“CAN WE BE FRIENDS?”

Yes. Lily was playing safe. She was checking if they were still on the same page. She was offering friendship to see if they can still make things work now that she’s settled things with herself and her past.

Yes. She didn’t really plan on settling to being just friends with Jared. But as much as she loves herself, she doesn’t want to hurt Jared again.

Because hurting him will also deeply hurt her too.

Kaya kung kailangang maging kaibigan muna siya ulit ng lalaki para hindi ito mabigla, para hindi ito matakot papasukin siyang muli sa buhay nito, Lily will do just that.

It doesn’t matter how long it will take her.

Her heart aches so much, it didn’t even matter if she will get something out of this.

Basta ba, hindi niya masaktan ulit si Jared.

But here’s the hard truth for Lily.

“We can be friends… if it won’t hurt my girlfriend,” anito.

“Girlfriend?” gulat niyang bulalas.

All of a sudden, she couldn’t breathe.

Kaya pala, gustong-gusto nito makabalik sila agad sa tinitirahan nito.

Sa tinitirahan nila ng girlfriend nito.

“She’s probably still asleep in my room,” tindig ni Jared mula sa kinauupuan. “Wanna meet her?”

Lily was crushed. His girlfriend? In his bedroom?

He thought she was already alright, that she wouldn’t mind. That she wouldn’t mind if he told her already has a girlfriend.

She only asked for friendship, right?

So could she blame him if he thought it would not matter to her at all to know that he already belonged to someone else?

Naalala tuloy niya ang pag-aagam-agam ni Heidi kanina.

“Hi, Doki—”

“Doki, siya si—”

“Doki, alam na ba niya—”

Kaya ba natiis siya nito ng dalawang taon?

Dahil may pumalit na sa kanya sa puso nito?

Was it even two years? Or just this year? How many months? How many months have she been late?

“Lily?” lingon ni Jared. Hindi kasi siya natinag sa kinatatayuan.

Sumunod agad siya sa lalaki. “You said, she’s asleep? Locked kanina ‘yong pinto, ah? Naghihintay din sa labas kanina sila Heidi?”

“It’s locked from the inside,” he reasoned. “And yes. Baka hindi niya napagbuksan sila Heidi sa sobrang sarap ng tulog niya.”

They must have had a mindblowing sex then. For his girlfriend to sleep that soundly…

Nanlumo siya sa loob-loob niya.

“Are you sure? Baka makaistorbo ako sa kanya…” Lily hesitated, in the midst of her teary eyes and heartbreak.

Fuck settling for less. Why did she even think she can outsmart Jared’s heart? She always managed to make him fall for her again and again.

Well now, her luck has ran out.

Here’s an alternative plan. So she won’t be rude, she will meet Jared’s girlfriend. Babatiin niya ito. Sasabihin niyang masaya siya para sa kanilang dalawa.

At kung may lakas pa siya, sasamahan niya saglit ang mga ito. She will listen to their love story— how they met and came to be. Then, share dinner like how Jared originally planned it.

Tapos, pagbalik sa sariling flat, she will delete everything— Jared’s number and pictures.

Everything.

Hindi siya sinagot ni Jared. Nagpatuloy sila sa paglakad.

“Kaya pala… hindi mo man lang ako hinanap, no? Ako pa itong nagpunta sa’yo. Kasi may bago ka nang mahal.” She spoke as composed as possible. But she could not conceal her bitterness.

Tipid siya nitong nginitian. Para bang dinadaan na lang ng lalaki sa ngiti para hindi mailang.

“Wala naman akong ideya kung kailan ka magiging ready. And even if I find out that you already are, sometimes when we have already healed or moved on, we tend to want something else in life… or someone else.” Binalik nito sa harap ang tingin.

“So, hindi ka na umasa? Hindi ka na naghintay? Hindi ka na umasang babalik ako? Na magiging tayo pa rin?”

“Siyempre kahit papa’no umasa ako!” he blurted, facing her. “Umasa ako!”

Kapwa sila natahimik. Nagkatitigan. Parehong naghahabol ng hininga. Umiling lang si Jared.

