*Julia*

Once again, Paul backed away before anything significant happened between us. The moment passed but we both felt it. And it's fucking confusing as hell. Especially due to the fact we never once flirted or thought of each other this way before. Granted Paul is a very attractive man. But my heart was set on others and he never made himself accessible in any way. I assumed he thought of me as an annoying little sister. All those nights we slept in the same bed. The nights he comforted me. He never made a move. He never showed anything and has always been fairly guarded.

But now things are evolving. I'm not sure what happened but something changed. Regardless, I have enough men on my plate and from what I hear, Paul is with Trisha. And even if he wasn't, he's off limits. As am I. We know this. I think we are just confused. Spending more time with each other and confused. That's all this is.

But that moment will be a moment hard to forget. The way Paul held me. The look in his smoldering eyes when I looked up at him. How he swiped away my tear and rested his hand on my cheek. The electricity I felt when his thumb touched my bottom lip and Paul moved in closer. I kept my eyes closed and tilted my head up a little. I was just curious what it would feel like. Maybe we'd feel nothing at all and tease each other about it later.

His lips brushed against mine softly. That much did happen. And the electricity was felt. But then we immediately and simultaneously dropped our heads. I dropped my forehead down on his chest and he dropped his head down on my shoulder. Both of us with hearts beating hard. The temptation almost took over. But once again we came to our senses and resisted.

"Sorry." I break our silence and hug him tight. "We can't." I whisper and feel him nod in agreement.

"I'll walk you down to the front desk." Paul pulls away and turns around, leaving me in the empty room. I lift my hand and touch my fingers to my lips. We got too close. That can never happen again. EVER.

**** 

The first half of the car ride was silent. It's just me and Paul. I've been in a car alone with him a dozen times, I look out the passenger side window wondering why this time feels so different. Everything feels different.

"Should we talk about this?" I boldly ask and look over at Paul who is now gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.

"Nothing happened." He mutters.

"You're right." I sigh and look back out the passenger window.

Paul's phone rings and he presses a button to sync it to the SUV's bluetooth to answer.

"Go ahead."

"Yeah, you guys can still come by but you may want to wait a little. They just took Nate down for further x-rays to make sure nothing has changed. He's going to meet with the Dr. on call after and go over it all. Probably about an hour or so?"

"That's fine. See you in an hour." Paul hangs up and stares ahead while stopped at a red light, unsure where to go now.

"Sullivan's is in order then." I point ahead to the right and smirk.

"You can't." 

"Sure I can. I'm not addicted to whiskey, I'm addicted to pills."

"I'm pretty sure in AA they say to stay away from everything, Moretti." Paul scoffs as the light changes.

"I'm pretty sure it's not going to affect me like Ativan would. You can't drink in the Avalon. I can't even have a fucking glass of wine with dinner. It can't even BE in the apartment with James now." I rattle off, remembering what the parole officer said. I also know Paul drinks. Living with me will be hard without ever getting a cold one once in a while.

"Nate can pay." I pull out his credit card and Paul huffs.

"Fine. ONE drink. Just to kill the time. Then we head to the hospital."

I nod with a smile as we pull into Sullivan's Tap.

Nasty Natalie greets us in passing, knowing Paul much longer than myself and I follow him through the crowded bar to the back. We take over Nate's booth and no one tells us otherwise.

Nasty Natalie doesn't even need to take our order. She comes by with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses before being whisked away to help other customers. It's busy and loud in here just like I need it to be.

"ONE drink." Paul warns me again and pours us each a glass.

"Whatever old man." I down my glass in record timing and he shakes his head at me, pushing the bottle out of my reach.

"You don't know how to ration your portions, do you lightweight?"

"I'm 40 years old. I know what I can handle. Hand it over."

"I've had to carry you out of this very bar before."

I laugh and watch him pour me another glass, this time getting a chance to down his own poison. We both put our heads back on the booth and close our eyes, taking in all the different noises while numbing our minds.

"It's just cuz we're around each other so much." I say with my eyes closed. "That's all it was."

"Mmm-hmm."

"We just need boundaries." Without lifting my head I roll it to look at Paul. His eyes are already on me. "Self-control and boundaries, that's all."

"Mmm-hmm."

But our gazes drop to each other's lips as the whiskey warms our bodies. I don't understand why this is suddenly a thing. Or why it's so difficult. Being this close is too risky. We are dangerously close.

