Year 2017...

KOMPORTABLENG NAKAUPO SILA JARED AT LILY SA BAKAL NA MGA UPUAN. Nakapwesto sila sa tapat ng isang restaurant, sa mesang may payong na katabi ng dinadaanan ng mga tao.

Lily cupped the bowl of beer in her hands. This bowl is a big transparent chalice that held the finely brewed amber-colored beer. Pinanood ni Jared ang pagsipat ng dalaga sa inumin bago nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya.

“You really recommend this to me?” a hint of teasing smile was on her face.

“Yeah,” angat ni Jared sa hawak na bote ng De Koninck. “Dahil ‘yan ang representative ng Antwerp pagdating sa mga beer.”

“What makes it different…” she grinned boldly, “from all the other beers out there?”

Jared scanned Lily for a while. Balot na balot ang babae sa puti nitong coat at boats. Her hands were not gloved, showing those delicate fingers and French-tipped nails. Her red-orange hair fell in on her back, straight underneath a white beanie hat.

“Mas banayad ang hagod,” makahulugan niyang titig sa mga mata nito. “Mabango. Buhay na buhay ang lasa. Kaunti lang ang pait na idudulot sa’yo dahil puro sarap.”

“Aba…” tuwid nito ng pagkakaupo, nanatiling magkapatong ang mga hita at maingat sa hawak na baso ng alak. “Parang hindi naman ‘tong alak ang tinutukoy mo, Jared.”

“Instead of asking, why don’t you just drink some already?”

Inangat ng babae ang baso. “Cheers. For great sex.”

Pinanlakihan ito ni Jared ng mga mata. “There’s people here!”

Lily chuckled. Oh, this cheeky woman.

Her glass and his bottle clinked. Habang umiinom sa kanyang bote, nakaabang ang mga mata ni Jared sa dalaga. He instructed her how drinking Bolleke must be done in Antwerp. So, Lily settled down the chalice on the table, then lowered her head for her first sip. Once she was done, she cradled the glass with her two hands before taking a longer sip.

He saw her close her eyes, savoring the velvety aroma from the beer named after its bowl-like glass, hence, the street name Bolleke. Its proper name is beer or De Koninck (brand name), but people in Antwerp nicknamed the drink Bolleke, and it’s been called that way ever since.

As a smile appeared on Lily’s lips, Jared felt confident that he did his job well.

“What can you say?” he exhaled as he put down his bottle on the table.

Lily smacked her moist lips. Damn, so red and juicy. Binaba nito sa mesa ang baso.

“Masarap,” kislap ng mga mata nito habang nakikipagtitigan sa kanya.

“It has a bit of caramel too, so… that makes it sweet.”

“Are you trying to say that you’re sweet too, Jared?” she asked playfully.

“So now you’re associating with Bolleke? Beware. Baka ako na ang lagi mong maalala kapag nakakainom ka ng beer.”

Pagak itong tumawa. For some reason, the obvious emotion behind her laughter clenched his heart. Pero heto, nagawa pa rin ni Jared ngumiti sa dalaga.

“Didn’t we just meet, Jared?” sandal ng babae sa backrest ng upuan. “How come… How come I just let a stranger fuck me?”

He shrugged.

Natawa ito. “Silly me. Not let a stranger fuck me. I seduced a stranger, so he’ll fuck me.”

“You made a promise last night,” paalala niya rito habang unti-unting nilalamon ng pagkaintriga sa babae. “You said if I fuck you, you’ll tell me what you want to know. Something that you’re implying that you will only know… kapag may nangyari sa atin.”

“That’s the reason why you fucked me, isn’t it?” she cocked her head and looked into his eyes. “To get the answer to that question, right? You’re studying me, I know.”

Nanlambot siya. Iyon ba ang iniisip ng babae na klase ng pagkatao niya?

“Believe what you want to believe in. Kahit naman sabihin kong interesado ako sa’yo kaya ko nagawa ang lahat ng ito… you won’t believe it.”

She stared at him, considering what he said or processing what she’s going to do… Jared didn’t have any clue.

