LILY PURSED HER LIPS. She stared at the caramel apple she was struggling to finish. Nakalitaw na ng kaunti ang mansanas dahil nakagatan ang maliit na parteng natatakpan ng dark chocolate at caramel.

“Now, I am even too stressed to eat more”, nakatitig pa rin siya nang may mapansin.

Lumagpas ang tingin niya sa tinititigang pagkain. Napunta iyon sa gray na slacks ng lalaking nakatayo sa harapan niya.

Humagod ang mga mata ni Lily mula sa unang napagtuunan niyon ng tingin. It was the crotch embossed in that tight slacks. Her trail went up, finding a hot body clad by a fitting navy blue button-down long-sleeved shirt. His maroon suit blazer draped over his shoulders, covering his back. Then, Lily wqs already looking at Jared’s tight lips. Finally, his blazing, dark eyes.

“Are you sure about that?” he muttered lowly.

“Sure about what?” baba niya sa hawak na caramel apple para hindi niyon matakpan ang kanyang mukha. Gumusot ang mukha niya, nagtunog iritable dahil sa gulat.

“You’re too stressed to eat,” his eyes probed hers darkly.

“You seemed in a hurry earlier. May naiwan ka ba?” prangkahan niyang tanong dahil ayaw na niyang mag-assume na naman.

“I think so,” he stared which was already making her heart drum triple time.

“You think so?” lapag niya sa caramel apple sa pinggan. She was about to pull away from his gaze, going to check the seat Jared left for anything he left. Probably, his wallet or cellphone…

But Jared interrupted that with his voice. Like a magnet, he pulled her eyes back into his soldering gaze.

“If you’re too stressed to eat, maybe, we can have some drinks instead,” he shoved his hands in his ppockets. “Let’s go to a bar?”

Inirapan niya ito. “I haven’t finished my champagne earlier. Pati ba naman itong salted chocolate caramel—” Lalong tumalim ang mga mata niya rito. Suspicious. “Why are you inviting me to a bar now?”

“I’ll go there already,” talikod na nito.

Napasimangot siya. Ano na naman ang tumatakbo sa isip ng lalaking ‘to?

She was reluctant. Pero nang malapit na sa glass door si Jared, tumayo si Lily at kinolekta ang mga gamit. Nagpahabol pa siya ng malalaking sipsip ng iced salted chocolate caramel bago binilisan ang mga hakbang para maabutan si Jared.

Gawin mo na lang ang pinapagawa niya, Lily. At baka magbago pa ang isip niya sa appointment for Variant.

They were already at the railed walkway of the shopping centre when Lily caught up with Jared. Malalaki ang mga hakbang ng lalaki, nagi-scan ang mga mata sa bawat restaurant na dinadaanan nila. Nilagpasan nito ang tahimik na bar kung saan uminom si Lily ng champagne.

Sinuot ni Lily ang kanyang pink na blazer.

“Can you please slow down?”

“Slowing down is not in my vocabulary,” he muttered breathily.

“I know,” malisyosa niyang ngiti habang iniisa-isa na rin ng tingin ang nadadaanang mga kainan. Kaya gustong-gusto ko nga kapag nagyaya ka noon mag…

“I’ll just have a few drinks, Lily.”

Finally, he’s starting to explain a bit what this is for.

“Well, you picked the wrong company, Jared,” she warned.

“Did I?”

Napalingon tuloy siya sa lalaki. He had a look in his eye that showed intense intent, a scheming glint that shone against the darkness of his brown irises.

“You said, you only wanted one fuck with me. One last fuck, don’t you, Lily?”

Her heart thumped wildly against her chest. Everyone and everything they walked past that walkway began to turn into threads of light and blurred faces. Tanging boses na lang ni Jared ang kanyang naririnig.

“Ibigay ko lang ‘yon sa’yo at titigilan mo na ako, ‘di ba?” patuloy nito.

Ibibigay? So, they’re going to have sex? Already? Now? Tonight?

Is Jared serious? Did her subtle seduction earlier worked?

She should be beaming. She should be happy.

But no.

Instead, Lily found Jared’s decision suspicious…

Lily allowed her caution to get the best of her. “You’re not convinced that I’ll stop harassing you when you work for Variant?”

“Yes. Because that’s only for December. Matapos lang ang trabaho ko para sa Variant, guguluhin mo na naman ako.”

Fuck him. He knew her so well, so fuck him!

Tinago ni Lily ang sama ng loob. So, what is this? Talagang desidido si Jared na tuldukan ang lahat? Alisin lahat ng chances at rason para makapanggulo siya sa buhay nito? Tutal, panggugulo naman ang tawag niya roon, eh ‘di oo na. Sige na. Nanggugulo siya sa tahimik na buhay ni Jared. At iyon ang patuloy niyang gagawin!

