HININTO NI LILY ANG SASAKYAN. Nanatili ang blangko niyang tingin sa harap. Ilang minuto siyang naestatwa sa ganoong posisyon nang maalala si Jared.

Nakaupo ito sa tabi niya. Pagkatapos kasi mag-kape at sandwich ng kaunti sa coffee shop, nagpresenta siyang ihatid ito pauwi. Bilang pasasalamat na rin iyon sa pagpayag nitong makipagkita sa kanya at kausapin siya tungkol sa Variant.

At himalang walang pagdadalawang-isip na pumayag ang lalaki.

Nakatigil sa tapat ng gate ng isang townhouse kanyang kotse. Makitid tingnan ang bahay na may dalawang palapag lamang. Flat at sementado ang bubungan. Puti ang pinakakulay ng bahay na may accents ng kulay asul. Matingkad ang kulay na nasisinagan ng malamlam na liwanag ng araw. It was already around four in the afternoon. Walang sumisilip na puno mula sa mataas na sementadong bakod niyon.

“Thanks for the ride,” Jared broke the silence, glancing at her while straightening on his seat.

I could have given you an other ride too, Jared, she thought wistfully before turning to meet his eyes. “Thank you rin sa pakikipag-meet sa akin.”

“You said it’s about Variant,” abot nito sa pinto ng kotse, nakatingin pa rin sa kanya.

She felt sad deep inside. “Yeah.” Pero pinasigla niya ang tinig at nilakipan ng pagbibiro ang tono para pagtakpan iyon. “Hindi ka ba natatakot, Jared?”

Her beam was contrasted by Jared’s puzzled look. “Takot saan?”

Sumilip siya saglit sa labas, tinanaw ang bahay nito. “Nagpahatid ka sa akin, eh. Now I know where you live.” She caught his eyes. “Lagot ka. Guguluhin kita.”

Tumaas lang ang sulok ng labi nito. “You made a promise. Kaya bakit ko iisiping guguluhin mo ako?”

Natahimik siya. Napatitig dito. Totoo bang pinanghahawakan iyon ni Jared?

Na tiwala ito sa pangako niyang iyon? Hindi ba’t nag-sex pa sila para siguraduhin nitong titigilan na niya ito? Naniguro ito sa ganoong paraan dahil wala itong tiwala na may isang salita siya, ‘di ba?

So what with this bull now?

“You made a promise. I delivered the one last sex you want. And there’s a lot of other men in The Org, right?”

Umahon tuloy ang inis sa kanyang dibdib. He was obviously toying her for some reason.

“Stop. We both know you don’t trust me,” she rolled her eyes. “But if you really do,” her eyes narrowed at him, “there must be a catch to it.” At tinapos niya ang sasabihin sa isang nanghuhuling tono. “Right?”

Her eyes widened. Kinabigla niya ang pagpihit nito paharap sa kanya.

Pinatong ni Jared ang kamay sa ibabaw ng sandalan ng kanyang kinauupuan. Ang isa naman ay dumulas sa gilid ng dashboard at huminto malapit sa manibela. He drew his face so close to her she was barely breathing at their nearness.

His intent eyes captured hers, and since then, her rounding eyes could not stray away from his’.

“I get it,” she narrowed her eyes at him after a quick realization. “This is about Variant. I’m under investigation now.”

He chuckled lowly, amusement waltzing in his dark coruscant eyes.

“What if I say… I changed my mind overnight? Irrational, isn’t it?” His eyes burned. “I just see you and everything falls down. It took me years to build a wall around me after you left, then you just decided to swoop in and it crumbled to dust in an instant.” He took one last encouraged deep breath. “So unfair, isn’t it? I am doomed to be damned because this is unethical.”

“Unethical?”

“Wanting you so bad is like tolerating your shits. And the toxicity we become when we’re together. Yet here I am… needing you.”

The beating of her heart was deafening.

“What do you mean—”

She gasped as he grabbed her jaws with a hand, slightly tilting her head up.

“Why let myself suffer while you’re out there strutting around other men?” he inspected her with his eyes.

Sasagot pa sana siya pero hinablot na nito ang isa niyang kamay. Quick as lightning, he placed her hand and curved her fingers to the shape of his crotch. As soon as she touched the hardness that formed against his jeans, electricity trickled from her fingers to her whole system.

“This is what you only want from me, right?” his face pulled closer to hers.

