*Nate*

Yesterday was a complete blur for me. Between getting admitted to the hospital, finding out my sister is using again ...because of my mother, and Julia being triggered by shit. I'm overly distraught. And confused. One day Julia trusts Jeremy the next day she freaks out. Everything depends on her triggers and moods. That bastard is lucky to be alive right now because one of these days she's gonna lose it- slice the man's throat or something.

A nurse had to give me a sedative earlier due to my rising blood pressure from stress so now I'm much calmer. I can't say the same for anyone at the Avalon though.

"How are we doing this morning, Mr. Hollan?" Dr. Hikmat Ahuja, the on-call doctor for the day, comes into the room and shakes my hand. I need to snap out of it and focus on the doctor now. The middle aged thin bald man from India looks over my chart and then at the numbers on my monitor. I've had him before and he's nice enough, but I sometimes can't understand him with his very thick accent. Casey and Jonah have both worked with him and are used to it so sometimes need to repeat what he says to me. All of the staff here just refer to the doctor as "Dr. A."

"Mr. Hollan, your blood pressure is a bit elevated." He glances at my numbers and then begins to write in my chart. "Have you been taking all of your medications daily?"

Seriously? If he only knew what this day has been like for me! 

"Dr. A, Nate has hired me and Casey Reeves as his personal nurses." Jonah chimes in and that's all he needs to say. The doctor nods, knowing Jonah is on top of things. Jonah is an excellent nurse. As is Casey, but Jonah could seriously walk in here with a doctor's badge and no one would think twice with his knowledge.

"Good, good." Dr. A looks down at my chart again. "So you tested positive for the flu which settled in your chest. You are on the right course of medications, and it will take a few days, but that cough could last a few weeks. You have a very minor esophageal tear that looks like it once healed but was aggravated by the constant cough. Refrain from talking to let it heal and rest your vocal cords for approximately one week and see if the bleeding subsides. Obviously if you have a good amount of blood you will need to come back for further testing."

Yeah, pal. I understood like- half of that. But Jonah gives me a nod knowing the accent was strong and he will go over it later.

"Jonah, has his cardiologist discussed his arrythmia? Or implanting a pacemaker?"

Trisha lowers her phone and sits up a little straighter now giving the doctor all her attention.

"Yes doctor. They are trying to hold off as long as possible because he is so young and the battery life only lasts 6-10 years. Do you see a change in his heart rhythm??"

"It's a little on the slow side but he is also battling an infection so it is most likely temporary. But you are a good candidate for a pacemaker with your arrythmia and your weak heart. We'll keep an eye on it while you are here and see if things change as you get better. Plan on staying the week."

"The WEEK!" I blurt out, resulting in another coughing fit and getting yelled at by everyone in the room.

"Nate, breathe." Jonah rubs my back.

"Lets take things one day at a time, sir. But yes, have someone inform your security team so they know what to expect. You, my friend, are a very popular man out there." The doctor says as he walks out of the room.

Shit. I'm causing mayhem by being here is pretty much what the doctor is saying. Fortunately, it should die down since I am up here in the presidential wing like last time. The doctor checks my vitals and then leaves. There is nothing more for anyone to do except monitor me and wait for all the meds to begin healing me. Is this what will happen every time I get sick now? Will it turn into a week's stay in the hospital?

A few minutes after Dr. A leaves, Melanie comes in with Starbucks coffees, decaf for me, and a bunch of assorted pastries. Melanie is my assigned nurse while I'm here. She gets paid extra to man the presidential suite due to the fact you have to apply specifically for and pass a test to be medically qualified. The best of the best. It helps she is friends with Jonah and Casey so likes to hang out up here to visit them.

"You guys mind if I have my break in here? I'm hiding from the dip next door." She looks at me and I nod. I don't ever mind.

"Who is next door?" Casey asks.

"Some supermodel from Germany broke her leg on the runway. But she is so high maintenance. Val took half of my shift so I'm going to be with you guys for most of Nate's time here." Melanie hands everyone their coffees then grabs my chart and plops down on the couch next to Casey "Looks like you're here for the week, Mr. Hollan." She reads my files and then looks up at me.

I must have it written all over my face.

"Hey." The nurse takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze. "You're gonna be just fine. You're gonna get better. You came early and are getting the meds needed to clear this up. I know it's scary because of your heart issues but I'm going to make sure you get back on your feet. But I'm not going to rush it. If you need to be here longer than a week then you will be here longer than one week, ok? We all want to make sure you are feeling 100% before you resume your busy schedule."

I nod. Looks like everything on my calendar is put on hold now.

