TRIP TO JERUSALEM. Men in red briefs. A trick to make him mad jealous?

Wow. Just wow.

This woman. Talagang sinasamantala nito ang set-up nila.

Makasarili.

Walang pakialam sa mararamdaman niya.

Desperate.

But it’s alright.

Jared could stay patient with her. He will be patient with her. And he will always choose to be patient with Lily.

Dahil iyon ang gusto niyang gawin.

He was already driving his car home. Habang nagmamaneho, nasa babae na naman ang kanyang isip.

Nakakainis dahil nagbalik na naman ang lahat sa kanya. Lalo na ‘yong kung bakit niya ito nagustuhan.

“As long as you want a company, you’ll stay there. As long you love a person, you’ll keep making them feel that. Not because you deserve a raise in salary or a higher position. Not because you deserve to be loved back. But just because… that what you want. That’s what you feel.”

Dahil doon, akala niya, umayos na si Lily. Na ito na ulit ‘yong babaeng nakilala niya sa Belgium. That she was only using sex as an excuse to get closer to him and make him fall in love with her again.

Naisip niya iyon dahil walang pinagkaiba ang mga sinabi ni Lily noon sa restaurant sa mga sinabi sa kanya ng dalaga nung nasa Belgium pa sila. Saying the same things only meant a few things— one is, it’s the irrefutable truth, and the other is, it’s the consistent belief.

If Lily still believes in the same thing, there’s a possibility that how she felt for him way back in Belgium didn’t change somehow. If this is Lily’s truth, then it means, she truly cared for him like she did ever since they’ve first been together.

They were seated on a bench that faced Antwerp’s Scheldt river, its left bank.

Matamlay pagmasdan ang paligid— naghalo ang malabong puti at abuhing kulay sa langit. Halos walang kagalaw-galaw ang mga damo sa paligid. Maging ang tubig ng ilog ay hindi kumikilos.

Dahil taglagas noon sa Belgium, halos walang dahon din ang mga puno.

Kita ang hanay ng mga bahay at establisyemento sa kabilang pampang ng ilog.

Both of them wore thick coats and sweaters, sitting side by side, shoulders pressed against one another. Kapwa may hawak ang naka-gwantes nilang mga kamay na take-out cups ng mainit na kape.

“What have you done so far here in Belgium, Jared?” tanong ni Lily na sinabayan ng mahina at maliliit na huni ng mga ibon. “And what else do you want to do?”

“Okay na ako sa kung ano ang gusto mo. Kung saan mo gusto mamasyal, kung anong mga pagkain dito ang gusto mong subukan… sasama ako.”

“Sus,” she gave him a side-eye that matched her unconvinced smile, “hanggang dito ba naman sa Belgium, sunud-sunuran ka pa rin sa gusto ng ibang tao?”

“Come on, Lily,” harap niya sa babae. “My parents wanted me to become a doctor! Psychiatrist na dapat ako kung sunud-sunuran nila ako.”

Hinarap din siya nito. Hindi nagpadaig. “Hindi ka nga naging real doctor, but to compensate your parents dahil hindi ka pumasa sa exams, nagdoctorate ka na lang sa Psychology. So, gan’on pa rin ‘yon. Sinunod mo wishes nila na magkaroon ng Doc sa family niyo.”

“Hey, I still clarify it to them that my Doc doesn’t stand for medical doctor! Kahit sa mga clients ko!”

Hawak pa rin nito ang cup nang ipatong sa kandungan. Nakangiting tumanaw ito sa ilog.

“Nandito ka na, eh. Natakbuhan mo na sila. So, why not start doing the things you want to do?”

“What if…” tanaw na rin niya sa ilog, “I fail at it?”

“In doing what you like to do?”

“Paano kung hindi ko magustuhan ang experience? What if it damages me more than it fixes me?”

“Well, at least, you did what you want to do.”

“What if I want to fall in love?”

