to do math, but I will never ask him. I feel guilty now being emotional over my jealousy when James is dealing with what he's dealing with.

"Nate and Trisha - this is their world." I look around the cabin. "We don't fit in this world, do we? I don't fit in Nate's world." I bite the inside of my cheek and feel James shake his head in agreement while resting it against mine.

"No. We really don't." He says softly. This is where things become complicated. This is how things get confusing for me. This is the reminder that James and I will always have more in common than I ever will with Nate.

I look down at my sandwich and take another bite to please James while my thoughts take over my head.

"Babe, you're still crying. Are you sure you're ok??" James leans down and kisses a tear right off my cheek, not caring who sees him. James never cares. Everyone is off in their own worlds anyway, not paying attention.

"You're so sweet to me. All the time. Even when I'm a mess." I bury my face in his chest, now wondering why I'm still being so emotional.

But I know why. It's the back and forth in my head between these two men. These two very different worlds. These two worlds that are somehow starting to collide and become one. One I'm not sure I'm a part of.

*****

*Nate*

She thinks I don't notice, but I do. I notice Julia's tears while Trisha, Paul, and I are working. It doesn't look like it's about her eating either because she seems to be doing fine. James, of course, notices as well and consoles her.

"You listening to me, or did I lose you?" Trisha notices I'm off in la-la land.

"I'm listening. Hey. We haven't been home in a while. Did you have someone clean out the apartment?" I watch James kiss Julia's cheek while I'm talking to Trisha. Her eyes are on her laptop typing away.

"What do you mean?" Trisha looks up at me curiously.

"I was just thinking... this is the first time I'm going home....sober." My eyes dart from Trisha to Julia and James and then back to Trisha. Her jaw drops a little. We forgot.

"Shit." She knows exactly what I'm saying.  My apartment is for sure still filled with all types of alcohol. Everything you can think of. I have never been sober at home. "I could call your cousin Caleb to go by and clean out the cabinets and fridge, but I can't text till we land. We'll just do it with Casey and Julia before allowing you guys up. We'll sweep the whole place, ok?" Trisha looks at Paul, who nods.

I nod, now beginning to fidget with my hair a little nervously. I can't be near alcohol and neither can Jonah. 

******

*Julia*

Before descending, Paul preps James on what to do. James will be in bodyguard mode. Like Paul, he is changed into black pants,  black shoes,  black belt,  white button-down shirt, black tie and black suit jacket.  He even has to wear an earpiece. Apparently, this is the real deal, and to say he looks hot is an understatement. The fact that James actually knows what to do and looks like he fits right in is shocking to me. Like he's done this before. I wonder if he has. It looks like Paul trained James well, and they both look like big intimidating bodyguards to anyone who does not know them.

There will be four more bodyguards assigned at the airport that will escort us through the terminal. Hearing Trisha and Paul go over everything reminds me of getting off the plane to L.A. the very first time.

Fans are aware we are flying in.  Keep head down. Don't look at the flashes of cameras or they will blind you and let the guards guide you the whole way to the two SUVs waiting. Casey will be in charge of Maggie the whole time  because James will be busy. Me and Nate will be escorted first,  with Paul and a bodyguard in front, James and a bodyguard behind us. Then, one body guard on each side of us. Seems excessive to me, but both Nate and Trisha agree it's the normal amount. Apparently, the rest of the crew just walks behind us like normal. Nate's private jet will land and then be cleaned, stocked, and ready for us in a few days. In between flights, we use tour busses. Once we arrive at Nate's apartment, Nate, Jonah, James, and I have to stay put in the SUV. 

There was talk that Trisha and Nate forgot to sweep through his apartment. He has never gone home to a sober house, and his London apartment is  stocked up with alcohol. Trisha thinks there may be pills as well. Nate's cousin Caleb would frequent the penthouse to crash once in a while and is a bit of a partier, so they want to make sure nothing has been left behind.

