LILY LIFTED HER HEAD. Spit smeared all over the sides of her mouth, her eyes droopy and hazed by the heat. Dama niya ang paninindig ni Jared sa kanyang kamay. Nang hagurin niya ito, mas lalong dumulas ang kahabaan ng lalaki.

As soon as Jared confirmed that his erection was smoothened by her spit, he reclaimed his power. His strong shove sent Lily on the side of the bed, lying on her back. Binilisan niya ang pagbangon. Pinaspasan habang naghuhubad pa ng roba nito si Jared. She heard his maroon satin robe flutter in the air. Wala sa binata ang kanyang mga mata kaya hindi niya alam kung saan napunta ang initsa nitong kasuotan.

Nakaluhod na si Lily sa kama, nakatukod doon ang mga kamay nang hatakin ni Jared. He grasped on her right ankle and pulled her to the middle of the bed. Bumuwal ang pagkakatukod ng mga kamay niya sa kama. Kumiskis sa leather bed ang pisngi habang nakadapa roon nang hilain ng binata. As soon as Jared stopped pulling, Lily tried to fight her way out, scampered on her knees.

Only to give in as soon as Jared positioned behind her.

His fingers almost dug on her hips as he securely put her in place- ass up, head down.

Inangat ni Lily ang ulo at dibdib, napasinghap nang ipalo-palo ulit ni Jared ang matigas nitong miyembro sa kanyang puwitan.

"Fuck," he muttered. Mukhang noon lang na-realize ng binata na masasaktan ito kapag pinalo-palo ng malakas sa kung saan o kanino ang paninindig nito.

Lily arched her back and pushed her butt against his crotch. Mapaglarong kumiskis siya roon- didiin tapos lalayo ng kaunti para lang bumuwelo ng patulak-tulak dito.

"What now? Are you going to punish me or what?"

"Just know that it also hurts me when I punish you," he hissed and yanked at the bottom of her thong like an elastic band.

Lily inhaled sharply as he shoved in his cock.

"Jared!" anger grated her voice followed by her breath-stopping, glorious moan.

It was so loud it disgruntled him and made him flick his thrust forward. Biglang bumaon tuloy ang lalaki!

"Fuck!" she screamed and began shaking at his tip pressing against her spot. "Fuck, Jared! P-Pull back! Pull... back!" parang maghihingalo na siya pero walang awang hinigpitan nito ang hawak sa kanyang balakang at bumaon pa lalo.

"Ah!" tingala niya kasabay ng mariing paghablot sa leather bed.

Dahil walang bedsheet, paulit-ulit na kumalmot lang doon ang kanyang mga kuko. Her body stiffed as she tried to endure this shot of pleasure that shocked her whole system.

Jared bent over her, his chest warm against her back.

"What did you say again, Lily?"

Lily flinched. "Fuck me."

"That's not what you said," he panted, struggling to hold on in this position. If only she knew that time how Jared itched to just get through this and fuck her to no end already.

"J-Jared," Lily could feel her vaginal muscles wrapped around his meat, beating excitedly. "P-Please..." Then she drew in a deep breath through her mouth.

"That's not what you said, Lily. What did you say earlier?" he grabbed her throat.

"Fuck me, J-Jared... Punish me-"

"Wala kang paninindigan," anas nito.

Lily hung down her head. Medyo nanginig ang nakatukod niyang mga kamay sa kama.

"Bibitinin mo ba ako, Jared? Iyon na ba ang parusa mo sa akin-"

He murmured behind Lily's ear. "Just admit it, you're scared. You're a coward. You've always had a voice but can't use it not because no one will listen. But because you're a scared, prideful pussycat who can't even put up a fight! Even if your life depends on it!"

And that's when he began plowing her. She almost teared up. It was just so good. Kahit marahas pa ang atake ng binata. Kahit halos magkombulsyon siya sa bilis ng paglabas-masok nito.

She allowed his thrusts to bounce her body back and forth. She's a pingpong ball that Jared could play all day. No matter how many times he smack her away, she would still bounce back to him.

"What if I say yes? Yes, I'm scared? Yes, I'm a coward! Does that make me need you?" hingal niya habang patuloy ang walang palya nitong pag-angkin sa kanya.

Jared released a low groan as he stuffed back his meat inside her. A long stroke that made both of them hold their breaths. And as soon as he hit her deepest spot, they released a relieved sigh.

"Need me?" he finally spoke, caressing her back before unclasping her bra. She heard the small clink of the metal hooks undone. Her bra dropped in an instant. "You don't need me, Lily. Everything you need is right here-" he clutched and squeezed he left breast to pertain to her heart. "Speak. Speak, Lily. Speak your damn truth. Even if it scares you. Even if no one is ready to listen. Speak it, damn it!"

