* Nate*

I didn't walk back to Julia's apartment with James and Jeremy. Instead, I called my driver to come pick me up.

"Where to, sir?" Ren can tell I'm clearly upset but knows better to bring it up. He does his job.

"Sullivan's Tap." I mutter, keeping my eyes focused out the window.

"Sir..." Ren knows. Trisha probably threatened the man when he signed his contract or something.

"FINE." I huff and look at him through his rear-view mirror. "Take me home."

Ren nods and starts driving now. I let my mind wander for a good ten minutes until we pull into my parking garage.

Julia told me to leave and give her time to think? Fine. She can have all the time in the world to think. But I don't have all the time in the world. Soon I will be back on tour. Not only that, I'm on borrowed time with this fragile heart of mine. I don't want to wait for happiness.

Julia is confused. She's not used to this. Thinking clearly for the first time in forever. Worrying about her future the way she is right now. I know that's all it is.

But if it's more. If it's Paul, then I have a huge problem. If it's Paul, there's no winning this battle. There's no winning Julia back. Paul is everything she needs. He's stability. And I can't compete with stability.

If it's Paul, then I walk away and let them be together.

You know what? No. Fuck that.

"Sorry Ren." I pull out my wallet and put a few extra hundred on the console. "Take me back."

******

*Julia*

"Julia, can you please open the door?" Trevor Tremont is the one banging on my bedroom door that I had locked while Jeremy flips out that it's dangerous for me to lock myself in rooms. That makes me think he DID tamper with my fucking door before I moved in, though I have no solid proof.

I pace the spacious room, no longer clearheaded. That didn't last long. The confusion has set in and triggered my bipolar which is messing with my head.

I love Nate. I know I do. I wouldn't have kept taking him back every time he fucked up. I wouldn't have taken him back after Mila. Or Trisha for that matter. Just like I know he loves me or he wouldn't have let things slide with James. Or Mike the few times I used him to escape. It's not about that. Any of that.

"Julia... you need to open this door." Jeremy bangs with more desperation than Trevor does now, nervous I'm gonna fricken escape through a window or drown myself in a tub or something. "James is freaking out, Julia. Open the door."

Ugh! Fine. Only because it's for James. I walk over and unlock the door, letting James slip in and close it behind him. He smiles at me. He fucking smiles that bastard. I squint my eyes at James, and he laughs a little.

"Works every time." He chuckles.

"Jerk."

"What's got you all riled up today?" He wraps his muscular arms around me and pulls me in for a hug to stop my pacing.

"I'm not having some manic episode." I explain. "I don't know what I'm having but it's not that. You can check for yourself." I wave my hand to the organized bathroom that hasn't been torn apart, making James laugh a little and hug me tighter.

"Did something specific happen? You've been all over the place in that head of yours these last few days."

"Yes. I mean- no. But-" I shake my head knowing I make absolutely no sense, but James is used to this from me.

"You know you can talk to me. We're best friends. You can tell me anything." James kisses the top of my head. "Is it because you want to marry me now but can't get that damn ring off your finger? Is that the problem?"

He's trying to make me laugh and I do a little, with an eyeroll of course. I back out of our embrace and sit on the edge of my bed, dropping my head into my hands.

"I need a plan." I murmur to myself and feel James sit down next to me.

"What kind of plan are we talking about. An escape plan? Cuz I can't drive anymore, babe."

"I'm serious, James." I sigh.

"Ok ok ok. I'm done." He drops the act and rubs my back. "What kind of plan?"

******

*Nate*

I have Ren bring me around to the back of the building and park so I don't have to walk through the halls of the Avalon. For a moment, I sit in the large SUV wondering what the hell I'm going to say to Julia. Do I ask her if there's something going on between her and Paul? I have absolutely nothing to back me up or make me think there is. But it's the only explanation I can think of to why she is freaking out the way she is.

Then again, this is Julia we're talking about. It could have been even the smallest of things to set her off and spiral out. But she didn't spiral out. Yes, she had a minor panic attack but nothing like a bipolar episode.

The only concrete thing I know is that I love her. I can't walk away and just leave her behind. Leave us behind- without a reason. Sure, I've been known to do shit like that in the past to women who meant nothing to me but I'm a changed man. I'm different now. I made up my mind a while ago. I want to spend the rest of my life with Julia.

The issue is... I don't have a plan on how to do that. In a way, Julia is right. I never have a plan. That's just not me. When it comes to work, Trisha plans everything right down to the last second and I go along with it. When it comes to life and love, I'm totally winging it.

So what's the plan, Nate?

"Mr. Hollan?" Ren is wondering what the hold up is and if I'm ok. He must think I'm going crazy.