Natawa ng mahina ang babae, pero nasa mga mata nito ang agam-agam.

“Then fall, but don’t expect to get what you deserve. Para kahit papaano, napaghandaan mo na ang masaktan.”

“But you see, Lily, kahit anong paghahanda ang gawin mo, masasaktan ka pa rin.”

“Does that matter more than how much you love doing what you want to do with your life?”

Jared turned to her. Lily remained unaware of his eyes admiring her— the soft, innocent look of her face, those soft pouted lips and orange-dyed hair.

“You came at fall, to make me fall,” he sighed, so foolish and wistful. “And I think, I want it to go on. Say the same if you want it too.”

Napailing si Lily, yumuko para pagmasdan ang hawak nitong mug ng kape.

“I don’t know what to say. I am confused if I already love you or if I am making myself believe that I love you because it relieves my pain.”

“Why don’t we just give it a try and see where this goes?”

“Look, Jared. Hindi ako sigurado kung may gusto na ako sa’yo o mahal na kita. This is all too fast... But I am sure of one thing…” Lily sucked in a deep breath. “I care for you. I care an awful lot. I care way too much more than what I wanted to admit.” She flinched, away from his direction. “What am I even saying? What if this hurts you?”

Rightaway, Jared has confirmed it from Lily that it was real. Totoo ang paniniwala niyang ang bawat tao ay parang salamin. They reflect their own view of the world, not how other people looked. He got this belief from the concept of Psychological Projection. Sa orihinal na proposisyon sa kahulugan ng termino, nagmula mismo kay Freud na ang Psychological Projection ay may kinalaman sa negative traits. Pero may positive projections din na tinatawag.

And he only confirmed them to be real now that Lily said she cared for him.

Jared didn’t know who started projecting and to whom— but heaven knows he felt the same way too.

He cares a lot for Lily too.

“Does that matter more than how much you love doing what you want to do with your life?” he quoted her earlier statement. Then, he clarified. “This is what I want to do with my life right now. To just love you.”

Nilingon siya sa wakas ng dalaga. Malungkot ang ngiti sa mamula-mulang mga labi nito.

“Why me?” she asked softly, steadying her emotions.

Alanganin ang kanyang ngiti. Takot sa magiging reaksyon ni Lily sa kanyang isasagot.

“Because it’s only you who I feel this way for.”

.

.

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***

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“SO, IF YOU WANT ME TO CARE, show me that you care for me too.”

Naalala na naman ni Lily ang mga katagang binitiwan ni Jared kagabi. Paanong hindi? Si Jared agad ang bumungad sa kanya pagpasok na pagpasok pa lang sa HR Department.

Nakita niyang nakatayo ang lalaki sa tapat ng cubicle ni Paula. Kapwa nakatayo ang mga ito. Seryosong magkausap ang dalawa.

Her presence was easily felt by the two. Halos sabay napalingon ang mga ito sa kanyang direksyon.

“Lily,” palapit sa kanya ni Paula sa mga ito.

She immediately complied, her glittery red Rusty Lopez peep-toe heels tapping against the tiled floor.

“Yes?” taas-noo niya nang malapitan ang mga ito. Malamig na sulyap ang pinukol niya kay Jared bago binalik ang tingin kay Paula.

Aba, masama pa rin kahit papaano ang loob niya dahil sa nasaktan siya sa mgs sinabi nito. How could he question what she feels for him? How could it be selfish when what she only wanted was for him to care for her again?

“Mr. Guillermo is already here,” panimula nito.

“Obviously,” side-eye niya sa lalaki.

Sumama tuloy ang timpla ni Jared. So what if he looked neat and hot? He wore a black, tucked-in v-necked button down shirt with sleeves that reached his elbows. May nakasukbit ditong may kaliitang crossbody bag na gawa sa leather. His slacks hugged him from the waist down perfectly, made of black material with white prints on them. Black Sperry’s for a clash of casual and formal. And his glorious dark hair, combed back by his fingers for a cleaner look that clearly showed his demigod profile.

