Zak's Pov:

It's been a few weeks, and I'm currently in the agency's training area. At first, I was practicing my fighting skills a bit, but that didn't last very long since I was overwhelmed with my thoughts. So I stopped and just sat down on a bench, letting many thoughts run through my head. All those thoughts contained or had some relation to Darryl.

I've had positive, negative, and controversial thoughts run through my head related to Darryl. Many of those thoughts were happy, loving thoughts about my boyfriend. But I also had various conflicting thoughts that ran through my mind every now and then. These thoughts included whether I was good enough for Darryl, what would happen if Darryl or I fell out of love, possibilities on what would happen if we got caught, whether we would be able to keep this up forever, what we would do if we had to face each other again around other agents on a mission when we're not undercover, and the possibility of Darryl betraying me.

All these thoughts have had the chance to swirl my mind. At first, when I fell and started dating Darryl, I hadn't actually properly thought of the risks and outcomes that could happen from our relationship. After some time of thinking, I've been able to come into the realization of various things that we could be getting into, and I've been slightly stressing ever since. Somehow, these thoughts magically disappear once I'm with Darryl again. It's as if his presence alone is enough to calm me down and assure me that everything will be fine, even though he hasn't told me so and doesn't even know of these thoughts that run through my head.

Somehow, these thoughts are always clear and present whenever Darryl is not around, which is mostly at the agency. This is all starting to get a bit much for me... I let out an exasperated sigh. I am caught off guard when I hear a voice say, "Hey, Skeppy, you good?"

I look beside me to see Sapnap standing near the bench that I'm sitting at. Dammit. I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't even notice that someone was approaching me. "Hey, Sapnap. What brings you here? You wanna practice as well?"

"Umm, not really. I actually just came here to check up on you."

"Hm? Why's that? Do you wanna talk about something?"

"Actually... I do. Do you mind if I sit here for a moment?"

He gestures to the bench I'm sitting on. I scoot over a bit to make room for him and say, "Of course, dude."

Sapnap gives me a small smile before sitting down next to me on the bench. Silence overcomes us for a moment as Sapnap thinks over his next words. After a moment of consideration, he says slowly, "Look, honestly... I'm just- I'm worried about you, man."

"Worried?"

"Yeah. It's just that- you've been off lately. On the last few missions that you've had, you seemed less alert. You didn't pay as much attention to your surroundings and weren't as quick to take action when you were given orders. You keep zoning out a lot and being so deep in your own little world that you barely realize what's going on around you. Just like how you were just now-. Sometimes, you're so disconnected from reality that you don't even realize when someone's talking to you. I have seen moments where you haven't even realized when- Livia is trash-talking you."

His tone changes into a spiteful tone when talking about Livia. He then gazes to the training bot and equipment that I've abandoned a while ago. He then exclaims, "Hell, you can't even train properly like you used to! You either don't spend as much time training now, or there's a lack of effort. Practicing your skills has always been one of the things you're so motivated about."

I just sit there in silence. Because what can I say? It's just the truth of how things have been for me lately. Sapnap turns to me with concerned eyes and says, "Be honest with me. Is everything okay, dude? This really isn't like you."

I almost want to laugh at his words. Because, for one thing, I find it ironic that he's asking me to be honest when we have a line of work where we have to quite literally lie for the rest of our spy lives. So it's quite hard to be honest in the spy world. Which leads me to the second thing of how I basically sell off lies of the type of person that I am even in the agency, since the only person that I have been showing off as my personality to the agency is just a constant cover to my true personality. If anything, just now am I unintentionally letting the real me slip out from the cracks that were previously sealed deep within me. And of course, it was thanks to Darryl... something that I both hate and love.

The real me that has been caught slipping out from my cover at work is the constant state that I have been in ever since my family died. A useless, unmotivated, talentless, and depressed person. I have been all these things practically my whole life. But before my family died, I thankfully had moments where I could let loose and be genuinely hopeful and happy. But ever since they died, that version of me has been completely sealed off. Even though I try my best to hide and seal away my depressed version as well, it is undeniably who I have been the last 5 years of my life.

But now that I have Darryl, cracks have been opened where the happy version of myself was previously sealed off. And as much as I don't want to admit it, it has only let itself slip out when I'm with Darryl. At first, I didn't want to accept it, but I have come into the realization that it has slipped out unintentionally when Darryl is around. I've noticed it myself, but I act like nothing's wrong with it. Because I both love it, yet hate it at the same time. I lie and say, "Yeah, I'm fine, dude."

"You sure? I won't keep pressing if you really want me to. But just know that if you ever need to talk to someone or need someone to vent to, I'm here. I know we're not exactly friends and that you're not on best terms with everyone right now, but im always willing to help you out. You know that, right?"