******

*Julia*

Cara's a mess. Nobody knows how long she has been using, and she certainly isn't offering up that information - so no one is surprised her mental illness is out of hand the minute she doesn't get her fix. On top of that, her hatred for both me and Mike is strong, and I wouldn't put it past her if she has a couple of voodoo dolls with our faces on them now. Cara is pissed and her threats are real. Because of that, we get to stay in my apartment and miss sessions for the rest of the week. None of us are complaining about that.

I can't tell if Paul and James are on board with me helping Mike, but I don't care. Mike would help me if I were in his shoes. We are fortunate to have the extra cot for him to sleep in, and I like having a houseful, even if it IS three grown men. Two of them need my care, and keeping busy helps me get my mind off Nate being in the hospital.

What I didn't realize was how hard you come down from strong substances like heroin. I know nothing about that drug. It's not like I was ever TRYING to be a druggie or take illegal substances. I stayed away from all of that growing up thanks to some of my foster families. You'd think the system would do more of a background check before letting some of these people become foster parents. Especially for a twelve-year-old girl. Some of the "parents" were anything but parents. Because the state pays you to become a foster parent it's considered easy money. Caring for a child was not the priority for some of these people. 

I've never seen heroin before seeing Cara's stash but I have seen my share of different colored pills and men high off them before coming into my room at night. No, I was never raped. Not before Jeremy. I was a feisty kid with a good kick and set of lungs though. Because of that, "parents" would get rid of me after a few months when they didn't get their way. I'd get sent off to the next lucky contestants, so on and so forth until I was of age and met Luke.

Drugs never interested me. But here I am anyway- in a detox facility.

"I don't know what the hell I was thinking." Mike scratches his arm and runs his fingers through his shoulder-length dark hair. He woke up extra fidgety this morning, so I know he is starting his withdrawals.

"You weren't thinking. That's the problem." I wipe a tear from his face with my thumb and push his breakfast plate closer to him.  Mike is a drug addict. A user. Like me, he won't think twice about taking his addiction if it's right in front of him. That's a hard pill to swallow. Pun intended.

James is still sleeping, and Paul is taking a shower. It's just me, Mike, and Maggie, who has not left his side since the moment he entered my apartment, so Mike talks candidly.

"I don't think I can do this. Detox..."

"You can. I promise you can, Mike. If I can anyone can."

"I can't do it cold turkey." He's really struggling, and it's only been one day. That drug is no joke.

"You have to."

Mike pushes his hair back but leaves his hands holding it in a ponytail begins to cry.

"You don't understand... I'm not good with this. I'm not as strong as you." He drops his head and cries. 

"You know the deal. the first few days are the hardest, that's all. You're in your own head right now. I look at his sad eyes and rest my hand on his clammy cheek.

Shit. He IS physically feeling it already, isn't he? The need for his fix is strong. This wasn't some one time slip up. Mike is like me. A true addict. His body is letting him know it's time for his next dose and he's not getting it. 

"I DO understand. I DO get it. I'm going to help you through it, ok? That's why you're here, right? You won't get help out there." I point to the Avalon door. No one was helping Mike through his withdrawals. No nurses. No one. I will be the one to help him get back on his feet. 

I grab the napkin from the table and wipe his tears. He drops his head down to my shoulder and hugs me.

"Thank you." He whispers. Mike tries to be this big tough guy bodyguard with a mouth on him but the real Mike isn't like that at all. He's sweet and genuine. I have a feeling it doesn't show that side of himself to many people. I'm one of the lucky ones.

When he pulls himself together, he lifts his head.

"She's cute and all, but why does she keep following me and staring at me?" Mike looks down at the dog's big brown eyes. She is sitting right next to his chair, looking up at him. Every once in a while, she will wag her tail when he glances at her.

"She wants your attention." I laugh and scruff her ears. "She knows you are going through shit. She can sense it."

"Yeah, well, petting a dog isn't going to help me with withdrawals, I can tell ya that much, sunshine."

"You'd be surprised. She helped Nate with his." I pause. "Eat. I'm gonna go check on James."

*******

*Nate*

"Jesus, playboy. You're REALLY all over the news this time." Trisha flips through the channels on the hospital tv, but every station just shows the same thing. And they've got it all wrong. Speculations about my health are not correct, and everyone thinks I'm dying from a heart attack or on oxygen from pneumonia. I'm not. I DO have pneumonia, but I'm being treated and not gonna friggen die.

