*Nate*

All this time I have put my trust in my management team. Years of trust. But what Richard Benson did today is something that could ruin me. Not only ruin me but ruin Julia.

"I'm calling my lawyer. This day went from bad to worse." I snap while loosening my tie now that I'm finally home for the night.

"You good over there, Nate?" Casey looks up from her book while lounging on the couch to see me when I walk in. Trisha and Evan come off the elevator right behind me.

"Don't mind him. He's just cranky." Trisha walks past me and into her room to change out of her corporate attire.

"Cranky!? I was fucking ambushed in that meeting!" I yell through the large apartment, but Trisha closes her door instead of responding. I can hear the shower running which means the person I go to for advice, Jonah, is busy. I turn to his other half which I rarely do.

"My producer made an offer to Mila Giovanni to be in my next music video. She signed the contract. It was all done behind my back." I explain.

Casey's eyes widen.

"She flew in from Italy and was in today's meeting. She signed the contract before I even arrived!!" I take my tie off and unbutton the collar of my shirt. Evan does the same with his bodyguard unform and tiredly heads to his room. It was a long day of meetings. 

"Holy shit." Casey responds. "They can do that? Even though it's YOUR music video?? Shouldn't you have a say before contracts are signed?" Casey asks. She doesn't know the music business too well, does she?

"Richard can do whatever he wants. I'm under his record label. I can't work with her, Case." I scratch the back of my neck nervously. Mila is a distraction. She is the last thing I need back in my life right now. My focus needs to be on Julia, who is slipping through my fingers already. If I fuck things up, I lose Julia. She's already one foot out the door as it is and no one knows why.

"No, you really can't. She's bad news if you ask me. I mean, don't get me wrong. You two would be perfect together in a different world." Casey moves in a little to sit next to me on the sofa but provides the appropriate space between us. "A world where you are not involved with Julia. If you get involved with Mila Giovanni, you will kill Julia. You only get so many chances, Nate. You've used all nine lives already."

I nod, letting the nurse know I hear her loud and clear.

"I don't care who you are," Casey continues. "Whether you are America's heartthrob Nate Hollan or not, if you give in to temptation it's over. Jonah was cheated on with his last long-term relationship and it messed him up for a while. And, well, even though I have not been cheated on since Jonah is my first, my dad cheated on my mom, and it messed her up for a while too. You saw how it messed Julia up. Don't do that to her again."

"Wait, back up. Jonah being your first...." It's my turn to display a shocked expression on my face. "You're 26, right?"

"So?" Casey shrugs. "I was focused on school, then college, and nursing school. I ... I don't know. I didn't have time for a boyfriend."

"So you mean to tell me Jonah is your first first? As in.."

"Yep." She doesn't need me to finish the question.

"Wow." I look away for a moment, not sure what to say to this new information. Jonah doesn't really talk about his personal life much, but Casey is mini-Julia. Sometimes she forgets her filter.

"Unlike SOME people in this room..." She looks around the room that only consists of me and her. "I haven't had over three million partners. Just Jonah." Casey says in a proud manner.

"I don't know if three million is correct..." I smirk.

"But you don't really know the number at all, do you?" She challenges and puts me in my place. Because I really don't. Half were when I was wasted.

"I mean..." I think playfully. "Do you count two at the same time as one experience or-"

"You're disgusting."

"Why are we disgusting?" Jonah enters the room, fresh from the shower, wondering what the hell me and Casey could possibly be talking about.

"Nate is a male whore." Casey blurts out and I slap my hand on my forehead at the mini-Julia coming out of her.

"Tell me something I don't know." Jonah scoffs at me and sits down next to Casey, putting his arm around her. "That's why he needs a vasectomy."

"Sorry, Mother Mary." I squint my eyes at Casey and Jonah shoots me a look.

"Wait...did you tell him-"

"It may have come up in conversation." Casey cuts Jonah off. "Anyways, this isn't about me and my sex life. Nate has to do another music video with Mila Giovanni."

Jonah's broad shoulders drop.

"Seriously, Nate??"