“I wasn’t an easy girl. I only give this body to one man…” nagbaba ito ng tingin, mahinang natawa. “Well, at least, I used to.”

He sighed heavily. “Damn. This is typical. Heartbroken kaya nag-out of town.”

“Hindi naman ako maga-out of town kung… kung may karamay ako sa Pilipinas.”

Nalungkot siya. “You don’t have family? Friends?”

“I have a best friend. Well, I used to. But ever since naglayas siya sa kanila… pinutol na rin niya ang communication sa akin.” Lily smiled but his heart broke seeing that it contrasted the sadness in her eyes. “I have a family, but all they think about being in your feelings is a sign of weakness… A sign that you can’t control yourself. Masyado silang busy sa kumpanya, kapag nag-open up ako, alam ko na ang sasabihin nila. They’ll just say, Lily, pull yourself together because there are more important things to focus on.” Sinundan ng hintuturo ng dalaga paikot ang rim ng baso nito ng Bolleke. Her fingers stroked slowly. “And the cause of my heartache… He’s already gone.”

Nakatitig lang siya sa dalaga. Hindi siya pakialamerong tao, pero bakit ganito? Gusto niyang malaman kung anong klase ng tao ang minahal nito sa Pilipinas. Gusto niyang malaman kung ano ang ginawa nito para masaktan ang dalaga ng sobra. Sobra-sobra kaya kinailangan pa nitong lumipad sa ibang bansa.

“I thought I needed everybody,” she carried her beer glass again, smiling again as her eyes found his’. “Now, I just realized… that I need nobody else. Just myself.”

Sumimsim ito. Samantalang si Jared, nasaktan agad dahil imbes na just you, just myself ang naging huling kataga ng dalaga.

Damn. She said the right thing, Jared. Let her be.

“Given all of that, what does our sex last night have to do with that? Nalaman mo na ba ang gusto mong malaman?”

Lily licked her wet lips as she put down the glass again. “Oo naman, Jared.”

“What is it?”

She sighed, pressed against the chair’s backrest and caught his gaze once more.

“You said I’m great at sex. That’s all I need to know.”

Napamaang siya. Iyon lang ba ang pinunta ng babaeng ito sa London? Sa Belgium?

“I’ve been hopping from country to country lately,” patuloy ng dalaga. “More often, umuurong ako kapag nakakahanap na ako ng pagkakataong makipag-sex.”

Bakit ganito? Nagseselos agad siya? Kumukulo ang dugo isipin ang posibilidad na may ibang lalaki na umaangkin sa katawan ng kanyang kaharap?

“Ano ang kinalaman niyan sa problema mo?” nagtitimpi niyang usisa.

He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t show her what he was really feeling.

“Well… May nakarelasyon ako sa Pilipinas,” lagpas ng tingin nito sa kanya, napunta ang mga mata ni Lily sa kawalan. “Ang tagal rin namin naging in a relationship. Seven years. Sa tagal na naging kami, akala ko tuloy siya na. Akala ko tuloy, kami na ang magkakatuluyan. Akala ko… tamang tao na ang kasama ko.”

Jared lowered his eyes, seeing nothing this time but the table as he unconsciously internalize and empathize with Lily’s situation.

“Iyon pala, habang nagtatagal, nagsasawa na siya sa akin. He found himself someone who he thinks can fuck his cheating cock better than I did.” Her fingers lingered on the rim of her chalice again. “Typical, isn’t it? Common na siguro para sa psychlogist na tulad mo ang ganitong scenario, ‘di ba?”

“Common na rin para sa normal na mga tao tulad mo, pero bakit masakit?”

Nagtama ang mga mata nila. He could see with how Lily looked at him that he just perfectly voiced out what she’s been keeping deep inside.

“Ang daling sabihing i-let go. Wala siyang kwentang lalaki kaya huwag pag-aksayahan ng oras. Humanap na lang ng iba. Self-love na lang. Right? Pero… masakit,” naluluha na ito kaya pagak na tumawa para pagtakpang naiiyak na ito. “And it hurts more right now, Jared. Because when you said I was great… I felt really good. Nagbalik ‘yong kumpiyansa ko sa sarili ko. But that is only for a few seconds” Nagsimula nang maging matigas ang tono ng dalaga, may kalakip na mabigat na pagdaramdam na nakakaapekto sa lakas ng boses nito. “Kasi naalala ko ang gagong Oliver na ‘yon. If I am great at sex, then it just means… it just means he lied to me. He fucking lied to me just to justify his cheating ass—”

“Lily,” he warned her sternly, “lower down your voice.”