"What truth are we talking about here," titig niya sa kama.

Dama ni Lily ang pagtabi ng pisngi ni Jared sa gilid ng kanyang mukha.

"Tell me why you left me in Belgium."

"Tangina naman, Jared. Huwag mong sirain ang mood-"

She intentionally cut off her words. Gusto niyang sumingit si Jared at sabihin nitong balewalain ang request nito. Lily was hoping he would say that the past and whatever her reasons before doesn't matter already because what matters is the now.

That they are together now.

Jared stroked the back of his finger on the outline of her right jaw.

"I see... It's alright then..."

Sa mga sinabi nito, tumagos sa kanya ang pagiging mapang-unawa ng binata. He took her silence as a no to his request.

"I'm sorry if I-"

Lily didn't want to speak her truth so she breaks away from jared.

As much as it was marring to tell him the truth, it breaks her heart to watch Jared being this kind to her over and over again. Being this forgiving. Being this understanding. Hindi niya maatim isiping pinagkakaitan niya ang binata sa katotohanan.

He doesn't deserve that.

He's a decent man who deserves something better out of a relationship.

Someone better.

She wanted honest relationships, and Jared deserves one.

It's so sad to think that she can't give him what he deserves, and she can't be in a relationship that she wanted when she's with Jared.

Wala siyang pakialam kung thong na lang ang kanyang suot nang lumabas ng silid. Napulot naman niya sa sahig nung patungo sa pinto kanina ang isang maroon na roba. Sinuot niya iyon habang tinatahak ang makitid na pasilyo palayo sa kwartong pinanggalingan.

"Lily!"

Napamulagat siya nang marinig ang boses ni Jared.

Hindi siya handa. Gusto niyang tumakas na naman. Magtago at magbawi ng lakas bago harapin ulit ang lalaki. Binilisan ni Lily ang mga hakbang.

Kapag nakita ng binata na wala siyang balak makipag-usap dito, siguradong rerespetuhin na naman iyon nito. He will get the hint and would just accept it and would allow her to go.

Malapit na sa hagdan si Lily nang lumingon sa likuran. She saw Jared still hot on her trail. Dark, strong intensity returned in his eyes. She was usually the predator, chasing him so he'll fuck her and love her again. But at this point, their roles just switched.

Napahawak siya sa balustre ng grand stair. Manginig-nginig ang mga kamay at nangangatog ang mga tuhod. She should be scared, but deep down, the fact that Jared was chasing her sent her heart into a rampant thrilled throbbing.

Kapwa sila naghabulan sa The Org. What a scandal it caused as Jared kept screaming her name.

Until he finally caught her arm in the gazebo.

Lily wildly turned her head to face him, eyes defiant against his intimidating gaze.

"Is this what you want to do all your life? Run away when things are not in favor of you?" he panted, tired from their chase.

Nanlaban siya pero hinding-hindi binitawan ni Jared ang kanyang braso.

"I can't believe you'll stoop this low. Forcing a woman to talk to you, using your advantage in strength to get what you want-"

Jared cut off her fiery defiance. Lily's feisty voice was a flame over an ocean of tears that filmed her eyes. Not until he extinguished her with his earthy stable tone.

"Stop it already, Lily. You know that that's not the case in here," nagtitimpi na lang ito, halata sa bigat ng tono ng binata. His down-to-earth stability suddenly cracked and rocked and shook her like an earthquake. "Tinatakbuhan mo na naman ako tulad ng ginawa mo sa Belgium!"

And the earthquake turned her ocean to a tidal wave. The waters reached the shores. It was her tears streaming down her eyes.

"Why can't you just love me again, Jared?" She swallowed hard, only to tighten her chest. Only to make it harder for her to breathe and shudder. "I just want you to love me like you did before, but this time, to the point that you won't give a shit anymore with my past. That you won't care about the past."

Her heart broke. She shattered at every word. Each letter chipped her off piece by piece until her heart is in crumble around her feet.

"That's not how I want to love you, Lily," mas sumeryoso ito. Kumalma ang nakakayanig na awtoridad sa tinig nito kanina. Kumalma. "I want to love you to the point that I'll value your past because it shaped you into a better person. I want to love you to the point that I'll still love you no matter what your past is, that I'll still accept your past because I love you."

Napailing siya. "But I can't tell you... I... I'm ashamed... I'm..."