“So, let’s make sure you’ll keep your word, Lily,” he gritted, controlling the raw, aggression in his tone.

Tinatagan niya ang sarili. How would he fuck her tonight? In a way she won’t enjoy? In a way that would make her not want another one with him ever again?

“Of course, who am I for you to trust?” her voice was low, pained. “Niloko na kita dati, ‘di ba?”

Something softened his eyes, contrasting the rough, controlled shadows on his handsome face.

“Exactly,” mahina nitong sagot.

Exactly… panakaw ang irap niya rito. So, how are you going to make sure I’ll keep my word, Jared? How will you talk to me about it? Gagamitan mo na ba ako ng psychology?

Lalagpas pa sana si Jared pero hinablot na ito ni Lily sa braso. Bago pa siya nilingon ng binata, hinila na niya ito papasok sa isang gastropub. The ambience was warm as soon as they got in— splash of colors dominated by modern black and sleek wood. The walked past the floor narrowed by a bar counter and table sets.

She took him to the far corner of the gastropub. Jared flung his blazer on a seat close to him. Hindi naman hinubad pa ni Lily ang sariling blazer.

She needed to maintain her composure. ‘Yong tungkol sa pagbigay ni Jared sa gusto niya?

Pwede pang magbago iyon.

So, she has nothing to be excited about.

“What are you in the mood for?” ayos niya ng upo habang pinapanood ang pag-okupa ng lalaki sa upuan katapat ng kanya, sa kabila ng mesang gagamitin nila.

“What am I in the mood for?” makahulugan nitong titig sa mga mata niya.

She maintained her composure. Kahit na parang sasabog siya mula sa loob-loob sa bumabalot na tensyon sa kanyang katawan. Lily kept a straight face.

“Yes. You want to drink, right? Some drink to celebrate, some to lighten up. Some just wanted to forget, and some just wanted to grieve.” Hinaplos ng kanyang mga daliri ang papel na nakalatag sa mesa. “Choose the beer that suits your mood, Jared.”

“So, how do I order my beer in here? Depending on my mood?” there was this deadliness in his silent approach. “Should I tell the waiter, Hey. I’m in the mood to fuck someone in and out real hard tonight. What beer suits that mood?”

Natigilan si Lily sa mga narinig. Ni hindi niya matanggal ang tingin sa papel ng flow chart na kaharap sa takot na makumpirma kung ano ang nakarehistrong emosyon sa mukha ni Jared. Would she see it in his face that he meant what he said? Or would she see sarcasm, instead?

Hindi siya dapat magpadala. She was the pursuer, but she promised Jared, for the sake of Variant, to stop messing with him. Baka nanunubok lang ngayon ang lalaki. Hindi pwedeng makahalata ang binata sa mga diskarte niya.

“Then go ahead, say that. Make them envious,” she mockingly tugged a sarcastic grin at him. Handa na siya kaya matapang na sinalubong niya ang madilim nitong anyo. “That waiter will be mad jealous, Jared. The more he’ll want to fuck me.”

“Is that so? Your overconfidence is really something,” he pulled out a dangerous smirk that made her heart slam rapidly. “I wonder where you are getting that.”

Hindi niya sasabihin kung saan. Nasa flow chart na ulit ang kanyang atensyon. Isa kasi sa mga gimmick ng gastropub na pinuntahan ang customized na paper place mats. Nakaprinta doon ang isang flow chart na makakatulong sa customer magdesisyon kung anong klase ng alak ang o-order-in.

Lily read it with her eyes. She read each question and answered them in her mind.

The first set of choices seemed to ask what she was feeling as of the moment— happy, sad, lost or adventurous.

 I’m feeling adventurous.

She followed the dotted line toward where her answer lead her— to another question.

For what is she feeling adventurous— with love or with life?

Hindi kumilos ang kanyang mga labi, pero may kuminang sa kanyang mga mata.

Love.

And she reached the result— she was being recommended to order an Irish red ale.

Lily checked the menu. “I’ll have the Blushing Irish Ale…” she glanced at Jared. “Short ribs daw ang magandang pairing sabi rito sa menu. How about you?”

Jared was still eyeing his copy of the menu. “I think a porter will do. Oakey Doakey…” he trailed off, considering before he made up his mind. “This will do.”

“What kind of beer is an Oakey Doakey?” curious niyang tanong dito.

He met her eyes. “A Porter.”

“Ahh,” at sumimple siya ng tingin sa flow chart.

He’s either feeling happy or sad. If sad… mapupunta siya sa No Money. If happy… mapupunta sa tanong kung nagtatrabaho ba siya… and if he answers yes, porter ang recommended na drink for him…

Pagbalik niya ng tingin, nasalubong niya ang mapanuring mga mata ng binata.