We're tempting fate every chance we are near each other. Why?

"It's just cuz you keep me safe. That's all." I continue rambling to myself in almost a whisper. and Paul nods. "It can get...confusing." I roll my head forward again and lift it to take another gulp before putting my head back again. When I drop my hand down on the seat it touches Paul's.

I look down instantly and he does the same.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to..." I swallow hard but keep my eyes on our hands instead of looking up at his face. Our pinky fingers are touching, Paul's hand being twice the size of my own. I put my hand flat over his so each finger is on one of his and laugh.

"You're like some freakishly big giant." I tease, feeling the effects of the booze a little, but keep my hand measured on his.

"No, you're just a dwarf."

"Is that politically correct?" I laugh a little louder. "I'm pretty sure these days we are supposed to say little person or person of short stature."

"Dwarf." He grunts reminding me we are just a few years apart. Back in the day you'd say a hell of a lot worse and no one would bat an eye.

I intertwine my fingers through his and rest my head on his broad shoulder.

"It's just cuz you keep me safe." I repeat with my eyes closed knowing full well it has become more than that lately. I push those thoughts down though. I just miss Nate, that's all.

Thats all it is.

*******

*Nate*

"Here's the plan." Dr A. sits down next to me while Jonah and Nurse Melanie listen. Jonah, ready to translate whatever the hell I can't understand due to the physician's thick Indian accent.

But I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. My chest and back burn when I cough as well as my throat from the cut that is having trouble healing. My breathing is labored and my muscles are sore from having the flu. On top of that, my fever has returned.

"Mr. Hollan?" Nurse Melanie gets my attention and I open my eyes. 

"Sorry," I whisper. "I'm so tired. Keep talking. I'm listening." I close my eyes again.

"He is struggling. Lets put him on supplemental oxygen. Begin o2 therapy with the nasal cannula. We'll adjust the flow rate as needed." The doctor turns to Melanie who immediately leaves the room to get the supplies.

"What?" I breathe out but don't bother opening my eyes. It's not even 5pm but I'm exhausted from being up all night coughing. Plus you just don't sleep great in a hospital, even in the suite, because every few hours someone is in here doing something. Checking vitals, giving me my nebulizer treatments, meds, it's a revolving door of nurses.

"They're just going to start you on some oxygen to help you out as little. It's only a tube that rests under your nose so you can breathe better. Your levels are a little low." Jonah explains for the doctor who I can't fucking understand. " Your ideal numbers should be between 95-100 but with pneumonia your pulse ox numbers are fluctuation. We don't want to see them go below 95."

"What's mine?"

"91."

I open my eyes and look at Jonah. 91 is low. Too low. I know this. I sit up a little more and try to be more alert but it's a loosing battle.

"Don't worry about it. You know I'm on top of it all. Rest." Jonah sees what I'm trying to do and puts another pillow behind me before Melanie comes in with the oxygen. It's a small flexible plastic tube that sits right under my nostrils and blows out air. It wraps around my ears and Melanie adjusts it so it fits perfectly.

"I assumed you wanted a High Flow?" Melanie looks at the doctor who nods while writing in my chart. 

"This will deliver up to 1005 humidified and heated oxygen at a flow rate of up to 60 liters per minute." Jonah explains to me like I know what the hell any of that means. "They can adjust it as needed until you heal up a little more."

I nod with my eyes closed.

"I will go over it with you, sir. If he falls asleep you can relay it all, correct?" Dr. A is done waiting and I think Jonah must have nodded because the doctor begins talking. 

They go over my x-rays showing the infection has spread to both lungs, meaning the antibiotics need to be switched to stronger ones. I'm coughing up junk which is a good sign. My body is trying to rid my body of the infection. But it takes a lot out of me. On top of it all, it looks like I also developed a sinus infection with the flu. Hense my temperature spiking again. Damn you Ren.

I doze off halfway through but do hear the doctor say- "We'll pump him with antibiotics, steroids and IV fluids. Keep doing the nebulizer to get the Albuterol in and we'll supplement oxygen as needed. We'll get you back on your feet in no time." He leaves the room and I fall asleep.

**** 

When I wake up, it's dark outside. The room is bright though which makes me think it's still somewhat early.  I look to my left and smile slightly.

Julia.