"I know now. I understand," pagbibigay diin nito. "Sinabi ko na ngang okay lang, 'di ba? Okay lang kung ayaw mong sabihin sa akin."

Damn, she could not look into his eyes already.

"But that's the thing! I can't be honest with you and most probably, this will be for forever! Because I don't know what you're thinking!"

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay nito, kumunot ang noo. "What I'm thinking?"

"Talagang okay lang sa iyo na hindi ko sabihin? O sinasabi mo lang 'yan para ma-guilty ako? O sinasabi mo lang na okay dahil, I don't know, psychologist ka, you must be doing something with my mind so you'll get what you want?"

Lily wanted to hug herself. She can shove back people who push her to her limit, but never Jared. She just couldn't.

Lumalambot siya sa presensya nito. Isa iyon sa mga nakakatakot na bagay sa mundo. It's scary how the strongest becomes the most vulnerable when facing the person they love.

"Why can't you just treat me as a person?" Mas lumambing ang boses ni Jared. "Ihiwalay mo ako sa kung ano ang propesyon ko lalo na't wala naman tayo sa workplace." Nakikiusap na ito. "See me as who I am, not as what I do. Because people do things that doesn't really define who they are. You know that, right? You understand that and you know that's real because that's how you've been coping all these years."

Napatitig siya sa mga mata ni Jared.

"If you still find it hard to see who I really am. Then, let's get to know each other more in the next days. For now, see me whoever you want me to be in your life. Your friend? Your lover? See me that way now."

Should she? Susundin lang ba niya ang mga sinasabi nito?

"I can't read your mind, Lily. Fuck it. I can't," his frustation shows, affecting him in a torture instead of irritance. "I ask you things because I want to know you more. I'm damned because you're the only person I genuinely want to get to know better. Knowing you is to love you, Lily. If I want to get to know you more and more, that's a telltale sign already that I love you."

Everything around them seem to fall into silence. All except Jared's stifled breathing and her gentle sobs as her tears kept rolling. Ang hardin ng mga bulaklak na nakapalibot sa gazebo na iyon ay kumaway bago yumuko bilang pagbibigay galang sa kanilang pag-uusap. Mas kuminang ang matamlay na dilaw na liwanag mula sa mangilan-ngilang poste ng ilaw sa paligid. The soft breeze of the night that touched her skin and combed the strands of her hair soothed her, whispered that things will be alright if she just speak up.

"I don't want to be your psychologist. From the beginning, I've always wanted to be that person who's by your side. I wanted to be that person you can lean on, someone to give you some moral support. Gusto ko dahil naiintindihan ko ang dinadala mong sakit. I wanted to be this person who's there for you, because I don't want you to experience having no one there for you. Something that I already went through.

Naiintindihan kita kasi dinanas ko rin iyan noon sa mga magulang ko. They don't care about the things I want. They don't listen to me when I said I don't want to be a doctor or to take up Psychology. They don't believe every reason I present and just take them as an excuse para hindi ko gawin ang gusto nila. Ang gusto nila na akala nila mas makakabuti para sa akin. You already know my story, Lily. Do you still feel so alone? So alone that you don't know you have a person you can share with?"

Lily lowered her eyes. Maybe this is the dead end. The now or never.

One way or another, hahantong din sila ni Jared sa isang katapusan.

Kung magiging masaya o masalimuot ang katapusang iyon, wala siyang ideya.

"You already have Beta. I want you to have me too, Lily."

"I'm not worthy-"

"Ah, Lily," he sighed and cupped her cheeks. Their gazes locked. "Liberate yourself for once and for all."

"Nung una," hindi pa niya nasasabi ang lahat, pero namimintana na ang kanyang mga luha. Jared was already cupping her face, she has no way now to look away from his eyes. "Hindi ko sinabi ang totoo dahil ayokong masaktan. I know it will hurt me, when you start hating me. So, instead of letting you know how my own stupidity ruined everything that we could have been, I just disappeared... disconnected. Me, leaving you before... it's an act of selfishness. But now that I love you more than I did back in Belgium..." Lily felt herself choking, struggling to breath. She wanted to sink already, drown in her tears as they began streaming. "Now that I love you more than I did back in Belgium... Mas lalong hindi ko masabi ang totoo dahil... ayokong masaktan ka."

"What can hurt me more than being left by you?" he said so gently. "What is it, Lily?"

Second thoughts invaded her. Just when Lily thought she was already strong enough to tell the truth. The moment Jared asked her what can hurt him more just... just breaks her heart with just the thought of it.

The thought that what can break him more was in her own hands, crushes her.