The seatbelt sign goes on, and James puts the dog in the crate to prepare for landing. We all head to our seats, all of us now sick of this plane, as luxurious as it is, ten and a half hours is a long time.

 One of the pilots, Mitch, comes on the intercom now.

"Ok folks, we will begin our decent. Looks like smooth sailing, currently 7:23pm London time, 51 degrees, clear skies with only 5% of precipitation. Mr. Hollan, your bodyguards are already stationed in the terminal for you. Your drivers are parked right outside, and staff will take care of your luggage."

Nate nods and looks over at me. He can tell I'm getting nervous. This is real. This is Nate's world I'm heading to. I look over at James, who has his eyes shut. The cabin air pressure fluctuating is causing a headache. We knew this may happen with his brain injury, and the fact he got a migraine early in the flight, so Jonah already gave him two Excedrin Migraine as a preventative. I reach over the aisle as far as I can and grab his hand. James squeezes it  and doesn't let go but also squeezes his eyes tightly. I wonder if this has something to do with the swelling in his brain. I'm gonna ask Jonah to reach out to his neurologist before our next flight.

"Is it bad? The pain?" I ask, now concerned when I see him flinch the same time my own ears pop. James keeps his eyes shut and nods. Maggie starts barking in her crate as well. She knows. She senses there's something wrong with her owner. Is this gonna happen every time we fly? Poor James.

 I frown and let James hold my hand as tight as he needs the whole way down. 

Once we feel the wheels hit the pavement, James opens his eyes and lets go of my hand. The dog stops barking. 

"You ok now?"

"Yeah. Weird. But yeah." James lets out a breath he was holding, looks at me, and smiles. I lean my head back on the seat and relax a little more now.

"Gallo. Are you ready? Showtime." Paul unbuckles his seatbelt, and I unbuckle James.

"Here we go. Everyone stay close together. Nate, you know what to do. Julia- keep your head down." Trisha reminds me. 

"Don't let go of my hand, ok?" Nate grabs my hand, and I nod, now feeling even more anxious. You can already hear the crowd in the terminal. It sounds like chaos.

The second we step off the plane, everything happens fast. I feel James hand on my back pushing me forward while Paul leads the way. Before we walk down the terminal, four more bodyguards surround Nate and I to barricade us in while we walk. I look at the ground ahead and nowhere else.

"I've got ya doll. Don't look up, ok? Just keep your eyes down." Nate can feel my hand shake.

What I wasn't prepared for was the number of people, fans, cheering for Nate when they see him, and saying negative things when they see me with him. Chanting "Bad Luck Charm?"  among other things. I even heard some teenager yell out, "Mila Giovanni should be holding his hand, not her!"

Nate squeezes my hand so tight it hurts while we rush out. He looks up and waves to fans to get a positive reaction, but I keep my head down. The flashing of the lights doesn't faze Nate, but they blind me. Police authorities are everywhere prepared for this. As well as reporters. Is this how it's gonna be in every city or just because it's Nate's hometown? And why are people calling me Bad Luck Charm??

My face flushes up when I hear more people wanting "Mila on Nate's arm instead of Moretti."

"Taking a quick left." Paul talks  into the small microphone on the collar of his shirt and James must hear it through his earpiece. He grabs my shoulder and turns us to take a sharp left as a police officer holds an elevator door open for us.

I have no idea where Trisha, Jonah, or Casey are. Trisha must know what to do, but all the guards are focused on Nate. We pile into the elevator with the bodyguards, and the second the door closes, Nate wraps his arms around me and kisses my temple.

"Almost over." He whispers in my ear. I can feel his heart beating against my head as he holds me, and I focus on that sound. The elevator doors open, and we are in a vacant back parking garage where two large black Suburbans with tinted windows are the only vehicles parked in the spaces. James and Paul both open the doors for Nate and I to climb in, and then they climb in after us. Just seconds later, we see Trisha, Jonah, Casey, and the dog hustling down a set of stairs and pile into the second vehicle.