She's sitting next to Paul with her head rested on the bodyguard's shoulder in tears, wiping them away with a tissue. Paul lets her rest her head but pays no attention to her as he texts on his phone. Yep, that's Bodyguard Paul for ya.

"C'mere love." I whisper and get Julia's attention right away. She jumps up and begins crying more while rushing to me. I pat the empty spot on my bed like I do every time either her or Trisha are worried, moving wires and tubing aside.

Julia is petite and has no issues climbing right into my bed and snuggling against me under my arm, resting her head on my chest. But she immediately lifts her head when she hears the crackling and congestion in my lungs.

"No one told me it was bad." She furrows her brow knowing I told everyone to not make a big deal of this to her. Julia knows me too well.

"I'm fine, Darlin. They're on top of it all here." I whisper and pull her face up to kiss me, which is harder to do. I'm really weak. Not only that, the fucking o2 tubing under my nose prevents anything being romantic about this moment. Julia doesn't care though. She pecks my lips over and over again while crying.

"Paulie taking good care of you?" I smirk and look over at the man who pays no attention to us.

"Yup." He grunts without looking up.

"I should have come sooner. I just-" Julia looks around the familiar room with her trembling body against mine. Returning to this suite took a lot of courage. This is where she was raped. This is where everything changed for her. I knew it would be hard.

"She was a prize before coming into the room." Paul grunts and puts his phone down to give us his attention now. 

"Panic attack." She says with embarrassment. I nod, having figured as much. I cough and Julia quickly sits up all the way as the monitors beep.

"The pink bowl..." I point to the end table mid cough and Julia grabs the infamous pink puke pan. "Look away." I shake my head at Julia and turn myself in the opposite direction, coughing up a rainbow of colored gunk and blood, not wanting her to see this. Jonah walks in with a tray of coffees and hears the monitor. He shoves the whole tray at Paul and rushes my way, slamming on all the buttons, then patting my back as I cough up junk. Julia has jumped off the bed and begins nervously pacing while watching until I'm done.

"Good job. That's a great sign things are working." He holds the pink pan and pats my back as I continue painfully coughing into the pan. "The more you cough up and out the less that's in your body."

I lay back down trying to take a deep breath. Jonah has scored a stethoscope from someone and in blue scrubs. Did he clock in? Has he taken over to help nurse Melanie? He listens to me attentively as I take deep breaths when he nods.

"Nobody told me it was this bad!" Julia is freaking out in the background now. She was left in the dark. But in my defense, it all happened fast and there was a lot .... going on.... in her own world over there. Jonah walks out with a full pan for someone else to document and returns with a cup of water with a straw, giving me sips before putting it down on the rolling tray.

"C'mere." I repeat and pat the side of the bed again. Julia knows what I want and gets in again.  I pull her into me and rest my head on hers.  After a few minutes she calms down and I grab the whiteboard on my other side. I lift my arm away from her so I can write since I really shouldn't be using my voice. Not even whispering.

[It happened fast. Overnight really. The pneumonia spread but they are changing all my meds, and they are on top of things.]

Jonah comes back in as Julia is reading my message.

"He sounds worse than he is. That happens whenever he sleeps for a little while but its a good thing. He's getting it out of his system." Jonah can tell Julia is upset. "I'm going to stay here with him 24/7 until he's discharged."

Jonah nods his head at Julia, then me, since I had no idea.

"I want to stay too."  She snuggles back against me but Jonah shakes his head. 

"No. You can't. Number one, you will get no rest. He will be getting nebulizer treatments round the clock and the machine is kind of loud. People are in and out of here keeping an eye on things throughout the night. Plus," Jonah pauses knowing he is treading fine water with Julia with what he chooses for words. "You're a full time Avalon patient. And James needs you to take care of him." He adds quickly to soften the blow.

"And I don't want to get you sick, doll." I whisper. "If you end up here who will take care of James? No one can the way you can."

Julia's bottom lip quivers and her eyes fill up. Sometimes she's like a little girl. She just wants to stay with me. But she can't. And it IS true. If she catches an illness from being here, we will all be scrambling to care for James. He can't leave the Avalon with his home confinement orders. People will have to go to him. Julia understands but buries her head between my chest and arm and cries a little.

Nurse Melanie comes in with the familiar blue machine.

"Oh good, you're awake." She says but then sees Julia's tears. She looks over to Jonah and then the time. "We shouldn't wait any longer." 

