Shatasringa

Arjun's POV

Fire.

That fire, which always provided warmth to us during the winters. Why so suddenly, it appeared to spread wild, and prick us?

Fire engulfed them in their flames, I kept my gaze epoxied upon it, the scene wavering, the flames wavering as my eyes felt warm. Warm tears threatened to drip down through eyes of mine, as I sucked back another breath. 

I sucked in another deep breath, my mouth felt dry as I did so. Another deep breath, shutting my lips, my teeth clasped against each other.  Gulped the sob that bubbled up, through my throat. But it was hurting, choking as I tried to allow the saliva to descend down through my neck. 

I felt my heart twisting, twisting so painfully. It was paining inside. Strange, it only pained when we had scratched ourselves while being involved in some activity. That pain soothed immediately after being embalmed But now? What pain is that? I was completely healthy, yet this heart ached hard. I felt helpless, restless, empty from inside. 

He went away, he left us. He left us. 

Forever. 

He said nothing, he just went away, just like that. Just like that, suddenly. 

And we? We kept wondering and wondering, waiting and waiting, when he would open those mellow eyes of his, and claim that it was a humorous attempt to scare all of us and that he would never leave us.

I kept waiting and wondering, shrieking to claim that enough was the antic, and I was feeling very much afraid. And he must pause, and engulf us in his warm hug. I shook him tenderly, then applied force, but still.

He laid, motionless and still. 

He didn't answer. He chose to be silent.

Fo-forever. And we would never see him again.

Never would we see him smiling, talking, walking again. We could never play with him, never would he again speak in riddles, neither would he lovingly teach us anymore, nor narrate intriguing anecdotes. 

We could never feel his warmth again. His love again, his kisses again, his embrace again. 

Ne-never again. Because he, he went away.

Forever.

He, he was there, just a few days ago. Very alive, smiling and healthy. His face shone, beamed that morning. He was very alive, he even pecked my forehead that morning after I stuffed a sweetmeat in his mouth in jest. His warm fingers tousled my curls, his lips bloomed into a smile. Nakul and Sahadev were joyously playing in his back, as he lifted them up after they ran up to him. 

And look, how he shunned himself down from us. How he is lifeless, still. Those limbs which once carried us with love, are motionless. Motionless, so much that he is being carried on four arms just before our carriage. We had to run behind the twins that day, that day to stop them from engulfing them in fire with Maa Maadri. Why? Didn't she once promise that you will feed us kheer until we grow up?

She said, she had promised once she would never let us vanish from her drape of love. Then why? Why?

Why did you offer Maa, why did you offer yourself to the flames? We all called her from behind, weeping and shrieking, she didn't turn back even once. 

Not even once.

Why?

"Sleep Phalgun," Bhrata Bheem's voice was soft and almost inaudible as I lay on his shoulder, trying to process everything. Maybe, maybe a tiny part of me was still waiting for the nightmare to end. Someone would wake me up, and I would be again in my Pita's arms and be showered with Maa Maadri's kisses. But I now know it wasn't, which nightmare continues for days, continuously with a stretch?

I vaguely smiled at him with a hum, and then gazed up at Jyesth and Kunti Maa who were on the other side of the carriage, trying to feed some morsel to Sahadev. "Maa, Maa, Pita and Maadri Maa why? Why did they leave us?"

 Kunti Maa's voice quivered, that was the only thing she could say as she chose to ignore his question, "Little bit my son? Please?"

"I won't force you after that.. Little bit please?" I tried to look away as a drop of tear fell down from her eye. Jyesth shut his eyes and turned his head, covering his mouth with his palm. His other hand unconsciously went up to Nakul's huddled figure as he gently patted him.

Sahadev immediately gobbled up the morsel, witnessing Maa's tears. 

"Once more dear, please?" she attempted to smile at all of us, as Sahadev softly nodded and crawled up towards her lap and ate. We glanced at each other, our faces blanched with sorrow yet each one of us attempting to hold back our tears. The evening sky wasn't laden with contrasting hues of orange and yellow, rather with clouds as the winds intensified. 

I shifted slightly from Bhrata Bheem's shoulder, as the faraway lights began to dim away as the carriage moved forward. The outline of the mountains began to fade away, move away from us. Those mountains, which were embedded in my eyes each time I spotted them from different areas. Those trees, the saplings we had planted near our humble cottage, were there. They were there, just to be attended not by us but the other residents nearby. 

I breathed in, a bit heavily this time. 

Our home, would no more be lighted up with candles. It would be laden dark, neither would I dash out of its wooden door, nor would attempt to hide behind the two lean pillars which held the rooftop, nor would my Maatas sit on the threshold in the evening. 

The cool waters of the waterfalls wouldn't wet our bodies anymore, neither would our waists be tied with the vines while we attempted to reach the topmost parts of the tall trees. Neither would be the familiar faces of the Brahmin women who occasionally used to hand us fruits and jaggery, sometimes milk as well out of love and invite us to their homes. Neither would be under the tutelage of the revered sages who would treat us almost as their own sons, nor would I be meeting with my friends, the children of the residents of Shatasringa.

It felt as if someone had plucked out the roots of a sapling, to be planted somewhere else.

The carriage silently descended from the hills, leaving behind everything. They said we would be going to were we belonged, were we had come from. Where Pita used to rule once, and we belonged there. They said we would be safe there, with members of our own.

But home is what I had already dedicated to Shatasringa. Right from childhood. 

Then how are we supposed to find home in the land unknown? 

Wher-where are we heading too?

Bhrata Bheem instinctively made me lie down on his lap, I did, not having the will to deny. Nakul shivered in his sleep, but I firmed my grip around him. Through the corner of my eye I witnessed Kunti Maa pestering Jyesth a bit to lie down on his lap, but he was denying, worrying about her comfort. She whispered something in his ears, hearing which he lied down instantly while Sahadev had dozed off in her shoulder. 

 I closed my eyes, trying to discard away the disappearing figure of Pita, breathing deeply.  Is that what being hollow feels like? Is that what being hopeless feels like? Is that what being restless feels like? Is that what loss of peace feels like?

Is that what being homeless feels like? 

*******

*sighs* 🥺🥺🥺🥺....

So guys, this is the official wrap up of this book!

I think I may start writing the second part, but I shall only publish it when it is almost completed, or I am confident enough what to write in each chapter. That is because many books of Arjun remain incomplete, and it irks me to see them remain incomplete.

And I don't want any of my books on Arjun to be incomplete, the reason I am dividing it in segments rather than a whole book. It makes it easier to read and think, while writing ✨.

So that is it for now~

Would meet you in the next book, hehe 🙈. Idk when it is gonna come, so no false promises too 🙈😋.

Tell me guys, did you like the book? *eager* 🥺👉👈

Signing off for today!

~Kiritija Nushkie