He looks at me with a concerned and kind gaze. I stay silent for a moment. I really could use someone to talk to. Get some advice. But then again... what if he says something? But Sapnap has shown nothing but loyalty to me. ...Maybe I should start learning to trust people more often. It's not like he knows my real identity either way. The weight is getting too much to bear. I say, "I'll warn you now, that you probably won't think that what I have on my mind is a good idea. In fact, there's a good chance that you'll hate it, maybe even hate me, and perhaps even tell the agency."

Sapnap looks at me, confused for a moment. He says, "I don't think you're capable of doing something that will make me hate you. If you think I won't like the idea, then perhaps you're right, but it's still best to talk to someone. If you really don't want me to, I won't say a word to the agency or anyone at all. It'll just be between you and me."

"Well then, promise me that anything that is spoken of here with you and me stays here."

Without hesitation, Sapnap says, "I promise."

I don't think he's taking me that seriously right now. I furrow my eyebrows and harshen my tone a bit as I say, "Sapnap, I'm serious. You can't tell anyone about what I have to say. Especially the boss. If you're going to promise me, you have to say it like you mean it, not like it's nothing. Let me be honest, you are the only person in this whole agency who I trust enough that I'm even considering talking about this with you."

Sapnap looks at me, surprised with my change of tone. He furrows his eyebrows for a moment, thinking carefully. He then fixes his complexion, and he tries again with confidence this time as he says, "Skeppy, I promise that I won't tell anyone of what is discussed here. I swear it. You can trust me."

We stare at each other for a few moments before I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I then look in front of me, off into the distance for a second before dragging my sight to the floor and making a mental note that I don't need to say every detail and thought that's been going through my mind. I then say, "I'll just get straight to the point. I have a relationship with someone who wouldn't exactly make the agency pleased, knowing that I see them outside of work."

"Hm? Who-? Wait a minute-..."

Looks like he's catching on quick. Didn't expect to understand the hint so quickly. He looks at me with slightly widened eyes. I sigh, look at him, and say, "I'm dating a TDO agent."

"Wait- wha- huh!? You are!? Wait a minute- do you only see them by their cover or...?"

"Yes, I know their true identity in the social world."

Sapnap stays silent for a moment, processing the information. He then looks at me and slowly says, "...I'm guessing you're not gonna tell me who it is, right?"

"Of course not. I don't trust anyone enough to reveal that kind of information. You're lucky that I'm even trusting you enough with what I've told you."

"I didn't think that what you had to say was going to be THAT big of a deal. But in this situation, I guess you're right on that statement."

Silence falls upon us for a few seconds before Sapnap's eyes widen with a certain realization. He slightly raises his voice with alarm and says, "Wait- do they know your cover?"

"Yes..."

"Wha- Skeppy! That's super risky! What if they expose your identity!? What if they're using you!? How did this all even start!?"

"Well, we both promised each other that we wouldn't reveal each other's identities nor try to gain information about our agencies to each other. And- well- we kinda found each other's identities by accident when we were both assigned a mission in the same place. We already knew each other outside of the spy world before finding out each other's identities. At that time, we weren't dating, but we somehow both ended up caring too much about the other to say something about finding out an agent's identity. The rest is history."

"And you still decided to date them after!?"

"...What can I say? You can't exactly stop the heart from loving so easily... People can do crazy things for love."

Sapnap just looks at me with an unreadable expression. After an awkward moment, he says, "Alright- so that happened... But even though they made that promise with you, what if they end up betraying you by earning your trust for a long time and they find an unsuspicious way of somehow getting information out of you, or is planning to wait until they can catch you off guard to kill or kidnap, or they plan to break your heart to make you weak- you know how people can get when they get their hearts broken! Or what if-!"

Now he's just jumping to conclusions. I yell out, "Sapnap!"

That stops Sapnap in his tracks. He blinks at me in surprise for a moment since I never really raise my voice. I sigh and then say, "Look, I appreciate you worrying for me, Sapnap. But I'll be fine. Plus, I would never tell anyone information about the agency, no matter who they are."

Sapnap just stares at me for a moment before sighing and saying, "Alright, well then... thank you for- telling me. Like I promised, I won't tell anyone about your secret. But please, be careful."

I give him a smug smile. I can't drop the confident act just yet. I say, "I will, don't worry. You know that I'm always wary of people. I can quickly tell when someone's pretending."

Sapnap makes eye contact for a moment before breaking and giving me a small nod and a soft 'mhm' sound. He then looks in front of us, not looking at anything in particular, and mumbles out, "I hope you know what you're doing. But I'll trust you on this."