I bow my head and cover my face.

"My boss went behind my back and had her sign a contract. The offer was a decent one too, so I'm not surprised."

"Shit, Nate. You can't." Jonah shakes his head at me full of empathy, now knowing what Casey and I were really talking about out here.

"You don't think I know that?" I snap at my friend. "I have no choice!"

******

*Julia*

I'm not going to lie and say there hasn't been an emotional connection along with physical attraction between me and Paul. It started when I had to return to the Avalon once I was released from the hospital, and my leg was healed. Paul didn't have to speak one word to me. Just having me focus on him when Jeremy would come into a room helped me through my fear of my rapist.

 Paul has saved me from spiraling out of control so many times. He has also taken care of me when I did spiral out. He's reeled me in when I've gone too far yet never judged me. He's taken care of me through detoxes and nightmares, pulled me out of showers when I couldn't stop crying, and gotten me through some terrifying encounters I've had.

He's dedicated his life to keeping me safe and has never left my side. Paul has chosen to continue to do so by becoming my full-time bodyguard. The paperwork apparently went through, though he hadn't told anyone yet until we had our conversation. He can now walk me through all the halls of the Avalon and keep me safe every moment of every day. That is what he was waiting for. That was the hold-up. 

Before telling me how he really felt, he wanted to make sure all the corners were covered, boxes checked and everything aligned perfectly. He wanted me to be fully detoxed and thinking clearly. He wanted to make sure before he came clean with how he really felt that the paperwork was cleared, so nothing would fall through on his end. He left nothing to be questioned. Paul is a planner. Unlike Nate, Paul doesn't make any decision on a whim. He waits and makes sure everything is in place, everything in order, and meticulously planned out before making his move.

Paul had a plan. All this time, he had a plan. I had no idea.

But when he was done talking, I burst into tears. I cried mainly because he did every single thing right. Everything I've ever wanted. All the things I've been longing for, without ever letting me know -  Yet I still love Nate. We left the room with me saying the same thing I've been saying to everyone. I need time. Time and space. 

From everyone. 

Hours later that night, there was no awkwardness. Paul is a grown adult. He understood and respected my decision. We also decided to keep what happened to ourselves. There is no need for Nate to freak out and have a heart attack from a couple of kissing scenes and a conversation.

I say nothing to James. Only that for the first time in my life, I see a future for myself now but am confused on where to begin.

I do all the mundane tasks that I do in the evenings. Cook dinner, help James with his shower and get ready for bed, help Mike with his detox.

 Mike was honest with me when I questioned how his appointment went in the infirmary.  One of the things that sometimes helps a patient with drug withdrawals is a light dose of anxiety meds. It helped Nate tremendously, though when I found out it was in his apartment, I freaked out and had a manic episode because of it. Mike now goes down to the infirmary to get an Ativan dose to help with detox a few times a day. Cara has also done the same. Guess I'm the only one addicted to the one thing that helps patients detox. It's why mine has always been so much harder than everyone else's. Everything with me is more difficult than it is for everyone else.

But the med is helping Mike which in return, helps me out a little too. By the time Mike got his final dose for the evening and walked back to the apartment, the medicine kicked and and he had no issues falling asleep tonight.

"I bet he will never touch that shit again." James studies the sleeping man on the cot while I feed the dog.

"You say that... but it's not that easy." I remind James.

Addiction is tough as hell. You hit rock bottom and say you will never touch your addiction again.... but like the pain of childbirth, you eventually forget, the pain fades away, which gives you the ability to have more children. If we always carried around the memory of that intense pain, everyone would only have one baby and never want to go through childbirth again. But that's not the way life works.

Same with addiction. You think you've hit rock bottom, even as far as needing to get your stomach pumped, but eventually, the memory is less intense, faded, and the next time you are in the presence of what you are addicted to...the only thing you can think of is getting your fix.

"Well, if he slips up again, it could be his last time. Today, in one of the sessions, the speaker touched base on addiction. Apparently, the death rate for heroin is high. It was just this morning's opening session but geared more to the detox patients here. An-anyway-" James stammers. "They said the most dangerous substance to detox from is alcohol. The second is Benzos, like your Ativan addiction. The third is heroin, then opioids, meth and cocaine."