The three-hour mark is here, and I need my breathing treatment.

"Why don't you guys head out. Let him get his treatment and rest. He's here for at least a week." Jonah sits me up more and gets me situated.  He knows getting Julia to leave may be hard. 

"Go ahead, Jule.  Come back tomorrow, ok?" 

"I want to stay with you." She repeats. I had a feeling this would be difficult. Julia was like this when they tried to take her away from James while he was in a coma. She was afraid if she left something bad would happen. She's doing the same thing with me right now.

"Jules..."

"Let me stay. Just a little while longer?" Julia clings to my body.

"Sweetie, we really need to start the nebulizer." Melanie says to me but to Julia as well and begins putting the vials of medicine in the top part. I turn to Paul knowing he's going to have to do my dirty work and he stands.

"Moretti. Time to go." Paul plucks her out of the bed but not before she leans in and kisses my lips through her tears.  He sets her down but holds her arm. The second she is out of my bed Melanie is shoving the nebulizer in my hand and putting the smoke up to my mouth. I put it in and like always, begin to cough. I furrow my brows and shake my head.

"Jule go. I don't want you to see me coughing shit up." I demand using my voice now before putting the plastic mouthpiece back in my mouth. It's gross and she doesn't need to see this. "Take her out." I cough and turn my head where Jonah is holding a fresh pink pan for me to spit in.

This time, Julia doesn't put up a fight. She's not like how she used to be, causing a scene or having a fit. She walks out with Paul quietly. Even Jonah is a bit surprised.

"Is that the same woman?" He raises a brow. "She actually listened and didn't make things hard."

[She's pulling it together. I think they finally have her on the right meds. And she's no longer detoxing.] 

"Makes sense. She's starting to get acclimated there as well. Everything is falling into place for her." Jonah adds.

Finally. It's been a long time since I've seen Julia. The REAL Julia. Not detoxing or Bipolar Julia.

[ I never got to tell her what Donovan said. The whole story]

Jonah reads the white board, almost like he forgot all about it.

"I wasn't even thinking." He responds. I've been keeping Jonah busy with my health issues it slipped his mind. But Julia needs to know to not let her guard down around Katherine Cohen. Not that I think she will.

 But she needs to hear the whole story.

******

*Julia*

We are quiet again during the ride home, hitting some traffic to make it even longer, when Jonah calls Paul again.

"Yeah." Paul answers while we are in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the highway do to an accident up ahead.

"We never got to tell Julia the whole story in person like we wanted to."

"Want me to turn around and come back?" Paul raises a brow, irritated because we are already halfway home and this traffic is not moving.

"No, no. He fell asleep."

"Yeah, he doesn't look so hot." Paul catches me by surprise by not telling Jonah he's on speaker. He wants me to hear Jonah speak candidly for once instead of sugar-coating shit. He wants me to be including in the REAL conversation. I appreciate that.

"He's having a rough time.  Pneumonia can take a lot out of a person. Because he's lying down so much that shit settles in his chest. So when he woke up while you guys were here, he had to cough it all up and out. It happens every time. Julia just ended up seeing the worst of it."

Paul looks at me with a reassuring nod, almost like saying, "See? He's ok."

"But like I said while you two were here. I'm staying until he is discharged. You know 
I will be on top of things. But he really wanted to talk to Julia about the rapes."

The rapes?

I study Paul's face with a questioning look and he puts a finger up to tell me to hold on a second. That he will explain what Jonah is talking about.

"So you want me to tell her then? Or wait for Donovan to?"

"You should tell her. That way she doesn't let her guard down with that doctor Cohen before Jeremy gets around to talking to her."

Katherine Cohen? What the hell does she have to do with the rapes?? 

"Ok."

"Text us and let us know how it goes. I'm sure she'll be fine. She seems to be doing ok this week, all things considered."

"She's doing a good job holding it together." The bodyguard says but keeps his eyes ahead on the car in front of us. The accident has gridlocked the entire freeway.

"Good. I'm sure Nate will be hounding me on how she handled it when he wakes up." Jonah hangs up and Paul inhales sharply.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Jeremy isn't the only one you should be worried about. I always tell you to keep your guard up around him, right?"

"Yeah....?"

"Do the same for Katherine Cohen." Paul glances at me.

"Because she's his therapist??" I ask.