Binuksan nito ang pinto ng isang kwarto.

Pagpasok, lalo siyang nagtaka. Hindi kasi mahagilap ng paningin niya sa paligid ang girlfriend ni Jared. Hindi rin niya napansin ang alertong pagtaas ng tainga ng isang aso na. He poked his head from under the bed.

Lily was occupied by thoughts about Jared’s girlfriend.

Filipina kaya ito o taga-Belgium?

“Baka nasa banyo?” lingon niya kay Jared.

“Let me check,” tingin ni Jared sa kanya.

As they stared into each others’ eyes, Lily could not help it. It was the way his eyes reflected tranquility. It was the way he laughed that light-heartedly with Heidi.

She wished, Jared would laugh like that when with her.

It was the way he loved her so good, she knew anyone he loves next to her would never let him go.

Never allow him to be with her ever again.

It was this shattering in her chest that makes her fall apart.

She inhaled sharply, pulled a butter open-mouther smile before she realized it too late.

Bumubuhos na ang mainit na mga luha mula sa kanyang mga mata.

Nasamid siya. Napatid ang natitirang pagtitiis. Napahagulgol.

Mabilis na sumaklolo sa kanya si Jared. He held her arms and tried to catch her eyes. Panay ang iwas niya sa mga titig nito.

She just… She just couldn’t!

She shook all over up to her knees.

Para siyang bubuwal.

Para siyang mamamatay.

It took her a long journey. A very long journey. It crushed her because she learned to love herself but had to lose the man she loves in the process of it.

“Why can’t I have both? Why can’t I?” hagulgol niya, lakas-loob na sinalubong ang nag-aalala nitong tingin.

“What’s going on, Lily? Sabihin mo.” Jared was calm through his worries for her.

Napailing siya. “Masyado lang siguro ako nagpakatiwala sa sarili ko. Umasa akong… tayo… tayo pa rin sa huli. I went all the way to Belgium just to get my heart broken but it’s okay,” she forced a smile only to look like a pitiful mess than strong. “This is fair because—” she swallowed a hard lump in her throat, “—because I wasted every chance I was given to be with you. All because I didn’t prepare herself for you, for us, for this special connection between us! All because, hindi ko inayos ang sarili kong buhay. Siguro kung inuna kong mahalin ang sarili ko, at ayusin ang mga issues ko, handa sana ako sa pagdating mo sa buhay ko!”

He used to shatter too. He used to tear up when she cries.

Now, he doesn’t.

He remained firm.

He looked worried, but could bear watching her cry. He could stand seeing her shattering without misting his eyes.

“I felt so undeserving of your love because I wasted myself over a useless man who broke my heart!” She paused, shaking. Then she lowered her tone, “Instead of having faith that you, that true love will come into my life. I should’ve waited. I should’ve made myself a better person.”

Napayuko si Lily.

“But it’s too late.”

She sniffed as she broke away from Jared’s hold. Nababahalang pinanood siya nito habang pinupunasan niya ang sariling mga luha.

Basang-basa na ang kanyang mga palad ng mga luha. Pinamunas na niya ang likuran ng kamay.

She should go.

She should really go.

She will be alright. There is no need to fight for her feelings. She had been brave. She did her best, even if it’s already late.

She tried.

It’s time to rest now.

It’s time to cure her new wounds.

Tape her heart together.

Lily shook where she stood. Inangat niya ang tingin kay Jared.

“Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have… Ayokong maawa ka sa akin or s-something,” Lily cleared her throat. “Akala ko kakayanin ko. Sorry.” She gave him a weak smile. “I have to go. Hindi ko kakayanin palang makita ang girlfriend mo.”

Nilagpasan niya si Jared.

“Don’t even bother. I swear, I’ve changed. I won’t do anything crazy. I’ll just bike and bike—"

Tumigil ang lahat nang hablutin siya nito sa braso. Sapilitang pinihit siya ng lalaki paharap dito kaya medyo nasaktan siya.

What greeted her was his dark face.

“Mahal mo pa rin pala ako, bakit gusto mong maging magkaibigan lang tayo?!” hasik nito.