Napasinghap ito. Dahan-dahang tumingin sa paligid nang hindi ginagalaw ang ulo. Her eyes widened in humiliation upon seeing some of the customers already looking at them.

Lumunok ang dalaga. Huminga ng malalim. Mabilis nitong pinagtakpan ang pagiging emosyonal. She looked at him so casually when she lifted up her eyes on him again.

“So,” Jared resumed. “You bought his excuse? That you’re not good at sex anymore that’s why it’s time to break up?”

“I did,” she answered, straight-faced.

“Didn’t the concept of love occur to you?” mataman niyang titig sa mga mata nito.

“Love?” she looked confused, as if she heard a foreign word.

“Yes. Love.” Bakit kinakabahan siya? “Have you ever asked him what about love? Don’t he love you anymore?”

Napatitig sa kanya ang babae. Her lips slowly formed into a smirk before she gently laughed.

“Love? Kailangan ko pa bang tanungin siya kung mahal pa ba niya ako?”

“Of course!” bahagyang tumaas ang tono niya. “I mean,” he calmed down, “if he still loves you, then it’s possible you can work out on your issues about sex. You can just talk about it. You can fix things first or try new things together. Get a couple’s sex therapy. You can’t just give up on the person you love without trying to mend things, right?”

Napailing si Lily. “You’re a psychologist, right?”

Hindi niya gusto ang tinuran ng babae. Nape-perceive na niyang may balak itong kumontra sa kanya.

Pero saan ba siya magaling? Sa pakikinig sa kwento ng ibang tao, ‘di ba?

“Yes,” he answered seriously, leaning against the table to give her a closer look. Wala siyang balak patakasin ang magagamdang mga mata ng dalaga sa pakikipagtitigan sa kanya.

“Then why are you talking like you’re from nineteen hundreds? Love? What makes you think love is enough?”

He chose to listen to her justifications.

“You see,” Lily continued, “kahit mahal pa namin ang isa’t isa, if one, just one aspect of our lives become incompatible?” She smugly shrugged. “Poof. Break-up.”

Tumuwid si Jared ng pagkakaupo. “That easy?”

“Yes,” taas-noo nitong sagot. “Let me guess. Iba ang paniniwala mo. You believe love conquers all?”

And a mock deliciously laced her laughter.

Hindi nagbago ang seryosong ekspresyon sa mukha ni Jared.

“You’re just talking like that because of what you’ve been through, Lily.”

In other words, bitter, Lily.

She stopped mid-laughter, her smile partly faded. “Excuse me?” masigla pa ang boses nito.

“If you don’t believe that love is powerful, bakit umasa ka na kayo ni Oliver ang magkakatuluyan sa huli? ‘Yan tuloy. Nasasaktan ka. Kung kani-kanino ka na lang din nakikipag-sex. And for what? To feel valued? To feel significant? To feel great? To feel loved? Just like how Oliver made you feel everytime he’s fucking you?”

Alam niyang matindi-tindi ang epekto ng mga sinabi sa babae. Tuluyan na kasing kumupas ang pangungutya sa ngisi nito kanina nang tawanan nito. Her eyes gazed at him, offended and moist as her jaws tightened.

“You’re off duty, right?”

And Jared felt sadness swept through him. Ngayon lang niya kasi napagtanto kung ano ang defense mechanism ng dalaga… kung ano rin ang coping mechanism nito.

Scapegoating.

She left Philippines. She let her man break up with her just like that. She fucked a stranger just to escape the feeling of inadequacy that Oliver left her with. Lily just leaves whenever she needed to shield her feelings, whenever she needed to move on from something.

Jared already knew in that moment that there’s a risk with being the only person in this world who he can relate to.