"You really pay attention in those sessions, huh?" I tease.

"Sure do. The lady said 40-60% of heroin addicts will relapse within the first-year post-rehab. 80% fall off the wagon at least once after full recovery." James continues. "And a lot of em die from overdose."

"Jesus." Paul mutters and puts down the newspaper he was previously reading.

I frown hearing this. For both Mike AND Cara. But hearing that alcohol is the number one most dangerous substance to detox from is something I didn't know. Nate immediately comes to mind. I worry about him when he goes on tour. The temptation will always be there, but more so during tour, that much I've seen with my own eyes.

"Well, this discussion was wonderful and all." I sigh. "I'm gonna go do the dishes."

I head to the kitchen and begin washing the dishes soaking in the sink from dinner. I have a dishwasher but need to wash the pots and pans separately because they take up too much room.

"I'll dry and put away." Paul offers and I cock a brow at him. Something he has NEVER done before. James thinks nothing of it and does some of his workout in the hall where it's more private. Lunges, squats, push-ups and sit-ups. Things he does every single night no matter what.

"So, you know my plan now..." Paul begins in a low, quieter voice while drying one of the big pans. "What's your plan?"

"Paul..." I whine. He knows I don't have a plan yet and need time. The smirk on his face right now is him flirting with me. Everything about him is so out of character lately. It's like he has kept his guard up for months and months and months and has just now finally let his guard down once he told me his intentions.

The tall, buff bodyguard puts the pan down. He leans in, brushes his lips across mine, and then kisses me. James could walk right into the kitchen, although we know he won't because once he gets started on his workout, there is no stopping him until he has finished all the reps.

"Paul!" I whisper with wide eyes. "He could walk in and see us." I whisper again. "I thought you understood and respected my decision for time."

"Mm-hmm." He mumbles against my mouth while pressing his large body against my much smaller frame. I can feel his arousal through his black jeans against me, making my breath hitch. His big bodyguard hands slide under my shirt to feel the bare skin of my waist, turning me on even more.

"God you're the same as Nate and James." I breathe out and turn around on him.

"But with a plan." He says with confidence. "I'm the one with stability."

"You're making this very hard for me." I poke him in the chest. Paul backs up, giving me space, and reels it in. He has the discipline to back away. Another thing Paul has that no one else ever seems to have.

"I'm just giving you options, Moretti."

Paul leaves the room, leaving me curious and wanting more of the man who has been 100% off limits since the very first day I met him.

I have NEVER been more confused in my life. I watch Paul head back to the kitchen table and begin scrolling through his phone a little. His brows furrow and demeanor changes suddenly and he looks up at me.

"What?" I question, watching Paul look back down at his phone briefly before returning my stare.

"Nothing. It's late. I'll get my bed ready." He stands and shoves his phone in his back pocket.

"Uh- uh.. No. Something is up. Let me see your phone."

"Yeah, right. Moretti." He turns to walk away.

"Paul. Tell me." I demand, following him to the living room, now gaining James's attention. I reach around to try to grab his phone out of his back pocket, but he grabs my hand and shakes his head.

"Julia, stop." He pushes my hand away and turns to me now.

"Then tell me!" 

He doesn't budge.

"Fine." I turn on the TV, knowing whatever Paul read online, if it's that big of a deal, it will be on TV, especially if it's Nate related.

"Julia, no. Hold on." Paul tries to grab the remote control, but I quickly step away from him and turn it up a little.

"What's going on?" James walks into the room but I pay no attention to him. My eyes are glued to the TV. 

My heart sinks when I read the caption underneath the reporter covering the story.

*Breaking News- Leaked information on who is expected to be in America's heartthrob Nate Hollan's next music video. *

The remote control slides out of my hand as I stare up at the TV screen. My heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest as I watch the footage from today. Nate walking out of Modern Studio. 

Followed by Mila Giovanni.

*****