Pinalagpas ni Paula ang pamimilosopo niya. Pero kita sa pagkakatingin ng babae sa kanya na hindi ito natutuwa sa inaasal niya.

“Alam mo na naman siguro ang trabaho niya rito.”

“Ahuh,” she adjusted the chain strap of her pink, glittery shoulder bag.

Damn, Paula wore those plain black and white striped straight pants and a blue ruffled blouse. Her long, straight hair was side-parted, pushed to her left side then, tied in a low ponytail. How could Paula present herself so plain yet still look good?

“At alam mo rin na sa department na ito, ikaw lang ang wala masyadong trabaho.”

“Let me guess, I’ll assist Mr. Guillermo,” bagot niyang saad.

“Yes,” Paula gave her a nod.

Nagkapalitan sila ng tingin ni Jared. Nabasa niya sa pormal nitong hitsura na natanggap na nito ang kanilang sitwasyon. Lily took in a deep breath before facing Paula.

“I wonder why Mr. Guillermo agreed to this.”

“Dahil ikaw daw ang pagala-gala rito sa Variant,” sagot ng lalaki sa kanya.

He talked to her, in front of Paula, as if she was nothing but an unremarkable stranger. Pinagpala talaga siya.

O baka kinakarma.

“I figured,” Jared continued, “you can help me better in assessing the employees here before the team building.”

She returned her eyes on Paula. “Pati ba naman ‘yon, kinuwento mo sa kanya?” tukoy niya sa pagiging pagala-gala at out of post sa trabaho.

“Ikaw mismo ang nagkuwento n’on sa akin,” agap ni Jared.

Pinanlakihan niya ito ng mga mata. “At kailan—” napipi siya nang maalalang nakwento niya nga iyon.

It was right after they had sex in Jared’s house, while they were having refreshments.

A glint in his eyes teased her. He remained looking stoic, but her heart skipped at the tension his intent eyes were giving her.

“Ano, naalala mo na?”

Napalunok siya bago umarteng hindi apektado.

“Nakausap nga pala kita nitong nakaraan," depensa niya agad laban kay Jared para hindi mag-isip ng kung anu-ano so Paula. "Nung kinukumbinsi kitang ituloy ang trabaho na inaalok sa’yo ng Variant.”

“Good,” singit ni Paula. “You can discuss more about this matter at Lily’s desk.” She clasped her hands. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I got to prepare my stuff for a meeting.”

Pabalik na sana si Paula sa desk nito nang pigilan ng kanyang tanong.

“May meeting ang HR? Para saan? Bakit ‘di ko alam?”

Paula turned her body to face her direction.

“Meeting ng mga Department Heads iyon at President,” nerbyos na ngiti ni Paula.

Phew. Great. Napapadalas ang pa-meeting ni Basil, may sarkastikong tono sa kanyang isip.

Wala namang kamuwang-muwang si Paula sa iniisip niya. Nagsasalita pa rin ito. “Hindi ko alam kung bakit gusto ako isama doon ni Miss Jackie. Kinakabahan tuloy ako.”

“Don’t be,” Lily waved a hand nonchalantly. “So far, wala naman ako nasagap na tsismis na may problema sa recruitment matters ng Variant so—” banggit niya sa recruitment dahil iyon ang naka-designong trabaho para kay Paula sa HR Department.

Lily did not wait for anyone's response. She turned and sashayed away from the two.

“Thank you, Miss Paula,” naulinigan niyang paalam ni Jared sa babae.

Nang ilapag ni Lily ang bag sa desk, nasundan na siya roon ni Jared.

“Valentine’s Day ba ngayon?”

Akala niya magbabato ng corny na pick-up line ang lalaki. Pinagtaasan niya ito ng kilay.

“Pink at red kasi ‘yang suot mo,” puna nito sa kanyang pink na straight pants at pulang sweetheart-necklined off-shoulder blouse.