Air thickened between them out of the heavy heat in their situation  Diniin ni Jared ang kamay niya sa pagitan ng mga hita nito. Ginabayan siya sa paghagod sa paninigas nito

“Tell me, am I right, Lily?” he demanded darkly.

Napalunok siya, nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin sa mga mata nito at mga labi.

“Why can’t I just indulge myself in multiple trysts with you? Why don’t I just ditch doing the right thing, just go and destroy myself?”

This doesn’t sound good. Lily immediately distanced herself from him.

She cares for him an awful lot, she wanted to be closer to him again. And now that the opportunity has arrived, Lily seized it. Walang kawala. Walang bitaw-bitaw.

She could read the desperation in his voice, a silent scream, a muted call for help. And she knew it all at once.

Instead of being another one that causes his stress, why don’t she just be the one who takes away all that stress?

“What happened?” nag-aalala siya. Nilapat niya ang palad sa pisngi ng lalaki. “Tell me.”

He seethed but then turned to press his cheek more against her palm. There was something fierce in his eyes, a controlled emotion he was trying hard to contain despite its desperate fight to flee. It was all over in the way he winced, in the way his gaze were shadowed with an unnamed heaviness.

Parang ang bigat-bigat na rin tuloy ng pakiramdam ni Lily.

“This isn’t right,” he struggled to breathe, his second thoughts began kicking in. His rational mind arguing with his desires. “This isn’t right…”

Lily placed another hand on Jared’s shoulder. She gently gave him a massage, watching her hand do it.

 “Jared… you need a release, don’t you?”

Mariin itong napapikit. Nagtitimpi.

Kinakabahan pa rin Lily sa gustong gawin. She was obviously outsmarting Jared to get closer to him. To get what she wants— him. Halos gusto na niyang umurong dahil ayaw niya na ang kalabasan pa ng ginagawa ay hindi malinis ang kanyang intensyon. But her other side argued. Can’t a woman find ways to get the man she wants? Can’t a woman make a move? Can’t a woman strategize and be assertive? Nagbalik sa kanya ang mga lihim na pinagsasaluhan nila ng binata noon sa Belgium. Kung bakit naroon ang lalaki. Kung bakit talaga naroon ang lalaki.

Nagbalik sa kanya ang mga lihim na pinagsasaluhan nila ng binata noon sa Belgium. Kung bakit naroon ang lalaki. Kung bakit talaga naroon ang lalaki.

At sa inaakto nito ngayon, mukhang nangyayari na naman ang problema nito sa trabaho.

“I remember, back in Belgium, you are blaming yourself for letting your parents pressure you to take up Psychology.”

He slowly opened his eyes, still pressed his cheek against her hand. With a shaky hand, Jared held her hand to keep it against his skin.

“You think, that’s the reason why you fucked up with your job as a psychologist. You feel unfit for it,” she continued, shifting her gaze from her massaging to Jared’s weary eyes.

“You resigned from your job that time, headed to Belgium to waste your life away for feeling such a failure. Takot kang magpa-appointment sa isang psychologist para sa ikabubuti mo. You’re afraid because an evaluation unfavorable to you means you might lose referrals and be unable to practice psychology.”

He released a heavy sigh, tightened his grasp at her hand. Sa paghigpit niyon, damang-dama ni Lily ang paghihirap ng kalooban ng lalaki.

“Nawalan ako ng pasensya sa client ko n’on,” ani Jared. “Napagsalitaan ko siya ng hindi nararapat. At kahit wala siyang pinagsabihang kahit sino tungkol doon… Alam kong mali…”

“What about now?” Lily caught his eyes. “May nangyari na namang ganoon?”

“No. But… But I can’t hold it in anymore. As much as I hate you for breaking my heart…” he staggered a breath, “Ikaw lang ang… ang may kayang sumalo ng ibubunton kong mga pasanin.”

“Just like back in Belgium,” she smiled painfully.

“Fuck it,” he hissed. “I can’t imagine myself fucking somebody else just to unload this… this weight, Lily.”

“Sitting in an office the whole day, listening to other people’s problems, feeling their feelings and trying to stay detached in the process to stay logical… I understand the stress you go through everyday because of that…” Her heart sank at the very thought of it. “Psychological, emotional… It’s so hard to have empathy, right?”