Naunahan ni Jared ang balak niyang magsalita. Sinunggaban siya nito ng halik.

It was as if a tornado storm has crashed her lips— his cool spit swirled with his hot breath, as his kisses made a twist and turn of her soft, fightless lips.

Nang maghiwalay ang kanilang mga labi, habol nila ang paghinga.

Kapwa sila nagtitigan ng mga mata. Nagsusukatan.

Nagpapakiramdaman.

Nakakabingi ang pintig sa kanyang dibdib. Lily was scared and excited and hurting all at once. It was wild and maddening.

“Sinabi ko na sa’yo kanina,” hingal nito. “We can only be friends if it won’t hurt my girlfriend.*

 Tinabig siya nito sa balikat para mapaikot na naman siya. He clutched on her hair and pulled, lifting her chin.

He brought her in front of a body mirror that stood between the bed and the glass window.

“Look,” he raised his hand to make her look down.

Lily met her own eyes in the mirror. Mamula-mula at namumugto ang mga ito mula sa mabigat niyang paghagulgol. Her nose was even bright red. Tear tracks smeared on her face.

“That’s my girlfriend.”

“You. Fucking. Asshole!” she scowled, realizing that this idiot of a man used his mental tricks on her again.

“Do you think I’d settle for friends only, Lily?” he hotly murmured, his lips drawn close behind her ear. Humigpit ang pagkakasabunot nito sa kanyang buhok. Muli siyang napatingala. “At sa tingin mo, maniniwala akong pagkakaibigan lang ang kailangan mo sa akin? That you came here as a friend?” She shivered at his intensity, at his authority. “What have I taught you? Speak up! Speak up about your truth, about what you really want!”

“I learned to love myself but that doesn’t mean I became selfish!” panlalaban niya sa pagsabunot nito, hinablot ang braso nito paalis para malingon ang lalaki. She met his fiery gaze, noticed his tensed jaws. “Fuck it! I just want to test the waters! I broke your heart too many times, I don’t want that to happen again! Being friends is the safest option I have!”

He held the side of her face, his palm cradling her jaw. Humigpit ang kamay ng lalaki doon.

Nilapit nito ang nagpupuyos na mukha sa kanya.

“You just broke my heart when you said you only wanted to be friends.”

She looked deep into her eyes. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang sasabihin. The rollercoaster of emotions she just had was just hard to recover from.

“T-Then… I’m sorry! Ah!” singhap niya nang bumaba sa kanyang batok ang kamay nito. Jared clutched her nape, dragged and dropped her to the side of the bed.

“Ah!” daing niya nang itulak nito patuwad sa kama.

He gave her a smack at the bottom of her ass. If her pants weren’t real tight, they could have already bounced hard. His hand pressed between her thighs pushed to lift her ass in the air.

Lily took in a deep breath, shut her eyes tightly.

Will he punish me? Will he fuck me?

Jared… Jared… Jared…

Jared stared at her for a moment, slowly subsided his heated intensity before he did the unexpected.

He bent over her, following the shape of her body. Dahan-dahan siya nitong napadapa sa kama. He got on top of her back, slipped his arms around her.

Jared sunk his face at the side of her neck, stole kisses on her shoulder as he embraced her warmly.

Nanatili siyang walang tinag.

Nakiramdam.

Nagtagal din iyon ng ilang minuto.

Hanggang sa magmulat ng mga mata si Lily, nakayakap lang sa kanya si Jared. He faced her direction, so she flicked her head up a bit and pressed her lips on his forehead while smiling.

For the longest time, orgasm was the only thing she knew that could effectively wash away her pain. She took it like a maintenance pill on a regular basis. Because the effect was always short-lived.

Hindi niya lubos-akalain na darating ang oras na ito.

Na ang tanging kakailanganin na lang niya para mawala lahat ng hapdi at kirot na lumulukob sa buo niyang pagkatao ay isang mahigpit na yakap.

Kontentong pumikit si Lily, dinama ang unti-unting paghalili ng kapanatagan at saya sa kanyang puso…

“Arf!”