“Hindi ako nagbase ng o-order-in sa chart na ‘yan,” paglilinaw nito na para bang nabasa ang nasa kanyang isip.

They made their orders. The silence between them was something that Lily could not bear. Lalo na kung sobra-sobra ang intensidad sa mga titig ni Jared sa kanya.

“Why a porter?”

“You know I only drink for courage,” his gaze grew hotter each second. “And a porter is something robust.”

Napalunok na lang si Lily. Robust?

“Robust,” he cleared. “Flavorful.”

“So, you’ll really fuck me?” She forced a dry smile. “Don’t force yourself, Jared.”

“I thought that’s what you want? Bakit parang gusto mo ngayong umatras?” he cocked his head to the side, seemingly amused. “What suddenly scared you?”

“I still want it, Jared. Ayoko lang na napipilitan ka kapag nag-sex na tayo. I want you to fuck me because you’re seduced… you’re tempted… because you wanted it so bad, you need to get it. Now.”

Sumilay ang ngisi sa sulok ng labi nito. “Why would that matter to you? All you think about is yourself. Your own pleasures. Your own happiness. Your own liberation in doing whatever pleases you.”

“You want the truth, Jared?” she took in a deep breath as she focused on his eyes that were starting to judge her already.

“No need. You are not obliged to explain yourself to me, or to anyone. Gawin mo kung ano ang gusto mo, kung ano ang magpapasaya sa’yo. Nasa sa akin na lang kung paano ko magagawa ang mga bagay na gusto ko.”

Sayang. Sayang naman na hindi ito ang tamang timing para sabihin ang totoo sa lalaki. Pwede naman niyang ipilit, pero hindi na. Hindi na kung hindi naman makikinig ang taong pagsasabihan niya.

“At gusto mong tantanan kita, so you’re doing something that will put us in a win-win situation,” she said calmly.

“Yes. You’ll get the sex you want, and I’ll get what I want after that. Na titigilan mo na ako.”

“But you just said you can’t trust me. So what makes you think, titigilan na kita kapag nakuha ko na ang gusto ko sa’yo?”

“You’ve done that already five years ago— nakuha mo ang gusto mo mula sa akin. Sex. Libreng matitirahan sa Belgium. An assurance that you fuck real good. You got them all and ghosted me later. That’s enough proof that this will work.”

Hindi niya alam kung matatawa sa sobrang insulto o ano. Nakakainsulto man, pero totoo ang mga sinabi ng binata. Ewan pero, ngayon lang na-realize ni Lily na may ganoon siyang pattern.

Hindi ba’t iyon din ang ginagawa niya sa mga lalaking nami-meet sa The Org? Matapos makuha ang gusto niya, iiwanan na ang mga ito. Parang multong maglalaho at hindi na magpaparamdam pa sa mga ito.

She didn’t know why she realized it just now… that she had been doing this over and over again!

But all Lily could think of was to defend herself.

“You think I’ll use the same trick over and over again? Am I that dumb to you?” ngisi niya rito.

That, and she started to reek with so much danger. It was there in her narrowing eyes, a gaze so knife-sharp.

“That’s not what I think of you. I know you’re smart. In fact, too smart for your own good. That’s why I am being extra cautious now, right?”

Now, Jared’s mixing compliments with criticism. What is he up to?

Her mind was racing, heart panicking. May pagkakataon na siyang makuha ang gusto— ang may mangyari sa kanila ni Jared— pero nanaig sa kanya ang tila panghahamon nito na paulit-ulit ang mga galawan niya. Na susunggaban niya agad ang bawat oportunidad na makikita para makuha ang kanyang gusto. Pagkatapos, kapag nakuha na, bigla siyang maglalaho.

She wanted to prove him wrong. To show Jared that he hadn’t figured her out yet. Papanindigan niya ang pagdepensa sa sarili kanina— hat she wasn’t that dumb to use the same trick over and over again.

“Don’t get too drunk tonight, we’re not fucking.” Nakita niya ang pagsasalubong ng mga kilay nito. “At hindi kita ihahatid pauwi. So don’t get too drunk.” Tumanaw siya sa malayo at pinako sa pag-aabang sa waiter ang kanyang paningin.

Dahil hindi niya nilingon, ni sinulyapan man lang si Jared, mukhang nakuha na nitong tinatapos na niya llang pag-uusap nila. Dama niya ang bigat ng titig ni Jared, pero mabuti naman at wala na siyang narinig pa mula sa binata.

.

.

“OH, MY GOD, JARED!” Lily’s voice thinned, stifled by her breathy wide-eyed shock.

“What did you say earlier again?” bulong ni Jared, nasa likuran ng tainga ng dalaga ang mga labi. “We’re not fucking?”