No wonder you feel alone… You always feel alone, Jared. Ni ayaw mo nga makihalubilo masyado sa mga tao sa personal mong buhay dahil, natatakot kang mapagbuntunan sila ng stress mo…

“Dahil nakwento ko na sa’yo dati sa Belgium na ganoon ang pinagdadaanan ko sa trabaho ko,” lapit ng mukha nito sa kanya. “Kaya alam mo. Pero naiintindihan?” his face twisted in heart-deep torture. “No, you don’t, Lily. You don’t. After the tricks you played on me, you clearly don’t.”

“Does this mean, you’re swallowing your pride now?” For both of them, they knew what Lily really wanted to know— does this mean Jared is finally giving in to her?

“But I still hate you,” he grunted, grabbing a handful of her. Their faces inched closer. “I loved you,” blaming was in his tone. He wanted to say more, but how much he needed her took over. Jared slammed his lips on top of hers.

Nagpalitan sila ng marubdob na halikan, kapwa kumakapa ang mga kamay sa isa’t isa. Humahagod, lumalambitin. Lily took his force like a flower, just bending and moving along his ferocious push and pull. She heard their lips— crisp and slick. She heard their breaths— shallow and sharp.

Dumausdos na ang mga labi ni Jared sa gilid ng kanyang leeg. Halos manikip ang kanyang dibdib sa sarap ng pagkaladkad ng halik nito sa kanyang balat. Lily clutched on his shoulders as he oh-so-gloriously sucked at the corner of her collar. She felt his breath so warm, almost scorching her, then balmed by the coolness of his lick and spit.

Inangat ni Jared ang ulo, nagbibigay senyales ang titig bago sumimple ang isa nitong kamay sa ilalim ng kanyang palda. She knew where he was heading to. So, she immediately pressed her hand against his forearm to stop him.

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay nito.

“Lily…” he begged.

She gave his hard chest a push. Nagpatulak naman ito, nagpapahiwatig na hindi manlalaban sa kanya o mamumuwersa.

“Not in the car, Jared,” she gave him a sultry underlook. “Inside your house.”

After a hot stare-off, they dashed out of the car. Halos mabalibag ni Jared ang pagsara sa pangtaong gate sa pagmamadali. His hands kept slipping clumsily as he locked it, distracted by her impatient kisses landing on his nape and neck. Sinabayan pa iyon ng paghagod-hagod ni Lily sa dibdib nito habang nakayakap sa likuran ng binata. She was so hot for him she just could not bear it already. Her hands even reached for his butt and crotch, making him hurry up with locking the gate.

Napasinghap siya nang bigla itong pumihit paharap sa kanya. He grabbed her and crushed her with another kiss. Lily pushed Jared, fought him back with a torrid kiss until his back slammed against the metal gate. His strong left hand still gripped her arm while the other started running all over her body. His touch left a hot trail along the side of her body, her waists, sliding to the small of her back to reach her butt. He squeezed, making her moan against his lips. Sinamantala naman nito ang pagbuka ng kanyang mga labi. His tongue slipped in between her moist lips, treated her mouth like a playground where it rolled and strolled and probed all over. Then, he invited her tongue-- nudged by the tip of his own tongue-- to play with him. They danced in swirls and mini swordfights before Lily pulled away. She held both sides of Jared’s face.

Kapwa sila humihingal, natatamaan ng matamlay na ilaw mula araw na nakapuslit sa loob ng bakuran ang mga mukha. Kapwa namumungay ang kanilang mga mata na nagtama.

“Oh, Jared,” she was knee-deep in attraction, “I’ll suck that tongue like how I’ll suck your dick.”

“Do it,” he commanded, and to insist his urgency, he licked her chin invitingly in an upward stroke by the tip of his tongue.

And so, she delivered what she promised.

.

.

LILY GOT UP SLOWLY. Natanaw niya si Jared sa dulo ng kama. He kept running his fingers up through his hair, an elbow on top of one of his parted knees. In that position, she could see his smooth, firm-muscled back, reddish with stripes of her erotic fingernail scratches.

Ayaw niyang maistorbo ang lalaki sa pagmumuni-muni, kaya sinikap niyang mag-ingat sa pagkilos. Pero nagkamali siya sa pagtapis ng kumot sa dibdib. Pagkahila kasi niyon, baramdaman ‘yon ni Jared na nauupuan ang dulo ng kumot. He instantly turned, scanned her with his eyes softened by his physical weariness, before their gazes locked.