Sunod-sunod na kahol sa kanilang paanan ang nagpabangon sa kanilang dalawa. Takot na nilayo ni Lily sa dulo ng kama ang mga paa. Napunta sa likuran niya si Jared kaya mapasiksik ang kanyang likod sa dibdib nito.

Lily brought her close-fisted hands to her chest.

Biglang sumampa ang mga paa ng aso sa kama.

Kumahol pa ito.

“Ah, ano ‘yan?” gulat niyang usog palayo sa dulo ng kama.

Natatawang tinapik siya ni Jared sa hita. Then the same hand smoothed toward the deep curve of her waist.

“It’s Doglas. My pet. To me, my emotional support as well.”

Emotional support?

“May diagnosis ka?” pag-aalala niya.

“Wala nga. Para lang sa akin, parang emotional support ko na rin. Kasi, kasa-kasama ko siya sa pag-iisa ko rito sa flat. Such a cute Collie dog, right?” he smiled at the barking dog with pride. “Ito ang isa pa sa mga madalas mangulit sa akin lumabas ng flat!”

Lily eyed on the dog. Tantya niyang hanggang kanyang tuhod ang taas ng aso. Kulay itim ang balahibo nito na may pahid ng puti sa gitna ng mukha at dibdib.

His bark was enthusiastic. Ewan kung bakit hindi sila sinalubong ng aso kanina. Ewan din kung bakit ngayon lang ito nagparamdam.

“Up, boy,” Jared stretched out a hand to Doglas. Tapos tumapik ito sa espasyo sa tabi nito.

Magiliw na sumampa ang aso sa tabi ng amo nito. Nagpaikot-ikot para makahanap ng komportableng posisyon bago tumihaya kaya sinalo ng braso ni Jared.

Humarap siya sa mga ito.

“Hindi nangangagat?”

“Nangangagat pero hindi pa naman ng tao,” ngisi nito. He drew his face close to her. “Sa akin ka mas matakot. Nangangagat ako,” pilyong kagat-labi nito.

“Eeh,” she whined, slapping his hard bicep. Natatawa siya sa kapilyuhan ni Jared pero kinakabahan kay Doglas na walang kamuwang-muwang. Takot na sumilip siya kay Doglas na nakangiti sa pinagmamasdang si Jared. “Jared… baka nangangagat ng strangers. Never pa ako dumikit sa aso. Takot ako sa aso.”

“Okay then,” he smiled at her while rubbing Doglas’ throat and chin. There was something in the way Jared stared at Lily. Parang maiiyak ito sa galak, nagpipigil lang. “I’ll help you two get comfortable with each other.”

Napanguso siya. Nag-aalinlangan pa pero buong tapang na inabot niya si Doglas.

In fairytales and romances, once the couple finds each other again it is followed by the end.

In their case, it is going be a new beginning.

Lily was so sure of that it made her smile.

She smiled, watched her fingers brushed and almost tangled with Jared’s as they rubbed at the friendly dog’s chest. She met his gaze with eyes twinkling, full of hope.

Nag ngitian sila.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

WITH HIS BACK TURNED, a man basked at the low-lit glow of the orange sunset and pink skies. The view that laid before him was of Scheldt river that stretched in front of the Droogdokken Park.

The video doesn’t show his face.

But the man in the video is definitely Jared.

He stood at the concrete ground close to the river, steps away from the grass-covered area where trees and wooden seats were planted.

“When you ghost someone, it doesn’t just hurt them.

It makes them ask a lot of questions.

Questions that linger not just during their pain.

 But even after that. Who knows? Even their whole lifetime.

We thought, we saved someone from pain by depriving them an explanation, by not saying goodbye.

How wrong we are.

They still hurt.

A boat passed by the river. Its up-close image moved slowly, as if cruising along with the white wisps of clouds at the sunset sky.

For him, he kept asking if he did something wrong.

From a distance, on the horizon, buildings and structures that almost kissed the sky lined up. Twinkling their little lights as the darkness of the night slipped on top of the fiery pastel skyline.

If he said something wrong.

