(Warning⚠️: There is self-induced vomiting/purging in this chapter. Read with caution.)
(The song isn't relevant much to this chapter, but I believe that a certain part in this chapter goes well in 0:54 to 1:15 of the song. If you can figure out where in the chapter can be relevant to the part that I stated in the song. Props to you. 😁👍)

It's the next day after that mission, which thankfully went well since Sapnap and I ended up finding the item. In private, Sapnap freaked out, knowing that the agent I am dating is Badboyhalo. But I managed to calm him down. Currently, Darryl and I are eating together in awkward silence at the dining table. Since he arrived, we haven't spoken a word to each other other than when I told him that dinner was ready so that we could eat.

Today, I made sure to give myself the same portion as I regularly do for Darryl since it's a normal amount that normal people eat... Hopefully, he doesn't stay too long so that I don't have to do it when he's around. I'm going to have to eat this all... After a while of silence, Darryl breaks it by saying, "So... how come you told me not to kill that agent? I would've killed him and left you alone. Because from what you've told me about your coworkers, they're not the best, and you wouldn't exactly care much if they died since an agent basically dies every day. Is he important to you?"

I stay quiet for a few moments. I glance up from my food to see that Darryl is looking at me intently. I look back down to my food and say, "While you're correct, the person that I told you not to kill actually bothers with defending me and spending time with me. Everyone else either hates me or could care less about me."

"So, he's your friend?"

"Mm, well, not really. But the person I'm closest with in The Diamond Association is definitely him."

"...So he cares about you?"

I look up at Darryl and nod. His eyes seem to soften at that. He goes back to eating his food nonchalantly and says, "Well, good thing I didn't kill him then. But does he know that about our... situation?"

"Well... yes- but don't worry! He doesn't know your true identity! All that he knows right now is that I'm dating Badboyhalo and that we know each other's true identities."

"And he respects that? He won't go around telling others?"

"No, he won't. We can trust him, I promise."

Darryl looks up at me again and looks searchingly at my face. He then gives me a smile and says, "Alright. If you say so. I trust your judgment."

I return the smile and say, "Thank you."

We go back to eating in comfortable silence.

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When we were done with dinner, we decided to watch movies in the living room. After a while, we fell asleep. But for me, it was only a nap because when I woke up, the same movie that was playing before we fell asleep was still going. Currently, I'm trying to blink the drowsiness out of me since I just woke up. I look next to me to see that Darryl is sitting against the couch, still sleeping soundly. He fell asleep a bit before me.

I look around me for a moment before my eyes land in the small hallway that leads to three doors in view. My eyes land in the door on the left side. My gaze flicks back to the sleeping Darryl beside me and then back at the same door. Perhaps now is the opportunity while Darryl is unconscious. He won't be awake to have an idea of what I'm gonna do. I get up from my place on the couch and walk over to the door into the bathroom.

I open the door and step into the bathroom to lock the door behind me shortly. For a moment, I glance at my reflection in the mirror only to look away quickly. Disgusting. I step in front of the toilet and stare at it for a moment. I then lift up the toilet seat and kneel in front of the toilet. I then put a finger into my mouth and make it go up my throat, making me gag and cough. I vomit whatever hasn't digested properly yet from my dinner into the toilet, making some more gagging noises as I do so. Once I finish, I let out a sigh of relief and stand up to bring down the toilet seat and flush the toilet.

I go up to the sink and wash my hands and mouth. For a few extra seconds, I let the water run as I seemingly look off into space in front of my reflection in the mirror. I sigh, close the faucet, and dry my hands. I quickly open the door and step outside. I turn to my right to head to the living room, but I stop in my tracks once I see Darryl standing just to the side of the bathroom door. I stopped myself from visibly shaking in fear at the coincidence of Darryl standing here, awake, after what I had just done. He looks... serious. His face is almost indescribable, but I could almost see a hint of something present in his look. I need to stay calm and act nonchalant, like nothing ever happened. I need to act. I say, "Oh, Bad! You're awake! Careful, you almost spooked me there. What's up? Need to use the bathroom?"