"I don't care if I hurt now, if you'll hate me..." Lily shut her eyes tightly pushing out more tears. "Pinagpilitan ko pa nga sa'yo ang sarili ko kahit ayaw mo... but to break your heart with this truth..." Reluctant, she returned her gaze on him. "You'll never trust me again, Jared." Nanghihinang humawak siya sa mga braso ng binata. She felt so weak she could not help looking for something to hold on to. "Nakita mo naman si Basil, 'di ba? I broke everybody's trust, Jared. Everyone that I love... everyone that loves me... I broke their trust in me. They believed in me, at ano ang sinukli ko sa kanila? I turned myself into a disappointment. I don't want to disappoint them anymore, kaya tinatanggap ko na lang kung ano ang isipin nila tungkol sa akin. It gets tiring and it makes me really sick," she blabbered like a child, helplessly asking for help, "but I know I'll get used to it. I get stronger, so I believe I'll make it through anyways and I-"

She was silenced when Jared softly kissed her lips.

As soon as he pulled away, she glared at him. "Pwede bang patapusin mo muna ako sa pagsasalita?"

"Ayoko, dahil dina-down mo na naman ang sarili mo. Everytime you'll say things to down yourself, I'll always shut you up," he thumbed her cheek lovingly, "preferably with a kiss."

Her eyes filmed with tears that sparkled against the mellow lighting of the gazebo.

"I can't believe you, Lily. Just because of other people's idea of you... you began mistrusting yourself as well. What about you show them that they're wrong about what they thought about you?"

"I've tried that already..."

"I know you did," he smiled faintly. "Of course you already tried that. But don't stop being who you really are. That's enough to prove them wrong."

"How come that's enough?"

"Because you know who you really are. You have a kind heart, a trusting soul." He gently took her into his arms, into a warm embrace. Napasandig na lang si Lily sa dibdib ni Jared. "Hindi sapat na palayain mo lang ang katotohanan. Kailangan mo ring panindigan ito, hindi 'yong pinalaya mo na't kapag hindi pinaniwalaan ng ibang tao, iiwanan mo na sa ere ang katotohanang iyon at ikakaila siya." Masuyo nitong hinagod ang kanyang buhok. "Just like what you said earlier, you don't need anyone's permission. So go and do what you want and be what you are while doing so."

"Hindi ko pa nakukwento sa'yo kung bakit kita iniwan sa Belgium."

"Sinabi ko na, ayos lang. Just tell me when you feel like telling me already." At hinigpitan pa nito ang pagkakayakap sa kanya.

"Are you really sure that you'll keep me around?" she just could not help asking. Damn. Mas lalo lang siyang naluha, manginig-nginig ang mga boses. "You are already surrounded by the people who hurt you," patungkol niya sa mga magulang ni Jared. "I don't want to be an addition to that."

Mahinang tumawa ang lalaki. "It's okay that you hurt me," distansya nito ng kaunti para masilip ang kanyang mukha, pero ayaw humiwalay sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. "Having the capacity to hurt me just means, you have the power to do so because I love you. And just like me with my family, you can break my heart for so many times. But after that, you can fix me again. Treat me like an old cloth, Lily. Stitch on colorful patches on the holes and tear you caused me. Tapalan mo lahat ng sira ng makukulay na tela."

His fingers gently stroked away her tears. Sinikap ng lalaki na huwag humiwalay pa rin sa pagkakayakap nila habang sinisilip ang kanyang mukha. Isa-isang hinanap ni Jared ang mga luhang pupunasan.

"Here you go with the metaphors," she groaned, bringing herself closer to him as if their embrace isn't close enough. Sa ginawa niya, napatigil ang lalaki sa pagpunas sa kanyang mga luha. "At ano naman ang makulay na tela na 'yon?"

"Memories. Fresh, colorful memories," Jared said lightly, Lily could hear his gentle smile.

At pumagitan saglit ang katahimikan sa kanila. It was different. It was the most comfortable silence she ever experienced. Being in clubs where the people are loud and the music boomed has been her source of comfort for years, she never knew she'll have this moment ever.

Ngayong nanumbalik na ang kanyang peace of mind, nakapag-isip-isip na ng maayos si Lily. At saka lang niya binalikan ang mga napag-usapan nila ni Jared. At saka lang niya naproseso ang mga pangyayari. Sa sobrang bilis at bigat ng mga pangyayari, idagdag pa ang bugso ng kanyang emosyon, mistulang lutang ang kanyang isip.

With her arms around his waists and the side of her face pressed against his shoulder and chest, Lily's eyes widened in a shocking realization.

Did Jared just admit it already that he still loves me?