The only person that he’s so interested with because she’s the only person he can see with the ability to understand him…

“Right?” mariing udyok ni Lily nang hindi siya nakasagot agad.

“Right,” suko niya.

She must be reminding him that he was off-duty so he won’t act like a psychologist toeard her. He did not intend to. Pero mukhang ganoon ang impresyong nakuha ni Lily sa pakikipag-usap niya rito. Kaya gusto nitong tumigil siya sa pagsasalita.

Namagitan sa kanila ang katahimikan. Lily just eyed on her drink. Mukhang nawalan na ito ng gana. Kita sa pagsalampak ng katawan nito sa kinauupuan ang pananamlay.

Nakakainis dahil siya ang unang sumuko. “I’m sorry. Inintindi ko na lang muna sana na… hindi ka pa nakaka-move on. I shouldn’t have brought the conversation to this point.”

Lily just stared at her barely half empty chalice of beer.

“Let’s stroll?”

“Where?” silip ng mata nito sa kanya bago binalik din sa pagkakatitig sa beer.

“Kita mo ba ‘yon?” tanaw niya sa may kalayuan, sa bandang likuran ni Lily Lumagpas ang kanyang tingin sa basang kalsada para marating ang simbahan.

He sunk upon seeing her remain in her position. Wala man lang kainte-interes dahil hindi nito nilingon ang tinutukoy niyang dapat nitong makita.

But Jared chose to be patient with her.

“Naroon ang Cathedral of Our Lady.” Tinanaw niya ulit ang simbahan.

The Cathedral of Our Lady stood high at the center of Antwerp’s town square. Her gothic style, gloomy washed cream walls and dark gray roofings matched the foggy, dark white skies.

Lily remained quiet. Binabalik-balikan ba ng dalaga sa isip nito ang mga sinabi niya?

Can’t you just pretend you’re not affected by the things I said? Titig niya sa babae habang naghihintay sa tugon nito. Ako ang nag-aalala sa’yo, eh.

Jared continued. He can’t just give up on Lily.

“Pwede tayong pumasok sa loob ng simbahan. Makikita mo sa loob niyon ang ilan sa mga paintings ni Rubens.”

Light touched her sweet yet somber face. “Rubens…” she echoed lifelessly, still staring blankly at nowhere.

Then her eyes widened as she jolted on her seat. Daig pa nito ang nakuryentr nang magbalik ang buhay at sigla sa katawan nito.

“Cathedral of Our Lady?” bulalas nito. “Rubens? Ibig sabihin, nand’on ‘yong Nello and Patrasche?”

“Nello and Pat-what?” taas ng isa niyang kilay kasabay ng pagkunot ng noo.

“You know what,” she picked up her chalice and spoke in between each hurried gulps of beer. “Ubusin na natin ‘to. Let’s go. Doon sa statue. Right now. Hurry, Jared.”

Napatitig lang siya sa dalaga. She really bit his bait. He gave her a reason to escape the sadness she was feeling after their conversation. Alam ni Jared na may magagawa siya para matulungan ang dalaga. But he didn’t want to be her therapist.

He wanted to be closer to her than that…

Nagulat na lang siya nang maubos ni Lily ang laman ng baso nito. Bigla itong tumayo at nabangga pa ang gilid ng mesa ng hita nito.

“Sorry. Sorry,” she held up her hands to show in that gesture that Jared has nothing to worry about. “I’m fine, Jared. Let’s go.”

Nang marating ang harapan ng simbahan, nakatayo lang si Jared sa likuran ni Lily. Bagong-bago lang ang estatwa roon nila Nello at Patrasche, mga karakter sa A Dog of Flanders kaya hindi nakakapagtaka ang dami ng tao roon. Residente man ng Antwerp o turista, nagsasalitan ang mga ito para makapagpa-picture kasama ang estatwang gawa sa putting bato ng isang batang natutulog katabi ang alaga nitong aso. Tila nagsilbing kumot ng mga ito ang batong kalsada ng Antwerp.

Lily took more photos using her smartphone. Nakasimangot ang babae nang lingunin siya.

