*Julia*

I can honestly say I never imagined this would actually happen. Sure, I had a few steamy dreams about Paul Rossi but the reality has always been that he is off limits. He showed no desire or interest in me before our conversation. Now it's like everything is suddenly changing. For both of us.

While making out in the kitchen, Paul lifts me up effortlessly and I wrap my legs around his waist. He doesn't miss a beat. He walks us through the apartment and down the hall while we continue kissing. Once in my room he lowers me down to the bed and stands up straight.

"Wait. What are we doing?" He asks. I sit up but don't answer him using words. My only answer is crashing my mouth to his.

Paul makes the first real move. He yanks my t-shirt up over my head and throws it on the ground before he harshly takes my chest into his mouth. I close my eyes and bite my lip as he moves to the other side.

We're like two horny teenagers, ripping off our clothes until we are both completely naked and aching for each other. I haven't felt this before. This yearning for Paul. Not strong like this. My lips kiss down his neck, his perfectly chiseled chest, admiring the dedication he puts into his body even at the age of 45. 

Everything is fast, desperate, needy. Like if we don't have each other right now in this very moment we will combust. Neither of us speak in fear one may change their mind.

I tug his hair and Paul open mouth kisses down my neck and back up. Then he rests his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. We are both having the same internal battle between right and wrong. We are off limits to each other.

"Wait." I say with my chest expanding and falling hard as I catch my breath. It's my turn to second guess this. Our current lust for each other has us breathless and speechless. We both pause, completely naked, with Paul hovering over me. "This will change everything."

"I know." Paul says against my lips.

 A lone leftover tear trickles down the side of my face. I never want to be the one to hurt Nate. I love him. But maybe everyone is right. Maybe we just weren't meant to be together with the different worlds we live in.  Not only that, stability is the one thing Nate can't provide that Paul can. The one thing I need to function properly.

Paul wipes away my tear with a frown and nods. He stands back up straight and my arms drop from his neck down to his waist.

But then I think of Mila. It's inevitable. Nate can't resist her, and she will throw herself at him. I can't go through that again. Maybe it's good we take this break from each other. Taking this break will save me from being devastated if he falls for her. I can make the choice to walk away now instead of sitting back and watching it happen. Because I know it will happen.

I gaze up at Paul who tucks my hair behind both ears.

"I mean it, Paul. If we continue, everything will change. Are you willing to take that risk with me? Because if you're not, get dressed and we can pretend like this never happened." I give him an opportunity to back out. It's his turn to make a decision now.

"Are you willing to take the risk?" He turns it around to me, wanting my answer first. I pause and think of Nate and Mila.

"Yes." I nod.

"I've wanted this since the moment I laid eyes on you." Paul's words sink into my heart. He kept himself neutral for months? Never hinting he had feelings for me. Not once.

Another tear falls but with a slight smile at his sincerity right now. I've never seen this side of him. I kiss his rock-hard abs to un-pause the moment and resume our actions. Paul's breath hitches when he feels my lips on his skin and he pulls me up against him for another passionate kiss. He pushes his hard naked body against my softer, smaller frame laying us down on the bed now and my breathing doubles in pace. Our mouths clash against each other as I reach down and feel the heaviness of him. I line him up and without another word he slowly consumes me. We both gasp from the new sensation of each other. I gaze at the man, our flushed faces and lust filled eyes as he lets me adjust to him. He kisses my shoulder then locks eyes with me. He watches my facial expression when he slowly begins moving, almost like he's waiting for me to change my mind. But I don't. With one hand in his hair and the other around his torso, I tick my hips up to let him know. It doesn't take long for Paul to need to pick up the pace and when he does, my thighs quiver against him.

This is really happening. We made the choice. Together. We are both making a decision that will change us and everyone around us. This will change my relationship with Nate. His with Trisha. This could affect his job and me living at the Avalon since Nate pays for it. Though, I have a feeling Jeremy would let me live here for free if it came to that. This could even change things with James since Paul lives with me...and James lives with me. Hell the only person this won't affect is friggen Mike.

But while Paul continues to make love to me, all those changes and thoughts and worries melt away. Never mind the physical attraction...... Because Paul IS a very good-looking man.... I feel loved. Cared for. Safe. Secure in Paul's arms.  And everything he is doing in these moments feels so right. You can't deny the man is good at what he does. EVERYTHING he does. Every kiss, every touch, every movement.  Everything is perfect.

 There's no stopping this or turning back now. We are both at the brink of orgasm and can't control it any more than we can control the weather. I cling to his body, trying to get as close to him as possible. He feels so good. I had no idea. No words can describe this feeling and when we hit our high, we hit it together, letting out breathy moans and groans as our bodies react from the sensations running through out bodies. Paul stills himself and silence fills the room for a few minutes before he speaks.

"That felt..." he breathes out but doesn't finish his sentence.

"Amazing." I finish. We're both panting heavily, trying to catch our breath. He leans his forehead on my shoulder and laughs a little. Something I don't get to see or hear often with his guard always up. He wraps his arms around me and we stay still for a moment or two longer to calm down. It's always my favorite moment - that satisfied moment right after it happens.

 This is more than sex and we both know it. 

There's no stopping the tears from rolling down my cheeks. They aren't tears of regret or sadness though. I'm overcome with emotion from how right this feels.

"You felt what I felt." He studies my face. I nod. Paul knows I'm the same page. We both sensed it right away and recognized it. This is more than a slip up. More than sex. This is real.

******

*Nate*

I get through my practice with the band and quickly head back to my studio room. I haven't seen Mila yet but I know she is here in the building.  I'm trying my hardest to steer clear of the woman. Trisha and Evan are out grabbing lunch to bring back here before my private session in the main recording room. 