“Ha. Ha. Kung maka-stereotype parang hindi Psychologist,” she turned away from him. “Kapag pula at pink, Valentine’s agad?”

Nag-squat si Lily sa ilalim ng desk para isaksak ang AVR ng computer.

“I just wanted to break the ice,” sandal ni Jared ng gilid ng hita sa desk para panoorin siya. "I said something unrelated like Valentine's to get your attention through curiosity. I kept that attention by noticing what you like most which is fashion, your clothes. And you reacted, which makes it so effective. Now we're talking about something. And we will keep the conversation rolling."

Humawak si Lily sa dulo ng mesa. Tatayo na sana siya nang malingunan si Jared sa posisyon nito. With his hand resting on her desk, he seemed to loom over her. Pagtingala, tama nga siya. Bahagyang nakayuko ang lalaki para masilip siya sa kinapupwestuhan.

As she slowly stood up, their faces gravitate closer to each other’s. Lumagpas lang iyon nang tumuwid na ang tayo ni Lily. Siyang taas ng baba ni Jared ng kaunti, sinundan kasi nito ng tingin ang kanyang mukha.

She impassively faced him, her breasts almost pointing at his chin. Hindi nakaligtas sa kanyang paningin ang pagsulyap doon ni Jared.

“You sneaky bastard,” mayabang niyang taas-noo, nasa binata pa rin ang tingin.

He stared back into her eyes. “Sneaky? How so? You caught me looking.”

Nilapit niya ang mukha kay Jared para walang makarinig sa kanyang sasabihin.

“You’re here for your job. Doon ka mag-focus.”

“Parang hindi tumimo sa isip mo ang mga sinabi ko kagabi,” palipat-lipat sa kanyang mga mata at labi ang tingin nito.

And it excites her.

“Alin doon? ‘Yong huwag maging source ng additional stress mo?”

“If you want me to care for you, show me that you care for me.”

Silence took over. Naglabanan sila ng titigan.

It was Jared who first looked away. Tumayo na ito ng tuwid.

“Where can I sit?” hanap nito ng upuan.

“On my lap,” she smirked, lowering her butt.

Bago siya tuluyang umupo, inayos niya ang upuan. Hinawakan ni Lily ang magkabilang arm rest niyon at hinila para mas palapitin sa kanyang desk. In the process, her breasts sexily pushed forward.

Then she sat down, flirted with Jared with her eyes and challenging grin.

“I’ll get myself a chair then,” paalam nito.

Tinanaw niya si Jared hanggang sa hindi na niya ito makita.

“Masakit pa rin ‘yong mga sinabi mo kagabi, Jared…” bulong niya sa sarili. “I know, I am wrong. Nagalit ka dahil binalak kong pagselosin ka pero… Ah, you just don’t get it.”

Binuksan niya ang desktop at tsinek kung may in-email ba sa kanyang files na kailangan niyang i-print. Bukod sa taga-photocopy at stapler kasi, taga-print rin nga pala siya.

Ang gusto ko lang naman, magpakita ka ng pakialam sa akin. ‘Yong hindi lang dahil stress reliever mo ako! Napatitig siya sa kawalan. Okay. That plan failed before I even got it started. So what now, Lily? How do you make Jared love you again? Care for you again?

She remembered what Jared said earlier. “If you want me to care for you, show me that you care for me.”

Hindi niya malaman ang mararamdaman. Sasadyain ba ni Jared na ibigay ng gano’n na lang ang kasagutan sa kung paano ito mapapaibig sa isang tao?

Paano kung hindi aware si Jared na nagawa iyon? That he just gave her a hint on how to make him care for a person?

But it couldn’t be a careless statement. Jared said the same thing last night, when the mood was dead serious, both of them were in a sane condition— neither drunk nor horny—, and he spoke so clearly.

I should just show him I really care for him, right?

The answer is so simple, how could it be so hard to choose to do?