Dama niya ang pagbabaga ng buong katawan, mula sa bawat himaymay ng laman at umaagos sa bawat litid ng kanyang dugo. It must be the porter he drank— it tasted like chocolate, coffee, and bourbon explosively waking up his whole system. So awake, his energy was brimming even if he only had a glass— too few to get him hazy and mind drunk. Inalis niya ang kamay sa batok ng dalaga. The side of her face remained against the tiled wall as he carefully enveloped his hand on her neck, feeling her gulp with her throat against his palm. Jared pressed his crotch on her back, giving Lily a little push as he hands steadied against the wall of that toilet. Pang-isahang tao lang ang banyong iyon ng gastropub, solong-solo nilang dalawa mula nang i-lock iyon ni Jared.

And before Lily could even speak, he savagely pulled down a sleeve of her pink blazer. He lunged down to her exposed shoulder and sucked. He heard her ragged sigh as she lifted her head. Napapatingalang napapikit na lang ito.

“Oh, shit!” si Lily.

He sucked her skin harder, that smooth, creamy skin of hers. Bumakat ang kanyang paninindig habang gumagala na ang isa niyang kamay sa hulma ng katawan nito.

“Ahh…” Lily smiled with closed eyes, her satisfaction encouraged him to move faster.

Jared felt her everywhere— from those breasts down to her stomach and between her thighs. Mabilis na nagpabalik-balik doon ang kanyang kamay, dumidiin sa sobrang pananabik. He grabbed a breast and began squeezing so hard she released a breathy moan. It was so good, he began to snap out of his decency. Inikot-ikot ng kanyang kamay ang dibdib nito, piniga ng magkabilaan habang walang tigil ang kanyang mga labi sa paghalik sa leeg nito at balikat.

“You did not even give a fight when I pulled you in here, Lily!” he grunted gloriously when she lifted her ass against his crotch like an animal in heat, circling her hips and rubbing. Grinding against him with an urgency, similar to going crazy if she didn’t do that. “How am I supposed to believe na tatantanan mo ako?”

She pulled out a challenging smile, torn in between resisting his nibbling on the side of her neck because it tickled her and offering her neck for him to devour because it felt so good to be consumed by him.

“We both know you don’t want that, Jared.” What a proud woman. “Don’t let the past hold you back. Fuck me, Jared. Fuck me. We both want that!”

“Alright!” he reached for the end of her pink pencil skirt, pulled it up.

He saw her smooth ass bounce once released, softly slamming against his pants-hidden crotch. Dumakma siya. Hinagod-hagod niya iyon, pinagmasdan at pinagnasahan. His hand slid, reached in front and squeezed his way between her thick thighs. Jared reached for her white lace panty and pulled it aside, a soft tear could be heard during his intrusion.

Nakakainis. Hindi dapat ganito. He should have went home. He was doing the same mistake again… the same sin… and with the same woman.

Again.

But he just couldn’t hold it in any longer. Five long years had already tormented him. If he had to be a fool just to get this pleasure, then he’d go ahead. No wonder idiots have more fun. No knowledge is there to hold them back.

Too bad he knows things. And knowing that Lily just gets whatever she wanted… it’s so hard to accept that it seemed like a rule of the universe to provide her everything.

So hard to accept… damn, he was so hard within his pants.

Jared threw himself against her again, bit her hard on the shoulder.

“Jared—” singhap ng babae bago namilog ang mga mata nito. Her mouth slowly parted, holding her breath as he pushed his fingers against her slit and began massaging. Encircling with delicious pressure, stroking like a burning blade to trace her. Then, he thumbed her clitoris, awakening it hard and pink and slippery from slumber.

“Jared!” she slammed a hand against the wall, and pressed her shaking knees close. All that, just to be able to take in the intensity of how he was making her feel right now. Because the pleasure was starting to get too much.

Too much already when there’s more awaiting.

Within his arms, he could feel her body pulsing with so much wanting.

“Fuck me already, Jared,” she whimpered softly, under the dangerous spell of him already fingering her wet pussy.

Touching her felt so good, he released her shoulder that he was biting and staggered out a throaty groan.

“Not until you’re wet enough for it, Lily,” he breathed against her check, sliding his hand from her neck her jaws. He grasped and made Lily tilt her head to meet his gaze.

Nang magtama ang mga mata nila, sinalampak niya ng brutal na halik ang mapula nitong mga labi. She tasted so sweet, so fruity, making him forget that she drunk an Irish ale earlier. Lily moaned and whimpered against his lips, then felt her lips curl into a satisfied smile. The smile of a victorious. That, before she immediately parted her lips for him. He didn’t even have to ask her even once, she just willingly offered herself to him— in and out.

Nilaliman pa niya ang mapusok na paghalik dito.