"Thanks Ren. I'll text you in a little while for a ride home." I get a nod from the old man and exit his vehicle, then knock on Julia's front door.

To my surprise it's Jeremy to open it. He's still here? Why am I not surprised?

"By all means, c'mon in. Join the party." Jeremy opens the door more. Mike is now back from the infirmary. The detoxing man is sitting on his cot trembling but looking confused as to what's happening. He must have just come in. Trevor sits on the couch with his forearms on his knees and his hands clasped together, patiently waiting for who knows what. Paul is on the recliner but doesn't look up from his phone. Any other time I wouldn't think anything of it, but I have a gut feeling he is purposely not making eye contact with me. Or maybe this is all in my head. God, I hope so.

"Where is she?" I look around the room.

"In her room talking to James." Jeremy answers but I am already walking by him and going down the hall to her room. I don't bother knocking. Hell, I fucking pay for this place. I open the door and see James and Julia sitting on the edge of the bed. Julia's head is in her hands and James is rubbing her back but when he looks up at me he gives me a shrug, like he got nothing out of her. That surprises me since they tell each other everything.

"Can we have a minute?" I ask and the second she hears the accent she lifts her head, knowing I came back.

"Yeah, man. Good luck." James leaves the bedroom.

Instead of taking his place next to Julia, I kneel right in front of her. Just like she did the very first time we fought in the Marriott hotel -when I caught her kissing James down in the lobby in the middle of the night after her nightmare. I say nothing but cup her face with my hands and kiss her perfect lips.

Julia doesn't push me away, but she does cry while kissing me back. She pecks my lips over and over again while our tears roll down.

I rest my forehead on hers before speaking.

"I told you I will never give up on you, Darlin'. Right from the very start. And I mean it. So whatever the hell is going on in that head of yours, I'm not giving up on you. On us. I love you, Jules. But, baby, please talk to me. Tell me what you need me to do. I'll do whatever you need. Talk to me." I beg.

It's like Julia is having some battle inside. This tug of war with her heart and her brain all of a sudden.

"I need you to tell me what our future will look like. You and me." Her voice comes out raspy, like she has been crying all day. Because she has.

"Love, I don't know the answer to that." I choke out. "But I want to be with you. Forever. That's all I want."

"I need more." She shakes her head and backs away, breaking my heart into tiny little pieces today and I'm not sure why.

"Then I'll give you more. Whatever you need. So long as we are together." I plead with her with my hands still cupping her face even though she has backed away from me a little.

"You can't give me what I need."

******

*Julia*

I'm not surprised Nate came back but I don't know what else to say to him.

"I can try." Nate says but I pull his hands away and stand up. He also stands, now towering over me.

I need to know where I'm going with this life. With him. I need to have a plan. Why can't he understand this? I don't need to travel around the world or this big rock on my finger or fancy cars. Nate knows that's not what I'm about.

"Jule, Let me try. Is it stability? Is that all you need that I'm not giving you? Then I will. I'll fuckin' quit everything to be with you."

"Nate. Stop." I look up at his glossy ocean blue eyes. "I don't want you to give anything up. That's not what I'm saying. What you do...getting up on that stage. performing, writing songs, traveling, that makes you so happy. That's your life. I..." My eyes look down for a minute before returning to his. "I don't fit into your life."

"You DO! Julia. Yes... you do!"

"No. You just want me to. God, we saw it firsthand while on tour together. I was a mess... and then... Berlin..." I think about that event of finding Trisha's pills and then needing to get my stomach pumped. Going on tour with Nate was a complete disaster.

And this, surprisingly, has nothing to do with Paul or last night. Ok, maybe a little. It was more of an eye-opening moment for me. I haven't been fully detoxed in SO long. Now that I am.... I can see this for what it really is. Nate can give me the world and everything in it. But he can't give me the one thing I need.

Stability.

And that KILLS me. Because it's ALL I need. I don't need anything but stability.

"Jule. It's you and me." Nate pulls me in and hugs me, resting his chin on the top of my head which is something I have always loved. "It's always been you and me."

"I think..." I bury my head into his chest and melt into him. "I need time. To figure shit out here."

"I'll give you time if that's what you need. Hell, I'll give you time and go on tour and everything. Then we can figure shit out, yeah? Julia, I'll never give up on you, but don't you give up on me either."

There's a light knock on the door which makes me pull away from Nate.

"Sorry to break this up, but you need to take your meds before it gets too late." Jeremy stands in the doorway and taps his watch. I nod without looking back at Nate and follow Jeremy out, leaving the room with no real answers or plan. Leaving without knowing where Nate and I stand now. Nothing was accomplished.

I don't make eye contact with anyone. Especially steering away from Paul right now. Maggie leaves Mike's side and begins to follow me as I take my meds and head outside for some air. Everyone else is in the living room probably wondering what the hell is going on with me.