If how he expressed his love, all his effort, and everything he gave wasn’t enough—

He wore a dark blue coat— that looked black in the scenery. He knelt when a black Collie hugged his legs. The man rubbed the dog’s head while the cool Autumn breeze played with the tips of his wavy hair.

Niyakap nito ang aso pero pinakawalan din ito.

If he wasn’t enough.

Siyang takbo palayo ng aso rito.

Then, they were already at the streets of Grote Markt— Antwerpen’s town square. Paikot ang shot na naglilibot sa mga mata sa nakalibot na mga gusali sa lugar.

He went through grief.

Most of the white and gray buildings that stood side by side were deeply touched by 16th century designs— the intricate detailing, rows of paneled windows, and the zagged roofings.

His questions remained unanswered because, the only person who can answer those… never showed up to him.

Nakakalula ang kuha ng anggulo sa Antwerp City Hall.

Never showed up for five years.

Asul na asul naman ang langit sa likuran ng monumento ni Brabo.

He tried to compensate for the questions that remained unanswered.

Cobblestones blanketed the ground.

He began to overthink.

He looked at every possibility; delved deep into the science and meaning of things. On his free time, he studied theories.

What followed were compiled videos of different restaurants and cafés around Antwerp. The aesthetic interior, the sparkle of yellow low-light against crystal clear goblets of water, glasses of beers, or liquors in wine glasses. The savory steaks with butter slowly sizzling as it melted on top of a hot meat. Hot chocolates and narrow streets with wall-climbing plants, yellow-orange and dried by the Fall season.

He just wanted to know what could drive a person to just leave without telling. Without goodbyes. Without explaining and without coming back.

He wanted to explore more about breaking patterns. Because this woman who left him has also left him deeply rooted to this pattern:

He got used to waking up with her.

Lumabas ang malapitang larawan ng umuusok na tsokolate.

He got used to making love with her.

Sumunod ang larawan ng anino ng dalawang taong naghahalikan sa tapat ng papalubog na araw. Bumagsak ang anino nila sa pader na may graffitti.

He got used to doing almost everything with her.

Napunta ang video sa umaandar na imahe ng isang tulay at mga nadaanang bike lane.

He began to prefer looking at people from a distance than be with them in the moment. To keep an arm’s length on everyone.

To keep his circle small.

The next clip was shot in Stadswaag. Kita ang daanan na nababakuran ng hanay ng mga naglalagas na puno at nakalinyang wooden benches.

His quiet, understanding and listening nature was tainted with fear. With doubts. So, he learned to overanalyze people.

To be presumptuous.

He thought, being one step ahead, knowing a person at first glance will shield him from the pain he went through.

Then, he will put it on paper.

If he made a breakthrough from his discoveries, he will feel better.

There was an up-close shot of the cobblestone ground, thinly watered, reflecting the yellow and orange leaves from the surrounding trees.

He should have known better. But he chose to keep it all to himself. To be alone. To cure his pain alone.

He knew it wasn’t right. But for him, he thought he could manage on his own. Because he knows how human behavior works.

But he’s still human.

He fell in his own trap.

He obsessed with his profession.

He used it as measurement of his worth.

This time, the setting was in a room. A man’s silhouette faced the desk. Patay na ang ilaw sa silid. Tanging malamlam na liwanag mula sa desk lamp ang kita. Abala sa pagtitipa sa laptop ang lalaki.

He wanted to feel that he’s enough. If not for the woman who left him, then for himself.

Another close-up shot to a hand writing something on a notepad.

He never knew we felt the same.

Sumulpot ang larawan ng isang babae.

Si Lily.

Sinadya niyang huwag ipakita ang mukha niya sa mga ginagawang vlogs.

Mahaba ang puting coat na suot niya. Nakaharap sa classical stairs na gawa sa bato na makikita sa Antwerp Central Station.

I thought I will never be enough to fill his big promising world. To fill the spaces in his life. I thought I was only a speck to dirt the path he needed to take on toward what he and his excellence deserves.

A video of a moving modern train shot through the window from inside a train that moved parallel to it.

I thought I lost my worth when I gave too much of my body to this person. And that. And that.