"Done. Good job, James." Paul pats his shoulder and then buckles him in. James pulls his earpiece out and lets it hang like he does this every day. "You guys good back there?" Paul looks back at us, and we nod. I'm still holding Nate's hand.

"Why were some of them chanting "Bad Luck Charm?" I look up at Nate, who drops his shoulders and stares down at me empathetically. 

"It was an Instagram comment that spread like wildfire, even after we  changed the comment preferences and deleted it." He explains.

"They are calling me your bad luck charm? Why?"

"Don't listen to them. Never take that shit seriously." Nate tries to end there, but the look I'm currently giving him is making it known he needs to continue. He sighs and keeps on talking.

"Someone called you that online, rattling off all the bad things that have happened since we met. It's stupid, and it's been deleted, but not before it was seen by five million viewers."

"FIVE MILLION?!" I gain attention from James who looks back at us. "And the Mila Giovanni thing?"

"Silly shit, Julia. Jesus Christ. Fucking drop it, ok?" Nate snaps and lets go of my hand. He looks away from me and out the window as we begin to drive. I feel my face get hot and can also feel James and Paul looking at me.

"I was just asking." I say under my breath but feel humiliated with the way he snapped at me like I'm stupid or something. I keep my eyes focused out the window and don't say another word the rest of the ride.

******

*Nate* 

The car ride home is quiet, and I know why. I snapped at Julia, and it was uncalled for. For some reason, whenever I hear the name Mila Giovanni come out of Julia's mouth, I get irritated.  Julia wasn't even going on and on either. She asked one question.

 I glance over at her, now embarrassed about my short temper, and see her biting on her thumbnail nervously and keeping her eyes glued out her window, purposely making sure her head is turned so no one can see her face. What she doesn't realize is that it's now dark, and every time we pass a street light, her reflection shows in the tinted window. Tears stream down her face as she silently holds it in and says nothing.

"Hey, I'm sorry." I whisper and put my hand on her knee.

"You're fine. I should know better than to ask questions." Julia mutters. She pushes my hand off her knee and keeps her head turned away. I swallow hard and fold my hands in my lap. I'm sure James thinks I'm a huge ass dick now. Paul already has for a while, probably.

I really hurt her feelings.

We pull into the large parking garage of my London penthouse apartment at the same time the second vehicle parks, but I have to wait in the car for a bit while Trisha and Casey sweep my place. They will get rid of all traces of drugs and alcohol. Love my cousin Caleb, who stays at my place every so often, but he's a bit of a coke user as well as frequent use of uppers and downers. And I was once a raging alcoholic that couldn't go two hours without a shot of whiskey. To think we actually forgot about this one very important detail before boarding the plane is beyond me, but no way can I bring Jonah or Julia up until we know for sure the place is clean.

This gives me time to talk to Julia.

"Sam, we just have to wait to get the ok from Trisha before we go up. Hang tight." I say to my driver who nods with a Yes, Mr. Hollan.

Before I can even start to apologize to Julia, she unlocks her door and gets out of the SUV for air, closing the door behind her.

"Nice, Nate." Paul grumbles. James says nothing, but he doesn't need to. I already know he's thinking I'm an awful human. I watch him scratch the stubble on his jaw and look over at Julia. She leans against the car with her back towards us.

James leans over to say something to Paul too quiet for me to hear, and Paul nods. I see Paul unbuckle James's seatbelt for him so he can exit the car to console Julia. Once James is out of the SUV, Paul turns to me.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

I knew this was coming. Paul has been extremely overprotective of Julia.

"She asked one question about Mila and you were so fucking rude. You need to get over your thing with Giovanni and focus on Moretti. That one was hard to watch asshole."

I drag my hand down my face and say nothing back to him. Sometimes I wish Paul was mute. He would be a much better friend that way.

*****

*Julia*

"Hey." James walks around the SUV to lean against the door with me.