“Sorry,” mahina niyang usal, tinatakpan ng piraso ng kumot ang kanyang namimigat na mga dibdib.

“For what?”

“You must be meditating there. Naistorbo yata kita,” usog niya patungo sa gilid ng kama.

“Not at all. I’m even glad you disturbed me.”

Nakatayo na siya, inayos niya ang pagkakabalot ng kumot sa katawan.

“Bakit naman?”

“Kasi nagsisisi ako. Pero nung nakita na kita, nawala na ‘yon,” angat ni Jared ng tingin sa kanya nang tumayo si Lily sa tabi nito.

She looked away. “Now, I am just an outlet for you so you’d stay sane at work. So, you’d perform it well. So, don’t feel guilty about any of this.” Binalik niya ang tingin dito. “Okay?”

Naguguluhang napatitig sa kanya si Jared. She gave him a reassuring smile.

“You care for your clients. Because if you don't, you won't stay in a job so hard for you to do. You just want to be the best person they can lean on to. You can’t be that person, kung mabigat ang stress na dinadala mo.”

He nodded. Pero halata sa problemado pa rin nitong mukha na hindi gaano kumbinsido na tama ang ginagawa nila.

“Sorry din pala." She paused, breathed in deeply. "Sarili ko lang ang inisip ko. Iba na ang buhay mo ngayon. May sarili kang mga pinagdadaanan. Imagine the additional stress I gave you these past few days. You’re dealing with clients and with me. I gave you a pretty hard time.”

Jared scoffed. “Shut up. It’s a good thing you persisted. If not, we won’t end up in this compromise.”

“Compromise?”

He stared blankly at nowhere. “There are five types of negotiations as per Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann. Compromise, Compete, Accommodate, Avoid and Collaborate.” Tumuwid ito ng pagkakaupo, tinukod sa tuhod ang mga kamay.

Handa namang makinig si Lily sa lalaki  She positioned herself at the space of the bed available between Jared’s thighs. She rested the back of her head against his left chest, close to the shoulder.

“I tried Avoid. I’ve tried Collaborate.”

His arms wrapped around her waists. Lily stifled a cozied moan by lifting her face to nuzzle his neck, sealing her lips by pressing them against his skin.

“They did not work,” Jared continued. “And obviously, none of us would agree to compete or accommodate. None of us wanted to back down and lose so… compromise.”

“Ang sabihin mo, hindi mo lang ako matiis,” ngiti niya, nakapikit ang mata at nakalapat pa rin sa leeg ng lalaki ang mga labi.

“Oo. Masaya ka na?”

No. Not until you love me again, Jared. You just felt out of choices, that’s why you gave in to me today. But you’ll see, Jared… You’ll see that this time… it’ll be different.

Hindi na siya pinilit ni Jared nang hindi niya ito sinagot.

“Want some refreshments?” he asked.

“What do you want? Ikukuha kita,” she stayed in her place.

Kumalas ang mga braso ni Jared sa kanyang bewang at humawak sa mga ito ang mga kamay.

“How? Hindi mo pa naman naiikot itong bahay ko.”

“Then, lead me to the kitchen,” layo niya rito nang maramdamang tatayo na ang lalaki.

“No," he stood up. "Just tell me what drink you want—"

She twirled around to face him, careful not to trip on the blanket that pooled around her feet.

Lumapat ang kamay niya sa matigas nitong dibdib. Makamandag ang kanyang nanunuksong ngisi na ginawad bago ito tinulak pabalik sa kama.

Pahigang bumagsak doon si Jared. With his legs parted and the nakedness, Lily enjoyed the view a lot.

A whole damn lot.

Pinatong niya sa kama ang isang paa. Sinadya niyang ipuwesto iyon sa pagitan ng mga hita ni Jared. Her toes almost reached his cock that stretched a few inches. Napangisi siya nang mapansin iyon. Unti-unting nabubuhayan na naman ng pagkaligalig ang binata. His body could not even deny it.

Lily bent over, pushed Jared’s chest to stop his attempt. Babangon na naman kasi ito.

“Same rules apply, Jared. You want a private way to de-stress? Then leave it all up to me. All you need to put effort to is your job. When it comes to bed..." she intentionally trailed off, wanting to excite him. She observed the way his Adam's apple bobbed. So satisfying.

"I’m. In. Charge,” she declared with a smirk.