Needless to say, Richard is happy because ticket sales have increased for my upcoming North American leg of the tour. Leslie added two more concerts without my knowledge, and they sold out in three hours. Maybe she did tell me, I'm not sure. It's the last thing on my mind right now. My mind is on Cara. From what I hear, she's not doing too hot. She's in restraints and coming down hard from using heroin. I've never seen her after using that drug. I didn't know she was a heroin user until this year...when she was sent to West Hills Hospital because of it. I knew about the cocaine. It worried me but certainly not as much as heroin. Plenty of people in the industry, Leslie included, use cocaine to function. It's not uncommon. It would, however, kill me in a heartbeat so I stay away. Hearing the rough shape my little sister is in because of using that shit kills me in it's own way. I can't help her with her addiction. I'm an addict. It just doesn't work that way. She needs to want to help herself. And she doesn't want to right now. She's young and stupid.

I sip my tea, trying to clear my mind and look over at Jonah, who is fast asleep on the couch. I kept him up all night with my fluctuating blood pressure. At one point, I could tell he was beginning to get nervous. But I'm fucking sick and coughing. It's going to fluctuate.

Casey and Evan are heading to the Avalon today. I think she wants to see the dog and Evan is going to give Paul a little break. Where he goes- nobody knows- but I will have to make it a point to have a bodyguard relieve Paul every once in a while when Evan goes on tour with me.

"I think Paul may stop by later and visit you while Evan is there." Trisha looks down at her phone. Is she texting back and forth with Paul? That's a little odd. I give her a little look and grab my white board and dry-erase marker.

[Why would he text you that and not me?]

"I don't know. You're lame that's why." Trisha purposely doesn't look up at me now. That's a dead giveaway that she's hiding something. She's an awful liar. Especially with me. I throw the cap to the marker right at the side of her head to get her attention.

"Knock it off. If that marker dries you can't communicate, hotshot."

[You're keeping something from me. I can tell] I scribble and clear my throat so she looks up.

"You're delusional."

I shake my head and erase my words, making room for more.

[you're with Paul again, aren't you?]

"Mind your business."

"You are!"

"NATE!" Trisha scolds me for using my voice. "Yes, ok? We are trying things out again. That's all."

[So it's official? No more Gallo???]

Trisha frowns. I wonder who called that one off or if it was a joint decision. As much as I wanted to see Trisha and James together, I knew it would be a dead-end road. He's too in love with Julia. I was hoping this would change that, but I guess not. Either way I'm glad Paul is getting some action. Trisha gives good action. I laugh a little and Trisha squints her eyes at me.

"I don't even wanna know what's going through your head."

[Oh....you REALLY don't want to know, angel.]

"Jesus it's a jungle out there." Nurse Melanie comes in looking flustered. "You'd think things would die down now that you're up here but today there are more reporters and fans! You've got quite the fan base."

"Cuz they think he's kicking the bucket or something." Trisha scoffs.

"So, your potassium came back a little low." Melanie gets right to it and goes over my bloodwork with me. "It could be from the antibiotic but we're going to keep an eye on that."

"What would cause that??" Trisha asks for me.

"Could be anything. Like I said, probably the antibiotics. You have been sober for a few months now, correct?"

I nod.

"Good. Alcohol can affect not only your liver but your kidneys. Like I said, we'll keep an eye on things."

Please don't tell me I've done MORE damage.

"It sounds like everyone is just keeping an eye on things without doing anything." Trisha says with frustration now. Melanie sighs and gives her a little nod.

"I know it does. He has a lot going on but he is young which is why we don't want to jump to any type of invasive treatments. Like with the pacemaker. Eventually you WILL need one. There's no question about it." The nurse turns to me now. "That's a fact. But the longer we wait the better because that requires constant monitoring. It's also a surgery which involves sedation. Being under the weather isn't ideal right now and it will put too much strain on your heart. Most people don't get pacemakers put in until they are well in their 60's."

"Well he's not most patients." Trisha's eyes water.

She will never get used to my reality.

*******

*Julia*

I feel good this morning. It's been a long time since I've felt the rewards of being fully detoxed. So when I walk into my room and close the door, I smile at the sleepy man just waking up. I crawl back into bed where it's warm and curl up against him. Every day, I thank God he is here with me and not behind bars, and every day, I peck his lips good morning. Today is no different.

"Mornin." James says in his raspy morning voice that drives me crazy. I thread my fingers through his hair and grin.

"Mornin. Sleep ok?" I ask and he nods. "I made pancakes."

"I can tell." James clumsily wipes pancake flour from my cheek, making me wonder how long it's been there and laugh. I'm not the tidiest of cooks. I make a mess in the process, but then my OCD kicks in after, and I make sure the kitchen is spotless. James rests his hand on top of mine to hold it until he swipes his thumb across my engagement ring. That's when he pulls away and lays on his back to stare up at the ceiling. I try to ignore it and kiss his cheek. I know it makes him sad, and I've thought of maybe not wearing it here, but that just sends the wrong message to James.

"I love you, you know that?" I rest my head on his chest  and he wraps an arm around my body with a little sigh.

"I love you too. That's the problem."

********