"Hey. How's your head?" I say in an extra nice tone which only sounds fake and falls flat to James.

"Julia...."

"James."

"You don't have to fake it around me. C'mere." He wraps his arms around me and I hid my face in his nice suit and tie.

"I should know better to ask questions." I sniff.

"You're not serious, right? Julia...you did nothing wrong. He was being a jerk. He always acts like that when anyone talks about that model. You asked a simple question because someone was shouting it through the airport to you."

"It's fine. He didn't mean it. Everyone's tired." I wipe my eyes and make excuses for Nate, though that one stung, maybe because it was about Mila- a sensitive topic-. I'm not sure. But whatever excitement I had to see his London home has been replaced with wanting to find a bed to curl up in and shut down for the night.

We watch Trisha and Casey come off the elevator with two FULL garbage bags to throw in the nearby dumpster. You can literally hear the clinking of bottles and sloshing of booze.

"Oh my God, guys. You should see this place. It's just as nice as his apartment in L.A." Casey says, full of excitement and pulls Jonah out from the other SUV. The first thing Jonah does is come check on James and his headache, but stops short when he sees my watery eyes.

"You feel ok?"

"Yep. Perfect." I give Jonah half a smile and kneel down to pet Maggie who now wants my attention. He looks up at James who shakes his head and ticks his chin to Nate's side of the car with an eyeroll.

Nate and Paul exit the vehicle and the drivers grab all of our luggage to bring up to the apartment.

"You all go up and check out the place. We'll be up in a sec." Nate says. Trisha gives him a funny look but they all get into the elevator and head up. Nate grabs my arm and starts walking in the other direction.

"Nate, let go." I seethe through my clenched jaw.

"No. I need your full attention." He leans me up against the wall with his body but I turn my face to the side and close my eyes.

"Uh-uh. Look at me." Nate gently raises my chin so I'm forced to look up at him. "Julia. I'm sorry. I don't know why I acted like that. I was being a jackass."

"Yeah. You were. That was embarrassing. 'Silly shit, Julia, drop it.'" I mimic. "God, I asked one question. Sorry I mentioned your fake/ real girlfriend's name." I spurt out and push him but he doesn't budge. So I push him again. "Every time you act like that when her name comes up it brings me right back to it all. Don't think I didn't notice how real it became for you. Drunk or not. And then the things you said to me.  How mean you were to me. You made me feel like shit."

It all comes back to me. Every single detail. Maybe Nate's fans were right. Maybe Mila should be here with him right now, not me. I'm certainly not America's sweetheart.

Nate's posture slouched down in defeat. He knows there's still a lot of healing to be had on my end from that series of events. He sweeps it under the rug but I need closure from that and there hasn't been any yet.

"I'm sorry, Jule. Can we please start over? I don't want to go up and show you my home with you mad at me. I was being a jerk. That shit caught me off-guard and I reacted poorly. Took it out on you. Baby, I'm sorry."

I pretend to drop it like he wants me to. I always do. It's hard enough for me to even think about those times so maybe it's better I don't ever bring it up again. But it's a problem. One that hasn't been resolved.

"Fine, whatever." I brush him off and play the part. I plaster a fake smile on my face.

Nate can tell I'm dropping it and gives me a flirty little smirk, pressing his hips against mine.

"You're impossible." I sigh.

"I know, baby. That's why you love me so much..."

"Yeah yeah yeah..." I wave him off but Nate cages me in with his arms against the wall and kisses me before I can escape.

For the first time ever, I feel nothing when Nate kissed me.

 I know it's just because I have Mila stuck in my head now and I'm pretending to be over it, but still- that's never happened. The kiss lacked spark. It felt numb to me. Like he was just kissing me to quiet me up. Keep me calm so we could move on with the night and not get into it about Mila.

Nate apparently doesn't notice the coldness between us. He's just happy I'm no longer talking about Mila. He takes my hand and brings me up to his apartment.

"C'mon doll, I wanna show you my world."

*****