I muster the most convincing smile I can make. Darryl's eyebrows furrow a bit at my actions. He says, "Zak... what were you doing in there?"

I manage to stop my breath from hitching. Sh*t- does he know!? I act oblivious as I raise an eyebrow with a perplexed look as I slightly tilt my head to the side. I ask, "What do you mean? I just went to the bathroom?"

His eyebrows furrow even more at that. Now I can tell for sure the hint of anger and frustration that is present in his look. He says, "I just woke up and saw that you weren't next to me. So, I decided to check if you were using the bathroom. But then I hear what I think was... gagging, or coughing- Was that you?"

Sh*t. I say, "What? I didn't hear anything. I'm pretty sure you heard wrong or something." (Gaslighting at its finest. Jk)

"...Don't lie to me, Zak. I know what I heard."

"Then, I don't know what you're talking about. Because I didn't do or hear anything. I'm sure it's nothing."

I start trying to walk past him, but Darryl grabs my arms and pins me against the wall. He exclaims, "Don't play these games with me, Zak! What did you do?"

Goddammit. How is he able to see right through me!? Why doesn't he just drop it!? This is starting to frustrate me. I look Darryl dead in the eye with a serious face and say, letting some irritation slip into my tone, "I already told you. It's nothing."

"It's so obvious that it's not nothing! So tell me what happened!"

I stay silent for a moment, thinking over the possible responses that I could give him. Alright, let's try this again. I open my mouth to speak, but before I can get a word out, Darryl asks, "Did you throw up?"

That makes me freeze in place. Sh*t. Sh*t. SH*T. I falter a bit but quickly regain my composure as I look at Darryl and say, "So what if I did? What are you gonna do about it?"

"I- what!? W-why? Why did you throw up!? Are you okay?"

"...It's none of your business."

I push away from Darryl and make my way over to the kitchen. Even though I had already washed my mouth, the vomit left a bitter taste in my mouth. I need to drink some water. Darryl follows right behind me, exclaiming, "What do you mean, 'none of my business!?' Of course it is! It's my job as your boyfriend to care what happens to you! Why won't you tell me what's going on!?"

I ignore his yelling and continue walking in the kitchen. I finally hear some silence as I open a cupboard to grab a glass cup. I then freeze just before I touch the cup as Darryl says just in the entrance of the kitchen, "Did you make yourself throw up...?"

What the- HOW!? I take a deep breath and say, "N-o-"

WHY DID MY VOICE JUST CRACK? F*CK. That's a dead giveaway! Since when do my nerves manage to get the better of me!? I'm really starting to get p*ssed off. I finally manage to grab the glass cup in the cupboard. Darryl exclaims, "Alright- now that's just a straight-up lie. Zak- I already knew that you aren't exactly a confident person. But f*cking- Do you really hate yourself that much to the point that you start hurting yourself this way!?"

"YES!!!"

I turn around and throw the glass cup that was in my hand against another counter, making the cup break into a million pieces of glass. This action, along with the way I raised my voice, was enough to make Darryl jump in his place at the entrance of the kitchen, well away from the shattered glass. I turn to look at Darryl in the eye, and his eyes widen at the sight of me. For once, I'm letting the walls that usually hide and lock away my broken self be knocked down, because it seems like no matter how hard I try to put up a front, it doesn't work on Darryl. I hate it. For once, Darryl is getting to see my broken self, the empty and lifeless look in my eyes, how it seems like I could start breaking down into tears at any moment. He stutters out, "I- but- w-why...?"

"BECAUSE, Darryl. I know better than anyone else how f*cking worthless, disgusting, and useless I am. I know that I'm just a talentless loser who doesn't deserve any ounce of love or support. And for the longest time, I've been able to hide that. And yet, YOU have managed to somehow love me. YOU somehow are able to see right through my acting, which is the only f*cking thing I'm good at and it frustrates me that I love you so much to the point where I can't seem to even get my act together around you! You've brought so many unexpected changes into my life, and even though I know that they are good changes, I don't know how to deal with these sudden changes! I HATE IT SO F*CKING MUCH. And yet- I love it, and I love you because you coming along has made me the happiest that I've ever been in my life! But it's all so- FRUSTRATING!"

