*Nate*

So far I've had a chest X-ray to look for any fluid in my chest, a CT scan to look for any abscesses or leaked fluid in chest and an Esophageal X-ray. And so far I now know I have pneumonia, a bacterial infection in my lungs which is why I'm coughing. I coughed so much I reopened that small tear in my throat I had a few months ago. I'm not surprised that is where the blood came from but that mean, once again, no talking. No laying down flat either. I have to try to not cough. Do you know how hard it is to not cough when you have an infection that makes you cough?!

I'm on antibiotics, prednisone, getting nebulizer treatments every four hours for my breathing and pain reliever for the tear. Due to my heart condition, I won't be cleared to leave the hospital until the chest infection clears. But I'm not worried. This is all small stuff for me and I'm in the presidential suite so feel safe from further media attention.

My main concern isn't myself. It's not even Julia right now. My concern is on Cara. And motherfucking Rita. She has stooped lower than I could ever imagine. She got her daughter hooked back on drugs. Who does that?! Is she trying to bond with her because she has a funny way of doing it.

I have no way of contacting Rita and she has no way of contacting me. But thanks to the news, she now knows where I am admitted so I'm sure she will pay me a visit. I have already told security she is not allowed to come up to my room and have also pretty much threatened the Avalon. If someone comes to visit Cara who is NOT on the list they aren't allowed to see her. No one knows who it was her mother sent or how they got in and became Cara's supplier, but I am her legal guardian as well as the one who forks out millions in tuition to the Avalon for Cara, Julia and now for the next six months, James.

"You're thinking about shit again." Jonah sits up and looks at my monitor, watching my blood pressure rise. Trisha and Casey went down to the cafeteria with Evan as their bodyguard. He's doing a great job, but I wish my friend Paul was here. So it's just me and Jonah right now. I grab the stupid white board and the dry-erase marker to answer. I've done this before, this whole no talking thing. I know what to do but it fucking sucks.

[ I can't believe she's using. That she got it from her own mother. And then gave it to fucking Mike so he falls off the wagon with her.]

I cap the marker and shake my head as Jonah leans over to read.

"I know. That's messed up. Now I know why you don't call Rita your mom. She's anything but a mother."

In a way, I'm relieved Julia is at the Avalon. This place...this room...holds a lot of trauma for her. She's better off staying in her nice apartment with James and Paul. The girl never checks her phone though. Ever. So, I text back and forth with Paul to get and give updates. Still haven't heard anything in regard to Cara. She's probably high as a kite and doesn't know her stash has been taken away. I blink and a tear escapes, giving away my emotion. Jonah says nothing but does get up and hand me a tissue.

"She-" I shake my head and stop myself from speaking, erasing my previous scribble on the white board.

[She's going to have a hard time with her detox]

"I know, brother." Jonah frowns. "Heroin is the real deal."

*****

*Julia*

I walk down with Mike so he can grab clothes. He's going to spend a few days in my apartment. I'm going to make sure he is well cared for, unlike his last detox when not one nurse gave him the time of day.

But in order to get to Mike's room, we have to pass Cara's room. The timing could not have been worse.

"It was YOU!!!" Cara stands by her dresser.

She has accomplished tearing apart her entire room looking for her drugs.  She's a mess. Her ponytail falling out and tears stream down her face but it's anger she shows. Raw anger. She's coming down from her high and just realized what is going on. I'm suddenly nervous. Cara can be a violent girl. She has sent nurses to the E.R. during one of her episodes and has had to be restrained numerous times.

"You fucking get high and then take my shit? Is that what you did you sonofabitch?!" Her British accent echoes down the hallway, gaining a few nurse's attention. "Where is it?"

Mike shakes his head as we stand in the doorway.

"He doesn't have it." I answer for him.

"Fuck you. No one is talking to you."

"Jeremy took it. Not Mike." I explain but it falls on deaf ears. Cara is doing anything but listening to me.

That's when it happens. Cara glares at me before charging right at me. "I said no one is talking to you!"

She slams me up against the wall, knocking the wind out of me before Mike has a chance to respond. He's not all with it right now so those bodyguard instincts were delayed.

"Get off me!" I cry out in shock from the impact of my body against the wall. I try to push her away, but I also know how it is. When you are in the middle of a bipolar episode your adrenaline is high, and your strength is triple what it usually is. Cara is also strung out.

Mike pulls her off right as two nurses and a security guard come barreling down the hall.

"Cara! Back in your room!" One nurse yells.

"You fucking...." Cara pulls out of Mike's grip with her current superhuman force. "You ratted me out, didn't you?!"

"You don't understand. I didn't have a choice." Mike looks down at the petite girl right before she kicks him in the gut, sending him to his knees.

That's all it took. The security guard picks up the girl who is kicking and screaming and gently places her in her bed. I watch, horrified, with wide eyes as a nurse holds her down and the guard puts each wrist and then each ankle into restraints. 

I watch it all.

"Wait!" I shout. "She doesn't need-" 

The door is slammed in my face. I can feel my chest tighten and it brings me right back to when I had to be restrained.

I thought I was healing. I really did. 

But I'm far from it.

All I can see is my trauma. All I can hear is his voice. So when Jeremy and Trevor come walking down the hall together to see what is happening, my body begins to tremble. I lean against the wall and stare at Jeremy with fear.

"Jule, what's going on?" Jeremy comes closer but I shake my head. I don't even need to say anything. He can tell by my eyes alone. He puts his hands up and backs away. "Ok, ok. Take a breath. Michael, talk."

Mike is still holding his stomach but straightens up. "Cara caught on. She went after Julia and then kicked me in the stomach before the guard had to put her in restraints."

The second the word is spoken, Jeremy looks at me with defeat. I never went into details with Trevor, so he hasn't a clue what's happening.