Nasa video sa parteng ito ng subtitle ang cathedral. Ang nakakalula nitong detalyadong disenyo. Classical Gothic against the gloomy skies.

It took me years to learn that, our worth is immeasurable. Giving away yourself doesn’t pinch away a bit of it. Taking too much doesn’t add up to it either.

The person who loves you believes more in you, knowing who you are, than in your worth based on anyone else; than on your shortcomings…

The video showed the statue of Nello and Patrasche in front of the Cathedral. Made of white material. Natutulog si Nello nang nakayakap sa asong si Patrasche.

Your worth is not about what you do to yourself. It’s about what you do for yourself.

At sunod-sunod na pinakita pa ang mga lugar na pinasyalan nila Lily sa Antwerp. Ang mga masasarap na pagkain na tinikman.

You may not get the reconciliations, the apologies, the understanding, the explanation, or the closure you need from other people.

But that doesn’t make you less of a person.

And when we learned that, we stopped doing the wrong things.

Thank God, we did.

Kasama sa video ang mga kakulitan ng itim na aso tulad ng paggulong-gulong sa damuhan, paghila sa lalaki palabas ng kwarto kagat ang dulo ng pajamas nito, pagtalon-talon sa kama, at pagkalmot sa pinto dahil gusto lumabas.

People may think, I don’t deserve a good man; or a life this good.

In this part of the vlog, Jared was seen in his jogging pants and green sweater. Jogging with her and a dog along the neighborhood.

I may not be enough for the things to come, but I am trying. I’ll keep trying for myself. And for those I love.

Nilabuan ang kanilang mukha. But anyone with eyes could make out that behind the vagueness was their clear open-mouthed smiles and chuckles. Nagtutulakan pa ng pabiro habang nagja-jogging.

Because whether I shouldn’t have done something, should’ve done something, or did something…

That whatever you did, you do, and will do…

Whatever you said, you say and will say…

No matter what happens…

It doesn’t matter.

The video ended to a scene where a couple wore thick winter clothes. The camera was angled in a position that their faces won’t be seen. They were chasing each other in the snow.

What matters is, for you…

And for the person you love…

You are not just enough.

They fell on the thick snow on the ground.

Laughing.

Lily knelt between his legs. She buried her face on the Jared’s chest with her hands around his waists. He wrapped her with his arms and legs, buried his face between her hoodie and dark hair for a forehead kiss.

You are more than enough.”

Doon nagtapos ang bagong upload na vlog sa channel ni Lily.

Ang daya mo naman eh, kulit ni Beta nang balikan nito ang kanilang video chat. Wala namang nasagot itong vlog na ‘to. Nagpadagdag ka lang ng views, bruha ka!

Lily pulled her head back and chuckled heartily.

Sabihin mo na nga kasi sa akin kung paano naging kayo. Ang tanong mo kay Jared, pwede ba kayo maging friends, ‘di ba? Kaya paanong may kalandian ka na sa snow? Kaloka ka!

“At saka na! Can’t you see I’m outside?” inunat niya ang braso para makita ni Beta ang cathedral na nasa kanyang likuran.

Whoa, ningning ng mga mata nito. Now, I want to go to Belgium! Nasaan ka ba ngayon diyan?

“Nasa Cathedral of Our Lady,” paliwanag niya habang inaayos ang itim na scarf sa kanyang leeg. Medyo nakasiksik iyon sa bandang leeg ng puting winter coat na kanyang suot. It was a fluffy hoodie winter coat. Umabot sa kanyang mga hita ang haba niyon.

Sa loob ng coat, may suot siyang long-sleeved sweater na puti. It has horizontal stripes in yellow, red, black, white, and brown. Tinernuhan iyon ng dilaw na paldang patterned at gawa sa itim na lace ang dulo. Ang lastly, a bright green pair of ankle boots.

Her cheeks were reddish, a reaction to the biting winter air. Nakalugay ang kanyang itim na buhok. Sobrang lamig kahit mga dalawang araw nang hindi umuulan ng niyebe. Kalagitnaan na kasi ng Disyembre sa Antwerp, buwan ng winter season.