I put my hands into my hair and tug at it as hard as I can while tears spill from my eyes. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. But I love it so much, and I hate that I do! I let out chocked sobs through my frustration. Through this whole thing, Darryl stays quiet. After a moment, I hear Darryl say in a dangerously low tone, "Do you think this is easy for me as well?"

I freeze in place at not only the tone but the question as well. I wipe some tears off my face before slowly looking up and saying, "What...?"

My heart almost leaps out my chest, and not in the good way once I see the cold glare in Darryl's eyes. He looks equally as mad and frustrated as I was just now. I haven't seen him like this yet. All of a sudden, he starts striding his way towards me, and the anger and force in his steps make me flinch. I am able to mutter out a, "Darryl-?"

He then grabs me roughly by the arms and pulls me over to him, his fingers digging into my upper arms as he looks at me dead in the eye. He spits out, "Do you think it's easy for me learning to love you too!?! Before you came along, I never once thought of loving someone. I grew up always alone to the point where the only person I learned to trust is myself. I learned to get used to living and doing things independently, and I learned to love it that way. It came to the point where I ended up pushing everyone away from me just so that I could be alone. And yet, somehow, something attracted me to YOU. How do you think I felt when I found out that I fell for you!? The feeling of loving someone is so foreign to me, so unknown that I hated it- but I was so enchanted, so in love that I could care less! I needed to learn to suck it up and learn to live with someone important in my life! Learn to do things with someone else and not just by myself. I need to learn to care and learn what appropriate things to do with someone in certain situations. I literally needed to learn to LOVE. And I am still learning! And I hate how I have to change so much of myself and my lifestyle just for you! I HATE IT SO MUCH! But oh- how much I love this and love you. Because you are worth changing for. You are worth loving. I hadn't ever loved and received love in return. I never knew what it's like to fall in love, and now that I know I don't ever want to let go. I don't want things to change from how they are now. Because I feel so alive, I'm having genuine fun, for once it feels like I'm actually living my life, which I never knew was the truth until now. All because of you, Zak!"

Tears are starting to spill from Darryl's eyes as well. He softens his grip on my arms. His gaze softens as well. He says, "And the thought of you hurting yourself like that aches my heart. Because I don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to risk the chance of losing you. Because I love you, and I'm NOT about to give up on you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be at peace with not only others but with yourself. Because as long you're okay, as long as you're safe, I can be at peace with myself."

He then places his head on my shoulder, his tears starting to wet the fabric of my shirt over my shoulder. Then, through choked sobs, he says, "So please, promise that you won't hurt yourself like that again, Zak. It's bad for you. Please. For both of our sakes."

My breath hitches a bit. But I think over his words. Hesitantly, I say, "I'll try, as long as you're with me."

Darryl raises his head to look at me. Both of us have tears in our eyes. He gives me a comforting smile and says, "I'll never leave you. I love you too much for that. I promise that you'll always have me to confide in."

After a moment of thought, I return the smile and say, "...Then, I promise I won't do such thing again."

Darryl's smile seems to get brighter, just like mine. For no reason, we start letting out soft, chocked out giggles. Darryl then lifts my chin and pulls me in by the waist to kiss me passionately. I quickly melt into the kiss and give as much passion in return as I wrap my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. After a while, we break the kiss and look fondly at each other. Darryl then wipes some tears from my cheeks with his thumb and says softly, "You and I are lovers. We're a team, despite whatever difference we may have. So, from now on, just like a good team, we'll learn to work and cope through things together so that we never feel alone. We'll trust in each other through everything. Okay?"

I smile and nod at him as I say, "Okay."

We hug each other and whisper out gentle I love you's in each other's ears.

(Did the title worry you about their relationship or identities being discovered? 🤣)