"Because she's the reason you were forced to drop the charges."

I squint my eyes at the man sitting next to me.

"I don't understand. I was forced to drop the charges because Jeremy kept threatening me. Telling me he would fuck with my medical charts."

"She was threatening him. This is coming from Donovan so who knows the truth. I'll never trust the guy. But apparently, after the first one, he wanted to go to the police when he realized what he had done in the middle of his own manic episode. Do you really not remember shit, though?" Paul asks, not buying it.

But I nod. Because it's true. "I don't remember a lot of things. Like when you guys said I went into shock and wrote stuff over and over again in those journals. I don't remember ever doing it. But when I came out of it and saw my own handwriting, I knew it was me. And..." I look out my window. 

"I don't remember tearing up the bathroom. Well I do.. Little bits and pieces. But not in order and I don't know how I got the glass all over me like that. I remember them telling you to put me in the empty bathtub because I was bleeding so much." I look over at Paul and witness him swallow hard while staring a head. I scarred the poor man with that episode.

"I don't remember leaning over the ledge that far." I admit and a tear falls down. Paul's eyes are on me now. "That night Jonah pulled me off the balcony railing at Nates. I... I don't remember... I got stuck in my own head and didn't realize I was that far over until Jonah pulled me down."

"Shit." Paul mutters, now beginning to believe it can happen. 

"So he wanted to fix what he did right away? And she told him not to?"

"She told him if he ratted himself out and tarnish the Avalon, the facility his grandfather built, that she would tell everyone about his mental illnesses. It'd strip him from it all. He'd lose the Avalon and probably would be barred from being a doctor ever again.  The lady is evil. She told him he needed to make sure you wouldn't talk. To do whatever it took, threaten you, threaten messing with your charts, whatever it took to make it disappear."

"He raped me twice." I shake my head. Sure, explain one. But if he knew he was wrong and back on his meds, why the hell did he do it a second time.

"Yeah. Cohen was trying some trial medication on him after the first few stopped working. Like your bipolar and how sometimes meds work for a few months and then stop. She had him be her fucking guinea pig on a new med to see if it really worked. It didn't. He got worse. But he didn't want to tell her because he was afraid of the woman. So he stopped taking it on his own."

"Oh my God..." I cover my mouth. He was out of control the second time because he was getting worse, not better. "So he can't talk about what she did just like I can't talk about what he did."

"But he still did what he did to you, Julia...." Paul begins but I shake my head, now full-on crying. The traffic begins to let up and we start moving again.

"And I did the things I did too."

"He RAPED you." Paul glares at me. This acceptance I'm giving Jeremy affects Paul. He was there too. He knew the plan. It went sour fast. He saw Jeremy in the act.  He had to be the one to physically pull the man off of me. These things are things you don't forget. Paul is traumatized just as much as I am. I have to be sensitive to that fact.

"I know..." I say softly. "I won't ever forgive him for the things he did to me." I assure Paul. "But it's nice to have the whole story. So Katherine Cohen played a huge part in all of his decisions."

"Yep."

"She deserves to rot in hell."

"Yep."

So not only was one doctor awful to me, another one in that same facility was doing some awful things too. Threatening someone's future, who in return threatened my future to save his own. Jeremy has to do whatever the hell Cohen says, doesn't he? 

She needs to be exposed more than Jeremy does. At least he had something medically wrong with him. She took advantage of his mental illness!

I look out my window and silently cry. It's pitch black out so no one in traffic can see me crying.

"Now I not only have to worry about Jeremy slipping up if his meds stop working, but I also have to worry about Katherine Cohen too?"

Paul remains silent, not knowing what to say.

Fifteen minutes go by before we pull into the front of the Avalon. My tears have dried so I'm able to run in and check myself back in at the front desk, before running out so we can pull into the back lot where my apartment is. I stare at the black Escalade parked in the lot.

"You ok?" Paul pats my knee a few times but leaves his hand there, waiting for my response. I continue to stare out my window at the SUV but also take his hand and hold it.

"It's a lot to take in." I admit.

"That's why Hollan wanted to tell you in person. He knew he could calm you down if you spiraled out." He pauses. "But you didn't."

 I turn to Paul with a proud smile. " Nope. I didn't. All bathrooms intact." I say to make him laugh.

"All bathrooms intact." He nods and squeezes my hand a little.

******