"Did she hurt you, Julia?" Doctor Tremont asks but my eyes are focused on Jeremy.

"Julia." Jeremy says in a calm voice. "You're safe. You're standing up in the hall. You're not in restraints." He's doing that grounding thing isn't he? But I can't unsee it. I can't unsee it and I can't control what comes out of my mouth.

"What you did to me..." I'm apparently in shock. I slide down the wall until I hit the floor.

"Dr. Donovan, leave." Trevor demands, now knowing exactly what is triggering this. "Jeremy- GO."

Jeremy does leave but I'm still knee deep in my nightmare.

"Ok," Trevor squats down in front of me but doesn't attempt to touch me. "Julia, you're going to get up slowly and we're going to walk you back to your place, ok? C'mon."

"You ok?" Mike asks.

I'm at the Avalon. I'm in the hall. I'm not in restraints. I'm at the Avalon. In the hall. No restraints. I'm at the Avalon. "In the hall. No restraints. I'm at the Avalon, in the hall. No-" I realize I'm saying this out loud now and I look at the doctor. He nods.

"Good. You're safe." The doctor continues to nod.

I feel like I'm going fucking crazy, but in my head, I keep saying those phrases. Trevor can tell I'm repeating them over and over. He takes the chance and touches my arm, but I don't flinch like I usually would. He pulls me up and helps me to my feet.

"I'll um.... I'll go grab my clothes and meet you guys down there." Mike doesn't really know what to do so stands there awkwardly. Trevor nods and starts walking me back. We say nothing for the first few minutes.

"She didn't need the restraints." I murmur, breaking our silence.

"Unfortunately, she did. You told me she attacked you and then Mike. She became physical."

I nod, knowing the rules of the Avalon. She for sure needed to be restrained in some way. She came after me and then assaulted a man.

"Did you?" Trevor asks with caution.

"Did I what?"

"Need to be restrained."

I wipe a tear. "At first."

****

"How ya holding up, kiddo? Just popping in to check in on things. You're still crying?" Jeremy shakes his head at me then I hear him pick up my chart.

"Looks like you ate well and kept it down this time. One more night in the restraints and I think you'll be good to go."

****

"Julia?"

I stop in the middle of the hallway. I can't stop shaking. I can't keep thinking of these things. I've gotta find a way to get better. But the trigger was pulled.

"Hey. Hey, Julia. Look at me."

I cover my mouth and begin to sob. Wail. Loudly. Loud enough to start drawing attention now. It's all coming back to me. Everything I've tried to forget.

"Breathe."

I hear Trevor's voice but I am too far gone, lost in my own nightmare again. All I can do is stand here and cry.

I feel arms wrap around me, lift me and carry me down to my apartment.

****

*Nate*

[Was she sedated? Paul what the fuck is going on over there?!]

I'm trying REAL hard not to speak right now. Jonah turns off the beeping sound from my monitor that is letting me know my BP is rising. Trisha, Evan and Casey all look up at the numbers.

"Who's he texting?" Trisha asks but Jonah puts a finger up to tell her to hold on, while I show Jonah the texts. It's a fucking shitshow at the Avalon today. My sister attacked Julia and then Mike and is now in restraints. Julia witnessed it all and fucking freaked out.

[No sedation. She needed to be carried back to the apartment though and cried herself to sleep. It was brutal]

"FUCK!" I attempt to throw my phone, but Jonah grabs it before I get a chance.

"NATE!" Everyone scolds me for using my voice. I shove my palms into my eye sockets and start crying. I begin coughing which results in coughing up more blood and crying at the same time.

"Nate... sweetie..." Trisha is by my side now consoling and taking care of me. Jonah shows her Paul's messages, and she shakes her head. "Motherfucker."

"I should be there with her."

"Stop talking!" Jonah furrows his brows at me and gives me a tissue to wipe the blood from my fist. "Paul is there with her, Nate. She trusts him. He will take care of her but I think Donovan needs to stay away for a while. Shit is coming back and she's never going to heal with him around. Regardless of if he can help her with her bipolar or not."

[Keep Donovan away from her for a while]

I've gotta get better. I gotta get better and out of the hospital. But while I'm stuck here and Julia's stuck there...I don't want Jeremy Donovan anywhere near her.

*******

*Julia*

I slowly sit up and focus on my surroundings. I'm on the couch in my apartment.

"You really are a mess, you know that?" Mike sits next to me and pushes my hair behind me ear. James is on the recliner and gives him a little look. He can be a bit .... possessive. Paul is making pasta in the kitchen and the aroma of the sauce, garlic and other spices fill the apartment. It's Paul who seems to really be having the hard time here. He is busying himself, but I can tell this got to him. Cara is like his own family. And he can't protect her. Not from herself.

I watch Paul cook for a moment. I have only seen him cook a handful of times but when he does- It is always amazing. It makes me wonder why the hell this man isn't hitched with a shitload of kids. From what I've observed, he's a family man. A caretaker. He'd be a wonderful husband and father.

I snap out of it when I remember what happened.

"They put her in restraints." I mutter to myself. I look at James who understands but I'm not sure I have ever gone into detail with Mike before. He's catching on quick though.

"What's gonna happen?" I turn to Mike now.

"We both get to endure detox. Cara's will be worse, I'm sure. I think she's been using for some time now." Mike says lowly so Paul can't hear him. He can tell Paul is in his own head with it all right now.

I look back over at Paul and frown. There is nothing Paul could have done. Nothing any of us could have done. We just gotta get Cara better. Mike better. Nate better.

I've gotta get better. It's the only way I can help anyone else. I can't let my trauma get in the way anymore. I can't shut down anymore. 

I gotta get better.

******