I don't even know.

"Hey sweet girl." I plop down on one of the chairs and lean forward to pet James's dog. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Nate walking back out into the main living area with the rest of them but don't turn to the sliders.

Is this my midlife crisis or some kind of mental breakdown? Lord knows I've had plenty of em. Or is this me finally wanting to move forward with my life. I've been so stuck in the here and now I haven't given myself a chance to see what my possibilities are for my own future. I'm not wrong when I say I don't fit into Nate's world. This is something I've known for a long time. Something James has said on multiple occasions. But I'm so in love with Nate.

I could really use some advice. And not from Nate, James or even Paul right now. If anything, I'd turn to Mike since we mean nothing to each other, but the poor guy has his own current issues and isn't thinking straight at the moment. Trevor doesn't know much about me to really count right now which leaves me with one option left.

That option is making his way out here right now.

Maggie goes running into the yard to play with her toys once I stop petting her. I glance up as Jeremy comes outside and closes the sliders, but Paul immediately jumps up and opens them again, shaking his head no at the man and coming outside now in bodyguard mode.

"It's fine, Paul." I surprise both Jeremy AND Paul with those words but Paul crosses his arms.

"Door stays open though." He growls like some rabid beast and glares at Jeremy. Understandably so. He then sits at the kitchen table...closest to the door, with his eyes on us at all times. Again. I get it.

Jeremy sits across from me and looks at the burnt rocks in the firepit.

"You finally used it." He mentions with a slight smile.

"Yeah. Last night." I stiffen up in his presence and it's noticed.

"You know you can always talk to me. No matter what. I'm still a doctor. A therapist." Jeremy adjusts his glasses and then folds his hands together.

Right. Like Dr. Tremont said, use Jeremy for his brains.

"I don't know what's happening." I say lowly so Paul can't hear me. "I'm not having some manic episode or spiraling out."

"I know you're not." Jeremy agrees. "You're far from it actually."

"So what's happening today? Because this isn't about Nate...or James or anyone right now."

"Well for starters, I don't think it's just today, Julia. What your experiencing has probably been building up for some time. You're healing. You finally see yourself living life, maybe even having some goals and thinking about your future. The whole Nate/James bit? You're right. This isn't about your relationships with others, this is about you and only you, though I think something must have happened to contribute to this specific day." He says in his doctor mode. "Did something specific happen to light a fire under you like this?"

I stare at the unlit gas firepit and feel my face redden. I hate that I'm so easily readable to everyone.

"I'm not answering that."

******

*Nate*

Watching Julia choose to talk to Jeremy over me puts a pit in my stomach. I sit down on the couch next to James who I think has the same feeling as I do right now. He's staring ahead out to the yard with a confused expression. Mike fucking fell back to sleep, not caring about shit and Tremont is now sitting at the kitchen table with Paul, watching Jeremy like a hawk which I appreciate.

"You got nothing out of her, huh?" James says with his eyes still focused on the slider door.

"Nope. Nothing." I admit in defeat. "Something happened to make her suddenly flip out like this. Did you notice anything different last night?"

"Nope. Nothing." James repeats me.

I notice I caught Paul's attention for a moment which is red flagging the guy a little but I'm trying not to jump to conclusions. Because I really don't think it's Paul. It can't be. They don't even like each other. They barely tolerate one another. He's doing his job and her main goal in life is to get under his skin. If anything, I've always thought of those two more like siblings than anything. He looks after Julia. He takes care of her and keeps her safe. Safe from Jeremy. Safe from herself. That's what I pay him to do here.

But a few things do wave that red flag.

How Paul jumped on board to be her personal bodyguard, knowing she is an Avalon resident here. Instead of joining me on the Around The World tour he is choosing to live here with Julia... 24/7. Indefinitely.

The WAY he's stepped up to take care of Julia when I'm not around. Pretty much taking my place. To the point he has slept in the same bed as her so she would calm down and fall asleep when I'm not around. Any other time Paul would never go to those lengths for Julia. Not like that. Not to that extent.

How, like Julia towards me, he has been distancing himself from Trisha. Trisha brought it up right away how she spends more time chatting it up with James than Paul. How things have been a little stale in their relationship... which from what I know, is fairly new since they just recently got back together.

Why would Paul be like that towards Trisha? He's always hinted around to how 'everyone is in to Trisha Banks' and how he didn't think he had a flying chance with her. Now he's fucking blowing it? Why? For who? Is Julia the reason why? Is Paul all of a sudden deciding it's time for him to settle down and he's choosing to settle down with Julia? Even though they are BOTH taken? No. It doesn't make sense. That's not the Paul I've known for over ten years.

He'd never.

Would he?