 While waiting for lunch, I strum my guitar, wondering how Julia is doing right now. I know she's confused right now but we've been through so much together. We can get through this too. I just have to finish the Around The World tour and then I will be able to settle down for a little bit.

Who am I kidding? There is no settling down. I will still have Meet & Greets, photo ops, interviews and appearances left and right. Plus, Richard already wants me working on the next album.

But I can't lose Julia. She's my everything. How do I make this work? How do I come up with a plan to convince her we are meant to be together. Do I move in with her at The Avalon? No, I can't. There's no room. Where will James go? Who will take care of him. As much as the guy wants to be in his own home, it was too stressful for him to deal with his sisters caring for him. He does better with Julia. I can see him staying there even after the six months of home confinement is up.

Do I pull Julia out of the Avalon program and have her move back into my apartment? No. I can't do that either. She needs to be there. She may be doing ok today but tomorrow could be a completely different story. Like, Cara, Julia will always need her meds tweaked and changed and will need to be monitored closely. I can't do that with my busy schedule. The Avalon can. 

How the hell am I going to marry this woman if I don't have a plan for us?

I feel the familiar lump in my throat and sting of tears building from all these changes.

"I thought I'd find you here." The woman's voice has me turning around towards the doorway. "It's been a minute." She smiles.

For a moment, it doesn't register in my head and I sport a confused expression on my face, making her laugh softly.

"Hi." I stand up, leaning my guitar on the stool. "How are..what..why are you here?" I walk over and give her a quick hug. "You look good." I smile yet......still in disbelief as I study her face. She does look good. She's a beautiful woman.

"Oh, yeah. They flew eight of us in for the International Conference on Leadership in Nursing. It's here in L.A. Once a year the hospital picks different staff to attend the conference. For free!" She smiles brightly at me. "I'm only here for the week but I just HAD to stop in here, just to look around. You know...for old times' sake."

"You cut your hair." Why the hell am I being so fucking awkward right now?? She laughs and twists a strand.

"You like it? Going for the Gracie Abrams look." God, she DOES look just like the singer Gracie Abrams with her hair shorter like this. It used to be long, real long.

"It's cute." I pause. "Sorry. I'm being weird. I'm just surprised to see you." I hug her again but then back away. I'm feeling all sorts of things right now but mostly- confusion.

"I was going to call you ...but you know. Just kinda wanted to check out this place first. We had some good memories." She smirks and looks around the large studio room. We spent a lot of time in this very room.

"Well. I can't stay long. I just wanted to pop in. I'm literally in walking distance and everyone else went out for drinks. At noon." She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. " And you know, I don't drink, so just wandered off on my own for a few minutes."

"Where did they put you up?" I shove my hands in my pockets. Why am I being so weird!?

"The Marriott right up the road. We shuttle to the convention center first thing in the morning." she pauses and tucks her hair behind her ears. "Maybe we can catch up sometime this week. Have a quick bite...or maybe even just order food to bring food somewhere private."

I nod, knowing what she means. I tend to draw attention just by being me.

"I'd like that. You can meet the commune." I laugh and she gives me a quirky look. "My roommates. More like my family now." I shrug.

"I see. Yeah you've been the spotlight on the news for some time now. Sounds like everything worked out for your friend. The trial and all. No jail time."

Right. She's talking about James and the very public trial. It feels so long ago but it really wasn't.

"Yeah, that was a stressful time, to say the least." I respond.

"I should probably head back. You have my number." 

"I do." I nod with a slight smile.

"It was nice seeing you, Nate."

"You too. We'll set something up soon." I say. 

We'll set something up soon? Am I interviewing her? Why the fuck am I being so lame!! I watch her turn around and leave. When the studio door shuts, I sit back down. That was the strangest encounter I've ever had in my life. It's been a long time since I've thought of her. Then she just- shows up- out of the blue like that? Wait till I tell Trisha this one. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and begin to text her.

[You are NEVER going to guess who came into the studio.]

[Wait. Let me guess. Shawn Mendes] Trisha replies right away then types another message [Tswift?]

[No and No.]

[Ok...so who came into the studio?]

I begin typing. Then stop, rethinking whether I should even bother telling Trisha this info. I should tell her.

[Macy]

******

*Julia*

"What do we do about this?" I drop my head to Paul's shoulder as he holds me up in the shower. This is out of control. Our second time having sex in the matter of an hour. Paul kisses me feverishly while holding me up against the shower wall. As crazy as it sounds- With Paul being so big and me so tiny, we fit perfectly together.

"We need to tell them." He kisses my neck.

"This changes everything." I kiss his shoulder as the water drips down his body.

"It does." He sighs.

 His lips travel up the side of my neck and trace my jawline, lingering on my skin. How is he affecting me like this? How was I so oblivious all this time? This is insane. Me and Paul. I still can't wrap my brain around it all.

"How do I tell Nate?" I ask but to myself even though my eyes are on Paul. "No...." I burst into tears now and my bodyguard holds me tight to comfort me. "I don't want to hurt him. He's been through so much. WE'VE been through so much"

"I know."

 "Oh my God, what did we do?!"  I let my arms drop from Paul's shoulders and he puts me down with a sigh. I begin to spiral out and look around the small shower frantically. The shower we just had sex in. "What the hell did we just do!"

"I had a feeling this would happen." He frowns when he sees all the signs of a panic attack. Breathing heavier, looking around the room, feeling like the walls are caving in on me...

"Julia, look at me." Paul takes my crying face and tilts it up to look at him. "Hey. We don't have to say anything yet ok? Let me handle it." 

I cover my mouth and stare up at the man, at a loss for words.

"I'll take care of everything, ok? You don't have to worry about any of it." Paul pulls me against his body in the shower and rubs my back to sooth me. "I'll take care of everything."

But this changes EVERYTHING.

*******