“Hindi na naubos ang tao rito. Paano ako makakapag-selfie kasama sila Nello at Patrasche?”

Mapang-unawa ang ngiti ni Jared. “I like them too.”

“Really? Napanood mo noon? ‘Yong anime?” sulyap nito sa kanya.

Jared held her gaze. “Yeah. It really touched my heart.”

Her eyes became glassy. Dahil doon, parang nahawa na rin siya sa lungkot ng dalaga. Nagbalik na rin kay Jared ang mga dinadalang problema sa kanyang dibdib. Gaano katagal na ba niyang sinantabi ang mga iyon para paniwalain ang sarili na okay na siya?

“I know how it feels,” Jared stared at the statue, while Lily held her phone against her chest with two hands. “’Yong, maiwan kang mag-isa. ‘Yong kahit mismong mga tao na dapat inaalagaan ka at minamahal… iniwan kang mag-isa. And you can’t even blame them for leaving you alone… for making you feel all alone…”

“Bakit?” naaawa nitong titig sa kanya. “Mag-isa ka na lang ba sa buhay, Mr. Jared?”

“No. But being alone is not just about the lack of other people’s physical presence. Sometimes, it is a state of mind… the case of a sad heart. You can be in the arms of this person, be in this crowd, be in front of this church where God can hear you… and you’ll still feel alone. All alone.”

Tinanaw na ulit ni Lily ang estatwa. “Don’t you just wish we’ll find our own Patrasche?”

“Maybe we already did. Tinaboy lang natin.”

Tuluyan nang humarap ang babae sa kanya. She smiled at him that matched the soft, sentimental glow in her eyes.

“Hindi pa naman kita tinataboy, ah?”

Kinabahan siya. Absurd as it may seem, but this nervousness never bothered him. In fact, it felt good… too good. He remained stunned at what she said. Nakatitig sa mga mata ng dalaga.

Sa mga oras na ‘yon, nawala ang lahat ng kanyang talino. Isinantabi ‘yon ng pananabik.

Lily carefully stepped closer to him. Tumingkayad ito nang kaunti para mag-level ang mga mata nila.

“We can give it a try,” she whispered with their eyes onto each other’s.

“We don’t have to force it,” sagot niya rito, halos hindi makahinga sa epekto ng pagkakalapit ng kanilang mga mukha.

“It will be forced if you don’t want it,” she rubbed his left shoulder with her hand. “So, tell me, Jared,” her eyes glimpsed at his lips. “Do you want to?” Then, back to his eyes. “Or not?”

Lily clearly put her message across that she wanted to give the two of them, being together, a try. Her integrity shows by sharing that she managed a relationship for seven years. She’s confident enough to propose this idea to him and said it so calmly it sounded like a positive idea, a good idea, a promising idea.

Why?

Because if he says yes, there is this possibility that he won’t feel alone anymore.

Jared felt a sense of trust in her every word because he knows Lily’s story... her pain and loyalty. She expressed her empathy for him by connecting with his feeling of being abandoned, of being alone… by admitting that she, too, has experienced and felt the same.

At sa kabila ng kaalamang iyon, hinayaan ni Jared na dampian siya ng magaang halik ni Lily sa mga labi.

That kiss was a symbol of how much she meant it. How she genuinely wanted them to try being together.

Mabilis na lumayo ito, pinagmasdan siya matapos halikan. Nakaabang ang mga mata nito. Hinahanap ni Lily ang reaksyon sa kanyang mukha. Naghihintay ito ng kanyang sagot.

Lily is so good with persuasion. She acted like wasn’t dictating him what to do. She made him feel thaf the final decision is up to him. A gesture out of respect. And since her persuasion is so good, she didn’t really need to tell him what to do or what decision to make. Her persuasion is so effective he felt like doing whatever she wanted him to do.

Jared felt the small of her waists. He gently pulled Lily close to him and felt her smile as his lips softly pressed against hers. Nakangiting pinikit ng dalaga ang mga mata nito, nilapat ang isang kamay sa kanyang dibdib. Sa parte ng kanyang dibdib kung saan malakas na tumatambol ang kanyang puso.

And that’s when a series of their trysts began.