Lumakad si Lily. Umabante para mahagip sa panibagong anggulo ang nasa likuran niyang estatwa nila Nello at Patrasche.

“See? Nandito rin sila Nello at Patrasche!” pakita niya kay Beta.

Yes. I’ve seen them in your vlog! Masayang napaawang ang mga labi nito nang manggulat si Jared. Bigla na lang nito pinatong ang kamay sa kanyang mga balikat.

Natatawang nilingon ni Lily ang lalaki.

“O, pa’no ba ‘yan? Nandito na si Jared. Pag-visit mo kina Nena, video call mo kami, ha?”

Lily was distracted. Yumakap na kasi sa kanyang bewang ang isang braso ni Jared. Balot na balot din ang lalaki. Kulay beige na winter coat ang suot. Sarado ang mga butones kaya hapit sa matipunong hulma ng pangangatawan nito. Medyo magulo ang alon-alon nitong buhok. Sharp, dark stubbles studded on the sides of his cheeks and chin, spotlighting the brightness of his big magnetic smile.

Of course, ngiti sa kanila ni Beta. Bukas na ang pasyal namin d’on— napasinghap ito nang mahuli ang pagnakaw ng halik ni Jared sa kanyang pisngi. Jared, don’t be such a rude. Kinakausap ko pa si Lily, oh!

Natatawa na lang silang dalawa kay Beta. Halata namang pabiro lang din ang komento nito. Na natutuwa ito sa kanilang dalawa.

Nang matapos ang video call, sinilip ni Lily ang bitbit na canvas bag ni Jared.

“Thanks for waiting. Sorry if it bored you,” anito. Inisip siguro ni Jared na nabagot siya sa paghihintay dahil nadatnan nitong ka-video call niya si Beta.

“Mabilis ka ngang nakabalik, eh,” ngiti niya rito. “It was Beta who called me. We chatted a bit.”

Napalingon si Jared sa cathedral. Sinundan ni Lily ang mga mata nito hanggang sa bumagsak sa katapat nilang estatwa nila Nello at Patrasche.

Lily huddled close to him, slipped her arms between his arms so that she can embrace him. Nakatukod ang kanyang baba sa dibdib nito pero nakalingon pa rin sa estatwa.

Naalala niya noong una nilang pinuntahan ng magkasama ang mismong lugar…

“Hindi na naubos ang tao rito. Paano ako makakapag-selfie kasama sila Nello at Patrasche?”

Mapang-unawa ang ngiti ni Jared. “I like them too.”

“Really? Napanood mo noon? ‘Yong anime?”

“Yeah. It really touched my heart.”

“I know how it feels. ‘Yong, maiwan kang mag-isa. ‘Yong kahit mismong mga tao na dapat inaalagaan ka at minamahal… iniwan kang mag-isa. And you can’t even blame them for leaving you alone… for making you feel all alone…”

“Bakit? Mag-isa ka na lang ba sa buhay, Mr. Jared?”

“No. But being alone is not just about the lack of other people’s physical presence. Sometimes, it is a state of mind… the case of a sad heart. You can be in the arms of this person, be in this crowd, be in front of this church where God can hear you… and you’ll still feel alone. All alone.”

“Don’t you just wish we’ll find our own Patrasche?”

“Maybe we already did. Tinaboy lang natin.”

“Hindi pa naman kita tinataboy, ah?”

Lily carefully stepped closer to him. She tiptoed to be face to face with him.

“We can give it a try,” she whispered with their eyes onto each other’s.

“We don’t have to force it,”

“It will be forced if you don’t want it,” she rubbed his left shoulder with her hand. “So, tell me, Jared,” her eyes glimpsed at his lips. “Do you want to?” Then, back to his eyes. “Or not?”

Napangiti tuloy siya sa alaalang iyon.

She felt his free hand, gently stroking the back of her dark hair.

Napatitig siya rito. A hint of smile was on his lips.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

“Yeah,” her soft reply.

Lily smiled meaningfully and tiptoed to reach his lips with hers. Napangiti si Jared ng kanyang paghalik.

Lily hung her arms on his shoulders. “I am so glad we gave this love a try.”